Tag Archives: Type Eight

Chapter-a-Day

Rules and Rifts

1 Comment

Rules and Rifts (CaD Rom 3) – Wayfarer

…and all are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that came by Christ Jesus.
Romans 3:24 (NIV)

Wendy and I get along remarkably well despite the fact that we have very different temperaments. Wendy is an Enneagram Type Eight (the Challenger) and I am an Enneagram Type Four (the Individualist). The Enneagram Institute calls this relational combination the most “inherently volatile.” Nevertheless, Wendy and I somehow manage to be around one another pretty much 24/7/365. Not only have we not killed one another, but we actually enjoy our perpetual proximity. The Enneagram Institute goes on to describe the Eight/Four coupling: “Both types bring passion, intensity, energy, and deep (often unconscious) feelings to all aspects of the relationship.”

Wendy and I have also found ways in which we are very different. This occasionally creates rifts between us. For example, I was raised in a home where the rule was “the door is always open and everyone is welcome at any time.” My dad would be happy to regale you with countless stories of my friends, and the friends of my siblings, stopping by at all hours unannounced.

Wendy, on the other hand, believes firmly in the rule that the kind thing to do is always let people know in advance that you’d like to stop by. Thus, we had a rift that would regularly present itself in conversation while on our way to Des Moines to visit my parents. It started like this:

Wendy: “Did you call your parents and tell them we’re coming?”

Tom: “No.”

I’ll let you imagine the rest of the conversation.

In today’s chapter, Paul continues to address the rift between Jewish and Gentile believers. The rift was rooted in the Jewish preoccupation with being rule-keepers. They had been given God’s rulebook through Moses, and good religious Jews were obsessed with keeping the rules. This presented a problem, however. It was a historic problem that presented itself almost immediately after the Law had been given. It then continued through the period of the Judges and the period of the Kings and perpetuated itself during Jesus’ ministry. Jesus confronted this problem time and time again.

The problem was relatively simple: People chose which rules they wanted to follow, and which rules they wanted to conveniently ignore. The rules that they chose to follow were the rules that others could clearly see with their own eyes.

Did you keep the sabbath?
Did you make your prescribed offerings?
Did you go to the Temple for the feast?
Did you circumcise your male children?

The rules they ignored were easier to hide and corporately convenient to simply sweep under the rug.

Did you love the foreigner in your midst and honorably treat them as you would want to be treated?
Were you generous, refusing to get rich at another’s expense?
Did you treat others lovingly and with equity?
Did you take care of the poor, the needy, and the outcast?

Jesus spent his entire three-year ministry trying to get His good religious Jewish brothers and sisters to see the problem. They cared more about Jesus keeping the rule about not working on the Sabbath (which is easy to see) and failed to see that the rule was never intended to keep them from doing something good for someone (e.g. healing, helping, lending a hand). Having God’s rulebook didn’t make the Jewish people righteous. It didn’t make them better at anything other than learning to keep up appearances with some rules while clandestinely skirting other rules for their selfish gain.

This cultural obsession with rule-keeping was deeply ingrained in them. Jews who became followers of Jesus and had been raised in this culture had a hard time not demanding that everyone be a rulekeeper. They looked down on those non-Jewish believers who never had the Law of Moses (and didn’t really care). Thus the rift.

In the quiet this morning, my mind drifted back to Wendy and me in the car on our way to Des Moines. One of the things we’ve learned about the rifts that appear in our relationship is that it’s rarely, if ever, an “either-or” issue in which one is right and the other is wrong. It’s often a “both-and.” My parents’ hospitality and generosity were wonderful aspects of a home that blessed countless people. It’s nice to know that they were always open to welcoming someone unexpectedly knocking at the door. Also, it is always a kind thing to call ahead and let people know you’re planning to stop by.

Paul is making a similar “both-and” argument for the rift between the Jew and Gentile believers. Yes, the Jews were blessed to have been given God’s rulebook, AND having the rulebook didn’t make them more righteous than the average Gentile. Both Jew and Gentile have sinned and fall short of God’s glory, AND both Jew and Gentile are justified by God’s grace through faith in Jesus alone. The spiritual realities they share are greater than the differences they experience in the rift about rules.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Nostalgia

Leave a comment

Nostalgia (CaD Job 29) – Wayfarer

“Oh, for the days when I was in my prime,
    when God’s intimate friendship blessed my house,
when the Almighty was still with me
    and my children were around me…”
Job 29:4-5 (NIV)

Over the past year or two, Wendy and I have been observing and discussing how the two of us think differently about time. As an Enneagram Eight, Wendy is future oriented. She is always thinking about what is ahead and what needs to be done to ensure that everything runs smoothly once we get there. As an Enneagram Four, I have a past orientation. I’m a lover of history and I’ve always had a freakish kind of memory. To this I can pull up a photo of my first grade class and tell you the name of pretty much every classmate. I could also point out the house where about half of them lived.

So, yesterday while grocery shopping Wendy asked me if we had a bottle of cranberry juice left on the shelf of the pantry because I had just opened a new bottle from the pantry the day before. In Wendy’s future orientation one should naturally make note of these things so that when we’re at the store we can get one, if needed, to make sure there’s at lest one on the shelf at all times for that morning when we run out at breakfast. I think there was one more on the pantry shelf when I opened a new bottle the day before. I think there was. I don’t know. But, I distinctly remember when I was five and we had this corner cupboard with a lazy susan, and things would fall off in the back of the cupboard and because I was the smallest my. mom would have me crawl onto the lazy susan and she’d spin me around to retrieve the fallen cans from the bottom of the cupboard in the back. That, I remember.

Herein lies the issue.

For that past twenty-some chapters, the ever-suffering Job has been sitting on his local refuse burn pile telling his three amigos that he would like to have his day in court with God. He’d like to put God on the witness stand and cross-examine the Almighty because Job is convinced that he has been wronged and God is the perpetrator. With today’s chapter, we enter a new phase of the Job story. Starting today, and with the following two chapters, Job makes his closing arguments in the metaphorical trial he’s been living out inside his head and heart.

Like a defense attorney speaking to me, his audience and jury, Job begins with a trip down Memory Lane. He waxes nostalgic of the days before that day when a rogue derecho killed all of his children and, simultaneously, some neighborhood gangs stole all of his flocks and fortune. He’s pulling the heart-strings of this past-oriented jury member. I feel it, Job. Oh how good life was, back in the day when I rode my Schwinn five-speed Stingray to the 7-Eleven on Douglas Avenue. It was a half-block east on Madison, hang a right and head south on 31st street, then just three blocks past the Cron’s house to Douglas. The 7-Eleven was on the northwest corner. It used to be a DX station. I’d fill up the Briggs and Stratton push mower. Gas was about 25 cents a gallon. But the DX closed and it became a 7-Eleven where almost every day in the summer I bought a Big Gulp for a quarter that I’d probably earned doing Scott Borg’s paper route at the VA hospital that morning.

Oh…I’m sorry…we were talking about Job, weren’t we?

Along my life journey, I’ve observed that it’s easy to glorify the past, especially for those of us who have a natural bent toward nostalgia. When life gets complicated, when I’m suffering in the present and find it difficult to see any hope for the future, I can reach back to the past like a drug. It provides cherished memories and drums up nostalgia-fueled good feelings. And, that’s what Job does in today’s chapter. The chapter follows an ancient poetic structure in which Job not only waxes nostalgic about how blessed he was, but at the center, he extolls the virtues of his generosity and benevolence (in defense of his friend Eli’s accusation in 22:9):

I was blessed (vss 2-6)
I was honored (vss 7-10)
I was generous and benevolent to the poor and needy (vss 11-17)
I was blessed (vss 18-20)
I was honored (vss 21-25)

In the quiet this morning, I am reminded that my natural bents can end up with crooked and unintended consequences. The glorification of what was can easily lead to me not being fully present in what is nor prepared for what is to come. For Job, I wonder if his trip down Memory Lane is essentially serving to emotionally pick at the scabs of his present suffering and fuel the fire of his resentment. I have learned along my life journey that sometimes I have to will and to discipline myself to be fully present in the moment, and give time and energy to preparing for what’s ahead. Gratefully, I have a partner who provides me with a really good example to follow.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

The Flow and Right Timing

Leave a comment

If you bow low in God’s awesome presence, he will eventually exalt you as you leave the timing in his hands.
1 Peter 5:6 (TPT)

Along my life journey, I have come to experience what many others have described as “the flow.” Artists and creatives experience the flow as a spiritual, level four energy that empowers their creativity. As U2’s Bono discovered, “the songs are already written.” Athletes call it being “the zone” when the flow takes over and the ball slows down, they know what will happen before it happens, and their game elevates to an unprecedented level. Teachers and prophets experience the flow in both preparation and presentation. Rob Bell describes the flow when he experiences having a thought, a story, a metaphor, or an idea that “wants to be part of something” but he doesn’t know what it is. He records it, hangs on to it, and waits for the right time (which could be years later).

I remember experiencing the flow early in 2004. I just knew that I was supposed to do this thing, but exactly what it was and what it looked like was undefined. It was only a general notion, but I knew it at the core of my spirit. I even remember reaching after it but getting nowhere. Over time this thing I was supposed to do continued to reveal itself like little bread crumbs. Something would happen and I would think, “This is it! It’s falling into place.” But then, it wouldn’t.

That’s the frustrating thing about walking this earthly journey through finite time (as opposed to timeless eternity). We often find ourselves waiting, seeking, and longing for the right time or the right season for things. Wendy can tell you that I’m not always the most patient person when it comes to waiting. As an Enneagram Type Four, I tend to get pessimistic and overly dramatize my impatience and frustration. That’s when my Type Eight wife has no problem telling me directly what I know is true: the time just isn’t right.

In a bit of synchronicity that I honestly didn’t plan, the chapter today was the same text that I talked about in last week’s podcast, and the same text I taught on this past Sunday morning. That’s another thing that I have discovered along life’s journey. When the same thing keeps coming up in random ways, then there’s something God’s Spirit is trying to teach me in the flow. I should pay attention, meditate on it, and wait for it to be revealed.

The thing I was supposed to do eventually did reveal itself after about ten years. When it finally did fall into place it was at just the right time in a myriad of ways I won’t take the time to explain.

The ancient words for God’s “Spirit” in both the Hebrew and Greek languages are translated into English as “wind,” or “breath,” or you might say “flow.” I believe that sensing and experiencing the flow is simply tapping into God’s eternal Spirit who lives outside of time, but breathes into me bread crumbs and seeds which eventually lead to things in their due season and time.

What Peter wrote to the exiled followers of Jesus was that the waiting calls for humility. This past Sunday I defined humility as “the willing, conscious, intentional crucifixion of my own ego,” whose time frame is an impatient NOW, and who tends to demand that revelation and fulfillment happen in my time frame, not God’s.

If you want to know what tragically happens when we try to make the flow happen in our own way and our own timeline, see Shakespeare’s Macbeth. Macbeth and his lady are quintessential examples.

Chapter-a-Day

“All Things are Yours”

Leave a comment

All things are yours,whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future—all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.
1 Corinthians 21:23 (NIV)

On the Enneagram, I am a Four (“The Individualist”) and Wendy is an Eight (“The Challenger”). Here’s how the Enneagram Institute describes relationships between Fours and Eights:

This can be one of the most creative relationship couplings, although it is also one of the most inherently volatile. Both Enneagram Fours and Eights are intense and have strong emotional responses; both seek to get a reaction from the other, and both can be dominating of their environments. Both types take a certain pride in having a larger than life quality about them: Eights in their larger than life willpower and quest for control, Fours in their larger than life emotions and in their quest for self-expression. Both types want to be free and to be free from having anyone control them, particularly in their careers and private lives. If they feel that the other is trying to control them, both types can become enraged, easily triggering gargantuan battle, financial and sexual intrigues, and rampant feelings of hatred.

Oh my goodness, I chuckle every time I read this. Let’s just say that our marriage is never dull. I’m planning to write an entire post exploring how we navigate our “creative” and “inherently volatile” 4/8 relationship at some point, but that’s not the point this morning.

Yesterday evening I returned home from a business trip and the two of us enjoyed a happy hour pint and conversation downstairs at the V-Dub Pub. Our conversation led us back to a discussion of our differences. Wendy made a really interesting observation. “As a Four,” she said (and I paraphrase), “you talk about always thinking and believing that you are ‘not enough.’ But we Eights are always thinking and believing  that we’re ‘too much.’

In this morning’s chapter Paul begins by making a distinction between “flesh” and “spirit.” He observes that the followers of Jesus in Corinth are people of “flesh” comparing their spiritual immaturity with being like infants scrambling after their most basic needs. This is why they were descending into petty arguments and quarrels regarding who was following the “right” leader.  He compares this to maturity of “spirit”, which he implies is an understanding that there is far more going on to what God has done and is doing. He encourages them to open their eyes to discover a deeper understanding of God’s Spirit.

As Paul ends the chapter he explains “all things are yours”  including all of the various leaders people were fighting about and ends with the explanation that “all are yours, and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.” This is a continuation of yesterday’s thoughts about this dance of relationship in which God’s Spirit indwells us and we become a part of the divine dance of relationship and being along with Father, Son, and Spirit. Now Paul is inviting the Corinthians to understand that they are all part of the same diving dance: Father, Son, Spirit, Paul, Apollos, Peter, the Corinthians, the Jewish believers, the Greek believers, the slaves, the slave owners, the men, the women, the black, the white, the rich, the poor, the healthy, the sick, the infants, and the grown ups.

“All things are yours” Paul explains to the Corinthians. They just don’t see it. They haven’t realized it. They’re still stuck in “not enough” feelings of scarcity and inferiority leading to an unconscious need to be “right” and prop themselves and their chosen human leader as “better” while everyone else was “wrong” and “less than me and my leader.” This leads to arguments, quarrels, bitterness, and division (which makes for really bad dance partners).

Which led me back to Wendy’s observation from last night. In the quiet of this morning as I mulled these things over in my mind and heart her words returned to me. God’s Spirit whispered to mine: “Not enough” is an immature blindness to (even rejection of) the spiritual reality of “all things are yours.”

Which led me back to thinking about Wendy and me, Eight and Four.

Our always creative, occasionally volatile relational dance allows for Wendy’s Eight to see when I’m sinking into my subconscious “not enough” individualist reactions and challenge me to open my eyes. This, in turn, affords me the opportunity to accept, confess, learn, stretch, push, grow, and ultimately to become a better dance partner; Not only a better relational dance partner for her, but for all to whom I, and we, are connected: Father, Son, Spirit, family, friends, coworkers, community members, fellow citizens, and fellow human beings.

And so, I waltz into another day. The dance continues. “One, two, three. One, two, three. One two, three.”

Enjoy the dance today, my friend.