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Knowing, or Knowing?

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And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
Ephesians 3:17b-19 (NIV)

A couple of years ago I had the opportunity to reconnect with the man who was preaching the night Christ became Lord of my life in 1981. Bob was an evangelist and writer at that time, continuing his graduate studies. By the time I was half-way through my undergraduate studies Dr. Bob became one of my professors. He went on to teach at larger and larger universities. As we talked about our respective journeys, Dr. Bob told me that he had been called by God to bring a voice of reason, faith, and belief regarding the Bible, Christian history, and Christian theology into an academic world that is largely antagonistic to Christianity in every way.

God, bless him.

Along my life journey I have encountered many very knowledgeable people. In my formal education of the Bible and of theology, and in my experiences with church leadership in various denominations, I’ve known amazing, intelligent people with all sorts of knowledge about the Bible and Christian theology. I’ve observed, however, that intelligence and knowledge does not always directly translate into an actual relationship with Jesus.

In today’s chapter, Paul expresses his prayer for the believers in Ephesus. Paul has just got done explaining to the non-Jewish, or Gentile, Ephesians that they are now part of something that they previously knew nothing about. God had been working through the Jewish people for centuries to begin the Story and process of redemption. Despite having all of the knowledge of the Law and the Prophets, most of the Jews did not know or recognize Jesus as the Messiah. Paul goes on to explain that he had been called by Jesus to make Him and His love known among the Gentile world. A bit like my friend Dr. Bob, Paul was in many ways a lone voice in the antagonistic, educated cultures of both Jewish Orthodoxy and Greek philosophy.

This in mind, I found it interesting that when Paul expresses his prayer for the believers in Ephesus he prays that they might grasp the immensity of Jesus’ love. He then prays that they might know Christ’s love. The word Paul uses for “know” is the Greek word ginōskō which is also used to describe the intimate knowing that happens in sex. He then goes on to describe the love of Christ as something that is incomparably surpassing of “knowledge” in which he uses the Greek world gnōsis which is simply human knowledge or understanding.

In other words, it’s one thing to know Jesus as in having a basic understanding of who Jesus is, His teachings, and what is believed about Him. It is another thing to know the love of Jesus intimately like the intimacy that happens when you have sex with your spouse.

My friend Dr. Bob was called by God to take the latter knowledge with him into an academic world that largely only experiences the former. In every church I’ve ever attended, I’ve observed many people who also appear to have only knowledge about Jesus without having experienced intimately knowing the love of Jesus that surpasses understanding.

In the quiet this morning, I pray that the intimate, experiential love of Christ that is beyond understanding will, as Paul put it in his prayer for the Ephesian believers, fill me “to the measure of all the fullness of God.” I pray that for you to, my friend.

After all, God is love itself.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
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Chapter-a-Day

Who Changed? The Parent or Child?

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Who Changed? The Parent or Child? (CaD Lev 20) – Wayfarer

“You must not live according to the customs of the nations I am going to drive out before you. Because they did all these things, I abhorred them.”
Leviticus 20:23 (NIV)

Our granddaughter, Sylvie, is an absolute delight. She is also a willful child in excess measure. Once Sylvie sets her will to what she wants or doesn’t want, you are in for the challenge of your life..

Sylvie is currently potty training. She’s taken her own sweet time getting here. When she came to stay at Papa and Yaya’s house last week we quickly discovered this little game she was playing. When her body told her it was time to do the numero dos, she would tell us she had to go potty. We put her on the pot and she would quickly ask for a wipe, use it and then say she was all done without accomplishing the deed. She loves putting the toilet paper in the adult potty and flushing it. Back she went to playing until a few minutes later she said she has to go potty again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I went along with it the first two or three times, but I was not playing that game all day. What Sylvie doesn’t know is that I successfully raised her Aunt Madison, who was a Grand Master when it came to being a willful child. Sylvie experienced a side of Papa last weekend that she’d never really experienced before. It didn’t change my love for her one iota. She just learned that there’s a serious side of Papa that will meet her toddler willfulness head-on.

When Sylvie is a teenager, and when she becomes a young adult out on her own, my relationship with her will be very different. It’s a natural life progression. Right now, she is a willful toddler who needs loving but very firm and sometimes serious authority from her parents and grandparents to guide her in doing the right and healthy thing.

In this chapter-a-day journey through the book of Leviticus, I have repeatedly used the metaphor of humanity being in its’ toddler stages back in 1500 B.C. One of the hardest things for modern readers of the Great Story to grapple with is that the God of Leviticus seems so different and hardcore than the teachings of Jesus. I think it’s easy to lose sight of who really changed between the two. If our adult daughters, who now have children of their own, behaved in a way I found improper today I wouldn’t shout “NO!” at them with my authoritarian voice, command them to cease, and threaten them with a time-out, being grounded, or inflicting some kind of uncomfortable punishment (not that some parents don’t foolishly still use variations of these tactics with their adult children). That would be silly. They are adults and my relationship with them has changed, though I’m still the same father I was when Grand Master Madison was Sylvie’s age exhibiting her willful shenanigans.

In today’s chapter, God goes back to the sex thing that He addressed with His toddler children two chapters ago. He repeats (you have to repeat things a lot to toddlers) the authoritarian prohibitions of practicing child sacrifice (like the people groups around them were doing) and committing various sexual acts, most all of it referring to incest, which the people groups around them were doing without restraint. The threat of punishment was blunt and severe, just like one threatens a willful toddler.

In the quiet this morning, I thought back to a conversation Wendy and I had with friends over brunch yesterday. The conversation was about children in young adulthood. Children at that stage of human development make some really, really foolish mistakes (the same way we did when we were their age) but a parent must use a far more subtle and nuanced approach in attempting to guide, instruct, and support them towards wise and healthy decisions. The authoritarian toddler stage is pretty easy by comparison. Parenting a young adult requires the surrender, faith, and patience of the Prodigal’s father.

This begs the question, of course, in what ways is God still having to have surrender, faith, and patience with me in my “adult” stages of life? In what aspects of my life am I still being the Prodigal?

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

The Sex Thing

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The Sex Thing (CaD Lev 18) – Wayfarer

“You must not do as they do in Egypt, where you used to live, and you must not do as they do in the land of Canaan, where I am bringing you. Do not follow their practices.”
Leviticus 18:3 (NIV)

Sex is always such a hot topic. It is one of our most basic human appetites, and it is naturally one of the strongest and most pleasurable as it drives the perpetuation of life. Like all human appetites, we sinful human beings love to indulge it to excess.

We indulge our appetite for food into gluttony.
We indulge our appetite for rest into sloth.
We indulge our appetite for pride into vanity.
We indulge our appetite for daily provision into greed.

All of these appetites are natural and God-given. We need them for life. One of the insidious effects of Alzheimer’s Disease that I watched slowly destroy my mother’s body is the loss of appetite for food. She forgot that she was hungry. For the last several years of her life her diet consisted of some blueberry yogurt and chocolate nutritional drink. My dad had to practically force her to eat that, or she wouldn’t have eaten a thing. At one point she weighed under 90 pounds.

Our appetites are good and meant for our physical health and life. This includes our appetite for sex. God even dedicates an entire piece of the Great Story, Song of Solomon (a.k.a Song of Songs), to an ancient poem about the sexual appetites of young lovers. When I attended a fundamentalist Baptist Bible college I remember observing the professors contort themselves to explain all of the human sexuality out of the text, turning it into nothing more than a spiritual allegory. One of the problems I’ve observed with the institutional church is that it picks the things on which it focuses, and the subject of sex (other than prohibiting a few aspects of it) is avoided more than any other.

Of course, what makes our appetite for sex different than the other God-given appetites is that all the other appetites and our indulgence in them affect the people around us. Sex involves direct participation with another person. This adds potent and intense dynamics of human relationship, power, intimacy, and abuse.

Today’s chapter is all about sexual prohibitions that God gave to the ancient Hebrew people. Along my life journey, I’ve observed that only one verse of this chapter (the prohibition of homosexual sex) gets quoted or discussed today. That’s a shame, because the context in which that verse was given is, I think, important.

A couple of observations:

First, the list of sexual prohibitions in today’s chapter is preceded with a preamble. God makes it clear that all of the behaviors he’s about to prohibit are things that the Egyptians and Canaanite people groups indulge in. Sex was indulged in without boundary or restraint, and the bulk of the list of prohibitions have to do with incestuous relationships. The Egyptian royals were infamous for their practice of incest to “keep the bloodline pure.” King Tut was a classic example of the consequences, his body genetically disfigured and his life shortened.

Second, these were all patriarchal, male dominated cultures. Guess who drove the indulgence of sexual appetites out of their sheer power, authority, and domination in family and culture? [cue: looking in the mirror]

Third, the sexual appetite was designed by our Creator God for the perpetuation of life through reproduction. It is a physical appetite and it is pleasurable and intimate, but the ultimate physical result is new life. New life (a.k.a being “born again,” resurrection, redemption) is an overarching core theme of the entire Great Story that can’t be ignored. In the last hundred or so years of human history we’ve developed countless ways to indulge in the pleasure of our sexual appetites and mostly eliminate the possibility of new life. The ancients did not have this luxury. Today’s chapter also addresses the way the ancients dealt with the unwanted consequences of their sexual indulgences. They sacrificed their babies to gods like Molek. An appetite that was intended to perpetuate new life becomes a catalyst for systemic infanticide.

Fourth, while today’s chapter does briefly mention a prohibition of homosexual sex, it also clearly mentions a prohibition of adultery. A fundamentalist standing in protest of homosexuality who has committed or is committing adultery is a hypocrite. As Jesus said, “Let he who is without sin…”

Fifth, as I went through the list of prohibitions today, I wrote in the margin the names of individuals within the Great Story who committed the prohibitions. David committed adultery. Solomon with his hundreds of wives and concubines took adultery to even greater indulgent excesses. David’s son Amnon and daughter Tamar had an incestuous romance going before Amnon raped her (see my second point above). Jacob married rival sisters as prohibited in verse 20. A powerful and natural sexual appetite will naturally lead to sexual indulgence like an appetite for food will lead to gluttony at the church potluck. Spiritually, they are equal in their negative effects, but we tend to focus on one and ignore the other.

Finally, in the quiet this morning, God reminds the Hebrews at the beginning and ending of the chapter that He wants them to be different than all the sexually indulgent people around them. He wants them to exemplify and enjoy pleasurable, loving, intimate, and yes productive fulfillment of sexual appetites, avoiding the negative consequences of indulgence for themselves and those around them.

Enjoy fulfilling the appetite without indulging in excess. That’s a worthwhile endeavor for me as it relates to both my sexual appetite and all the others.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

The Time Paradox

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The Time Paradox (CaD 1 Cor 7) – Wayfarer

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
1 Corinthians 7:29-31 (NIV)

Thanks to Mr. Einstein and his cohorts, we’ve come to realize in the last 100 years that time is far more complex than anyone realized . It’s relative, not absolute. Though I believe that God was already hinting at this to us when through Moses’ prayer we learn:

A thousand years in your sight
    are like a day that has just gone by,
    or like a watch in the night.
Psalm 90:4 (NIV)

And, of course, God exists outside of time, which blows my mind open to all sorts of thoughts and considerations.

I’m not going to pretend to thoroughly understand the intricacies of time relativity, but I can certainly understand that our perception of time has an impact on how we think and live. In yesterday’s post I wrote/said that this earthly life is like a marathon 162 game baseball season and I need to learn to “take the loss” some days. At the same time, it is also true that the time left on my earthly journey likely is shorter than my grandchildren, which changes my perspective and perhaps my life decisions.

Today’s chapter is fascinating on a number of levels as Paul addresses a number of questions that the Corinthian believers had posed to him regarding singleness, marriage, divorce, and sexual relationships in light of their newfound faith in Jesus and desire to follow His teaching. Corinth was steeped in Roman and Greek thought, which contrasted culturally with the Jewish traditions with which Paul was raised and which were foundational to Jesus’ teachings. Add to that, however, that time plays a huge role in understanding Paul’s perspective on these matters, and informing my own.

In over 40 years as a disciple, I’ve heard today’s chapter quoted regularly in defense of individual’s beliefs about sex, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. To be honest, this chapter was quoted to me more than once in condemning me for getting divorced and remarried. I am in good company in this regard, I’m quite sure. However, I’ve never in all that time heard anyone seriously address the three verses I quoted above/at the tope of the podcast in which we learn that everything Paul is writing and instructing is based solely on Paul’s perspective of time.

Jesus told His followers that He would return one day, and we know from all of Paul’s writing that he was convinced that this return was imminent. “Time is short” he tells the Corinthians. He wanted the Corinthian believers to live as uncomplicated and simple lives as they could because he was convinced they didn’t have much time. Except they did, and I’ll get to that in a second.

Add to this perception of time the fact that I am reading Paul’s thoughts and instructions from a different waypoint in time. Not only has Jesus yet to return 2,000 years later, but my perceptions of time and life are different because time is different. Life spans are much longer and change is taking place much faster than Paul could have ever imagined.

So, what should my perspective be? Should I live today as if life is a marathon or should I live today as if today may be all I’ve got?

Yes.

I don’t think it’s an either-or question. Time, as God created it, provides this finite human being with paradoxes. The answer is both. And, this creates a certain tension, but that tension has always been present in the Great Story. I ultimately don’t know the number of my days and today might be my last, so that should factor into my perspective. At the same time, the number of my days is certainly getting shorter so I know that I am closer to the finish line than ever before, and that should inform my perspective. At the same time, it’s also true that people today commonly to live into their 90s and I could have another 30-40 years before I finish this earthly journey, so I need to factor that possibility into my perspective. At the same time, I believe that this entire earthly journey is but a tiny dot on the eternal time line, and this should inform my perspective today, as well.

So in the quiet this morning, I’m thinking back to what I wrote/said in yesterday’s post/podcast. I only have so much time, but even I don’t know exactly how much time I ultimately have on this planet. It could be a breath. It could be 40 years. Either way, I have to give consideration to how I best invest my time today for either possibility or eventuality, and let it inform my thoughts, words, actions, and relationships.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

Explicit Sin, Explicit Message

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At every street corner you built your lofty shrines and degraded your beauty, spreading your legs with increasing promiscuity to anyone who passed by.
Ezekiel 16:25 (NIV)

Jerusalem is a fascinating city. It is a city filled with tensions. And it is amazing to experience. It’s crazy to think that a tiny little Canaanite town thousands of years old became, and remains to this day, the most political and religious hot spot of the entire world.

Today’s long chapter is a prophetic message God gave to Ezekiel specifically about the city of Jerusalem. To make sense of Ezekiel’s message, it helps to know a little about Jerusalem’s history.

Jerusalem began as a Canaanite village. It was David who made it his Capital city. At the time he did so, it was a Jebusite city. Only after David’s reign was it considered Israelite. Its multi-cultural history made it a city of political and religious tension from the beginning.

Ezekiel’s message is a long metaphorical story about a non-Jewish baby girl thrown into a field and left to die. God wills the girl to live, cares for her as she grows, and when she flowers into a woman He marries her. She, however, is unfaithful to God, her husband. She becomes an adulterer and a temple prostitute for pagan worship. She sacrifices her children in pagan rituals. Eventually, she then runs after her clients and freely gives herself to them seeking their protection.

If you read the chapter, and I encourage you to do so, it gets rather graphic in its descriptives of her “spreading her legs” for her neighbors and even describes one of them, Egypt, as having an – ahem – very large penis. I confess my curiosity this morning and, just for fun, I pulled up that verse in Bible Gateway and compared every English translation to see how translators handled the reference. Fascinating, some ignored it completely. Some disguised it in vague euphemisms such as “great of flesh” and “lustful.” Others went with a little more specific “well-endowed,” “large member,” or “large genitals.”

Of course, Ezekiel was pulling no punches and the people of his day would have known exactly what he was talking about. He was accurately describing actual Egyptian fertility idols, common in that day, depicting an Egyptian man with a protruding giant erect penis.

And this is the point. The prophets like Ezekiel get very graphic in their messages because the extreme nature of the sins that they were addressing, including ritualized sexual immorality and ritual child sacrifice.

I have to remember that Ezekiel is living in Babylon and the Babylonians had their own version of sex and fertility cults and rituals. The Ishtar Festival, in particular was known for its sexual and moral debauchery. This may very well have fueled the metaphorical rawness of his message.

The adulterous wife was an apt description of Jerusalem. While it had become the chosen city of God’s people, the city itself remained the hometown of both Jews and pagan Canaanites. The pagan residents may have politically gone along with prevailing wind of Jewish authority, but it would always struggle to be faithful to the God of David.

God’s judgment on Jerusalem is pronounced as the just consequences of her adultery, prostitution, infanticide, and social injustices. What is fascinating, however, is that this judgment is not final. God promises to remain faithful, to restore, and to redeem His bride. Not only that, but God declares that He will personally make atonement for her sins:

So I will establish my covenant with you, and you will know that I am the Lord. Then, when I make atonement for you for all you have done…

Fast forward about 500 years and this is exactly what Jesus did when He died on the cross outside the very city of Jerusalem, over which He lovingly laments:

“Jerusalem, Jerusalem, you who kill the prophets and stone those sent to you, how often I have longed to gather your children together, as a hen gathers her chicks under her wings, and you were not willing. Look, your house is left to you desolate.”

With Jesus, the metaphor switches from Jerusalem being the bride to Jerusalem being the prodigal child. Jesus moves the bride metaphor and applies it to His followers. Which, for me, means that as the bride I find in Ezekiel’s explicit message to Jerusalem both a warning and a comforting truth. If I stray from Jesus, I can expect to experience the consequences of my thoughts, words, and actions. However, while it’s easy to focus on Jerusalem’s sins, the most amazing and important piece of the message is God’s sacrificial love and faithfulness in spite of those sins. This reminds me that no matter how much I stray or how deeply I may fall into sin, His sacrificial love and infinite grace will always extend further and deeper.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Love Song

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Love Song (CaD Ps 45) – Wayfarer

The princess is decked in her chamber with gold-woven robes;
in many-colored robes she is led to the king;
    behind her the virgins, her companions, follow.
Psalm 45:14 (NRSVCE)

How on earth could you put together an anthology of the lyrics of 150 songs and not have at least one love song in it?

Today’s chapter, Psalm 45, is the lone love song in the book of Psalms. It was penned for the wedding celebration between the King and the princess of another nation who was being married as part of a political alliance between the two countries. The thought was that one king wouldn’t attack another king if that king was a son-in-law. It also meant that you had a family member who had eyes and ears on what was going on within a rival’s palace. This was a common diplomatic practice throughout history even into the last century. If you look at a chart of European royal families it looks like a spider’s web with all the crossing and intersecting lines. Even Queen Elizabeth married her own cousin.

The song is written from the perspective of the bride looking at her groom and singing of how handsome, strong, and powerful he is. The song’s climax is the bride and her virgin bridesmaids walking into the king’s palace and the very next verse is a promise to bear the king many sons (which was a sign of strength and succession), and also a little racy because it alludes to what’s going to happen once she enters the king’s chambers.

The chapter is also interesting from how it was used in history. After the Hebrews returned from exile in Babylon, psalm 45 was considered a messianic psalm pointing to the messiah who would come and ascend the throne of David. That is interesting because marriage was used by Jesus repeatedly as a metaphor when discussing His second coming and the climactic apocalyptic event known as “the Day of the Lord.” The metaphor is that Jesus will come back like a bridegroom to be united with all believers, collectively and metaphorically referenced as the bride.

In my podcast series The Beginner’s Guide to the Great Story (I know, I know. I have two episodes left, and I will get a Wayfarer Weekend podcast done this weekend I promise!), I mention that God’s language is metaphor precisely because it can be layered with meaning. When I was a young man attending a fundamentalist Bible college I told to interpret passages like today’s psalm only in terms of its spiritual, prophetic meaning. I mean, we wouldn’t want young people in hormonal overdrive thinking about what’s going on in the king’s bed chamber.

Along my journey, I came to realize that this is not a case of “either or” but “both and.” Yes, there is messianic metaphorical imagery in the song, but that’s not why it was written. It was written as a love song to celebrate a beautiful princess entering the palace and the bed chamber of the king. Man, woman, wedding, love, expression of love, life, pro-creation. That’s beautiful. That’s holy.

[cue: Barry White]

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

David’s “Seven Steps”

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David's "Seven Steps" (CaD Ps 4) – Wayfarer

When you are disturbed, do not sin;
    ponder it on your beds, and be silent.
Psalm 4:4 (NRSVCE)

Not long ago I happened to be talking to a friend who experienced the tragic death of a child. As we talked, I asked how he was doing in the process of grief. He honestly shared with me some of the havoc that grief had wreaked in everyday life. He then shared about conversations he’d had with others who were walking the same, difficult stretch of life’s road. One, he shared, had been drinking heavily. He then confessed that he had been over-indulging his appetite for sweets every night.

“We all have the same grief. We cope in different ways,” he said. “My friend medicates with one appetite. I medicate with another.”

Along this life journey, I’ve observed and experienced that it is a natural human reaction to want to self-medicate by indulging our appetites whenever we encounter a difficult stretch of the journey. It could be one of the “ugly” social taboos like alcohol, drugs, gambling, smoking, or sex. It could equally be an unhealthy indulgence in what’s considered a normal appetite, like that to which my friend confessed: over-eating, over-sleeping, over-spending, over-exercising, binging on screens, or isolation. I’ve even observed those who have become zealously over-religious in an attempt to feel some kind of control over out-of-control emotions, circumstances, and relationships. Twelve Step groups often teach members to be aware of negative feelings that often trigger appetite indulgences. They use the acronym S.A.L.T. (sad, angry, lonely, tired).

In today’s psalm, King David expresses his frustration with finding himself the object of public ridicule and scorn, especially among the socially elite power brokers in his world. He begins his song imploring God to listen to his prayer, he then lays out his troubles and frustration.

What happens next is a Hebrew word: Selah. Scholars believe that this was a musical notation calling on there to be a “rest” in the song.

David then reminds himself that God has called him to be faithful, and reminds himself that God has repeatedly answered his prayers.

Then comes the verse I pulled out and quoted at the top of the post:

When you are disturbed, do not sin;
    ponder it on your beds, and be silent.

It is followed with another Selah.

I couldn’t help but notice that the pattern of David’s lyric is a really great reminder of how to approach troubles, anxieties, fear, grief, sadness, anger, loneliness, or weariness. Not the Twelve Steps, but the Seven Steps:

  1. Take it to God.
  2. Get it out, express it, be honest about your feelings.
  3. Rest. Take a deep breath.
  4. Remind myself of God’s faithfulness and promises.
  5. Avoid my natural inclination to exit and indulge my favorite appetite as an escape hatch of the negative emotions.
  6. Be silent. Ponder. Feel.
  7. Rest. Breathe.

The final lyrics of the song are a testament to David discovering a “gladness” in his heart that is better than feasting and drinking. Certainly healthier than over-eating and over-drinking.

Just as with yesterday’s psalm, David ends up with a peaceful night’s sleep.

In the quiet this morning I find myself accepting the fact that, despite 54 years on the journey and almost 40 years of following Jesus, I still have very human struggles with responding to negative emotions and circumstances in healthy ways. What I have learned, however, is that I have to allow myself the grace to be human. I also have learned to surround myself with companions who love me unconditionally, are honest with me in my weakness, and never cease to encourage and support me in the process of growing.

It’s a journey, my friend. It’s about progress, not perfection.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Sex and a Larger Wisdom

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Keep to a path far from her,
    do not go near the door of her house…
Proverbs 5:8 (NIV)

One of the challenges in the reading of ancient wisdom is embracing the historical, cultural, and social differences I find rather than letting them get in the way. In our current culture of reactivity and the quick dismissal of anything that doesn’t fit neatly in the personal box of my world view, I’m afraid many miss out on the larger wisdom that is still there for anyone willing to see it.

The role and status of women in ancient cultures is a fascinating study. Just a few chapters ago I wrote about the fact that when the ancients personified wisdom she was a woman. Contrasting that honoring celebration of the feminine, today’s chapter is a head-scratching corollary. Solomon warns his son to beware of a caricatured predator: the adulterous woman.

It seems hypocritical for King Solomon to preach such monogamous virtue to his son, given the fact that the “wise” King was recorded to have had 700 wives and 300 concubines. Of course, it could also be argued that he was writing out of the pain of his own folly, as it is also recorded that he was “led astray” by having 1000 women at his disposal (though I doubt he was an unwilling victim).

Along my life journey, I’ve experienced that it takes two to do the tango of adultery. The peddling of forbidden sexual fruit is not discriminatory by gender, nor is the temptation to taste its pleasures. It is also my observation that gender is inconsequential when it comes to matters of seduction, sexual temptation, sexual surrender, promiscuous relationships and the bitter consequences typically experienced at the dead-end of those paths. It would be foolish of me not to look past the cultural differences between the ancient Hebrews and my own time to see the larger wisdom that Sophia has to share for anyone willing to listen to what she has to say about the foolishness of sexual promiscuity.

In the quiet this morning I find folly and wisdom in multiple layers. There is the obvious folly of promiscuity and the wisdom of relational fidelity presented in the text. I also find the folly of what I see on both sides of our current cultural discourse, in which I can easily be dismissive of others who don’t comfortably fit inside the box of my comfortable world-view. I find there is typically larger wisdom present if I’m willing to seek her out.

Chapter-a-Day

Context and Relationships

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 I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs—how he can please the Lord.
1 Corinthians 7:32 (NIV)

Wendy and I just returned from a trip to Minnesota. I was scheduled to make a client visit early this week, so we left early and enjoyed an evening in the Twin Cities along with a Minnesota Vikings’ game (more about that on a subsequent post). Since Wendy and I work together, we have the privilege of Wendy begin able to travel with me if and when she wants to do so. That being said, she doesn’t always choose do so.

Wendy and I enjoy one another’s company. If we didn’t, our lives would be a mess. Not only do we live together and work together, we home office together. We serve together. We are pretty much around one another 24/7/365. We’re actually pretty darn happy about the arrangement, though we totally understand that not all married couples could do it the way we do it.

I will also admit that when Wendy accompanies me on a business trip, it changes things for me. Instead of being able to manage my own schedule and focus on the client, I also have to think about Wendy. She’s been alone in the hotel all day. She’s probably getting hungry and we need to figure out what we’re going to eat together. What is Wendy likely to want to do with our time together this evening?

These aren’t bad things, it simply adds a layer of things I have to manage. The trip is more simple if Wendy’s not with me. Likewise, Wendy has come to embrace the fact that being alone at home for a couple of days affords her the opportunity to get a lot of tasks on her list accomplished. She’s freed up from worrying about me. The evenings that would be normally spent hanging out together is suddenly open to all sorts of individual possibilities.

In this morning’s chapter, Paul is writing to the believers of Jesus in Corinth with some relationship advice. Along my journey I’ve quite regularly encountered individuals who like to use pieces of this chapter to make all sorts of sweeping legalistic rules about relationships. Personally, I’ve come to believe that it’s important to keep two things in mind; Make that three, no four:

  1. The believers in Corinth were struggling with an acute circumstance in which an incestuous relationship between two believers was wreaking havoc inside their community (5:1). Sexual immorality (especially the socially acceptable practice in Greek and Roman society of having sex with local shrine prostitutes, both heterosexual and homosexual) was quite common.
  2. The tremendous number of adults, from diverse walks of life, becoming believers had created  a situation in which many felt that becoming a follower of Jesus meant that they had to immediately change all manner of things in their personal lives, including their marital status (7:24).
  3. Paul believed that the return of Jesus and the end of all things as they knew it was imminent (v. 29).
  4. The persecution that had broken out against Christians meant that lives, and therefore relationships, could change at a moment’s notice which had far-reaching social implications for individuals and the entire community in that day.

I believe that it’s critical to keep the context in mind when reading Paul’s advice to the believers in Corinth. There are also an entire host of real life circumstances, both personal and cultural, that lie outside the specific situations faced by the Corinthians believers. I don’t believe that Paul’s advice to the Corinthian believers is a “one size fits all” text for every person in every relational circumstance.

Please don’t read what I am not writing. There is tremendous, scriptural wisdom that Paul is providing that is applicable to all. For example, Paul recognizes the very thing that Wendy and I have discovered in our own relationship. When we’re alone and on our own for a few days we’re free from having to worry about the other and can be all sorts of productive. Paul recognizes his singleness was crucial to his ability to accomplish all that God called him to do, and he thinks others would benefit from being single (especially because he knew that the Corinthians believers could be rounded up and killed, and he believed that Jesus could return at any moment). Does this mean that Wendy and I should not be married? Not at all. Wendy and I are ultimately more productive, more balanced, and better together at accomplishing what God has called us to than we would be as individuals. Context is critical to the proper interpretation of what Paul is writing to Jesus’ followers in ancient Corinth.

In the quiet this morning I’m thankful for Wendy, my partner in life, work, leisure, and ministry. She makes me a better man, and her complimentary gifts and personality actually support, equip, and empower me. I’m also thankful for short periods of time that our work affords us to be alone and focus on what we individually need to accomplish. It works well for us, but I also recognize that not every single person or married couple are like us. Nor should they be. We’re each in our own unique circumstances, and God meets each of us in the context of our individual situations.

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Meditations on Song of Solomon

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In the 11 years I’ve been writing my blog and posting my chapter-a-day meditations, I’ve not spent a ton of time worrying about whether posts are popular. I haven’t actively tried to either please or cater to a particular audience. That’s never really been the point for me. I simply post what’s on my heart and mind each weekday morning and scatter it like seed along my humble little path here in the blogosphere.

I have, however, casually noticed that my daily meditations on the Song of Solomon (aka Song of Songs), have seemed to  maintain a certain level of popularity (I use that word very loosely in the context of my subscribers and page views) that is unusual for my typical posts. It totally makes sense to me. Song of Songs is the one poetic book in all of God’s Message that focuses on man, woman, relationship, love, romance, and sex. We are ever trying to understand the mystery, aren’t we?

So, for what it’s worth, here is a compilation of my meditations from Song of Solomon, originally posted in October of 2013. Cheers!

 

 

Song of Solomon Chapter 1
A Hint of Paradise

God, the artist, created us male and female. He created us naked. He told Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply. Love, intimacy and sex between husband and wife was part of the original ideal….

 

 

 

Song of Solomon Chapter 2
With Nobody Else but Me

Be mindful and wary of misplaced and competing affections and appetites.

 

 

 

Song of Solomon Chapter 3
Meeting the Parents

Today, I am pondering this dance of courtship that men and women have been doing since the beginning of civilization.

 

 

 

 

Song of Solomon Chapter 4
Sensually Good

Jesus said he came to give us abundant life. This includes a healthy appreciation for the breadth of senses God gave us to properly experience the full range of creation in its sensual glory.

Song of Solomon Chapter 5
The Art and Progression of Sexual Intimacy

My experience is that sexual intimacy does not become a breathtaking original work of art unless there are two people learning to create something together over time, learning to work together, make mistakes, erase errors, try something new, explore, play, complement one another’s individual style, and develop their own unique style as a couple over time together.

 

 

 

 

Song of Solomon Chapter 6
Browsing Among the Lilies

God created us male and female. He created us as sexual beings with hormones and sexual desires. He created a natural order in which people grow, develop, desire one another and have sexual relations through which new life is created. He called it “good.”

 

 

 

 

Song of Solomon Chapter 7
A Case for Delayed Gratification

In contrast to where our culture seems to be heading, I hear in Song of Solomon the wisdom, art, and beauty of love that takes time, effort, and creativity to develop. I am reminded that delayed gratification makes the climactic sensual feast deeper, more meaningful and ultimately more pleasurable.

Song of Solomon Chapter 8
Signed, Sealed, Delivered

God’s Message has scant descriptors of marriage. It does not prescribe a particular method or ceremony for marriage, but seems to allow room for cultures and history to develop a veritable plethora of customs around the marriage ceremony. What God’s Message does simply say is that a man and woman leave their respective parents, unite themselves, and become “one flesh.”

Tom Vander Well has been writing his blog, Wayfarer, since 2006. He lives in Pella, Iowa with his wife Wendy.