Tag Archives: Pattern

A Pattern of P.R.A.Y.E.R.

March 3, 2023 Tom Vander Well Leave a comment

So I turned to the Lord God and pleaded with him in prayer and petition, in fasting, and in sackcloth and ashes.
Daniel 9:3 (NIV)

Like most couples I know, Wendy and I are very different in temperament. Along this life journey, I’ve observed that there is a lot of truth to the adage that opposites attract. Most couples I’ve ever known have been very different. In general, I think this makes for good partnerships between people who need the strengths of their husband or wife to help make up for weaknesses in their own temperaments. Like Rocky explained about his love for Adrian: “I got gaps. She got gaps. Together, we fill gaps, y’know?”

The challenge comes when our differences become buried seeds of anger and bitterness rather than the grateful acknowledgment that, despite being annoying, our differences can help one another understand the goodness of other ways of thinking, communicating, and being.

Just last night, there arose a flash of conflict between Wendy and me rooted in the stark difference in the way we think and operate. Wendy is an external processor who likes to talk through even the smallest of daily decisions. I am an internal processor who takes a casual remark, has an internal conversation about it in my head, and then outputs an assumption of what was meant. There are positives and negatives to both external and internal processing. If we can graciously overcome our occasionally acute annoyances with our differences, we can gratefully learn from one another.

In my spiritual journey, I’ve always operated from the foundational understanding that prayer is a conversation of spirit between me and God. Conversations between me and Wendy can look very different at different moments. We often have quick, utility conversations about what needs to be done and who is doing what on the task list. We regularly have casual conversations about the news of the day or something one of us heard on a podcast. We occasionally have rather intense “come to Jesus” conversations when an intimate issue needs to be confronted between us. When time and space allow, we have deeply personal conversations about where each of us is spiritually, emotionally, physically, and/or relationally. Each conversation can look very different.

In the same way, I’ve always found that conversations with God take different forms at different moments. I’ve written about “popcorn prayers” that get uttered at the moment like popping my head into Wendy’s office to ask what she was thinking for dinner. I also write letters to God because writing gives me time to think and process and I find that there’s something good for me in physically getting my thoughts out on a page.

Daniel’s prayer in today’s chapter jumped out at me as I read it today, not for the words, but for the pattern:

He began by preparing himself with humility that included fasting and ritual before he even launched into his conversation (vs. 3).
He began, just like the Chain Reaction of Praise, with words of praise and worship acknowledging God’s greatness and love (vs. 4).
He then launches into an honest confession of the many ways he and his people have fallen short and an acknowledgment of the consequences of those sins. (vss. 5-14).
As he confesses, Daniel continues to recognize God’s righteousness, mercy, forgiveness, and deliverance (vs. 7, 9, 15).
It is only after all of this that Daniel utters his actual petition before God (vss. 16-19).

As I meditated on this in the quiet this morning, I thought Daniel’s prayer to be a great template I can follow when I am bringing emotional and heartfelt requests to God. I could even use this acrostic:

Prepare with humility
Raise up words of praise and worship
Acknowledge God’s righteousness, love, and mercy
Yield my failures and faults in confession
Esteem God’s goodness as you confess and…
Request your needs and desires

Marriage has taught me that improving communication is always an opportunity for improvement no matter how long we’ve been in the relationship. The same is true of my relationship with God. I can always improve my communication, and sometimes that happens by learning a new pattern of prayer.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Prescience

December 5, 2022 Tom Vander Well 2 Comments

“When they sin against you—for there is no one who does not sin—and you become angry with them and give them over to their enemies, who take them captive to their own lands, far away or near…”
1 Kings 8:46 (NIV)

Prescience noun (Prē-sh[ē]en[t]s): foreknowledge of events
a. Divine omniscience
b. Human anticipation of the course of events

A few years ago I was gifted the book The Fourth Turning. It was written in 1997. In it, the authors William Strauss and Neil Howe document what they suggest to be a generational pattern in history. In general, they submit that human generations have a “seasonal” pattern and historical human events follow that seasonal pattern just as things die each winter and spring back to life in the spring. Writing over twenty years ago, and based on the generational pattern they’d identified, they correctly predicted that around the year 2020 there would be a catastrophic, global event. They even suggested a pandemic fit the bill as a potential catastrophe. Fascinating.

Their book was eerily prescient.

In today’s chapter, King Solomon calls the entire nation and all the leaders of the twelve tribes to dedicate the Temple he’d built in Jerusalem. On his knees before the altar, Solomon prays a rather long prayer of dedication. In the midst of that prayer, he prays for a future generation of his people who sin against God and are taken captive into the land of their enemies.

It was a prescient utterance.

Approximately 400 years after the events of today’s chapter, Solomon’s people will be warned again and again by the prophets to turn their hearts back to God. When they refuse, the city of Jerusalem and the very Temple Solomon is dedicating will be destroyed by the Babylonians. Solomon’s people will be taken captive and carried off into exile. Next to the Exodus out of Egypt, it is the defining event of the Hebrew people. The entire story is foreshadowed in detail within Solomon’s prayer.

Another 400 years after the final exiles return to Jerusalem and rebuild the Temple, Jesus and His disciples find themselves leaving the Temple just days before Jesus would be crucified. Jesus tells His followers that every stone of the Temple would be thrown down and destroyed. In 70 A.D., just 40 years (or one generation) after He made this statement, the Romans did exactly that.

Jesus’ statement was prescient.

Along my spiritual journey as a disciple of Jesus, I have come to believe what I once heard U2’s Bono utter in an interview: “I think things are already written.” He belongs to a long line of people who made the same observation using different words. Looking back on my own life journey, I see certain events and relationships that I have no doubt were meant to be. Even if I didn’t have the prescience to see them on the road ahead of me, it is obviously clear in 20-20 hindsight.

As a person of faith, this gives me both comfort and hope as I enter each day, each week on this life journey. I am uncertain of what this day holds. I am uncertain what this week holds. I am, however, certain of who holds both this day and this week. Things are already written. There is a Great Story being told by the Author of Life. My role is to surrender, to follow, and to keep pressing on.

Lace ’em up.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

“This Chain that I Must Break”

May 11, 2022 Tom Vander Well 1 Comment

After that whole generation had been gathered to their ancestors, another generation grew up who knew neither the Lord nor what he had done for Israel.
Judges 2:10 (NIV)

He came up to me out of the blue. I was just sitting with Wendy when he tapped my shoulder and asked me to pray for him. “I’m drunk,” he said to me as I stood and put my arm around him. I didn’t really need him to tell me this. He reeked of it. It was a rather unconventional state to be in at a mid-morning worship service.

One of my favorite songs of all time is Bob Dylan’s Every Grain of Sand. It’s a song about those waypoints on life’s journey when I find myself utterly broken; That moment when I’ve hit rock bottom and I know that something has to change. And, it’s about the life-changing grace that is found in those moments. One of my favorite lines from the song says, “Like Cain, I now behold this chain of events that I must break.”

That line popped into my mind this morning as I read today’s chapter. The author of Judges continues his introduction to the book and introduces me to a chain of events, a systemic pattern, a repeated behavioral sequence that I will find recycled over and over again in the stories of the book of Judges.

Along this life journey, I have repeatedly found myself in negative cycles of both thought and behavior. I’ve faced trials along life’s journey that stemmed from difficult circumstances that were not of my own making. The truth, however, is that many of my rock bottom moments occurred because I put myself there.

That’s the overarching theme of these stories of the ancient Hebrew tribes and the period of their history known as the time of the Judges. They may be ancient stories, but they resonate with very immediate and personal lessons for me today. Civilization and culture may have changed in 3,000 years, but human nature has not. Bob Dylan sees himself in the story of Cain. I see myself in the stories of the Judges.

This brings me back to my new, intoxicated friend. I honestly wasn’t shocked by his drunken state. I immediately recognized that a man has to be at a rock bottom moment to show up for a worship service intoxicated and ask a complete stranger to pray for him. I was so glad he was there. I prayed for him and over him right there. Then I hugged him. With my arm still around him, I told him to look out over the group of people gathering in that room. I explained that we’re all broken people no different than himself, including me. I’ve had my own rock bottom moments when something needed to change. I welcomed him, and I encouraged him to keep joining us.

In the quiet this morning, I hear the lyric poetry of Bob Dylan in my head and heart:

I gaze into the doorway of temptation’s angry flame
And every time I pass that way I always hear my name
Then onward in my journey I come to understand
That every hair is numbered like every grain of sand

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Family Patterns

April 25, 2022 Tom Vander Well 2 Comments

The allotment for the tribe of Judah, according to its clans, extended down to the territory of Edom, to the Desert of Zin in the extreme south.
Joshua 15:1 (NIV)

I remember as a child beginning to see patterns of relationships in my extended family. Favoritism, sibling rivalry, family feuds, and broken relationships were all present in one form or another. I didn’t always know the source or how these things developed over time, or how far the patterns of relationship went back, but I certainly observed the fruit of their consequences in the present. I’ve always been fascinated by these things.

In today’s chapter, the first of the nine and a half remaining tribes receive their allotment, beginning with the tribe of Judah. It’s always interesting to see who goes first in a family system, and I can’t forget that the Hebrew tribes are a 600-year-old family system. Typically, I would expect things to be arranged by birth order, beginning with the honored firstborn. but Judah was the fourth of the sons of Jacob, and this got me pondering.

I backtracked to Genesis 49, where Jacob is on his deathbed and he gathers his sons to speak a blessing over each one. On that occasion, he did go in birth order, but he didn’t have many good things to say to his eldest three sons.

Reuben slept with his father’s wife, his stepmother and Jacob said that Reuben would “no longer excel.” This made me think about the tribe of Reuben asking Moses for land on the other side of Jordan. Is it possible that they worried that they’d better get an allotment sooner because they feared getting the shaft later?

Likewise, brothers 2 and 3, Simeon and Levi, were told by their father that their violence and arrogance in attacking towns without their father’s permission were a curse. They would be “scattered” in Israel. For Levi’s tribe, this was literally true, since they wouldn’t receive land but would serve the Lord across all of the tribes. Simeon would end up getting territory within Judah.

Judah was the fourth, and his father’s blessing is equally prophetic:

The scepter will not depart from Judah,
nor the ruler’s staff from between his feet,
until he to whom it belongs shall come
and the obedience of the nations shall be his.

A scepter was a token of royalty. King David would come from the tribe of Judah, and the Lord would “establish his throne forever.” David would establish his throne in the fortress of Jerusalem, the one fortified city of the Jebusites that the tribe could not conquer (vs 63). It would be from the tribe of Judah that the Messiah, Jesus, would come.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself thinking about family systems and how they affect the individuals within that system for generations. There is something tragic in the way things often play out. The descendants of Reuben and Simeon, living 600 years later, had nothing to do with the mistakes their forefathers made, nor did the descendants of Judah do anything to deserve the favor afforded theirs. At the same time, along my life journey, I’ve learned that there are some things that I simply don’t control, and getting my undies in a bunch about it will profit me nothing. I have found it more profitable to seek to understand, to see things for what they are, and learn to flow with it.

That is not how things will play out for Judah I’m afraid. Eventually, all of the other tribes, with the exception of Benjamin, will turn on them in a long, bloody civil war. They will reject the throne of David and set up their own king. That won’t go well for them, I’m afraid. I’ve learned that sometimes there’s wisdom in learning how to live and operate within an unhealthy system and there’s often foolishness in trying to rage against that which I didn’t create, don’t control, and won’t be able to change.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

The Aftermath of Life’s Unexpected Transitions

May 21, 2018 Tom Vander Well Leave a comment

Ishmael son of Nethaniah and the ten men who were with him got up and struck down Gedaliah son of Ahikam, the son of Shaphan, with the sword, killing the one whom the king of Babylon had appointed as governor over the land.
Jeremiah 41:2 (NIV)

A year or two ago our daughter shared with us the news that the company she works for had been sold. The news caught Madison and her fellow employees by surprise. In her initial shock, she naturally wondered what this would mean for her, her employment, and ultimately her career.

In my own career I’ve had the experience of working with multiple companies who have been acquired. So, I talked Madison through what she would likely experience. “Nothing is going to change” is usually the initial mantra, followed by transitional leadership in the executive and upper management ranks. I’ve also noticed that the first year after an acquisition there is usually a natural exodus of employees looking for, and finding, other employment before they can be laid off or experience the changes they fear are coming. Cultural changes are often the first things to be noticed on the front-lines. Significant changes in structure and operations often start, if they start, about 12-18 months after the sale.

I talked through my observations with Madison and discussed her options. It was another one of those forks in life’s road that I wrote about on Friday, when one asks “Should I stay or should I go?”

In today’s chapter of Jeremiah, we read about a very different kind of transition. The chapter continues to tell of the aftermath of Babylon’s hostile takeover of the nation of Judah and the destruction of Jerusalem. Just as there is a pattern I’ve observed in what happens after a business acquisition, there was also a similar pattern to how ancient empires handled the aftermath of their successful siege victories. The King of Babylon and his army take the best and brightest captive back to Babylon to celebrate victory He leaves behind a governor and small military contingent to manage the mostly old, poor, and destitute citizens who are left in the area.

In all of the destruction, chaos, and transition there remains among those Judean citizens left a heady mixture of fear, anxiety, rage, and opportunism. A distant member of the royal line of Judah takes out a vendetta against the new governor appointed by the Babylonians. He arranges dinner with the new Governor, and then assassinates the Governor and his guard, taking the rest of the household captive.

An army officer and his men form a posse and chase after the assassin and his men. They rescue the captives, but the assassin and most of his crew escape. Realizing that they could easily be held accountable by the King of Babylon for allowing the governor’s assassination, the army officer and his men make plans to flee to Egypt. Talk about a whole lot of chaos.

This morning I’m thinking about transitions that I’ve experienced along my life journey that were out of my control. Transitions in family circumstances, unexpected tragedies and death, transitions in church leadership, transitions of companies for whom I worked, and transitions in organizations with whom I was involved. Transitions are a natural part of life. When they come suddenly and unexpectedly they create a certain disorientation among those effected. With the disorientation there can be all sorts of chaos and crazy-making. It’s that disorientation and subsequent chaos Jeremiah chronicles in today’s chapter.

Personally, I’ve learned that managing these times of unexpected transition requires drawing on faith and spiritual resources I’ve built up along my journey. First, I draw upon my faith that I can trust God amidst my present circumstances. God has led me thus far, and there’s no reason to stop trusting that God will continue to lead me because of an unexpected curve in the road. Second, I have confidence in what I’ve been promised. God is not going to leave me or forsake me. I can cast all my anxieties and fears on God and trust God’s plan for my life journey. Third, I have good companions who will walk with me, listen to me, encourage me, and remind me of what I know to be true even when I’m tempted to forget.

I can’t always control life’s transitions, but I can develop the spiritual and relational reserves necessary to handle the transitions when they come.

Chapter-a-Day

Balak’s an Idiot (and so am I)

November 17, 2017 Tom Vander Well 1 Comment

Then Balak’s anger burned against Balaam. He struck his hands together and said to him, “I summoned you to curse my enemies, but you have blessed themthese three times.”
Numbers 24:10 (NIV)

Yesterday morning, after writing my post and finishing my quiet time, I settled in at the breakfast table. Wendy was just finishing reading our previous chapter as she waited for me.

“Balak is an idiot,” she said with a chuckle and shake of her head.

I laughed, and agreed with her. The narrative clearly portrays the Moabite king as not being the sharpest tool in the shed. Balaam the seer clearly spoke the terms up front to Balak. He would say only what the Lord told him to say, no matter how much treasure Balak offered Balaam to say what he wanted to hear.

Nevertheless, Balak makes Balaam view the Hebrew encampment from three different vantage points, expecting Balaam’s prophetic message to change with the view. When the prophecy doesn’t change to his favor, Balak tells Balaam that he’s not going to pay. Duh. Balaam reminds Balak that he knew that up front.

It is out of Alcoholics Anonymous that we got the popular notion that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. It appears Balak could have benefitted from the Twelve Steps.

In the quiet this morning, however, I’m reminded that I can often find my own reflection in the individuals I criticize. There are stretches of my own journey in which I was looped in endless cycles of brokenness. Truth be told, I have found that significant spiritual progress usually requires breaking systemic negative patterns of thought or behavior. The further you progress the deeper, more intimate, and less obvious those negative patterns are to the casual observer. Recovering Alcoholics will tell you that they once thought drinking was their problem. Journeying through the Twelve Steps you discover that your addiction is just the tip of the iceberg.

This morning as I laugh at King Balak’s idiocy, I have to humbly confess that I am also laughing at myself.

Have a good weekend, my friend.

Chapter-a-Day

You’re Right, You’re Right…

December 23, 2015 Tom Vander Well Leave a comment

After this he fell in love with a woman in the valley of Sorek, whose name was Delilah.
Judges 16:4 (NRSV)

There’s a great running gag in the classic romantic comedy When Harry Met Sally. Sally’s friend, played by Carrie Fisher [Star Wars tie in!], is in a long term affair with a married man. She continues to complain that he’s never going to leave his wife for her. Her friends always roll their eyes and agree. She always ends with, “You’re right. You’re right. I know you’re right.” It’s one of those lines that is regularly used in our house when addressing patterns of behavior that don’t change.

By the time we get to today’s chapter, Samson should recognize that his lust for women has been nothing but trouble. His first engagement ended in bloodshed and his fiance getting burned alive with her father. Sleeping with a prostitute ended up almost getting him killed in ambush. Now Delilah is clearly conniving the big man, and he doesn’t seem to see it. Samson! Dude! Your choice in chicks always ends badly.

“You’re right. You’re right. I know you’re right,” he says as he walks into the brothel.

Today I’m thinking about those patterns of behavior that always seem to end up with me in a bad place. It could be in a bad life situation, an emotionally bad place, a physically unhealthy place, or a relationally sticky place. Those patterns in which my conscience, Holy Spirit, or a combination of both whisper to my spirit, “Dude, something’s got to change.”

I can either mutter, “You’re right. You’re right, I know you’re right” before continuing in old patterns, or I can choose to address those problem areas and break the cycle.

It’s almost New Year’s. I’m just sayin’.

Chapter-a-Day

Old Patterns of Thought & Behavior

March 11, 2013 Tom Vander Well 1 Comment

Now Joseph gave these instructions to the steward of his house: “Fill the men’s sacks with as much food as they can carry, and put each man’s silver in the mouth of his sack.²Then put my cup, the silver one, in the mouth of the youngest one’s sack, along with the silver for his grain.” And he did as Joseph said. Genesis 44:1 (NLT)

As I’ve been reading through the stories of Genesis once again, I’ve been tracking this pattern of deceit revealed through the generations of Abraham’s family. When we first meet Abraham’s great grandson Joseph, he is revealed to be a boy who speaks to truth simply and plainly (seemingly to his detriment). As a result, he’s sold into slavery and has not been a part of the family for years and years.

How fascinating that as soon as his brothers show up in Egypt, Joseph begins to deal with them deceitfully. He does not immediately reveal who he is. He has things snuck into their sacks. He schemes to have his brother Benjamin brought back to Egypt and now schemes to keep Benjamin in Egypt when the rest of the brothers go home.

Roles and patterns in the way a family systemically operates and behaves is very powerful. I’ve known people who have spent years apart from their unhealthy family system working to understand and change their own behaviors, but once they return to their familial home for a visit they fall right back into their old role within the system. It’s a fascinating thing about the way we broken human beings live and behave in our fallen world.

One of the reasons that I have been and remain a follower of Jesus is because of His promise and provision of divine forgiveness and undeserved favor in spite of my many failings. I’m no different than Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Lamech, Rachel, Leah, Joseph or his brothers. Despite my best efforts to live honestly and truthfully as God would have me do, like Joseph I find myself getting sucked back into old negative patterns of thought and behavior again and again. I need copious doses of God’s forgiveness, mercy and grace.

A second reason I remain a follower of Jesus is because of His promise and provision to bring lasting positive change into my life. Despite my failings I can look back across the years and see the many ways that God’s grown me up, honed me, humbled me, and made me into a better human being. Were it not for God’s non-stop work of convicting, prodding, pushing, guiding and molding me over 30 plus years, I hate to think of the person I would have become.

Today, I’m reminded that no one is immune from falling off the path and back into destructive old patterns and behaviors. I’m equally reminded that God is faithful to both forgive us our failures and empower us towards getting back on the road which leads toward Life.