Tag Archives: Accusation

Chapter-a-Day

Condemnation by Accusation

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This will be my third visit to you. “Every matter must be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.”
2 Corinthians 13:1 (NIV)

“Did you know…?” the voice asked on the other end of the phone.

Then spewed a long litany of salacious and slanderous allegations regarding someone on my team. The accusations were dripping with self-righteous condemnation. The tid-bits of gossip likely had some hints of truth to them. But the news, however true, were events in the past. It had nothing to do with me, our team, or the current state of what we needed to accomplish. What did seem clear to me was that the accuser had an agenda to tear the accused down.

And, believe me, I know what it feels like to stand in the accused’s Michael Jordans. I have been the object of public and slanderous lies intended to diminish me for the sake of the accuser’s selfish advantage. It’s a tactic as old as humanity itself, and it perpetuates because A) human nature hasn’t changed and B) it works.

Wendy and I have recently read multiple news articles that have been tracking the stories of individuals accused of sexual harassment during the wave of the #metoo movement a few years ago. It’s messy because the truth is that we live in a world in which individuals truly do use their power to sexually victimize others. Believe me, I’ve been surrounded by women my entire life and I know their stories. At the same time, amidst the many true and well-documented cases of sexual harassment and abuse you’ll find many false accusations that were not true or well-documented. The accusations alone ruined careers and lives because we live in a world in which a well-placed and well-timed accusation is often all that it takes. The human herd follows the accusation and tramples the accused underfoot.

In today’s final chapter, Paul preps the believers in Corinth for his third personal visit to the city. He is the one who has been slandered and accused by others seeking to diminish him for the gain of others. Paul begins his closing statements by quoting a matter of Jewish law. Paul was a well-educated and trained attorney in Jewish law, and Jewish Law since the time of Moses established that accusations required two or three corroborating witnesses. Paul was not about to play the game of condemnation by accusation, and he states this directly.

Likewise, I have learned along my life journey to be hesitant and discerning when others spew slanderous accusations at others. This is especially true in very public and political circumstances, but even in very personal circumstances it’s easy to get carried away with the herd. I have found it wise to quietly ask myself some hard questions before reacting or responding, including the one to which Paul refers.

Is this the accusation or slander of one potentially angry or spiteful individual toward another individual, or are there two-to-three others who can testify?
Why am I being told this accusation at all? Does it truly affect me or things for which I am responsible, or is it just gossip?
Is this an issue of legality, morality, or propriety?
Is there a history or pattern of animosity between the accuser and the accused?
Does the accuser stand to benefit from the diminishment or public condemnation of the accused, even just malicious self-satisfaction?

As I take the time to ponder these questions and others to which they lead, I typically find myself guided to wisdom regarding how I should respond.

Paul is hoping that his friends in Corinth will be similarly led to wisdom regarding the accusations that have been made about him.

Tomorrow: Philemon 1

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

The “Boney Finger”

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The "Boney Finger" (CaD Jer 12) – Wayfarer

Why does the way of the wicked prosper?
    Why do all the faithless live at ease?
You have planted them, and they have taken root;
    they grow and bear fruit.
You are always on their lips
    but far from their hearts.
Jeremiah 12:1b-2 (NIV)

Allow me to begin my post this morning with a confession. I’m not the best at picking up after myself. Wendy has often commented that she always knows where I am because I leave a trail of things laying around wherever I’ve been.

There is a lot of truth to what she says.

Along my life journey, I have observed it to be common for individuals to speak of others in broad, extreme generalities. This happens on multiple levels. I see it in the most intimate of interpersonal relationships as Wendy and I will, in our frustration, point out what the other “always” or “never” does whether it is in reference to a self-righteous accolade of what one does (for the other, of course) or pointing out with accusation what the other fails to do (for the accuser). My maternal grandparents used to call this particular form of marital accusation “pointing the boney finger.”

I find this “all-or-nothing” mentality arising regularly in conversation, especially when it comes to religion, politics, and cultural tension. The “boney finger” reaches out to paint a broad swath of humanity (often referred to as “those people”) in the extreme generalities of “always” and “never” or their synonymous counterparts. It hear it from individuals on both sides of various issues. I hear it from politicians on both sides of the aisle. I hear it from media on both sides of the political spectrum.

One of the unique characteristics of Jeremiah’s prophetic writings is the way that he unashamedly voices his complaints to God. While most of the prophets simply record the message God downloaded to them, Jeremiah is having a conversation. He typically doesn’t hold back.

In today’s chapter, Jerry is feeling the heat. In yesterday’s chapter, God reveals to the prophet that the people of a place called Anathoth were threatening to kill him if he didn’t shut his prophetic mouth. He begins today’s chapter with a complaint to God about “all” the faithless prospering and living at ease. He claims that God is “always” on these people’s lips but not in their hearts. Jerry’s solution is a very human one: “God, can you just make them go away.”

God’s response to Jeremiah could not have been heartening to the prophet. He begins by basically saying, “If you think it’s bad now, then fasten your seatbelt. It’s only going to get worse.”

As I meditated on this in the quiet this morning, I realized that it shouldn’t surprise me that God told Jerry it would get worse. I have observed that the the attitudes and vocabulary of extreme generalities does not serve the cause of reconciliation, peace, or love. Rather, it serves to entrench people in their opposition of others, feed differences between individuals, and reinforce one’s self-righteous contemptuousness and bluster.

Which brings me back to Wendy, the person whom I love most. The attitudes and vocabulary of extreme generalities the we can (and do) throw at one another in our frustration could easily drive a wedge of bitterness and resentment between us. I have observed many spouses who end up in places of alienation as the boney fingers of “always” and “never” point ceaselessly at one another.

The antidote that Wendy and I have found is in learning to meta-communicate. In other words, let’s talk about how we’re talking to each another. In doing so, we have to be willing to step back from the line we have drawn in the relational sand. After a few deep breaths we come to admit that my boney finger accusations are coming out of my own frustration, anger, and resentment. We concede that our “always” and “never” is unfair despite the measure of truth we feel underneath it. We both acknowledge our love for one another and our desire for good for one another and our relationship. At that point, we can typically embrace the desire and commitment to modify our words or behavior for one another.

And, it works because we make sure it works both ways. Whether talking about interpersonal relationships or larger group relationships, I’ve observed that if only one side of the relational equation is expected to learn, communicate, step back, admit, concede, acknowledge, desire, commit, and modify, then any kind of reconciliation and mutually beneficial relationship is doomed. It takes two to Tango.

Which means, you’ll have to excuse me, I have a few things to pick-up before I enter my day! 😉

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Musing on Mudslinging

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I sent him this reply: “Nothing like what you are saying is happening; you are just making it up out of your head.”

They were all trying to frighten us, thinking, “Their hands will get too weak for the work, and it will not be completed.”

But I prayed, “Now strengthen my hands.”
Nehemiah 6:8-9 (NIV)

We live in fascinating times.

I have been intrigued by the massive shifts I’ve witnessed in my lifetime on almost every level of life from technology, religion, politics, law, government, and business. Obviously, some of the things we’re experiencing are new as in the incredible speed and growth of technology in recent years. At the same time, how we react, respond, change, and adapt follow certain human norms. As the teacher of Ecclesiastes observed: “There’s nothing new under the sun.”

One of the things I’ve noticed of late is the way accusation has become a popular social and political weapon. Sling mud in the courtroom of public opinion. It may not destroy my enemy, but some of the mud will stick and may even cause injury in multiple ways. This is not new. It is a tactic as old as humanity. I believe, however, that it ebbs and flows in its frequency and effectiveness. My observation is that it’s flowing more frequently of late.

In today’s chapter, the enemies of Nehemiah send him an “unsealed” letter. The fact that it wasn’t sealed meant that it wasn’t for his eyes only. It was meant to look like an openly circulated letter or a broadcast email. In that day it was a way of saying, “Everyone knows!” Contained within the letter were completely fabricated lies about Nehemiah wanting to make himself king and rebel against the Persian Emporer (whose family had a long history of violently suppressing rebellions and acts of treason). There wasn’t a stitch of truth in the allegations. They were making shit up in an effort to discredit, discourage, and derail Nehemiah’s restoration project.

I found Nehemiah’s response to be a fascinating example:

He saw the message for what it was. He knew it was all lies and knew exactly what his enemies were trying to do.

He chose neither to react nor respond. An emotional reaction of anger or vengeance would have been a victory for Nehemiah’s enemies. It would have been proof that they had gotten under his skin. Responding to them would have been wasted time. They’d already sent several other messages and Nehemiah’s attempts of respectful reply were disregarded, and the whole affair had become a distraction from accomplishing the work to which he was called.

He prayed. For those with no faith, this may seem a silly waste of time as well. For Nehemiah, this was modus operandi. He had already seen how God had answered his prayers every step of the way from Persia. He chose to trust that God was going to bless the work to which he was called, to uphold his reputation against false accusation, and to manage his enemies.

In the quiet this morning I am reminded of particular stretches of my journey in which people were making stuff up about me and there was nothing I could do about it. I’m thinking about friends and individuals who find themselves in that same circumstance now. It’s part of the journey, especially when you are called to do things that others don’t want to see you accomplish.

I find myself reminded of sage advice Wendy’s mother gave us when we were going through a particular stretch of false accusation: “Make like a turtle. Pull in when you need to and let it bounce off. Then keep moving forward.” As Aesop’s fable so aptly reminds: slow and steady wins the race.

Chapter-a-Day

Answering Accusation (or Not)

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The very fact that you have lawsuits among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated?
1 Corinthians 6:7 (NIV)

When the first phone call came from a co-worker, I was taken completely by surprise. My head was still spinning when the phone rang again. This second call came from my closest friend.

“Dude,” he said immediately when I picked up, “I’ve got your back.”

That was the beginning of a particularly dark stretch of my life journey. Accusations had been broadcast among family, friends, and colleagues. Things were about to get really ugly, and I was faced with many decisions of how to respond.

Almost immediately I received, unexpectedly, some wise counsel from a person who’d traversed a similar stretch of rocky terrain earlier in their own life journey. I will never forget that bit of advice. Let me paraphrase: “Don’t fight back,” said the sage. “Make like a turtle. Pull into your shell at need and let the words, insults, accusations, and suspicions bounce off your shell. Just be true to yourself, and keep pressing on one step at a time. Make like a turtle. Slow and steady wins the race.”

In today’s chapter Paul, in his letter to the followers of Jesus in Corinth, is addressing similar sticky situations. Accusations are flying among the small group of believers. People are pointing fingers. Sides are being taken. Private arguments are turning into public lawsuits. In all the hubbub, the local gathering is suffering a black-eye.

Paul asks the believers an interesting question: “Might it be better for everyone to just allow yourself to be wronged?” In a nutshell (or, more aptly, a tortoise shell), Paul is echoing the sage advice I received many years ago. Don’t escalate an already bad situation by publicly answering insult for insult, accusation for accusation. Rather, do as Jesus proposed:

“Here’s another old saying that deserves a second look: ‘Eye for eye, tooth for tooth.’ Is that going to get us anywhere? Here’s what I propose: ‘Don’t hit back at all.’ If someone strikes you, stand there and take it. If someone drags you into court and sues for the shirt off your back, giftwrap your best coat and make a present of it. And if someone takes unfair advantage of you, use the occasion to practice the servant life. No more tit-for-tat stuff. Live generously.” Matthew 5:38-42 (MSG)

It’s not easy. Step-by-step, day-by-day I simply endeavored to be true to myself and to be a follower of Jesus to the best of my ability. Slow and steady I pressed forward letting the public suspicions, accusations, and tossed rocks bounce off the shell. “Don’t answer,” I had to keep telling myself as I protectively pulled inward. “Keep moving.”

In the quiet this morning I’m privately enjoying a tremendous compliment I recently received from an individual who, during those dark days, wouldn’t speak to me or give me the time of day, as the saying goes.

Slow and steady wins the race.

(Note to my regular readers: I expect my posts to be a bit erratic through the holidays. our kids and one-year-old grandson are visiting from the UK until New Year’s. Grandpa’s daily schedule might be appropriately messed up on a regular basis.)

Chapter-a-Day, Uncategorized

Time Reveals Truth

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Wendy and me in front of a portrait of H.P. Scholte.
Wendy and me in front of a portrait of H.P. Scholte.

Smooth words may hide a wicked heart,
just as a pretty glaze covers a clay pot.
Proverbs 26:23 (NLT)

This past week I portrayed one of our town’s founders, H.P. Scholte, in a one act play at our local Opera House. In preparation for portraying the man (whom I’ve now played in three separate productions) I’ve done plenty of research into his past and his story. Scholte was a fascinating man. The son of a wealthy industrialist in Holland, he began as an art student but soon gave up his paintbrush for the pulpit. He was a brilliant scholar, a gifted preacher, and a charismatic leader. Having run afoul of the state church of the Netherlands (for which he was imprisoned multiple times), Scholte convinced nearly 800 of his followers to invest their life savings with him, accompany him on a perilous journey to the American frontier and build an entire town where there was nothing but prairie grass.

As I read accounts and letters of his followers to the new world, two very different pictures emerge. Many saw Scholte as a charlatan and scam-artist. They were convinced that he took advantage of his followers, used their money for his personal gain and lied to them about the prosperity of American before leading them to hell on earth. Others never wavered in their trust of Scholte and his vision. They followed him faithfully. I have always been amazed at the two very different men described by Scholte’s followers. It begs the question: Was he a vessel of God, or was he a glazed pot described in the proverb above? I have been so captivated by the matter that I even wrote my own one act play that exploring the question.

Fast forward 160 years. Our community gathers each year to celebrate its heritage and tens of thousands of people gather from around the world to experience it. Look around and you will find a prosperous small town with a thriving economy, a quality educational system and a deep appreciation for the values of family and faith. Scholte’s vision and commitment have been realized. He proved to be a useful vessel who accomplished much for which countless residents owe their thanks through many generations. Scholte wasn’t perfect, to be sure, but time and reality have proven that he wasn’t and empty, glazed crack-pot.

I look back over the years and think of the occasional times that I have been accused of things. Anyone in any position of leadership will experience this. Many have looked at me and accused me of being a glazed pot. It’s never fun when your motives and character are questioned and maligned. In these times I think about people like Scholte. I can’t control what others think and say. I can’t change the perception of others. I can only continue to follow the path and do my best each day to live out the course God has laid for me.

Time reveals truth.

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Matthew 27

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Antonio Ciseri's depiction of Pontius Pilate p...
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But when the accusations rained down hot and heavy from the high priests and religious leaders, he said nothing. Pilate asked him, “Do you hear that long list of accusations? Aren’t you going to say something?” Jesus kept silence—not a word from his mouth. The governor was impressed, really impressed. Matthew 27:14 (MSG)

Along stretches of the journey, I’ve been accused of different things. From silly to mildly slanderous, I’ve been charged in the court of public opinion with things of which I was innocent. To be honest, some times the charges were fabrications made because of things I actually had done. I’ve made my share of mistakes. Still, it’s never easy to sense whispers behind your back when you know that what is being said is completely untrue.

There is a small toy turtle that sits on a shelf in our house. It was acquired during one particular rough stretch and it became an enduring word picture for pressing on in such times. The quiet turtle never makes a fuss. He guards his heart inside a tough shell and keeps making his way in small incremental movements forward. Like the turtle in the old fable, I am reminded by the little turtle on the shelf that  “slow and steady wins the race.”

I was reminded by Jesus’ response to His accusers in today’s chapter. Of anyone ever accused in all of history, Jesus had more reason to cry “foul” than anyone else. Despite the mocking, jeering, and insults he quietly endured. Turning the other cheek is not an act of passivity, but a conscious act of the will which requires strength of character.

Jesus trials and death sentence is the ultimate example of how fickle the court of public opinion can be. It blows hither and thither with any number of prevailing winds which have little to do with truth or fairness. Sometimes, the best way to respond is by silently moving forward step-by-step and day-by-day and allowing time to reveal what is ultimately true.

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