Tag Archives: Why

#FreeFish4All

#FreeFish4All (CaD John 6) Wayfarer

Jesus, knowing that they intended to come and make him king by force, withdrew again to a mountain by himself.
John 6:15 (NIV)

Jesus answered, “Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.”
John 6:26 (NIV)

Of late, I’ve been working on classes in order to be a certified Enneagram coach. It’s been a fascinating process, and Wendy has been joining me in going through all of the coursework. It takes longer to get through material together because we stop and talk about it incessantly, but it’s also been really good to chew on things and learn from each other’s thoughts and observations.

Over the years, I’ve done all of the major assessments that are out there, and I’ve found them all helpful. The thing that I’ve come to love about the Enneagram is that it gets below behaviors and personality to mine our core motivations. It unearths the core desires and core fears that drive our thoughts and behaviors.

In today’s chapter, John relates an event that gets to the heart of the identities of Jesus and His followers. Jesus and The Twelve are together along the shores of the Sea of Galilee when a huge crowd of people come looking for Jesus. Jesus had been carrying out His Magical Ministry Tour in the region, and the crowds were swelling as the ate up Jesus’ miracles.

The Twelve were Jesus’ disciples, protégés, apprentices, padawans; They are supposed to walking in His steps and learning from Him at all times. Jesus asks them where they can get enough bread to feed the crowd. Despite the miracles they’d seen Jesus perform, the thoughts of The Twelve remain steadfastly shackled to earthly reason. All they know is that they have neither the bread, nor the money, to feed the thousands of people who just showed up.

Jesus miraculously takes a couple of loaves and fish from a boy and produces enough filet o’fish sandwiches to feed the entire crowd and still have twelve baskets full of leftovers. The crowd goes wild. Jesus popularity is at an all-time high. Five thousand “Likes” with one miracle. Word of mouth marketing is out of control. He’s numero uno on the trending charts: #JesusFeeds #FreeFish4All. Jesus can ride this wave of popularity all the way to Jerusalem and take over.

Instead, Jesus sneaks away in the middle of the night across the lake. The crowd wakes up and immediately they search to find out where their miracle man and His Magical Ministry Tour has gone. They find him in the town of Capernaum. Immediately, Jesus makes a crucial observation:

“Very truly I tell you, you are looking for me, not because you saw the signs I performed but because you ate the loaves and had your fill.”

I find it critically important to see what’s happening, not on the surface of the events in today’s chapter, but in the hearts and motives of those involved. The Twelve, the crowd, and the religious leaders are all acting out of their instinctual human motivations while Jesus is doing the exact opposite.

Jesus miraculously produces enough bread for 5000 people to have their fill, hoping that the miracle will lead people to realize His true identify, hear His real message, and understand His true goal: “I am the Bread of Life. Those who eat my flesh and drink my blood (foreshadowing His death and the word picture He would give His followers to remember it) will never die but will live forever.”

The religious leaders are worried about their own earthly power, wealth, and prestige. Their identity as the learned religious teachers is threatened by Jesus’ popularity and power. In order to maintain their power and appearances, they’re looking for a reason to discredit Jesus, and Jesus gives it to them.

The crowds just want more entertaining miracles, especially the fish sandwiches out of thin air. Most of them haven’t eaten like that in a long time. What a life this could be following Jesus around. It’s like a Grateful Dead summer concert tour. Free food, unbelievable wonders, great storytelling: “Let’s get this party started and keep it going!” Instead, Jesus starts talking crazy about being bread to be cannibalized. “Dude, I don’t think he’s serving fish sandwiches anymore. Let’s get out of here. It sucks, man. That could have been epic.”

The Twelve are beside themselves. Jesus turns from the crowd and looks at them. He knows they’re on the verge of bailing out, too. On the surface, Jesus has just shot Himself in the foot and ruined His best chance at riding the wave of popularity, fame, and fortune to become a King.

In the quiet this morning, I’m reminded that Jesus told The Twelve that He was “not of this world.” Before Jesus’ ministry began, the Prince of this World offered Jesus “all the kingdoms of the world” if Jesus would only bow and worship him. Jesus refused, and that gives me a glimpse into Jesus words and actions in today’s chapter. It appears to me that Jesus’ motive was to bring a Kingdom to this world that looks nothing like the kingdoms of this world. In fact, I’ve come to realize that the Kingdom Jesus came to share is opposite the kingdoms of this world that He turned down. It’s no wonder that His actions made zero sense from a human perspective.

The further I get in my journey the more wary I’ve become of institutions and popular trends that are really just another kingdom of this world serving fish sandwiches under the guise of promoting God’s Kingdom. Yet when I try to discern their motives I’m left sensing that it’s the same motives as any other kingdom of this world. But, of course, while Jesus called His followers to be discerning, He forbid us to judge. I’ll leave that to Him. It is my motivations that are my responsibility.

Why do I do the things I do?

What is truly driving my thoughts, words, actions and relationships?

If following Jesus means shunning the kingdoms of this world and living out the Kingdom of God as He prescribed and exemplified, then how am I doing with that?

Good questions to mull over as I enter another work week. What I’m doing on my personal and vocational task lists doesn’t really matter all that much if I don’t have clarity with regard to why I’m doing any of it.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

The Thirst and the Why

The Thirst and the Why (CaD Ps 42) Wayfarer

Why, my soul, are you downcast?
    Why so disturbed within me?

Psalm 42: 5 (NRSVCE)

I was in a mentoring session with a client. I had coached this individual for a number of years when he was a front-line agent. Now he was in his first managerial role. He’d just received his first annual performance review as a manager and was spiraling downward into full emotional meltdown. Why? Because his boss had rated him a “4” out of 5 in overall performance.

It was obvious to me that my protégé needed to vent. The review had been given a few weeks before our session and I was aware that he had been waiting for our session to get things out. In the emotional flood of anger, frustration and shame that followed I was noticed a few things. First, it was clear that my protégé knew his weaknesses, and admitted there were things he could have done better. Second, the monologue rabbit trailed into childhood memories, family system issues from adolescence, and then projected issues in the current workplace. Third, we had been here before.

The emotional monologue began to wane after about thirty minutes. I then asked if I could ask a question and make an observation. My question was: “If I was your boss, and you freely admitted to me this handful of areas you know needed improvement, then why on earth would I give your performance a five out of five? Given the things you told me you needed to work on, I think four might be a generous vote of confidence!”

There was no immediate answer.

I then proceeded with my observation. Back in the days when I first coached my protégé on the service quality of his phone calls, there were times that he would be emotionally distraught when our team had marked him down for service skills he should have demonstrated, but didn’t. At one point, I remember tears being shed out of the intensity of emotion, and the exclamation “Every call should score 100!”

My protégé laughed as led him on this trek down memory lane, and my point was obvious. There was something within him that expected, personally demanded, a perfect score on any test, assessment, or evaluation that drove him to illogical and emotional ends despite cognitively recognizing the quality of his work didn’t match.

“Why do I always do this?” he asked.

Now, we’d gotten to the question the might lead to real improvement.

The chapter-a-day journey kicks off with the second “book” or section in the anthology of ancient Hebrew song lyrics known as Psalms. The section begins with songs written for a choir called “The Sons of Korah.” They were a family choir with the Hebrew tribe of Levi whom King David had appointed to sing in the temple. Those who compiled Psalms began the second book with seven songs that were ascribed for this choir. Seven, by the way, is almost always a significant number in the Great Story. It’s a metaphor for completeness.

Today’s song is a personal lament. The writer is struggling with “Why?” they are in such a funk, and why they can’t get out of it. They are singing the blues and struggling with why their soul is in the pit of despair even as they repeatedly choose to keep singing, keep trusting, and keep seeking after God. The song begins with the proclamation, “my soul thirsts for God.”

And, that’s what struck me this morning. It was the “thirst” for God that motivated the singing, praising, trusting, and seeking after the “Why?” It was the “thirst” for God that allowed them to not fall over the edge of despair but to keep seeking the answer to “Why do I feel this way?” even as they were in the tension of feeling it so acutely.

In the quiet this morning, I thought of my protégé finally getting to his own version of “Why do I always feel this way?” As a mentor, my next question is “What are you thirsting for?” If it’s an easy stamp of approval to deceitfully appease your need for perfection then you’re never going to mature. If you’re thirsting after an understanding of who you are, why you’ve got yourself tied up into emotional knots, and what needs to happen within to stop this repetitive and unhealthy emotional pattern, then there’s hope for progress toward maturity and success.

“Based on the evidence of my own life, actions, words, and relationships am I really thirsting after God? What am I really thirsting for?”

“Am I holding the tension of choosing to praise, trust, seek even as I wrestle with my own versions of despair and my own questions of ‘Why’?”

Those are the questions I’m personally asking myself as I head into this day, and I’m going to leave it here.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

The Question That Makes All the Difference

The Question that Makes All the Difference (CaD Ex 35) Wayfarer

All the Israelite men and women whose hearts made them willing to bring anything for the work that the Lord had commanded by Moses to be done, brought it as a freewill offering to the Lord.
Exodus 35:29 (NRSVCE)

When I studied acting back in high school and college I was trained to repeatedly ask the question “Why?”

“Why is my character saying this?”
“Why is my character doing this?”
“Why is my character so fond of that character?”
“Why is my character being such an ass in this scene?”

The most common and classic question that has often been parodied is, “What’s my motivation?”

Here’s what I learned in the process. The question is more important for me in life than it is as an actor on stage.

“Why do I repeatedly do the thing I say I don’t want to do?”
“Why am I staying in a job that I hate?”
“Why has my marriage been an interpersonal war for fifteen years?”
“Why do I go to church if I don’t even believe?”
“Why am I always buying stuff I don’t need just to fill my life with things I don’t use?”
“Why do I feel such rage all the time?”

Notice that all of those questions are reflective of negative feelings and behaviors, but the same question of motivation is important for the positive things we think, say, and do as well. Jesus was constantly pointing out that pious, religious people who were doing things with all the wrong-motives weren’t part of the Kingdom of God while humble, sinful outsiders with all sorts of baggage who lovingly sacrificed themselves for others were.

In today’s chapter, we find Moses and the Hebrews still camped at Mount Sinai. Moses has spent a total of 80 days (and we’ve spent a total of 15 chapters) on the mountain with God downloading God’s vision, instructions, and commands. Now it’s time to implement the vision and actually construct this traveling tent temple called the Tabernacle. So Moses calls on the Hebrews to pitch-in, donate the materials needed, and help with the labor of construction.

What struck me was the repeated phrases that spoke of the motivation of those giving of their time and resources:

  • “…let whoever is of a generous heart bring the Lord’s offering…”
  • “And they came, everyone whose heart was stirred, and everyone whose spirit was willing…”
  • “So they came, both men and women; all who were of a willing heart…”
  • “…all the women whose hearts moved them to use their skill…”
  • “All the Israelite men and women whose hearts made them willing to bring anything for the work that the Lord had commanded by Moses to be done, brought it as a freewill offering to the Lord.”

For me, the message was loud and clear. God wanted those who were motivated to help, not those who were doing it under duress like the slaves they were back in Egypt. For the thing God was doing among them, God wanted those who were genuinely generous of heart, willing spirit, stirred within, motivated and compelled by souls open to God’s Spirit.

If I’m doing it for all the wrong reasons I need to just stop. I need to walk away. Doing the right thing with all the wrong motivations is not what God’s Kingdom is about. First, I must honestly and sincerely deal with the “Why?” Did you know Jesus actually turned away would-be followers? In each case, it was never a matter of sin, but of motivation that He questioned.

So, in the quiet this morning I find myself taking a spiritual step back and asking myself “why” I do the things I do. Why do I follow Jesus? Why have I spent my time and energy writing these posts for almost 15 years with nothing of any worldly value to show for it? What is it that Wendy and I do with our time, energy, and resources on a daily basis, and why the heck are we doing it?

Along this life journey, I’ve observed that it’s quite common for humans to live on auto-pilot. Life is a series of rote words and actions motivated by nothing more than base human appetites and a lifetime of the systemic conditioning of family, education, and local culture. When I decided to follow Jesus (not just be a religious church member, but really follow what Jesus lived and taught) and then when Jesus led me to follow the stirring of my heart to study theatre, I was taught to honestly ask the question that has made all the difference in my life:

“Why am I…[fill in the blank]?”

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.