Tag Archives: Divorce

A Love Song that Aches

Jeshurun grew fat and kicked;
    filled with food, they became heavy and sleek.
They abandoned the God who made them
    and rejected the Rock their Savior.

Deuteronomy 32:15 (NIV)

If you hang out with Wendy and me for any length of time, you’ll soon notice that Wendy is not “Wendy” to me. She is “Luv,” or I more commonly prefer, “M’Luv.”

When I train clients on the art of customer service, I always talk about names. Names are important because names imply relationship, and customers typically desire more than a transaction when they find themselves in a tough spot – they want a personal service relationship.

One of the funny things about names is that the more intimate the relationship the more intimate the moniker we use for the “other” in relationship. An acquaintance might begin being referenced by a simple pronoun. (e.g. “him,” “her”). Relationship is established and names are learned and used (e.g. “John,” “Mary”). When relationship becomes intimate, we create pet names for one another (e.g. “Darling,” “Sweetheart”). Or, in the case of me and Wendy, “M’Luv.”

Here’s what is fascinating. When relationships break down, the cycle works in reverse. Amidst divorce, the woman I once referred to “Sweetheart” is easily reduced to “my children’s mother” or even back to the impersonal pronoun “her.”

In yesterday’s post/podcast I reference about this crazy idea God gives Moses, to give His people a song. In today’s chapter, Moses teaches the people the song. It’s a doozy. It’s less Love Me Do and more Symphonie Fantastique. Epic in length, it has five distinct movements:

  • God is introduced as The Rock—steady, faithful, just.
  • Israel is remembered as the one God carried, fed, and taught to walk.
  • Then comes the heartbreak: prosperity leads to forgetfulness; forgetfulness leads to idolatry.
  • Judgment follows—not as cruelty, but as consequence.
  • Yet the song does not end in wrath. It ends in vindication, mercy, and restoration.

The ancient Hebrews were all about structure in math, literature, poetry, and music. When it comes to song lyrics, the center of the lyrics is almost always the thematic hub and everything expands outward on either side of it. So, notice the center bullet of the summary above. The center of Moses’ Song is:

Jeshurun grew fat and kicked

As I went down the rabbit hole of meditation and study on Moses’ Song in the quiet this morning, two important things emerged for me.

First, the prophesied rebellion of God’s people does not happen out of suffering, trial, or condemnation. It happens when things go well.

Blessing increases wealth.
Wealth brings abundance.
Abundance breeds comfort…
and comfort makes us fat.

It is not in adversity we forget God, but in prosperity.

Yet notice how God addresses them at this central moment He calls them out: Jeshurun.

This is a name that is rarely used in the Great Story, and names are important.

Jeshurun can be translated “My beloved, upright people.” It’s not the common and neutral every day name “Israel.” This is a pet name — a covenantal endearment. It is an intimate moniker whispered between lovers, not shouted in public.

And, that is what makes its use here so devastating.

Despite His beloved’s forgetfulness, rebellion, and infidelity that is at the center of this love story, God does not address her with watered down formality or impersonal pronouns. He doesn’t shift to courtroom language foreshadowing divorce court. He doubles down and addresses her with a pet name reserved for the most intimate of moments.

Jeshurun.

It does three things…

Recalls Identity
This is who you were named to be.
Highlights Irony
The Upright One has developed scoliosis.
The straight one has grown crooked through comfort.
Deepens the Betrayal
This isn’t rebellion by strangers.
This is infidelity by the beloved.

At the heart of it, Moses is saying: “You did not forget God because you were oppressed. You forgot Him because you were satisfied.”

That is the ache of the song.

It is also, for me, a sobering spiritual reminder. Here in the quiet of my office I sit in prosperity and abundance smack dab in the middle of the wealthiest most affluent empire that has ever risen on the face of the earth in all of human history.

If there’s anyone at high-risk for forgetting God, it’s me.

A good reminder for me to carry into my day. A good conversation to unpack over coffee and breakfast with M’Luv.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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Of Covenant and Mystery

The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.
Deuteronomy 29:29 (NIV)

One of the most painful and difficult seasons of my earthly journey was the dissolution of my first marriage. It’s not a dull, focused pain, but a sharp one that branches in many directions. There are so many places it touches. There are my own personal failings and poor choices. There is the 20-20 hindsight of the many things I could have and should have said and/or done – things to which I was woefully blind at the time. There are the painful consequences and ripple effects that the end of the marriage thrust upon one another, our daughters, and those in our circles of relationship.

I remember two very strong and honest reactions from our young teen daughters at the time. I found these two to be ironic opposites. On one hand, they had seen and perceived more than I realized. A piece of them was not surprised. On the other hand, there was a desire — shot out like a demand — to know everything. A teenager’s personal Freedom of Information Act petition, proclaiming her right to know everything about the breakdown of her parents’ marriage.

What was received was disappointment. Some things might be shared and understood with time, maturity, and life experience. Time and distance is required for some things to be viewed in proper context. And, there are other things that will remain hidden, things understood only by the two who shared them.

On this life journey, not everything is meant to be known.

In today’s chapter, Moses stands before all of the Hebrews and ratifies God’s covenant with them. The Jordan River flowing behind him and the Promised Land in the distance, the ancient leader says, “Before you cross, look back.”

This chapter ratifies the covenant anew—not just for those who saw Egypt crack open, but for everyone standing there… and everyone yet unborn.

Blessing and curse are laid bare. Obedience brings life like rain on dry ground; rebellion brings rot, exile, and future nations asking, “What happened here?”

And then comes the line that purrs and growls at the same time:

“The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever…”

Mystery stays veiled. Responsibility does not.

One of the most profound truths I’ve had to learn to embrace as a follower of Jesus is that mystery is intimately woven into the journey.

Some eyes see but don’t perceive.
Some ears hear but don’t understand.
Some things are hidden, even from God’s own Son.

“But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.”
Matthew 24:36 (NIV)

Some things remain a mystery. The angsty teenager within me filing my own personal Freedom of Information Act petitions with my heavenly Father had to learn to live with disappointment.

Further in my journey, I found that disappointment eventually gave way to humility and faith. As I attempt to follow in Jesus’ footsteps I find in His own example a peace and complete trust to leave certain knowledge with the Father, despite what I might argue is His divine right to demand it.

That final verse of today’s covenant renewal falls like a gentle, holy hand on my shoulder this morning:

I am not required to solve God.
am required to respond to Him.

Some things remain veiled. That’s okay.
But what has been revealed—love God, walk humbly, choose life—that belongs to me. Today. Right now.

So with humility and faith, I sign my name again in the quiet.
And I walk into a new work week embraced by covenant and mystery.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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Second Marriage

“We assume the responsibility for carrying out the commands…
Nehemiah 10:32a (NIV)

Among some of the historical family ephemera in my personal archives is a marriage certificate for my great-grandparents. The certificate is for their second wedding. They were married, then got divorced, and then got remarried. Ironically, I think I have the second marriage certificate for our daughter, as well. It’s funny how history repeats itself.

Some relationships are like that. They work, and then they don’t, and then the parties work through their differences and return to covenant. They recommit.

In today’s chapter, Nehemiah and the returned Hebrew exiles in Jerusalem return to their covenant with God. It’s a covenant that God refers to as a marriage on numerous occasions. In essence, the document that they sign and seal is a new marriage certificate. In yesterday’s chapter they confessed that they had broken faith and walked away from the marriage. Now, they are getting remarried.

In this marriage certificate, Nehemiah lists a number of things to which they are committing to make the relationship work. They agree to live according to the principles God laid out in the Law of Moses, to keep the sabbath, to be generous, and to be faithful to the system of worship God prescribed.

Nehemiah 10 invites me to ask not just “What do I believe?” but “What am I willing to commit to — publicly, practically, persistently?” The ink on Nehemiah’s covenant scroll reminds me that faith needs form the way that saying “I do” at the wedding needs daily relational acts that put flesh on the commitment. Promises whispered in private take root when I bind them to community, to habit, to rhythm.

I’m reminded in the quiet this morning that my relationship with God is a marriage, and each new day is like my own “signing day.” It’s a daily covenant renewal of the soul:

  • To rest when the world demands endless work.
  • To give generously when culture teaches us to hoarding.
  • To honor sacred time and sacred space.
  • To live and love distinctively, not for separation’s sake, but so that light may be visible in the dark.

Nehemiah and the Hebrews’ story is really a love story between God and a people saying again: “We’re still yours.” And that’s a sentiment I whisper in my actions each day to both God and Wendy.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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New Season, Big Challenge

When I heard these things, I sat down and wept. For some days I mourned and fasted and prayed before the God of heaven.
Nehemiah 1:4 (NIV)

It will forever be one of the most critical and difficult moments of my entire life journey. I still remember it like it was yesterday. I remember sitting in my home office. I remember my desk by the window and the afternoon sunlight streaming through the window. It was fall.

I had been through years of wilderness in so many ways. God had promised me so many times in so many ways that He had great plans on the other side of this wilderness. There was a Promised Land coming. I had been waiting. I had been slogging. I had been asking, seeking, and knocking.

On that fall afternoon I realized that it was time. This new season in life was about to begin. I thought that it would be a joyous moment. I thought that it would be triumphant and thrilling. It was none of those things.

For the new season to begin, my marriage had to end.

The setting of any story is important, and the story of Nehemiah cannot be fully appreciated without the setting.

We are in the ancient empire of Persia, in what today is southwest Iran. Over a century before, the city of Jerusalem had been destroyed. The Hebrew people had been taken into exile. In the game of thrones, theBabylonian empire fell to the emerging Persian empire. Some of the exiles had returned to Jerusalem, but others like Nehemiah remained and flourished.

Nehemiah finds himself at a critical inflection point in the Great Story. This is not a random moment. It’s been foreshadowed and foretold for centuries.

God through Moses initially made His covenant with the Hebrew people and told them that if they broke the covenant they would end up in exile among other nations. He goes on to promise that even then His love will not fail and He will bring them back. (see Deuteronomy 30:1-5)

The prophets later echoed this same warning and promise. Jeremiah repeatedly warned his people that they would end up in exile in Babylon if they didn’t repent. When it happened, Jeremiah wrote the exiles a letter and said:

“Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease. Also, seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the Lord for it, because if it prospers, you too will prosper.”

“This is what the Lord says: ‘When seventy years are completed for Babylon, I will come to you and fulfill my good promise to bring you back to this place. For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,’ declares the Lord, ‘and will bring you back from captivity.’”
Jeremiah 29:5-7, 10-14 (NIV)

As the book of Nehemiah opens, this is the moment. Nehemiah has done exactly what God commanded through Jeremiah. He has a great life. He’s an advisor and protector of the Persian emperor, Artaxerxes. He’s made a good life for himself and his family. He’s helped the Persian empire prosper and he has prospered in return. Now, it’s time to return from exile, to go home – back to the family’s land in Jerusalem.

Sometimes what seems like it should be a really joyous moment is actually a very painful one.

What precipitates Nehemiah’s return is word of just how bad things are back in Jerusalem. Yes, some exiles had returned but the situation is dire. The city’s walls were broken. There were no gates. It was defenseless chaos. There would be no prosperity for God’s people, they might not even survive, if something didn’t happen quickly.

The moment humbles Nehemiah and sends him to his knees. He remembers God’s love and promise, he repents, he prays for the guidance and inner resources he’ll need. The next season for Nehemiah will change the course of Israel’s history. It kick-start what is known as the Second Temple period that will be one of the most important in Jewish history. In that Second Temple period Jesus, the Messiah, will arrive. But the season starts with a challenge for which Nehemiah is not sure he’s ready.

Been there. Done that.

God had really great plans for me. Plans full of hope and a good future with Wendy, the girls, and each of their families. But sometimes the best seasons begin with the greatest challenges.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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Boundary Stones

“The Lord said to Moses,“Command the Israelites and say to them: ‘When you enter Canaan, the land that will be allotted to you as an inheritance is to have these boundaries…
Numbers 34:1-2 (NIV)

For a brief period season in my college years I worked as an abstractor. An abstract is a legal record of the history of a plot of land. For most people it’s a whole lot of indecipherable legalese, but it’s a necessary part of lawfully setting and keeping boundaries. And, in some cases when you learn to read through the legalese you can learn all sorts of interesting tidbits about the history of a property, the people who owned it, what was built on it, how it may have been contested, and how it changed hands through the generations.

As we get near the end of this chapter-a-day trek through the book of Numbers we run into some classically boring chapters. Today’s chapter is one of those. Moses and the Hebrew tribes are making preparations to enter the Promised Land, and God through Moses lays out instructions for the boundaries and how to allot land to the tribes and their families. In essence, God is being an ancient abstractor. The process isn’t willy-nilly. It’s not a situation in which the most powerful get whatever they can take and maintain. The process is orderly and structured so as to create equitable allotments and boundaries in which every family and every tribe can find protection, build fruitful lives, and flourish.

As I meditated on this in the quiet this morning, I was reminded of a season of my own life journey in which everything fell apart. When you go through a divorce life can seem like boundaries are erased. Everything moves and shifts, what was once established is now contested and negotiated. All parties in the family both nuclear and extended get pulled into the ripple effects of the boundary lines of family and life shifting. It is not a pleasant experience even when it is a relatively mutual parting of ways.

In the wake of this season, I had a prophetic friend who had received a word for me from the Holy Spirit. It’s written down. I still have it:

“I saw like in Ireland they have those, those stones where they mark “this is the edge of my property.” I saw that those stones had been burned, that they’d been turned down, they’d been removed in your life. And the Father said, “This is the season. I’m going to restore all the boundaries, all the things that I’ve designed for you to walk in.” 

Boundary stones and abstracts are good things. Having them means you have a plot on which to live, flourish, and be protected in a place you call home. Christian commentators through the ages have noted that while the Hebrews were given physical boundaries and allotted physical land in Numbers this was just a metaphorical foreshadowing of the spiritual Promised Land, allotment, and inheritance that Jesus would provide to every believer.

After all, Jesus told us that our hearts were soil and on that soil things grow and are built. Jesus cautioned us to grow good fruit and to be careful how and what we build on that soil in our hearts. Jesus’ teaching provides boundaries intended for my safety, my security, for growing good things, storing eternal treasures, and building those things that will equally last for eternity.

Looking back, I can testify that my prophetic friend channeled a good Word from God’s Spirit. The boundary stones were re-established and restored. Within those boundary stones God has blessed me and I have flourished in ways that I once thought were simply not possible.

I hear the Psalmists words echo in my heart this morning:

Your boundary lines mark out pleasant places for me. Indeed, my inheritance is something beautiful.
Psalm 16:6 (GW)

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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The Real Love Chapter

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
1 Corinthians 13:13 (NIV)

The followers of Jesus in Corinth were a classic dysfunctional human system. There were not only differences of opinion, pride and arrogance had escalated to the point there were factions in conflict with one another and people suing one another. There were not only humans making honest human mistakes, there were individuals flaunting and taking pride in their immorality. Conflict, anger, hatred, favoritism, envy, greed, and selfishness were in the driver’s seat. It’s the very reason for Paul writing his letter.

Which I think is important to remember when reading today’s chapter which is one of the greatest and most familiar passages ever penned. “The love chapter” is regularly read at weddings because of its beautiful and thorough description of love. I’ve actually always found this a bit ironic because the Corinthians believers were definitely not feeling the giddy love of newlyweds towards one another. They were in divorce court with one another, and that’s the context which inspires Paul’s famous words about love.

As a disciple of Jesus, I have learned two critically important lessons along my life journey.

The first lesson is that I don’t get to pick and choose who I love. Enemies, critics, people of other nations and cultures, people on the other side of the political aisle, sinners, and people who have wronged me, cheated me, persecuted me, judged me, spoken evil about me behind my back, and even injured me are all at the top of the priority list of people Jesus commands and expects me to love. It’s more important than going to church. It’s more important than my morality and purity. It’s more important than my spiritual disciplines. It’s more important than anything else. Jesus asks me to love Him so much that I’m compelled to love my enemies, haters, and those who’ve injured me the same way He did. This is my ultimate spiritual calling and priority.

\The second lesson is that there are no exemptions to lesson number one.

In the quiet this morning, I find that I’m not thinking about love in grand and glorious poetic ways. It’s too easy to do that when you read today’s chapter outside the context of the situation it was originally addressing. I’m meditating on love in the down-and-dirty realities of those people I don’t want to love, those I feel I shouldn’t have to love, and those my soul tends to justify hating, condemning, cursing, and generally wishing ill-will. As a disciple of Jesus, if I am unwilling to do that, then talking about love in grand and glorious poetic ways is both empty and meaningless.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!

The Time Paradox

The Time Paradox (CaD 1 Cor 7) Wayfarer

What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep;those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away.
1 Corinthians 7:29-31 (NIV)

Thanks to Mr. Einstein and his cohorts, we’ve come to realize in the last 100 years that time is far more complex than anyone realized . It’s relative, not absolute. Though I believe that God was already hinting at this to us when through Moses’ prayer we learn:

A thousand years in your sight
    are like a day that has just gone by,
    or like a watch in the night.

Psalm 90:4 (NIV)

And, of course, God exists outside of time, which blows my mind open to all sorts of thoughts and considerations.

I’m not going to pretend to thoroughly understand the intricacies of time relativity, but I can certainly understand that our perception of time has an impact on how we think and live. In yesterday’s post I wrote/said that this earthly life is like a marathon 162 game baseball season and I need to learn to “take the loss” some days. At the same time, it is also true that the time left on my earthly journey likely is shorter than my grandchildren, which changes my perspective and perhaps my life decisions.

Today’s chapter is fascinating on a number of levels as Paul addresses a number of questions that the Corinthian believers had posed to him regarding singleness, marriage, divorce, and sexual relationships in light of their newfound faith in Jesus and desire to follow His teaching. Corinth was steeped in Roman and Greek thought, which contrasted culturally with the Jewish traditions with which Paul was raised and which were foundational to Jesus’ teachings. Add to that, however, that time plays a huge role in understanding Paul’s perspective on these matters, and informing my own.

In over 40 years as a disciple, I’ve heard today’s chapter quoted regularly in defense of individual’s beliefs about sex, marriage, divorce, and remarriage. To be honest, this chapter was quoted to me more than once in condemning me for getting divorced and remarried. I am in good company in this regard, I’m quite sure. However, I’ve never in all that time heard anyone seriously address the three verses I quoted above/at the tope of the podcast in which we learn that everything Paul is writing and instructing is based solely on Paul’s perspective of time.

Jesus told His followers that He would return one day, and we know from all of Paul’s writing that he was convinced that this return was imminent. “Time is short” he tells the Corinthians. He wanted the Corinthian believers to live as uncomplicated and simple lives as they could because he was convinced they didn’t have much time. Except they did, and I’ll get to that in a second.

Add to this perception of time the fact that I am reading Paul’s thoughts and instructions from a different waypoint in time. Not only has Jesus yet to return 2,000 years later, but my perceptions of time and life are different because time is different. Life spans are much longer and change is taking place much faster than Paul could have ever imagined.

So, what should my perspective be? Should I live today as if life is a marathon or should I live today as if today may be all I’ve got?

Yes.

I don’t think it’s an either-or question. Time, as God created it, provides this finite human being with paradoxes. The answer is both. And, this creates a certain tension, but that tension has always been present in the Great Story. I ultimately don’t know the number of my days and today might be my last, so that should factor into my perspective. At the same time, the number of my days is certainly getting shorter so I know that I am closer to the finish line than ever before, and that should inform my perspective. At the same time, it’s also true that people today commonly to live into their 90s and I could have another 30-40 years before I finish this earthly journey, so I need to factor that possibility into my perspective. At the same time, I believe that this entire earthly journey is but a tiny dot on the eternal time line, and this should inform my perspective today, as well.

So in the quiet this morning, I’m thinking back to what I wrote/said in yesterday’s post/podcast. I only have so much time, but even I don’t know exactly how much time I ultimately have on this planet. It could be a breath. It could be 40 years. Either way, I have to give consideration to how I best invest my time today for either possibility or eventuality, and let it inform my thoughts, words, actions, and relationships.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!

Best of 2023 #1: I Don’t Know What I Don’t Know

I Don't Know What I Don't Know (CaD Job 34) Wayfarer

‘Job speaks without knowledge;
    his words lack insight.’
Job 34:35 (NIV)

It’s been almost two decades since my first marriage ended. Back in those days there was quite a public stir around the divorce. A lot of speculation was making the rounds on the local grapevine, most all of it incorrect. I remember the feeling of helplessness to stop or control any of it. I learned many things during that stretch of my life journey.

One of the lessons that I still carry with me from those days is the fact that when it comes to what others are going through, I don’t know what I don’t know. I think of all the ignorant speculation that swirled around my divorce from people who knew very little about me, my marriage, or my circumstances. I also can easily make ignorant speculations about others despite having very little knowledge and without having all of the facts. I have become much more reticent to make speculative judgments of others. As a disciple of Jesus, my default is to be love not judgment.

In today’s chapter, Eli the younger continues his discourse. Once again, he recalls Job’s own words in an effort to refute them. Once again, he gets Job’s words mostly, but not completely, right. Young Eli then defends God from what he perceives to be Job’s insistence that God had done evil in his circumstances. He passionately defends God’s goodness, rightness, and just judgments.

Young Eli then makes the statement that Job “speaks without knowledge.”

This caught my eye because he is correct. Job has no knowledge of the conversations that took place between God and the evil one. But the same is also true of young Eli and his three elders. They have all made speculative arguments in reaching their conclusions.

In the quiet this morning, my mind conjures up the names and faces of individuals in my own circles of influence who have been at the center of public scrutiny for a variety of reasons. I’m thinking back to my own thoughts, words, and actions towards those individuals both in their presence and when they have come up in conversation. My endeavor is to be gracious and humble in the knowledge and acknowledgment that I don’t know what I don’t know.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Best of 2023 #7: Eli’s Unintended Lesson

Eli's Unintended Lesson (CaD Job 35) Wayfarer

How much less, then, will [God] listen
    when you say that you do not see him,
that your case is before him
    and you must wait for him.

Job 35:14 (NIV)

Eli the younger is a fascinating character in the larger context of the Job Story. He isn’t mentioned at all in the opening introduction of Job’s three friends. He just kind of appears out of nowhere once Job and the three elder friends have finished their conversation and then presumes, as the youngest person with the least life experience, to teach the rest of the men wisdom.

What a twit.

In yesterday’s post/podcast I mentioned one of the life lessons I carried with me from the days of my divorce: I don’t know what I don’t know. It seems to have resonated with a lot of people. As I meditated on today’s chapter of young Eli’s continued know-it-all blather, there was another lesson from the days of my divorce that came to mind.

I received a long, hand written letter during that period of time. It was about ten pages written on both sides. The entire letter was a scripture laden treatise on the unforgivable sin of divorce and a pronouncement of my eternal condemnation to hell.

Three observations: First of all, it was a letter – not a personal visit to say, “Tom, I hear you’re going through a rough time. Let me buy you a cup of coffee. I’d love to hear how you’re doing.” Second of all, I and my family are going through one of the most difficult and painful of human experiences and you want to take this moment to condemn me? As the saying goes, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” Finally, the ironic thing is that the person who wrote the letter had a wife who left him decades before, divorced him, and got remarried but the letter-writer refused to acknowledge the fact. So, is your letter about me or is really about you?

What a twit.

Throughout young Eli’s four speeches, Job remains silent.

I get it. I immediately threw the letter away.

I do find a lesson to be learned from Eli the younger’s self-important arguments, but not the lessons I think he intended. The lesson I’m taking away from his discourses so far is that I don’t want to be a twit to my friends when they’re suffering and struggling. Maybe a little compassion and a lot less self-importance and condemnation.

It’s been in the worst stretches of my life journey that I learned who my friends really are.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Eli’s Unintended Lesson

Eli's Unintended Lesson (CaD Job 35) Wayfarer

How much less, then, will [God] listen
    when you say that you do not see him,
that your case is before him
    and you must wait for him.

Job 35:14 (NIV)

Eli the younger is a fascinating character in the larger context of the Job Story. He isn’t mentioned at all in the opening introduction of Job’s three friends. He just kind of appears out of nowhere once Job and the three elder friends have finished their conversation and then presumes, as the youngest person with the least life experience, to teach the rest of the men wisdom.

What a twit.

In yesterday’s post/podcast I mentioned one of the life lessons I carried with me from the days of my divorce: I don’t know what I don’t know. It seems to have resonated with a lot of people. As I meditated on today’s chapter of young Eli’s continued know-it-all blather, there was another lesson from the days of my divorce that came to mind.

I received a long, hand written letter during that period of time. It was about ten pages written on both sides. The entire letter was a scripture laden treatise on the unforgivable sin of divorce and a pronouncement of my eternal condemnation to hell.

Three observations: First of all, it was a letter – not a personal visit to say, “Tom, I hear you’re going through a rough time. Let me buy you a cup of coffee. I’d love to hear how you’re doing.” Second of all, I and my family are going through one of the most difficult and painful of human experiences and you want to take this moment to condemn me? As the saying goes, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” Finally, the ironic thing is that the person who wrote the letter had a wife who left him decades before, divorced him, and got remarried but the letter-writer refused to acknowledge the fact. So, is your letter about me or is really about you?

What a twit.

Throughout young Eli’s four speeches, Job remains silent.

I get it. I immediately threw the letter away.

I do find a lesson to be learned from Eli the younger’s self-important arguments, but not the lessons I think he intended. The lesson I’m taking away from his discourses so far is that I don’t want to be a twit to my friends when they’re suffering and struggling. Maybe a little compassion and a lot less self-importance and condemnation.

It’s been in the worst stretches of my life journey that I learned who my friends really are.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.