Tag Archives: Remarriage

The Time Paradox

The Time Paradox (CaD 1 Cor 7) Wayfarer

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
1 Corinthians 7:29-31 (NIV)

Thanks to Mr. Einstein and his cohorts, we’ve come to realize in the last 100 years that time is far more complex than anyone realized . It’s relative, not absolute. Though I believe that God was already hinting at this to us when through Moses’ prayer we learn:

A thousand years in your sight
    are like a day that has just gone by,
    or like a watch in the night.

Psalm 90:4 (NIV)

And, of course, God exists outside of time, which blows my mind open to all sorts of thoughts and considerations.

I’m not going to pretend to thoroughly understand the intricacies of time relativity, but I can certainly understand that our perception of time has an impact on how we think and live. In yesterday’s post I wrote/said that this earthly life is like a marathon 162 game baseball season and I need to learn to “take the loss” some days. At the same time, it is also true that the time left on my earthly journey likely is shorter than my grandchildren, which changes my perspective and perhaps my life decisions.

Today’s chapter is fascinating on a number of levels as Paul addresses a number of questions that the Corinthian believers had posed to him regarding singleness, marriage, divorce, and sexual relationships in light of their newfound faith in Jesus and desire to follow His teaching. Corinth was steeped in Roman and Greek thought, which contrasted culturally with the Jewish traditions with which Paul was raised and which were foundational to Jesus’ teachings. Add to that, however, that time plays a huge role in understanding Paul’s perspective on these matters, and informing my own.

In over 40 years as a disciple, I’ve heard today’s chapter quoted regularly in defense of individual’s beliefs about sex, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. To be honest, this chapter was quoted to me more than once in condemning me for getting divorced and remarried. I am in good company in this regard, I’m quite sure. However, I’ve never in all that time heard anyone seriously address the three verses I quoted above/at the tope of the podcast in which we learn that everything Paul is writing and instructing is based solely on Paul’s perspective of time.

Jesus told His followers that He would return one day, and we know from all of Paul’s writing that he was convinced that this return was imminent. “Time is short” he tells the Corinthians. He wanted the Corinthian believers to live as uncomplicated and simple lives as they could because he was convinced they didn’t have much time. Except they did, and I’ll get to that in a second.

Add to this perception of time the fact that I am reading Paul’s thoughts and instructions from a different waypoint in time. Not only has Jesus yet to return 2,000 years later, but my perceptions of time and life are different because time is different. Life spans are much longer and change is taking place much faster than Paul could have ever imagined.

So, what should my perspective be? Should I live today as if life is a marathon or should I live today as if today may be all I’ve got?

Yes.

I don’t think it’s an either-or question. Time, as God created it, provides this finite human being with paradoxes. The answer is both. And, this creates a certain tension, but that tension has always been present in the Great Story. I ultimately don’t know the number of my days and today might be my last, so that should factor into my perspective. At the same time, the number of my days is certainly getting shorter so I know that I am closer to the finish line than ever before, and that should inform my perspective. At the same time, it’s also true that people today commonly to live into their 90s and I could have another 30-40 years before I finish this earthly journey, so I need to factor that possibility into my perspective. At the same time, I believe that this entire earthly journey is but a tiny dot on the eternal time line, and this should inform my perspective today, as well.

So in the quiet this morning, I’m thinking back to what I wrote/said in yesterday’s post/podcast. I only have so much time, but even I don’t know exactly how much time I ultimately have on this planet. It could be a breath. It could be 40 years. Either way, I have to give consideration to how I best invest my time today for either possibility or eventuality, and let it inform my thoughts, words, actions, and relationships.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!

(WW) Ron L. Deal Talks Second Marriages and Blended Families

(WW) Ron L. Deal Talks 2nd Marriages and Blended Families Wayfarer

The Wayfarer Weekend Podcast welcomes Ron L. Deal for a conversation about second marriages and blended families. Ron is a best-selling author and popular speaker focused on helping people navigate the relational minefields and unique challenges that come with trying to overcome past failures and unite blended family systems.

Ron and his wife, Nan, reside in Arkansas.

Ron L. Deal

Please visit rondeal.org for all of Ron’s books and resources.

Favoritism

If a man has two wives, and he loves one but not the other, and both bear him sons but the firstborn is the son of the wife he does not love, when he wills his property to his sons, he must not give the rights of the firstborn to the son of the wife he loves in preference to his actual firstborn, the son of the wife he does not love. He must acknowledge the son of his unloved wife as the firstborn by giving him a double share of all he has. That son is the first sign of his father’s strength. The right of the firstborn belongs to him.
Deuteronomy 21:15-17 (NIV)

This morning’s chapter was one of those chapters that require a bit of effort to embrace. Reading various laws concerning a middle-eastern culture thousands of years old doesn’t seem to have immediate relevance to this 21st century, midwestern, American life. And yet, when I step back and look at the underlying principles of the laws, there are definitely some take aways common to the human experience.

Take the verses I pasted above. A guy has two wives and a son with each of them. He loves one wife but not the other. The law said not to play favorites with the sons based on your feelings about their mothers. On the first reading I’m thinking “I don’t live in a polygamous culture. I can’t relate to that.”

Then I start thinking, not about polygamy but divorce and remarriage. I think about the simple act of favoritism within families. I think about children who’ve watched their divorced and remarried parent shower new step siblings with love and affection while they feel unwanted. I think about grandparents who do things for the grandchildren of one son but not for the grandchildren of the other. I  think about how messy parent and child relationships can get.

Yes. Yes, this is relevant to me.

Today, I’m thankful for two amazing daughters and the different, but no less priceless, relationships I have with each. I have tried very hard over the past two and a half decades to live out the idea that favoritism is not avoided by restricting relationship to the rigid borders of absolute relational equity. Rather, favoritism is avoided by choosing into unbridled, expressed love and support for the unique child of God each daughter is becoming communicated through the unique relationship and relational paradigms I have with each of them.

All In

2012 06 02 Becky & Courtneys Wedding144But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” Ruth 1:16-17 (NLT)

I am reminded this morning of Wendy’s and my wedding. These sentiments of Ruth were part of Wendy’s wedding vows to me. They are framed and hang on the wall of our bedroom. I don’t know if Wendy realizes how often I look at them hanging in our bedroom and think about our vows to one another. I  know for a fact that marrying a recently divorced man with two teenage daughters was not her plan or desire. It was not at all what she had envisioned waiting for all those years. In taking up Ruth’s vow, she pushed all of her chips to the center of the table. She was all in.

Looking back at the journey since that wonderful New Year’s Eve wedding I can see just how Wendy has made good on her vow in countless tangible ways. She has been all in with Taylor and Madison, all in with my parents and my siblings, all in with our nephews and nieces, with friends, with work, with the Cubs and the Vikings, with everything. Her love and commitment has made it easy for me to reciprocate and choose to be all in with her, her family, and her friends.

I have come to appreciate that choosing to go all in when it comes to life relationship is not as easy or as comfortable as it appears. All of the pithy Pinterest quips and quotes in the world cannot inspire away the tragedies and messes of daily life together. When we are young and naïve we can scarcely understand the weight of it. Now as I am older and look back on the tragedies which lie in the wake of my own naïveté, I am all the more grateful and impressed with those like Ruth and Wendy who have the wisdom and experience to understand the gravity of their gamble and still choose to go all in.