What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you?
James 4:1 (NIV)
After yesterday’s post, I spent some time yesterday in introspection. Wendy and I met downstairs in the Vander Well Pub for a happy hour chat. We bellied-up to the bar and discussed some of the things that came out of my prayer and reflection. It was good.
Today’s chapter continues the flow from yesterday. There, streaming beneath the surface text, is the notion of God as intimate partner in relationship. It’s the same heart that God weaves through the entire Great Story. It’s a love story in the deepest sense; God as bridegroom initiating, courting, and pursuing intimate relationship with me.
So, what gets in the way of that intimacy?
I do.
James urges me to continue my honest introspection. What is it I desire? What motives are at work? As I did some spiritual cardio evaluation yesterday, I had to come clean with the fact that I sometimes allow my self-righteous desires and pride free rein when it comes to my attitudes towards certain individuals. Wendy gave me a great example during happy hour last night, that I hadn’t even considered. A person that she has noticed I love to hate. She didn’t need to make a case. The truth was sitting there in plain site. Ugh!
What did James point out earlier? A little bit of sin taints the whole loaf. My well-cloaked hatred toward one individual makes me no different, in essence, from someone spewing anonymous venom across the internet. It’s the same heart condition.
Pride, hatred, judgment, self-righteousness. That’s the way the world operates. It flies in the face of the person I want to be. It’s not the person Jesus asks me to be. And, that has relational consequences.
I can wallow in guilt and shame, but that’s not healthy for me either. It doesn’t accomplish anything but a perpetuation of spiritual dysfunction. I want to be better. I want to move the ball forward. I want positive change that will create more intimacy with God and others.
Here’s where it gets good.
James reminds me that God is not standing at a distance in condemnation of me. He “jealously longs” for me in spirit. He is leaning in towards me with more grace.
“Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you.”
The reality is that Wendy was Jesus at happy hour last night—even as she held up a mirror so I could reflect on what I didn’t really want to see.
She didn’t scoot her bar stool further away from me.
There was no relational stiff-arming.
She leaned in.
She drew close.
She was tender and gracious.
That’s what Jesus does.
He invites me to come a little closer so He can whisper into my soul. The wars in my life—external and internal—are not solved by winning. They’re healed by yielding.
Then Jesus, through James, reminds me in today’s chapter to:
- Name my desires honestly (even the embarrassing ones).
- Release the illusion of control (that tight grip is killing the mood anyway).
- Kneel without theatrics—no performance, just presence.
- Return to God not as a failure, but as a lover who wandered and came home.
Humility is not humiliation.
It is intimacy without pretense.
And grace?
Grace is Jesus lifting my chin, meeting my eyes, and smiling and saying…
“I love you. Come on — let’s move forward.”

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.







