Tag Archives: Employee

The Thirst and the Why

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Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?

Psalm 42: 5 (NRSVCE)

I was in a mentoring session with a client. I had coached this individual for a number of years when he was a front-line agent. Now he was in his first managerial role. He’d just received his first annual performance review as a manager and was spiraling downward into full emotional meltdown. Why? Because his boss had rated him a “4” out of 5 in overall performance.

It was obvious to me that my protégé needed to vent. The review had been given a few weeks before our session and I was aware that he had been waiting for our session to get things out. In the emotional flood of anger, frustration and shame that followed I was noticed a few things. First, it was clear that my protégé knew his weaknesses, and admitted there were things he could have done better. Second, the monologue rabbit trailed into childhood memories, family system issues from adolescence, and then projected issues in the current workplace. Third, we had been here before.

The emotional monologue began to wane after about thirty minutes. I then asked if I could ask a question and make an observation. My question was: “If I was your boss, and you freely admitted to me this handful of areas you know needed improvement, then why on earth would I give your performance a five out of five? Given the things you told me you needed to work on, I think four might be a generous vote of confidence!”

There was no immediate answer.

I then proceeded with my observation. Back in the days when I first coached my protégé on the service quality of his phone calls, there were times that he would be emotionally distraught when our team had marked him down for service skills he should have demonstrated, but didn’t. At one point, I remember tears being shed out of the intensity of emotion, and the exclamation “Every call should score 100!”

My protégé laughed as led him on this trek down memory lane, and my point was obvious. There was something within him that expected, personally demanded, a perfect score on any test, assessment, or evaluation that drove him to illogical and emotional ends despite cognitively recognizing the quality of his work didn’t match.

“Why do I always do this?” he asked.

Now, we’d gotten to the question the might lead to real improvement.

The chapter-a-day journey kicks off with the second “book” or section in the anthology of ancient Hebrew song lyrics known as Psalms. The section begins with songs written for a choir called “The Sons of Korah.” They were a family choir with the Hebrew tribe of Levi whom King David had appointed to sing in the temple. Those who compiled Psalms began the second book with seven songs that were ascribed for this choir. Seven, by the way, is almost always a significant number in the Great Story. It’s a metaphor for completeness.

Today’s song is a personal lament. The writer is struggling with “Why?” they are in such a funk, and why they can’t get out of it. They are singing the blues and struggling with why their soul is in the pit of despair even as they repeatedly choose to keep singing, keep trusting, and keep seeking after God. The song begins with the proclamation, “my soul thirsts for God.”

And, that’s what struck me this morning. It was the “thirst” for God that motivated the singing, praising, trusting, and seeking after the “Why?” It was the “thirst” for God that allowed them to not fall over the edge of despair but to keep seeking the answer to “Why do I feel this way?” even as they were in the tension of feeling it so acutely.

In the quiet this morning, I thought of my protégé finally getting to his own version of “Why do I always feel this way?” As a mentor, my next question is “What are you thirsting for?” If it’s an easy stamp of approval to deceitfully appease your need for perfection then you’re never going to mature. If you’re thirsting after an understanding of who you are, why you’ve got yourself tied up into emotional knots, and what needs to happen within to stop this repetitive and unhealthy emotional pattern, then there’s hope for progress toward maturity and success.

“Based on the evidence of my own life, actions, words, and relationships am I really thirsting after God? What am I really thirsting for?”

“Am I holding the tension of choosing to praise, trust, seek even as I wrestle with my own versions of despair and my own questions of ‘Why’?”

Those are the questions I’m personally asking myself as I head into this day, and I’m going to leave it here.

Want to Read More?

Click on the image, or click here, to be taken to a simple, visual index of all the posts in this series from the book of Psalms.

There is also a list of recent chapter-a-day series indexed by book.

About This Post

These chapter-a-day posts began in 2006. It’s a very simple concept. I endeavor each weekday to read one chapter from the Bible. I then blog about my thoughts, insights, and feelings about the content of that chapter. Everyone is welcome to share this post, like this post, or add your own thoughts in a comment. Thank you to those who have become faithful, regular or occasional readers along the journey along with your encouragement.

In 2019 I began creating posts for each book, with an indexed list of all the chapters for that book. You can find the indexed list by clicking on this link.

Prior to that, I kept a cataloged index of all posts on one page. You can access that page by clicking on this link.

You can also access my audio and video messages, as well.

tomvanderwell@gmail.com @tomvanderwell

When “Love” is Hard

And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight….
Philippians 1:9 (NIV)

Along my journey I have managed individuals who were in the wrong position. They weren’t suited for the tasks they were given, they didn’t enjoy the work, and the fruit of their labor was often rotten.  The fact that we had good person in a bad position was obvious to me as a front-line manager. I have two very vivid memories in which I argued with my boss that an individual needed to be terminated. This was not so much to alleviate the problems felt inside the system (though it would certainly do that) but because the individual needed to be freed to find something for which he or she was better suited. In both cases I was told that the best thing to do was to “show grace and love” by continuing to work with the individual, keep encouraging the individual, to keep overlooking their failures, and to perpetually give them another chance. In neither instance did the this course of “grace and love” succeed.

Love is a simple word, and very often love is a simple concept: a random act of kindness, going out of your way to assist a person in need, an encouraging word, or a thoughtful gift.

As I read the opening chapter of Paul’s letter to the followers of Jesus in the town of Philippi, I was struck that he prayed, not just that the Philippian believers’ love would abound, but that that it would abound in knowledge and depth of insight.

I have found along my life journey that love is often not such a simple concept. In fact, sometimes love is hard:

  • Coming clean, owning my own shit, and getting help.
  • Forgiving, knowing you’ll never forget the injury and/or the perpetrator will never admit, own, or repent of what he or she did.
  • Refusing to rescue a child; Allowing him or her fail as you watch and pray.
  • Choosing to make a child responsible for earning his or her way rather than freely providing all things.
  • Severing relationship with a crazy-maker.
  • Walking away from a toxic relationship.
  • Telling an addict, “No.”
  • Terminating an employee who isn’t a good fit for the job.

Just as Paul wrote that Satan masquerades as an angel of light, I’ve learned that sometimes what looks like love on the surface of a situation is actually not love at all. Quite the opposite. Often, the loving act is misunderstood in the moment. It requires knowledge to realize that it’s actually the best thing for the other. The truly loving act can initially illicit anger, bitterness, and lashing out. Depth of insight is required to see how things will play out in the long run.

This morning I’m thinking about the two individuals I referenced at the beginning of this post. I’ve learned that they moved on, found a better vocational fit, and appear to be successful in their chosen fields. I’m happy for them. They taught me an invaluable lesson. Showing “grace and love” sometimes means making the difficult, uncomfortable, even unpopular decision with the knowledge and insight that it’s actually the most loving thing to do.

 

A Son, Not a Servant

But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those under the law, that we might receive adoption to sonship. Because you are his sons, God sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts, the Spirit who calls out, “Abba, Father.” So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir.
Galatians 4:4-7 (NIV)

I was blessed to grow up in a strong, nuclear family. The whole concept of adoption was fairly foreign to me. It was through a college roommate that I was first exposed to the realities of adoption. Married to Wendy, I have gained a greater understanding and respect for those families who have walked the path of adoption.

Wendy was adopted, twice. Her family includes five adopted siblings when you count her father adopting her. Family pictures with Wendy’s family are awesome. It’s a motley crew, to be sure. It has been great for me to be a part of their family. It has opened up for me a whole new area of understanding.

In today’s chapter, Paul uses the metaphor of adoption to discuss the spiritual relationship we have with God. Jesus established the metaphor after His resurrection. Before His death He referred to the disciples as “friends,” but when the ladies met the risen Christ Jesus told them, “go and tell my brothers that I am ascending to our Father.” The implication was clear, when we follow Jesus and receive Him into our hearts we are spiritually adopted as a child of God. We become co-heirs with Jesus.

An adopted child is not a servant. An adopted child is not “less than” his or her siblings.  An adopted child does not continually earn his or her membership in the family. And still, many of us who follow Jesus act as if we are in the employ of God rather than the fully adopted children of God. We work, we strain, we worry about our performance review. That’s not love, that’s indentured servitude.

Today, I’m thankful for my adoption into God’s family. It’s high time I stopped clinging to the idea that I’m in God’s employ and started embracing the reality that I am God’s heir.

10 Ways to Make a Positive Impression on Your Employer

source: gangplankhq via Flickr
source: gangplankhq via Flickr

All these were descendants of Obed-Edom; they and their sons and their relatives were capable men with the strength to do the work—descendants of Obed-Edom, 62 in all.
1 Chronicles 26:8 (NIV)

“Good help is hard to find,” it is said. Even with todays job market, in which I hear more people complaining “a good job is hard to find,” I can tell you as an employer that a capable employee with strength for the task is a valued find. When I was a kid I was taught that being capable was only what got you a foot in the door with an employer. It was what you did with it that made you indispensable and worthy of promotion or advancement.

10 ways I learned to make a positive impression on my employer:

  1. Arrive a few minutes early. Be on site ready to start when your shift begins.
  2. Don’t watch the clock. Work all the way to the end of your shift, and if you’re in the middle of a task, work a few minutes late until the task is done.
  3. If there’s a lull in the action, find something to do. Keep yourself busy, and don’t wait to be told what to do.
  4. Don’t be difficult. If there’s a dress code, don’t press the issue to see what you can get away with, simply adhere to the policy and don’t make an issue of it.
  5. If in doubt, ask. Better to ask than to do it wrong and create problems and irritations.
  6. Pay attention so you don’t have to ask again. Asking once is a good thing. Asking the same thing multiple times, or asking a million questions about things that should e common sense, is a sign of lack of listening, comprehension, ability, or responsibility.
  7. Don’t consider anything “beneath you.” Don’t balk at the small, difficult, boring, or dirty tasks. Do them willingly and do them well, and you probably won’t have to do them for long.
  8. If you make a mistake, be honest about it and take responsibility for making it right. An employee who covers up, obfuscates, and/or blames others is untrustworthy. An employee who is willing to take responsibility shows rare character.
  9. Be willing to go the extra mile without complaint or demand.
  10. Think like an owner, and if your employer asks you to make a decision then make the decision as if you owned the company and were responsible for its long term success. An employee who can think in those terms is capable of being placed in charge of many things.

If you do these things consistently without reward, recognition, gratitude and/or promotion, or if your employer consistently takes advantage of you, then keep looking for another job. There’s another employer out there waiting to reward someone who is “capable with strength to do the work.”

Chapter-a-Day Matthew 25

"You're fired!"
Image by gwilmore via Flickr

“The servant with the two thousand showed how he also had doubled his master’s investment. His master commended him: ‘Good work! You did your job well. From now on be my partner.'” Matthew 25:22-23 (MSG)

After meditating on the parable of the workers this morning, I find myself unable to stop thinking about the parable as an episode of The Apprentice. In many ways, the parable is an “Apprentice” episode. The boss has three apprentices and wants to see how they will do. Who will he ultimately make partner? Who does he need to fire?

As an employer, I love to find people who approach their work as if they were an owner. That’s basically what the first two workers in Jesus’ parable did. They were entrusted with taking care of their master’s money and they thought about what their master would do and want done with his money. They had learned from watching their master’s investment strategies. They knew how he thought. They managed the money entrusted to them by thinking like the master. It paid off.

[cue Donald Trump: “You’re hired.”]

The third person in Jesus’ parable said he thought about what his master wanted, but really he was thinking about himself. “How can I accomplish the task with the least amount of effort and the least amount of risk?” 

[cue Donald Trump: “You’re fired.”]

(btw: I’m quite sure that the third worker immediately filed a wrongful termination claim. Walking out of the boss’ office, the third worker mutters: “It’s so unfair. I did exactly what he asked me to do!”)

I hate to be cliche’ but there really is value in asking “What would Jesus, my master, do in this situation? How would Jesus want me to respond?” The boss and Master of the universe has blessed me with so much. I have time, I have life and limb, I have resources and energy that are entrusted to me. How am I investing myself?

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Chapter-a-Day Matthew 20

Parable of the Workers in the Vineyard: Worker...
Image via Wikipedia

“He replied to the one speaking for the rest, ‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn’t we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can’t I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?'” Matthew 20:13-15 (MSG)

As a business owner, manager, and consultant working on-site in a plethora of different operations, one of the most fascinating things I’ve witnessed over the years has been the way different people respond to time, work load, and earnings.

I’ve witnessed those whose mindset is like the workers in the parable of the talents. They take what they are given, invest themselves in being responsible and earning a return for their employer. Rarely complaining, they work hard and regularly go the extra mile for customers, coworkers and employers trusting that, in the end, they will be duly rewarded for their efforts.

I’ve witnessed others who are like the workers in Jesus’ parable from today’s chapter. They have an eye incessantly on the clock, their co-workers, and their paycheck. Regularly feeling they’re being taken advantage of, they constantly compare their compensation package and work load to others. Effort is made to get away with doing as little as possible for the maximum amount of money, generally complaining at any and every perception of inequity.

Is it possible, even probable, that the type of worker we are on the job translates into the type of worker we are in God’s kingdom? When the Day of Judgement comes, will I be one content when God says “Well done, here is your reward” or will I be getting in queue at heaven’s HR office to file a complaint with the management that the guy who squandered his life and muttered a deathbed confession got a better reward than me?

[Pondering this aside today: Are Lucifer and his fallen angels roughly equivalent to a labor union in the economic system of God’s kingdom?]

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