Tag Archives: Friendship

Chapter-a-Day

Refreshment

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For they refreshed my spirit and yours also. Such men deserve recognition.
1 Corinthians 16:18 (NIV)

“Oh! That was such a good night!” Wendy said to me as we began our daily nocturnal preparations.

Our guests had arrived at 5:30 that evening. The agenda was simple. We would hang out here at the Vander Well Pub. We put out some simple happy hour appetizers which comprised of an assortment of leftover charcuterie elements from Christmas. I poured a round of drinks.

The next thing I knew, it was almost 11:00 p.m. and our guests were saying for the third or fourth time, “We really have to go.”

It was a conversational five-hour deep dive into one another’s lives. Children, grandchildren, conflicts we each were facing, family challenges, work challenges, marriage challenges, and our hopes for the new year. There was seemingly no subject that was “off the table” and things flowed so naturally and organically that no one even looked at the clock for hours.

“Oh! That was such a good night!” Wendy exclaimed.

Our souls had been refreshed.

Good friends. Good leftovers. Good drink. Good conversation. Simple.

When was the last time your soul was refreshed?

Many years ago I remember a business trip with my boss in which he prompted a long conversation about a verse in one of Paul’s letters that no one ever talks about or quotes. It was Paul’s letter to Philemon in which he writes:

“Your love has given me great joy and encouragement, because you, brother, have refreshed the hearts of the Lord’s people.”

We talked for hours on that car ride about what it means to have your heart “refreshed” and how we can be “refreshers” of other’s hearts. I have never forgotten that verse and that conversation. As soon as I read Paul’s words this morning about Stephanas, Fortunatus and Achaicus who delivered the Corinthian’s letter and “refreshed” his spirit, I immediately thought of the heart refresher Philemon. I thought my boss and our car ride conversation. I thought of our evening with friends just a couple of weeks ago.

As I sit in the quiet this morning and think about that night, it strikes me that there were no gifts given, there was no entertainment, and no one looked at their phones. There was, however, honesty, vulnerability, and a willingness to share with one another knowing that there would be no judgement, only love for one another and a desire for the best for one another. In a world that seems hell-bent on presenting a consistently sanitized and idealized image of ourselves and our lives online, it’s refreshing to have friends with whom we can be our challenged, flawed, and broken selves while experiencing an honest exchange of love and grace.

The truth is that I need my heart and soul refreshed on a regular basis.

I’m so grateful to have people in my life who do so.

I pray that I consistently do so for others.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

Word Budget

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Word Budget (CaD Eph 4) – Wayfarer

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.
Ephesians 4:29 (NIV)

Yesterday, like most Sundays, Wendy and I were the last ones out of the Auditorium after worship. We were talking to people. It was more than just casual conversation. One friend is having surgery tomorrow, and it’s a rather complicated procedure to remove a cancerous mass. Another friend is having tests this week to identify what could be a different form of cancer. Another friend is struggling with a stubborn, aging parent. These are good conversations. We’re sharing the things of life with one another, encouraging one another, and bearing one another’s burdens.

Eventually the crowd thinned out and it was just Wendy and me with another couple. Our conversation continued as we walked out of the Auditorium. It continued on the steps outside the building.

I remember thinking to myself, “One of us needs to call an end to this conversation, or we’ll be standing here all afternoon!”

Talk about a good problem to have!

It is said that the average person speaks 16,000 words a day. I am going to say something today, but do I actually have something to say that’s worthwhile? The further I get in the journey, the more I find myself mindful of how I invest my words. I have a daily budget of words that I’m going to spend. How am I going to spend them? Will they be a worthy investment or will I waste them? Am I going to say things that are worthwhile and contribute to relationships and goodness to others? Are my conversations about the things of Life and Spirit or are they wasted on trivial nothingness? Are my words positive and encouraging or negative and critical?

In today’s chapter, Paul urges Jesus’ disciples in Ephesus to give consideration to the words that are coming out of their mouths. He wants them to invest their words so there is a return on investment. He wants them to speak the words others need to hear. He expects a beneficial outcome for the receiver of the words.

I’m reminded in the quiet this morning that Jesus said, “Everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.” (Matthew 12:36) Funny, I’ve never seen that one plastered on trinkets at the Christian bookstore. Come to think of it, I’ve never heard a message preached on it either. I might have to do that when I’m given the opportunity to give a message someday. It seems to me that it would be a worthwhile investment of my words.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Better Knowing

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Better Knowing (CaD Eph 1) – Wayfarer

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
Ephesians 1:17 (NIV)

I was a bit surprised when I received the email. It wasn’t like my friend to share with me details about his job. We’ve been friends for over 40 years, and not just casual friends. We’ve walked intimately with one another through the best and the worst of each other’s lives. When we get a chance to talk and catch up, we tend to go deep immediately. It’s that kind of relationship.

He emailed me with details about a project he was he was going to deliver and said that it likely the most important event in his career. I immediately read the subtext of his words. His literal words were stating mostly facts, but the message of his email was more than that. He was freaking out. He was anxious, afraid and in desperate need of encouragement and affirmation.

I know my friend.

I grew up in the Christian religion. I learned the stories, practiced the rituals, regularly attended the services, and went through the process of becoming a member of my childhood church. But it wasn’t until I entered into a relationship with Jesus that my life truly changed. A relationship is a completely different thing. Relationships are dynamic, with desires, expectations, the give and take of communication, and the process of knowing and being known.

Even relationships had varying degrees of depth. I have casual relationships with a million people, but only a relatively small number go intimately deep. Even fewer continue to grow deeper as we continue to share one another’s life journeys.

Today we begin a relatively short trek through Paul’s letter to Jesus’ disciples in Ephesus. In today’s chapter, Paul sets the tone for his letter and he tells his readers that he’s praying for their relationship with Jesus, that they might “know him better.” That’s what relationships are like. You know some people better than others.

When it comes to Jesus, I’ve observed that many people seem to be where I was growing up. They are going through the motions of adherence to the religion, but I don’t observe or sense that there’s any actual relationship with God. In others, I observe and sense that there is a relationship with God, but it appears to be more of a casual relationship. You know, running into one another every couple of Sundays but otherwise not giving it much thought, time, or energy.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself feeling grateful for the number of deep and intimate relationships I have experienced, and continue to experience, on this life journey. That includes my relationship with Jesus which has only grown deeper over time.

By the way, I found myself mindfully checking in with my friend in the days prior to, and on the day of, his project delivery. He knocked it out of the park, as I knew he would and continued to assure him. Sometimes, we need a friend who knows us well enough to give us the encouragement and affirmation we need, and who we know cares for us enough to give it.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Friends and Flow

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Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures.
Acts 18:24 (NIV)

Many years ago, I gave a message. I don’t even remember what the message was about, to be honest. What I do remember, however, is that in preparation for the message I made a list of key relationships in my life journey and charted them on a timeline of my life. These “key relationships” meant that they were friends who had a significant presence, role, and impact on my life and spiritual journey.

I remember that the exercise taught me a couple of major lessons. First, I realized that there are different types of relationships. Some relationships were significant for a key season of my journey, but then that relationship ended. I call these “relationships for a season.” Some relationships weave in and out of life in multiple seasons spread out across the journey. I think of these as “recurring relationships.” And then there are relationships that I’ve come to refer to as “Life” relationships because it doesn’t matter the time and space between correspondence, the relationship runs so deep that no amount of time or distance diminishes it.

The events of today’s chapter roughly take place around 51-52 AD. It’s been fifteen years since Paul’s fateful trip to Damascus with murderous intention to persecute the followers of Jesus there. Jesus appeared to him on the road and, in an instant, he went from being the disciples’ greatest adversary to becoming their greatest advocate. For fifteen years Paul has been traveling throughout Greece and Italy sharing Jesus’ Message to any and all who will listen to him.

What struck me about today’s chapter is that as the Jesus Movement expanded throughout the Roman Empire a new cast of characters entered the Story. We meet Priscilla and Aquila, believers from Rome who will become key relationships in Paul’s life and ministry. Then there’s Apollos, a man who simply shows up out of nowhere, but he will have a major, positive impact on the Jesus Movement and Paul will refer to him with great respect in his letters to the believers in Corinth.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself thinking about the lessons I’ve learned through these key relationships. First of all, hindsight allows me to see that there is a certain “flow” to relationships that weave in and out of life. It’s rare that a relationship begins with some type of conscious decision. I’ve never “chosen” a friend by looking at a person across the room and saying “I want that person to be a key relationship in my life!” There is life flow to key relationships in my story that I don’t control. Trust the Story.

This brings me to another lesson, which is that in trusting the Story, I’ve ceased to have expectations of friends and friendships with regard to what a relationship will be in my life. It may be for a season, it may be recurring, or it may be for Life, but that’s not really something I control. It is what it is. Trying to control it only leads to awkwardness, anxiety, and disappointment.

And, this leads to a third lesson I’ve learned, which is to accept and appreciate each type of key relationship for its role in both my life and spiritual journey. At times I have grieved that a relationship for a season was only for a season, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be grateful for that friend and that relationship that impacted me for that season.

And who knows? Perhaps today will be a day when a significant relationship flows into my life, my journey, my Story. I have no expectations, but I’m always open to how God wants to flow.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Division

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Division (CaD Acts 15) – Wayfarer

Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the believers to the grace of the Lord.
Acts 15:37-40 (NIV)

I have a dear friend I have not spoken with in almost 20 years. This friend told me that I had done something, or said something, that wounded him deeply. He said that he knew that I had no clue what I’d done to wound him, but he also refused to tell me what it was despite attempts to make amends and to make it right. I eventually concluded that I couldn’t continue in a relationship under the constant cloud of guilt/shame of knowing that I had caused an injury but was given no opportunity or recourse to make it right. I love my friend and grieve the loss of our relationship. Nevertheless, I decided that I would wait for my friend to be willing to tell me what I had done.

I’m still waiting.

Along my life journey, I’ve observed and experienced conflict and division between believers, both interpersonal and corporate. The conflicts have ranged from silly, to personal, to matters of faith and/or belief. In some cases, the conflicts were amicably resolved. In other cases, they resulted in amicable division. In yet other cases, they resulted in division and anger that eventually became amicable respect. In some cases, I have observed conflict and division that appear never to have been resolved.

Today’s chapter describes two forms of division. The first one has been brewing for some time within the events Luke describes in Acts. The Jesus Movement began as a Jewish sect. Jesus never hid the fact that He intended His Message and His mission to be for all people “to the ends of the earth.” Nevertheless, there were good Jews who wanted to keep the Jesus Movement to remain a strictly Jewish sect. To be Jewish, men had to be circumcised. So some began teaching that non-Jewish believers had to be circumcised to be part of the Jesus Movement. They were essentially saying, “Become a Jew first, then you can be a believer in Jesus.”

This dispute is handled capably by the leaders of the Jesus Movement. Everyone got together. Both sides were discussed. The leaders made a judgment that non-Jewish Gentiles did not have to become Jewish and males did not have to be circumcised to be believers.

The second division is personal and unexpected. Paul and Barnabas decide they should travel to visit all the local gatherings they’d started on Cyprus and Asia Minor back in chapters 13 and 14. Barnabas, ever the encourager, wants to include John Mark, who began that first journey with them but left them early in the journey. Paul, offended by John Mark bailing on them the last time, refuses to include him. Tempers flare. Voices are raised. The disagreement is sharp. Paul and Barnabas part ways. Barnabas takes John Mark and sets out on his own. Paul recruits Silas and sets out on his own.

We don’t know why John Mark bailed on that first journey. We do know from the letters of Paul and Peter that eventually John Mark became a close associate of Peter and was later reconciled to Paul. Paul wanted John Mark with him in his final days. Paul also would later write with respect and admiration for all Barnabas was doing within the Movement. One commentary I read this morning said that Paul and Barnabas’ conflict resulted in four people on the mission instead of two. God sometimes uses even human conflict and division for divine purposes.

In the quiet this morning, I realized that I have come to embrace the reality that there will be division among human beings and groups of human beings. It’s part of the nature of this fallen world east of Eden. But I have also embraced Paul’s metaphor of the “Body of Christ.” The body not only has many appendages, but it also has many entire systems that function pretty independently within the whole. Some cells and organs function independently of one another, but both are essential for the health and well-being of the body. So it is with individuals and groups. We sometimes learn that we can function independently of one another while both contribute to Jesus’ Movement and its mission.

I said a prayer for my estranged friend this morning. Over the years I have received reports of where God has led him and rejoice that he appears to be well and doing the things he’s been led to do. I love him. Perhaps we will one day see one another again. Perhaps he will finally be able to tell me what I did to wound him so deeply and I will be able to seek forgiveness and make amends. Perhaps whatever that was will have passed away with time. Sometimes that happens, too. In the meantime, I rejoice that we are both well and contributing to the health and well-being of the whole.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Best of 2023 #7: Eli’s Unintended Lesson

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I’m on vacation for three weeks. While I’m gone, please enjoy the top 15 posts from 2023 based on total number of page views and podcast plays. Cheers!

Eli's Unintended Lesson (CaD Job 35) – Wayfarer

How much less, then, will [God] listen
    when you say that you do not see him,
that your case is before him
    and you must wait for him.
Job 35:14 (NIV)

Eli the younger is a fascinating character in the larger context of the Job Story. He isn’t mentioned at all in the opening introduction of Job’s three friends. He just kind of appears out of nowhere once Job and the three elder friends have finished their conversation and then presumes, as the youngest person with the least life experience, to teach the rest of the men wisdom.

What a twit.

In yesterday’s post/podcast I mentioned one of the life lessons I carried with me from the days of my divorce: I don’t know what I don’t know. It seems to have resonated with a lot of people. As I meditated on today’s chapter of young Eli’s continued know-it-all blather, there was another lesson from the days of my divorce that came to mind.

I received a long, hand written letter during that period of time. It was about ten pages written on both sides. The entire letter was a scripture laden treatise on the unforgivable sin of divorce and a pronouncement of my eternal condemnation to hell.

Three observations: First of all, it was a letter – not a personal visit to say, “Tom, I hear you’re going through a rough time. Let me buy you a cup of coffee. I’d love to hear how you’re doing.” Second of all, I and my family are going through one of the most difficult and painful of human experiences and you want to take this moment to condemn me? As the saying goes, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” Finally, the ironic thing is that the person who wrote the letter had a wife who left him decades before, divorced him, and got remarried but the letter-writer refused to acknowledge the fact. So, is your letter about me or is really about you?

What a twit.

Throughout young Eli’s four speeches, Job remains silent.

I get it. I immediately threw the letter away.

I do find a lesson to be learned from Eli the younger’s self-important arguments, but not the lessons I think he intended. The lesson I’m taking away from his discourses so far is that I don’t want to be a twit to my friends when they’re suffering and struggling. Maybe a little compassion and a lot less self-importance and condemnation.

It’s been in the worst stretches of my life journey that I learned who my friends really are.

Chapter to read for tomorrow’s Best of 2023: Jeremiah 9

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

No Worries

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No Worries (CaD Lk 12) – Wayfarer

“Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?”
Luke 12:25 (NIV)

Wendy and I are blessed to share our earthly journey with good friends. By “good friends,” I mean people with whom we not only socialize but also dig in and have life-giving conversations. We have spent entire days with our friends doing nothing but sitting and having one long conversation about life that goes into some deep personal places. Some of our friends have even been teased and ridiculed by other friends who are unashamed in their desire to keep their conversations in the wading pool.

Socrates famously said, “The unexamined life is not worth living.” I have found that to be true as I’ve trekked along on this earthly journey. My life journey has been one of constant examination. I have friends who are entrenched in the shallow end of life’s pool and are intimidated by the very thought of sitting down with a counselor or therapist. They laugh when I tell them how many different ones I’ve seen along the way. Add to that a handful of mentors I’ve spent time with during the early and middle stretches of the journey. On top of that is a layer of inner-circle friends going all the way back to early childhood who are always willing to dive into the deep end with me, even if we haven’t spoken to one another for years.

It is through all of these various conversations of examination that I’ve learned my own patterns of thought and behavior, both healthy and unhealthy. It’s through these relationships that I’ve found a safe place to address my blind spots with others who are gracious, loving, and forgiving. It is through these conversations and relationships that I’ve grown to be a better person.

One of the things I have learned about myself is how anxiety and worry manifest themselves in my life. When I worry, the object of my worry sits on the frontal lobe of my brain like a giant landslide over the road. I’m an internal processor, and so my thoughts fixate on what I’m anxious about even though I continue to project to the world that all systems are normal. I wake up out of a deep sleep at 3:00 in the morning as my brain mulls and spins and chews on this thing I’m worried about. My productivity drops and my ability to be fully present with others wanes.

In today’s chapter, Luke records core pieces of Jesus’ teaching. One of the major themes is Jesus telling His followers to not worry or be anxious about anything. The antidote He prescribes is two-fold. First, He tells me to expand my vision. Rather than myopically focusing on this earthly life and its worries, He wants me to have faith to see that God’s eternal kingdom which lies at the end of this earthly journey is more real than what I experience on this earth with my five senses. Then, He desires for me to know and experience God’s abundant love, generosity, and provision.

“Do not be afraid, little flock,” Jesus says, “for your Father has been pleased to give you the kingdom. Sell your possessions and give to the poor. Provide purses for yourselves that will not wear out, a treasure in heaven that will never fail, where no thief comes near and no moth destroys. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Through self-examination, and through trial-and-error, I have learned to recognize when my mind is fixated and spinning in worry and anxiety. I’ve learned that I have to acknowledge it, say it out loud, or write it out on a page. This allows me to process it with someone else who I know and trust to be objective, loving, and non-judgmental. Finally, I have learned that I must consciously remind myself of God’s love, promises, generosity, and provision. Often, I do this by looking back and recounting all of the ways God has faithfully provided and guided me in the past. If I work these steps, I find that my worry loses its hold on me as my faith kicks in.

I would never have learned these steps, however, if I hadn’t first learned how worthwhile it is to live an “examined” life.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Eli’s Unintended Lesson

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Eli's Unintended Lesson (CaD Job 35) – Wayfarer

How much less, then, will [God] listen
    when you say that you do not see him,
that your case is before him
    and you must wait for him.
Job 35:14 (NIV)

Eli the younger is a fascinating character in the larger context of the Job Story. He isn’t mentioned at all in the opening introduction of Job’s three friends. He just kind of appears out of nowhere once Job and the three elder friends have finished their conversation and then presumes, as the youngest person with the least life experience, to teach the rest of the men wisdom.

What a twit.

In yesterday’s post/podcast I mentioned one of the life lessons I carried with me from the days of my divorce: I don’t know what I don’t know. It seems to have resonated with a lot of people. As I meditated on today’s chapter of young Eli’s continued know-it-all blather, there was another lesson from the days of my divorce that came to mind.

I received a long, hand written letter during that period of time. It was about ten pages written on both sides. The entire letter was a scripture laden treatise on the unforgivable sin of divorce and a pronouncement of my eternal condemnation to hell.

Three observations: First of all, it was a letter – not a personal visit to say, “Tom, I hear you’re going through a rough time. Let me buy you a cup of coffee. I’d love to hear how you’re doing.” Second of all, I and my family are going through one of the most difficult and painful of human experiences and you want to take this moment to condemn me? As the saying goes, “With friends like that, who needs enemies?” Finally, the ironic thing is that the person who wrote the letter had a wife who left him decades before, divorced him, and got remarried but the letter-writer refused to acknowledge the fact. So, is your letter about me or is really about you?

What a twit.

Throughout young Eli’s four speeches, Job remains silent.

I get it. I immediately threw the letter away.

I do find a lesson to be learned from Eli the younger’s self-important arguments, but not the lessons I think he intended. The lesson I’m taking away from his discourses so far is that I don’t want to be a twit to my friends when they’re suffering and struggling. Maybe a little compassion and a lot less self-importance and condemnation.

It’s been in the worst stretches of my life journey that I learned who my friends really are.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Generalities and Perceptions

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Generalities and Perceptions (CaD Job 30) – Wayfarer

Yet when I hoped for good, evil came;
    when I looked for light, then came darkness.
Job 30:26 (NIV)

I was listening to a song yesterday that hadn’t been in my queue in many years. I listened to it a lot back in the day. It’s about the unexpected joy of meeting “the one” when life is a simple as getting married, settling down, and having children. I played this song a lot when Wendy and I were engaged because “the one” the songwriter meets is a girl with “mahogany hair, and eyes of sweet amethyst,” which is just so Wendy. The song so aptly captured those days.

As I drove and sang along with the lyrics it struck me that it does all seem so simple when you’re high on love and, as my friend the marriage therapist says, “The pixie dust hasn’t worn off yet.” It does seem so simple at that waypoint on life’s journey: get married, buy a house, have children. But, things don’t always happen as envisioned. Wendy and I got married, bought the cute little house, but the children part would never come to fruition.

In a moment of synchronicity, shorty after I contemplated these things, I found out that a young person I know has been diagnosed with cancer. I officiated their wedding just a few summers ago.

Sometimes, life doesn’t turn out like we envisioned.

Today’s chapter is part two of Job’s closing arguments in the mock trial he envisions having with God. In yesterday’s chapter he waxed nostalgic about how good his life was before the fateful day when his life was turned upside down; The day everything went from being blessed to being cursed. Now, Job contrasts the realities of his suffering with “the good ol’ days” when life was as simple as doing the right thing, and being blessed for it.

Amidst the bitterness of his suffering, Job once again accuses God of being the perpetrator of his misery. He not only accuses God of attacking him ruthlessly, but also of standing there staring and gloating like some kind of psychopath.

Job then states that nothing changed in his life or behavior that would justify the curse his life has become. For so long, the Santa Clause formula worked for him. Job was a good man. He was generous and gracious to those less fortunate, and his life was blessed with wealth, health, and honor in his community. Nothing changed in his behavior, he argues, and yet the blessings were stolen away and the terror of physical suffering became his 24/7 reality. Based on his previous experience, Job had every reason to expect a life of goodness and light, but he now finds himself experiencing nothing but evil and darkness.

Sometimes, life doesn’t turn out like we envisioned.

As I meditated on this reality in the quiet this morning, I was reminded of a couple of observations I’ve made along my life journey. Those visions I had of how life would turn out are based on generalities and perceptions. Yes, for a large group of humans, life appears to follow a general pattern: childhood, high school, college, career, marriage, children, climbing the ladder, empty nest, grandchildren, retirement, and golden years. And, my perception of those around me is that everyone has a “normal” life in which these things happen routinely with little trouble.

But generalities and perceptions are not reality. I’ve been blessed to spend most of my life in intimate friendships with a large handful of very different friends. A casual observer could easily look at any of these friends and perceive a blessed life following the general pattern. However, they don’t know the things I know about my life, or the lives of my friends. They haven’t witnessed the struggles, the tears, the bitter disappointments, the chronic physical suffering, the diagnoses, the chemo, the family insanity, the miscarriages, the lay-offs and terminations, the affairs, the coming out of the closet, the marital struggles, the deep depressions or the suicide attempts. These are all part of the the life realities I’ve experienced walking alongside the every day “blessed” lives of friends and loved ones. Yet these negative realities and struggles are hidden from the casual observer who simply sees individuals and couples whose lives fit the general pattern and appear relatively blessed and trouble-free.

In the person of Job I find an extreme black and white contrast. Once again, I find that we as humans like things reduced to simple binaries, and Job gives us what we like: he boils his circumstances down to a simple black-and-white. The past was good, his present is bad. He was in the light, but now everything is darkness. I confess that life and the evil one have thrown Job an exceptionally wicked curveball. Yet, I also know from 57 years of experience that life is not a simple binary. Even the most apparently blessed lives have painful struggles. In the midst of my deepest suffering, I still have blessings to which I can desperately cling.

Sometimes, life doesn’t turn out like we envisioned.

Life rarely turns out like we envisioned.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Peeps and Projections

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Peeps and Projections (CaD Job 23) – Wayfarer

“If only I knew where to find him;
    if only I could go to his dwelling!”
Job 23:3 (NIV)

It’s been a lovely and lazy Labor Day weekend for Wendy and me. For years, we’ve had a standing date with some of our favorite peeps at the lake. After years of doing it together, it’s has become an annual waypoint to mark both the change of seasons and as well as another year on this life journey. It’s always a joy.

As I had kind of switched off from my normal routine, one of the things I allowed myself to do was to explore a little more deeply into social media. I read things people were posting and tweeting, and then read replies. I read things from “influencers” on both sides of the political spectrum. It didn’t take long for me to back out and walk away. I was appalled at what I read. All of it.

One of the things that stood out to me on my brief sojourn into the medium was the projections individuals make about those with whom they disagree. It’s not just the name calling, the demonizing, and what is ass-u-med about others that struck me (though that’s bad enough). It was also the simplistic projection of motives that amazed me. How easily we follow media into reducing complex issues and individuals into simple binaries in which we feel justified judging, hating, and dismissing.

One of the things that I’ve always loved about Jesus’ choice of The Twelve was the fact that He chose both a liberal Roman sympathizer (Matthew) and a militant ultra-conservative (Simon the Zealot). There’s a brilliant scene in The Chosen in which Jesus sends out The Twelve on assignment. The whole scene is brilliant and worth 15 minutes of your time, but around the 11:30 mark in the clip Jesus pairs Matthew and Simon together for the journey. It’s classic:

This all came to mind this morning as I read Job’s response to his friend, Eli’s, latest discourse. What struck me about Job’s commentary were the projections Job was casting on God. The most stark projection was that God was somehow in hiding from Job:

“But if I go to the east, he is not there;
    if I go to the west, I do not find him.
When he is at work in the north, I do not see him;
    when he turns to the south, I catch no glimpse of him.”

This is such a stark contrast to the lyrics of David’s psalm 139:

Where can I go from your Spirit?
    Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
    if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
    if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me,
    your right hand will hold me fast.

All of the Great Story sides with David on this one. In his letter to Jesus’ followers in Colossae, Paul reveals Jesus as the force that holds all matter in the universe together (Col 1:17). In short, there is no where that one can hide from God. God is omnipresent. Asking for God to be present is sort of like asking oxygen to be present. The very request ignores an obvious reality.

ln view of this, it seems that Job’s suffering and his tragic circumstances have created in him a case of acute spiritual myopia. I can see the symptoms throughout the chapter. Not only does Job project that God is somehow in hiding, but he also projects that God has it out for him (vs. 14), that God wants to cause more bad things to happen to him (vs. 14).

Not that I blame Job for this. The Great Story also reveals that trials and sufferings are part of the process of spiritual formation and maturation. Job’s acute spiritual myopia is simply a symptom of this process. Struggle is a natural part of the growth process.

In the quiet this morning, I think back to this weekend with our peeps. Ten years ago our friends were struggling through pregnancies, babies, and young children. The establishing of careers and settling of homes. They are now struggling through the parenting of teenagers and preteens, mid-course career choices, and the impending realities of kids in college and aging parents. What I observed, however, was just how much each of our friends have grown, matured, and changed in that time. Each is more self-aware. Wisdom has been gained. Perseverance, patience, faith, and hope are present in each of them in greater measure. Perhaps most important, love is present in greater measure. I observe that we more intimately know both one another’s strengths and weaknesses. In this knowledge, we are able to serve one another out of our strengths, and shore up one another in their weaknesses.

I contrast this with Job and his three amigos. When it comes to my struggles in life, I’m glad we have great friends. Instead of pointing fingers, casting blame, and projecting assumptions, they reach out with gracious and generous helping hands.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.