Tag Archives: Relationships

Chapter-a-Day

Conjunction Junction

Leave a comment

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light…”
Ephesians 5:8 (NIV)

My generation grew up living for Saturday mornings. For most children, we had only three major broadcast channels on television. Saturday mornings were when all three networks packed in their children’s programming. Every Saturday morning found me in my bean bag chair, on the shag carpeting, ready to binge cartoons for four hours.

It was during those years that ABC had a series of legendary educational music videos generally known as Schoolhouse Rock. The music videos taught basics in math, grammar, history, and civics with catchy, ear-worm tunes. I can still sing many of them. In fact, just a couple of weeks ago during breakfast I annoyed Wendy with my rendition of the preamble to the Declaration of Independence a la Schoolhouse Rock.

The best Schoolhouse Rock song was, however, Conjunction Junction, in which a train conductor taught us the grammar of conjunctions which are always “hookin’ up words phrases and clauses.” The conductor taught me that “and,” “but,” and “or” will get you pretty far.

Conjunction Junction came to mind this morning as I read the chapter, especially in continuation of yesterday’s chapter. The Apostle Paul spends a lot of time at Conjunction Junction, not just in today’s chapter, but in all of his letters. If you pay attention, you discover that he loved to contrast the old with the new, the. light with the darkness, and a life lived in the Spirit, following Jesus into God’s eternal Kingdom, with a life lived in the flesh, following the world to nowhere but the end of the earthly line.

Here are examples from today’s chapter:

“For you were once darkness, but now you are light…”
“Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.”
“Be careful how you live, not as unwise, but as wise.”
“Do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is.”
“Do not get drunk on wine…[but] be filled with the Spirit…“

The message from Paul’s perpetual crossing at Conjunction Junction is simple, yet profound. Being an obedient disciple of Jesus will increasingly create spiritual, mental, relational, and behavioral contrasts to those who simply and mindlessly follow fallen human nature and its worldly appetites. To say “I believe in Jesus” yet otherwise remain on the track to nowhere but the end of the earthly line means I missed the spiritual junction where life’s railroad track to Dark Valley switches to the line leading up to Sonrise Mountain.

So, in the quiet this morning, I find myself pondering the implied question Paul is asking from Conjunction Junction. As I look at the landscape of my own life, which line am I on, and where is it leading?

One of the things I love about Jesus’ Message is that it’s never too late to make the switch.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Podcast logo featuring Tom Vander Well with the text 'Wayfarer blog and podcast' alongside various podcast app icons.
These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Graphic featuring an open book icon with an orange background and text below indicating a Bible study resource.

Chapter-a-Day

The Way of Jesus Exemplified

Leave a comment

Perhaps the reason he was separated from you for a little while was that you might have him back forever— no longer as a slave, but better than a slave, as a dear brother. He is very dear to me but even dearer to you, both as a fellow man and as a brother in the Lord.
Philemon 1:15-16 (NIV)

Along this chapter-a-day journey I have gained a love and appreciation for the chapters in this Great Story that no one talks about. When was the last time you hear any one reference Philemon? And yet, the story of Philemon is one of the most beautifully powerful human dramas in the Great Story.

Philemon was a member of the local gathering of of Jesus’ followers in the city of Colossae in Greece. He became a follower of Jesus when Paul visited, shared Jesus’ love and message there, and established the local gathering. Philemon was a man of means, with a household large enough to host the church in his home. His means and his large household included slaves.

Among the slaves in Philemon’s household was a man named Onesimus. Reading between the lines Paul’s very short, intimate letter, Onesimus stole money from Philemon and ran away. Eventually, Onesimus made his way to Rome. In Rome, the runaway slave runs into none other than his former master’s friend Paul who is now under house arrest awaiting trial before Caesar.

We don’t know the details, but the bottom line is that Paul shared Jesus’ love and message with Onesimus, and the runaway slave became a sincere believer. Now, Paul tells Onesimus that he must make things right with Philemon, not as slave and slave-master but as brothers in Christ. He sends the runaway slave back to his master with this letter in hand in order to reconcile the relationship and make things right.

Over the last several years, I have shared with my own local gathering a graphic and a concept that depicts the way of Jesus and how different it is from the way the world operates. The world operates through the force of top-down power and authority. From the childhood game of “king of the mountain” to the power structures of politics, business, commerce, and crime. Whoever has the wealth, influence, and power dictates how things are going to work in this world whether it’s through law, rules, regulations, coercion, domination, leverage, or threat.

Jesus, however, did the opposite. He left the power of heaven itself, came to earth to live as a human being. Through faith, obedience, and sacrificial love He changed the hearts of individuals. He then tasked those of us who are His followers to utilize that same faith, obedience, and sacrificial love to carry His message so that it might change the lives of individuals in our circles of influence. As more and more lives are changed and more and more individuals are operating out of faith, obedience, and sacrificial love, the world itself is impacted.

It’s not top-down power and domination but bottom-up love and generosity.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord.
Isaiah 55:8 (NIV)

Here’s how I’ve depicted it graphically:

The thing that I love about the story of Philemon is that it perfectly illustrates this entire paradigm.

Level 1: Jesus changes Paul’s life from the inside out.

Level 2: Paul shares Jesus’ love and message with people in Colossae.

Level 1: Jesus changes Philemon’s life from the inside out.

Level 2: Philemon’s community is changed as members of his household and community become believers and meet in his home.

Level 2: Onesimus the runaway slave from Philemon’s household stumbles into Paul, his former master’s friend and member of his former master’s circle of influence, in Rome of all places.

Level 1: Onesimus becomes a believer and Jesus changes him from the inside out.

Level 2: Changed by the love of Jesus, Onesimus returns to Philemon to be reconciled and make things right, their relationship now transformed by the love of Jesus that has transformed each of them.

Level 3: The world is still being impacted by their lives and story. This very blog post and podcast are living proof.

What is beautiful about the letter is the fact that it is all about transformation. The transformation of Philemon and his household into a center of God’s love in their community. The transformation of Onesimus from thief and runaway slave to brother in Christ. The transformation of the relationship between Philemon and Onesimus in which the love and power of Jesus tears down the socio-economic power structure of the world’s paradigm of slavery and replaces it with the love, joy, and peace of spiritual family.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself moved spiritually and emotionally as I imagine the moment when Onesimus arrives to face his master. I imagine the mixture of emotions that each of them were feeling in that moment. I imagine the runaway slave handing Philemon Paul’s letter. The shock and surprise as Philemon reads it. The conflicting emotions in Philemon’s heart as anger gives way to forgiveness, resentment yields to kindness, and the world’s paradigms crumble to the transformational, life-changing power of Jesus’ love.

Jesus, I pray that your love continues to change me today from the inside out, so that your love through me might change those around me, that your love through us might positively impact the world for your Kingdom.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

One-Side Correspondence; Two-Sides Love

1 Comment

For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.
2 Corinthians 2:4 (NIV)

My mother was an only child. I’ve observed along my journey that there is a unique dynamic common among mothers and children when it’s just the two of them. My grandmother saved all of the letters that she received from my mother. When she died, my mother kept those letters. They’re now sorted chronologically in an archival box in the room next to my office.

Having one side of an on-going correspondence is a bit like a puzzle when it comes to understanding the story behind the letters. There are things that are obvious and things that are a mystery. Then there are the additional contextual layers of time, location, and historic events. I have read my mother’s letters from around the times of historic events like Kennedy’s assassination to find out if she recorded any thoughts or feelings about the events. To be honest, there wasn’t much there. She was a young mother with twin toddler boys. Her world was pretty small and her attention understandably focused on two little rug rats.

As I read today’s chapter, I thought about my mother’s letters. It’s amazing to me that people forget that the “book” that we know as 2 Corinthians is not a book at all. It’s a letter. It’s a correspondence between Paul and the believers in Corinth and it was written to address the particular circumstances and situations between them at that time.

As with my mother’s letters, we only have Paul’s side of the story. We also don’t have all of the letters. There were at least four letters he wrote to the believers of Corinth. There may have been others. Only two survived, adding even more mysteries of context. As I meditated on the first few chapters of this second of the two surviving letters, one thing is certain: It was a complete soap opera.

From Paul’s first letter, which we trekked through on this chapter-a-day journey last January, we know that there was conflict and all sorts of internal trouble within the local gathering of Corinthian believers. There was conflict of loyalties between the Corinthian believers and different leaders. There were domestic problems among the group like an incestuous relationship and other believers who were so mad at one another that lawsuits were being filed. On top of that were divisions among the Corinthians over matters of conduct like whether it was proper for a follower of Jesus to buy and eat meat from the local market that had started out as a sacrifice in one of the local pagan temples. Then there was the socio-economic divisions in which the wealthier members of the gathering were hanging out in a clique and shunning the poor, lower class brothers and sisters. To top it all off, some people were stuffing themselves at the weekly potluck and getting drunk on the Communion wine.

Paul was off sharing Jesus’ message with other people in other places. So, hearing what was going on, he wrote letters to address the soap opera. In these first two chapters of 2 Corinthians he is addressing where he’s been, what news he’s received in return, and his feelings about the Corinthians and their situation. What becomes clear from today’s chapter is that he loves these people a lot. He feels for them like a spiritual father. He is emotional about it.

I’ve learned along my journey that love has two sides. Sometimes I need the hard side of love to hone the rough edges and blind spots in my imperfect character and behavior. Other times, I need the soft side of love to comfort and encourage me in my discouragement and despair. In his letters to the believers in Corinth, Paul obviously delivered both.

In the quiet this morning, I’m reminded that life is often a soap opera. I can’t help the reality of that. I’m an imperfect human being living with other imperfect human beings in a fallen world. Also, most of the time I have limited knowledge of what other people have experienced or are going through at any given time. It’s like having one-side of the correspondence and there are letters I’m missing. The only thing I do control is my own thoughts, words, and actions towards others. Will I approach and respond to others with thoughtful love and concern like Paul did with his friends in Corinth, or will I respond with judgment, derision, and dismissal?

I pray that others find in me the former.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

Better Knowing

3 Comments

Better Knowing (CaD Eph 1) – Wayfarer

I keep asking that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation, so that you may know him better.
Ephesians 1:17 (NIV)

I was a bit surprised when I received the email. It wasn’t like my friend to share with me details about his job. We’ve been friends for over 40 years, and not just casual friends. We’ve walked intimately with one another through the best and the worst of each other’s lives. When we get a chance to talk and catch up, we tend to go deep immediately. It’s that kind of relationship.

He emailed me with details about a project he was he was going to deliver and said that it likely the most important event in his career. I immediately read the subtext of his words. His literal words were stating mostly facts, but the message of his email was more than that. He was freaking out. He was anxious, afraid and in desperate need of encouragement and affirmation.

I know my friend.

I grew up in the Christian religion. I learned the stories, practiced the rituals, regularly attended the services, and went through the process of becoming a member of my childhood church. But it wasn’t until I entered into a relationship with Jesus that my life truly changed. A relationship is a completely different thing. Relationships are dynamic, with desires, expectations, the give and take of communication, and the process of knowing and being known.

Even relationships had varying degrees of depth. I have casual relationships with a million people, but only a relatively small number go intimately deep. Even fewer continue to grow deeper as we continue to share one another’s life journeys.

Today we begin a relatively short trek through Paul’s letter to Jesus’ disciples in Ephesus. In today’s chapter, Paul sets the tone for his letter and he tells his readers that he’s praying for their relationship with Jesus, that they might “know him better.” That’s what relationships are like. You know some people better than others.

When it comes to Jesus, I’ve observed that many people seem to be where I was growing up. They are going through the motions of adherence to the religion, but I don’t observe or sense that there’s any actual relationship with God. In others, I observe and sense that there is a relationship with God, but it appears to be more of a casual relationship. You know, running into one another every couple of Sundays but otherwise not giving it much thought, time, or energy.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself feeling grateful for the number of deep and intimate relationships I have experienced, and continue to experience, on this life journey. That includes my relationship with Jesus which has only grown deeper over time.

By the way, I found myself mindfully checking in with my friend in the days prior to, and on the day of, his project delivery. He knocked it out of the park, as I knew he would and continued to assure him. Sometimes, we need a friend who knows us well enough to give us the encouragement and affirmation we need, and who we know cares for us enough to give it.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Big Family

Leave a comment

Big Family (CaD 1 Thess 2) – Wayfarer

Just as a nursing mother cares for her children, so we cared for you. Because we loved you so much, we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well.
1 Thessalonians 2:7b-8 (NIV)

I mentioned in yesterday’s post that Wendy had her friends over this past Saturday night. This group of ladies became friends when they were all single in their twenties. They have shared life together ever since. They have been part of one another’s weddings and have celebrated and supported one another through babies, toddlers, children, and teens. They regularly communicate, make a point of seeing one another, and have enjoyed girls’ weekends together. They are “the Golden Girls.”

As a husband, it has been a quiet joy for me to watch these ladies do life together so well. And, I really mean that they do life with one another. I’ve watched them share with one another in their pain, struggles, and tragedies. They go deep, dig in, and encourage one another in every part of life. Wendy is blessed to have them. I’m blessed that she has them.

In today’s chapter, I thought it fascinating that Paul describes his and his compatriots (Timothy and Silas) brief time among the new Thessalonian believers by metaphorically naming all the key members of a nuclear family within a few verses of one another:

…”we were like young children among you.” (vs. 7a)
“Like a nursing mother cares for her children.” (vs. 7b)
“Surely you remember, brothers and sisters…” (vs. 9)
“…we dealt with each of you as a father deals with his own children.” (vs.11)

As I meditated on this in the quiet this morning, I was reminded of the time when Jesus was speaking to a house that was absolutely packed with people listening. When His mother and siblings showed up to see him, they couldn’t get in and sent a message to Him.

Standing outside, they sent someone in to call him. A crowd was sitting around him, and they told him, “Your mother and brothers are outside looking for you.”

“Who are my mother and my brothers?” he asked.

Then he looked at those seated in a circle around him and said, “Here are my mother and my brothers! Whoever does God’s will is my brother and sister and mother.”

Mark 3:31-34 (NIV)

Along my life journey, I have experienced and observed exactly what Jesus was getting at. Individuals who spiritually share life together for a period of time become a type of family. What Paul was telling his spiritual Thessalonian “children” was that he purposefully embraced all facets of family in his relationship with them. He was innocent and honest as a child. He nurtured and spiritually fed them the “milk” of God’s word. He was, at the same time, like a father as he spiritually instructed, encouraged, and equipped them. He considered them his brothers and sisters in God’s family.

I am blessed with a great nuclear family. The further I get on life’s road and hear the stories of others, the more grateful I’ve become for this. At the same time, both Wendy and I recognize that we are doubly blessed to have an extended family of individuals and couples we do life with. Along the way, I have found that Spirit goes deeper than blood in binding lives together. Jesus alluded to this multiple times.

In the quiet this morning, I find my heart whispering prayers of gratitude for my family members, both blood and Spirit. I’m thankful for a big, big family of individuals on this life journey who have nurtured me like mothers, encouraged and equipped me like fathers, and walked alongside me as siblings. I pray that I have and continue to do the same nurturing, loving, encouraging, and equipping in others’ lives.

I love that genetic science has proven that we all descended from the same woman. I have come to believe that God’s Kingdom is about embracing the reality that all of us are one big family and loving one another accordingly.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Rules and Rifts

1 Comment

Rules and Rifts (CaD Rom 3) – Wayfarer

…and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Romans 3:24 (NIV)

Wendy and I get along remarkably well despite the fact that we have very different temperaments. Wendy is an Enneagram Type Eight (the Challenger) and I am an Enneagram Type Four (the Individualist). The Enneagram Institute calls this relational combination the most “inherently volatile.” Nevertheless, Wendy and I somehow manage to be around one another pretty much 24/7/365. Not only have we not killed one another, but we actually enjoy our perpetual proximity. The Enneagram Institute goes on to describe the Eight/Four coupling: “Both types bring passion, intensity, energy, and deep (often unconscious) feelings to all aspects of the relationship.”

Wendy and I have also found ways in which we are very different. This occasionally creates rifts between us. For example, I was raised in a home where the rule was “the door is always open and everyone is welcome at any time.” My dad would be happy to regale you with countless stories of my friends, and the friends of my siblings, stopping by at all hours unannounced.

Wendy, on the other hand, believes firmly in the rule that the kind thing to do is always let people know in advance that you’d like to stop by. Thus, we had a rift that would regularly present itself in conversation while on our way to Des Moines to visit my parents. It started like this:

Wendy: “Did you call your parents and tell them we’re coming?”

Tom: “No.”

I’ll let you imagine the rest of the conversation.

In today’s chapter, Paul continues to address the rift between Jewish and Gentile believers. The rift was rooted in the Jewish preoccupation with being rule-keepers. They had been given God’s rulebook through Moses, and good religious Jews were obsessed with keeping the rules. This presented a problem, however. It was a historic problem that presented itself almost immediately after the Law had been given. It then continued through the period of the Judges and the period of the Kings and perpetuated itself during Jesus’ ministry. Jesus confronted this problem time and time again.

The problem was relatively simple: People chose which rules they wanted to follow, and which rules they wanted to conveniently ignore. The rules that they chose to follow were the rules that others could clearly see with their own eyes.

Did you keep the sabbath?
Did you make your prescribed offerings?
Did you go to the Temple for the feast?
Did you circumcise your male children?

The rules they ignored were easier to hide and corporately convenient to simply sweep under the rug.

Did you love the foreigner in your midst and honorably treat them as you would want to be treated?
Were you generous, refusing to get rich at another’s expense?
Did you treat others lovingly and with equity?
Did you take care of the poor, the needy, and the outcast?

Jesus spent his entire three-year ministry trying to get His good religious Jewish brothers and sisters to see the problem. They cared more about Jesus keeping the rule about not working on the Sabbath (which is easy to see) and failed to see that the rule was never intended to keep them from doing something good for someone (e.g. healing, helping, lending a hand). Having God’s rulebook didn’t make the Jewish people righteous. It didn’t make them better at anything other than learning to keep up appearances with some rules while clandestinely skirting other rules for their selfish gain.

This cultural obsession with rule-keeping was deeply ingrained in them. Jews who became followers of Jesus and had been raised in this culture had a hard time not demanding that everyone be a rulekeeper. They looked down on those non-Jewish believers who never had the Law of Moses (and didn’t really care). Thus the rift.

In the quiet this morning, my mind drifted back to Wendy and me in the car on our way to Des Moines. One of the things we’ve learned about the rifts that appear in our relationship is that it’s rarely, if ever, an “either-or” issue in which one is right and the other is wrong. It’s often a “both-and.” My parents’ hospitality and generosity were wonderful aspects of a home that blessed countless people. It’s nice to know that they were always open to welcoming someone unexpectedly knocking at the door. Also, it is always a kind thing to call ahead and let people know you’re planning to stop by.

Paul is making a similar “both-and” argument for the rift between the Jew and Gentile believers. Yes, the Jews were blessed to have been given God’s rulebook, AND having the rulebook didn’t make them more righteous than the average Gentile. Both Jew and Gentile have sinned and fall short of God’s glory, AND both Jew and Gentile are justified by God’s grace through faith in Jesus alone. The spiritual realities they share are greater than the differences they experience in the rift about rules.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Friends and Flow

Leave a comment

Meanwhile a Jew named Apollos, a native of Alexandria, came to Ephesus. He was a learned man, with a thorough knowledge of the Scriptures.
Acts 18:24 (NIV)

Many years ago, I gave a message. I don’t even remember what the message was about, to be honest. What I do remember, however, is that in preparation for the message I made a list of key relationships in my life journey and charted them on a timeline of my life. These “key relationships” meant that they were friends who had a significant presence, role, and impact on my life and spiritual journey.

I remember that the exercise taught me a couple of major lessons. First, I realized that there are different types of relationships. Some relationships were significant for a key season of my journey, but then that relationship ended. I call these “relationships for a season.” Some relationships weave in and out of life in multiple seasons spread out across the journey. I think of these as “recurring relationships.” And then there are relationships that I’ve come to refer to as “Life” relationships because it doesn’t matter the time and space between correspondence, the relationship runs so deep that no amount of time or distance diminishes it.

The events of today’s chapter roughly take place around 51-52 AD. It’s been fifteen years since Paul’s fateful trip to Damascus with murderous intention to persecute the followers of Jesus there. Jesus appeared to him on the road and, in an instant, he went from being the disciples’ greatest adversary to becoming their greatest advocate. For fifteen years Paul has been traveling throughout Greece and Italy sharing Jesus’ Message to any and all who will listen to him.

What struck me about today’s chapter is that as the Jesus Movement expanded throughout the Roman Empire a new cast of characters entered the Story. We meet Priscilla and Aquila, believers from Rome who will become key relationships in Paul’s life and ministry. Then there’s Apollos, a man who simply shows up out of nowhere, but he will have a major, positive impact on the Jesus Movement and Paul will refer to him with great respect in his letters to the believers in Corinth.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself thinking about the lessons I’ve learned through these key relationships. First of all, hindsight allows me to see that there is a certain “flow” to relationships that weave in and out of life. It’s rare that a relationship begins with some type of conscious decision. I’ve never “chosen” a friend by looking at a person across the room and saying “I want that person to be a key relationship in my life!” There is life flow to key relationships in my story that I don’t control. Trust the Story.

This brings me to another lesson, which is that in trusting the Story, I’ve ceased to have expectations of friends and friendships with regard to what a relationship will be in my life. It may be for a season, it may be recurring, or it may be for Life, but that’s not really something I control. It is what it is. Trying to control it only leads to awkwardness, anxiety, and disappointment.

And, this leads to a third lesson I’ve learned, which is to accept and appreciate each type of key relationship for its role in both my life and spiritual journey. At times I have grieved that a relationship for a season was only for a season, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be grateful for that friend and that relationship that impacted me for that season.

And who knows? Perhaps today will be a day when a significant relationship flows into my life, my journey, my Story. I have no expectations, but I’m always open to how God wants to flow.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Directed to Me

1 Comment

Directed to Me (CaD Lk 6) – Wayfarer

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. Give, and it will be given to you.”
Luke 6:37-38a (NIV)

Jesus’ teaching was entirely personal. He didn’t talk about international policy. He didn’t talk about business. He barely touched on family. In today’s chapter, Luke records pieces of Jesus’ core teachings. Much of it is from Jesus’ “Sermon on the Mount” found in Matthew’s account.

As I read through the words multiple times this morning, I recognized two key things, make that three. First, I realized that it is directed to every individual. Second, the teaching is entirely about how I, as an individual, should act with every other individual treating each person, without exception, with mercy, grace, generosity, kindness, and forgiveness. Third, the motivating factor is that God, our creator and ultimately our judge, has already treated me with mercy, grace, generosity, kindness, and forgiveness.

Jesus makes no exemptions.

Jesus offers no caveats.

Jesus provides no exceptions for ethnicity, nationality, political affiliation, worldview, sexual orientation, religion, socioeconomic status, criminal behavior, past offenses, morality, or personal suffering.

Jesus makes it clear that there is a divine reciprocity in the eternal scheme of things. My behavior toward others matters, and the further I progress as a disciple of Jesus the more inescapable I find this simple truth. In fact, I find it fascinating that the institutional churches I’ve attended throughout my lifetime have been quick to preach morality while largely ignoring the prevalence of meanness, lack of generosity, condemnation, holding of grudges, prejudice, or contempt of others.

But how easy it is to start talking about larger human systems when Jesus’ teaching was directed to me. The only person I ultimately control is myself. So, I enter another day of the journey mindful of how Jesus expects me to behave in relationship to every person with whom I interact without exemption, caveat, or exception:

“But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. Do to others as you would have them do to you.

“If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”

I’m listening, Lord. Help me to increasingly act like it.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

The “Boney Finger”

2 Comments

The "Boney Finger" (CaD Jer 12) – Wayfarer

Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
    Why do all the faithless live at ease?
You have planted them, and they have taken root;
    they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips
    but far from their hearts.
Jeremiah 12:1b-2 (NIV)

Allow me to begin my post this morning with a confession. I’m not the best at picking up after myself. Wendy has often commented that she always knows where I am because I leave a trail of things laying around wherever I’ve been.

There is a lot of truth to what she says.

Along my life journey, I have observed it to be common for individuals to speak of others in broad, extreme generalities. This happens on multiple levels. I see it in the most intimate of interpersonal relationships as Wendy and I will, in our frustration, point out what the other “always” or “never” does whether it is in reference to a self-righteous accolade of what one does (for the other, of course) or pointing out with accusation what the other fails to do (for the accuser). My maternal grandparents used to call this particular form of marital accusation “pointing the boney finger.”

I find this “all-or-nothing” mentality arising regularly in conversation, especially when it comes to religion, politics, and cultural tension. The “boney finger” reaches out to paint a broad swath of humanity (often referred to as “those people”) in the extreme generalities of “always” and “never” or their synonymous counterparts. It hear it from individuals on both sides of various issues. I hear it from politicians on both sides of the aisle. I hear it from media on both sides of the political spectrum.

One of the unique characteristics of Jeremiah’s prophetic writings is the way that he unashamedly voices his complaints to God. While most of the prophets simply record the message God downloaded to them, Jeremiah is having a conversation. He typically doesn’t hold back.

In today’s chapter, Jerry is feeling the heat. In yesterday’s chapter, God reveals to the prophet that the people of a place called Anathoth were threatening to kill him if he didn’t shut his prophetic mouth. He begins today’s chapter with a complaint to God about “all” the faithless prospering and living at ease. He claims that God is “always” on these people’s lips but not in their hearts. Jerry’s solution is a very human one: “God, can you just make them go away.”

God’s response to Jeremiah could not have been heartening to the prophet. He begins by basically saying, “If you think it’s bad now, then fasten your seatbelt. It’s only going to get worse.”

As I meditated on this in the quiet this morning, I realized that it shouldn’t surprise me that God told Jerry it would get worse. I have observed that the the attitudes and vocabulary of extreme generalities does not serve the cause of reconciliation, peace, or love. Rather, it serves to entrench people in their opposition of others, feed differences between individuals, and reinforce one’s self-righteous contemptuousness and bluster.

Which brings me back to Wendy, the person whom I love most. The attitudes and vocabulary of extreme generalities the we can (and do) throw at one another in our frustration could easily drive a wedge of bitterness and resentment between us. I have observed many spouses who end up in places of alienation as the boney fingers of “always” and “never” point ceaselessly at one another.

The antidote that Wendy and I have found is in learning to meta-communicate. In other words, let’s talk about how we’re talking to each another. In doing so, we have to be willing to step back from the line we have drawn in the relational sand. After a few deep breaths we come to admit that my boney finger accusations are coming out of my own frustration, anger, and resentment. We concede that our “always” and “never” is unfair despite the measure of truth we feel underneath it. We both acknowledge our love for one another and our desire for good for one another and our relationship. At that point, we can typically embrace the desire and commitment to modify our words or behavior for one another.

And, it works because we make sure it works both ways. Whether talking about interpersonal relationships or larger group relationships, I’ve observed that if only one side of the relational equation is expected to learn, communicate, step back, admit, concede, acknowledge, desire, commit, and modify, then any kind of reconciliation and mutually beneficial relationship is doomed. It takes two to Tango.

Which means, you’ll have to excuse me, I have a few things to pick-up before I enter my day! 😉

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

“If You Can’t Do the Time…”

1 Comment

Absalom behaved in this way toward all the Israelites who came to the king asking for justice, and so he stole the hearts of the people of Israel. 2 Samuel 15:6 (NIV)

Much like David, I made a mess of life and my first marriage when I was a young man. Those sins and mistakes are among the long laundry list of sins I have committed that God has graciously forgiven. There are still friends, however, who’ve never spoken to me since. Some I’ve reached out to, but they never reciprocated or returned my calls.

Being forgiven does not erase the fact that we must face the natural consequences of our actions. After being confronted by the prophet Nathan regarding his adultery with Bathsheba and subsequent conspiracy to commit murder, David showed great remorse and sought God’s forgiveness. The events, however, sewed seeds of scandal, anger, and resentment both inside David’s family and in the public among King David’s subjects. Part of Nathan’s prophetic word to David was that the sword would never depart David’s house as the consequences of David’s blind spots would bear bitter fruit.

David’s children knew their father’s weaknesses both as a father and as a king. David’s son Absalom witnessed first-hand King David’s turning a blind eye to the favored, eldest son Amnon’s rape of Absalom’s sister. The seeds of anger, bitterness, and vengeance have taken root in Absalom’s heart. In today’s chapter, Absalom masterfully exploits his father’s scandal and weakened poll numbers in a brilliantly planned and executed coup d’etat. David is forced to make hasty preparation to escape the city with his closest followers and arrange for spies to gather inside information regarding his renegade son and the rebel plot. David’s very own son had stolen his kingdom and was now reaching out to steal his crown.

David, on the run again just as he was as a young man fleeing from Saul, does what he always does. He cries out to God in song. It was during this episode that David, fleeing from his own son and the rebels seeking to usurp his kingdom that David wrote the lyrics to Psalm 3, a desperate plea for God to protect and deliver David and bless God’s people.

Lord, how many are my foes!
    How many rise up against me!
Many are saying of me,
    “God will not deliver him.”

But you, Lord, are a shield around me,
    my glory, the One who lifts my head high.
I call out to the Lord,
    and he answers me from his holy mountain.

I lie down and sleep;
    I wake again, because the Lord sustains me.
I will not fear though tens of thousands
    assail me on every side.

Arise, Lord!
    Deliver me, my God!
Strike all my enemies on the jaw;
    break the teeth of the wicked.

From the Lord comes deliverance.
    May your blessing be on your people.

In the quiet this morning, I am reminded of many mistakes I’ve made along the journey and their residual effect on relationships, circumstances, and perceptions. Jesus advised people to “count the cost” before agreeing to follow Him. The same advice might also be given when tempted to sin. There is a cost to wrong-doing and we are all wise to give consideration to the tragic consequences that quote arise in the wake of our poor choices. As the saying goes, “If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime.”

 A Note to Readers
I’m taking a blogging sabbatical and will be re-publishing my chapter-a-day thoughts on David’s continued story in 2 Samuel while I’m taking a little time off in order to focus on a few other priorities. Thanks for reading.
Today’s post was originally published in May 2014.

Today’s featured image was created with Wonder A.I.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.