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Getting Away from Crazymakers

A troublemaker plants seeds of strife;
    gossip separates the best of friends.
Proverbs 16:28 (NLT)

With the entire world in various forms of quarantine, the past couple of months Wendy and I have uttered repeated prayers of gratitude that we actually enjoy being with one another at home. I’ve thought long and hard about what effect “sheltering-at-home” has meant both for those who live with a crazymaker and for those who may have finally had an excuse to escape a crazymaker for a time. This post, originally from April 23, 2013, has generated quite a bit of interest over the years. I thought now would be a good time to put it back out there again.

Over the years I have learned: Just as important as choosing good companions for the journey, it is equally important to avoid sharing life’s sojourn (even for a season) with “crazymakers.”  Like the troublemaker in the proverb above, crazymakers plant seeds of strife wherever they go. They waste our time and suck us into the black hole of their neediness. They passive-aggressively pit people against one another and stir up dissension.

In her book, The Artist’s Way, Julie Cameron nails it with her description of crazymakers:

  • Crazymakers break deals and destroy schedules. They show up two days early for your wedding and expect you to wait on them hand and foot. They rent a cabin bigger than the one agreed upon and expect you to foot the bill.
  • Crazymakers expect special treatment. They suffer a wide panopoly of mysterious ailments that require care and attention whenever you have a deadline looming.
  • Crazymakers discount your reality. No matter how important your deadline or how critical your work trajectory at the moment, crazymakers will violate your needs.
  • Crazymakers spend your time and money. If they borrow your car they return it late with an empty tank.
  • Crazymakers triangulate those they deal with. Because they thrive on energy (your energy), they set people against one another in order to maintain their own power position dead center.
  • Crazymakers are expert blamers. Nothing that goes wrong is ever their fault.
  • Crazymakers create dramas – but seldom where they belong. Whatever matters to you becomes trivialized into mere backdrop for the crazymaker’s personal plight.
  • Crazymakers hate schedules – except their own. If you claim a certain block of time as your own, your crazy maker will find a way to fight you for that time, to mysteriously need things (you) just when you need to be alone and focused on the task at hand.
  • Crazymakers hate order. Chaos serves their purposes. When you establish space that serves you for a project, they will abruptly invade that space with a project of their own.
  • Crazymakers deny that they are crazymakers. “I’m not what’s making you crazy,” they will say, “It’s just that … [add something else to blame].”

I have found that the only path to increased levels of life, growth, and understanding is the one path that leads me directly away from a crazymaker.

About This Post

These chapter-a-day posts began in 2006. It’s a very simple concept. I endeavor each weekday to read one chapter from the Bible. I then blog about my thoughts, insights, and feelings about the content of that chapter. Everyone is welcome to share this post, like this post, or add your own thoughts in a comment. Thank you to those who have become faithful, regular or occasional readers along the journey along with your encouragement.

In 2019 I began creating posts for each book, with an indexed list of all the chapters for that book. You can find the indexed list by clicking on this link.

Prior to that, I kept a cataloged index of all posts on one page. You can access that page by clicking on this link.

You can also access my audio and video messages, as well.

tomvanderwell@gmail.com @tomvanderwell

10 Ways I Tried NOT to Exasperate My Children

Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)

Exasperate v. ig-ˈzas-pə-ˌrāt
1. To excite the anger of: Enrage
2. To cause irritation or annoyance

From the home office in Pella, Iowa. Top Ten Ways I tried not to exasperate my children:

  1. Let them become who they are called to be, not who I wanted them to be.
  2. Be patient with their small mistakes and accidents. I make them too.
  3. Be patient with their big mistakes and accidents. I make them too.
  4. Expect progress, not perfection.
  5. Life is short: Enjoy letting them be children/teens/young adults with all the irritations, aggravations, lessons, and foibles. I’m the adult, and should be the one to understand that it’s a stage of life they are in and be patient with it.
  6. Found and complimented the beauty in who they were in the moment, refusing to tease or be critical of them in the awkward stage(s) they went through.
  7. Be critical of their behaviors, never of their person.
  8. Believe in and trust: Make my default answer “yes.”
  9. When angry or frustrated, express it appropriately. Sometimes yelling, ranting, and screaming are counterproductive. Let silence do the heavy lifting.
  10. Forgive them, just as I have (and need to be) been forgiven.

This post was originally published on April 25, 2014.

About This Post

These chapter-a-day posts began in 2006. It’s a very simple concept. I endeavor each weekday to read one chapter from the Bible. I then blog about my thoughts, insights, and feelings about the content of that chapter. Everyone is welcome to share this post, like this post, or add your own thoughts in a comment. Thank you to those who have become faithful, regular or occasional readers along the journey along with your encouragement.

In 2019 I began creating posts for each book, with an indexed list of all the chapters for that book. You can find the indexed list by clicking on this link.

Prior to that, I kept a cataloged index of all posts on one page. You can access that page by clicking on this link.

You can also access my audio and video messages, as well.

tomvanderwell@gmail.com @tomvanderwell

Free Speech (or Not)

 Therefore this is what the Lord says about the people of Anathoth who are threatening to kill you, saying, “Do not prophesy in the name of the Lord or you will die by our hands”
Jeremiah 11:21 (NIV)

I have been intrigued to observe what has transpired in our culture over recent years with regard to our freedom of speech. I’ve watched the proliferation of social media in which every individual has a megaphone with which to broadcast their thoughts, opinions, and little kitty pictures to anyone who will listen. I think most of us have had an experience in which what could and should be a forum for discovery, appreciation, connection, conversation, and discussion quickly erodes into a quagmire of anger, disrespect, slander and anonymous trolls hiding behind usernames spewing hatred. And of course we are all now well aware that there are those with ill motives seeking to stir up dissension and chaos for political reasons.

At the same time, I’ve observed that our educational institutions are increasingly willing to suppress the free expression of thoughts and opinions from faculty and guest lecturers when those thoughts and opinions are unpopular or offend the listener. There are students who seek to be sheltered from any words, thoughts, or ideas that contradict or challenge their own world view. In recent years, those who hold unpopular opinions receive death threats, are physically attacked, or are simply dis-invited from speaking.

One one hand anyone can say anything they want (and do). On the other hand anyone who holds an unpopular opinion is unwelcome and silenced. Fascinating.

Free expression and conflict over words, thoughts, opinions, and ideas have always been part of the human experience. Examples abound, such as the prophet Jeremiah.

In today’s chapter the ancient prophet Jeremiah is made aware of a plot to kill him. The source of the threat comes from the town of Anathoth which was located a few miles north of Jerusalem. What’s fascinating to discover is that Anathoth is Jeremiah’s hometown. It is also a town that was given to the descendants of Aaron who were the priests in the ancient religious system of the Hebrews. Only a descendant of Aaron could be a priest. In other words, those who were seeking to silence Jeremiah and plotting to kill him were his own people from a town dedicated to leaders of the Temple.

I’m reminded this morning of Jesus’ observation that “a prophet is without honor in his own home town.” Jesus said this right after his own neighbors in Nazareth sought to throw Him off a cliff. He could very well have been thinking about Jeremiah when He said it. It was descendants of the crew who sought to kill Jeremiah who would plot Jesus’ death, as well.

I’m also reminded that history gives us many examples in various disciplines of individuals branded heretics in their day who were revealed over time to be right. Only now in retrospect do we regard them as heroes of history. These “heretics” often suffered terribly in their day for saying things that were unpopular, politically incorrect, or by challenging the prevailing world-view. Jeremiah is just one of them.

As I do each morning, I will publish this blog post and share it on Facebook. A few people will read it. Of those who do I hope there are one or two who appreciate the post. There may be some who get pissed off simply by seeing that idiot Tom and his stupid religious posts in their feed. I’m well aware that the vast majority of people will simply ignore it. C’est la vie.

I’m incredibly grateful for the opportunity to express what I’m thinking about on my daily spiritual journey and to put it out there where, instantly, anyone on the planet with an internet connection can read it. Through all of human history it is only in the past 20 years or so that this was possible.

I pray that I will always be free to do so.

10 Most Popular Posts in 2014

source: sam churchill via Flickr
source: sam churchill via Flickr

As 2014 winds down, I’m taking time this week to look back at my blog stats to see what seemed to generate the most traffic. I’ve been blogging for over eight years, and it’s interesting to see which posts continue to generate interest over the years even though they may be ancient in terms of the world wide web.

I’ll be posting a few different lists this week. Here are the ten most popular posts from my blog in 2014, regardless of when they were published:

  1. 10 Ways Being a Theatre Major Prepared Me for Success
  2. Top 5 Things Wrong with “The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug”
  3. You Heard Right: We’re Moving
  4. Preparing for a Role: Rehearsal Process
  5. Preparing for a Role: How Do You Memorize All Those Lines?
  6. Getting Away from Crazy makers
  7. Theatre is Ultimate Fitness for Your Brain!
  8. “There are No Wrong Notes”
  9. Art Heals (continued)
  10. The Art and Progression of Sexual Intimacy

Top Ten Blog Posts of All Time (So Far)

Blog HeaderI’ve been blogging since 2006. In those years I’ve published just short of 3,000 posts. My blog has basically followed three main themes:

  1. General Posts about my life, what I’ve been up to, and etc.
  2. Chapter-a-Day devotional posts. I’ve blogged through the entire Bible once and have blogged through the entire New Testament twice.
  3. Theatre posts about my experiences in the art form I love.

Below I’ve listed my top ten posts in each of these themes, ranked by the number of “hits” or “views” for each post. I found it fascinating to see what posts have received the most traffic.

General
Speaking of Changes in Life
Top Five Things Wrong with “The Hobbit: Desolation of Smaug”
Tom’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge: Day 24
Looney Tunes Boat: Lake of the Ozarks Shootout
Day 5: List Things That Irritate You About the Same/Opposite Sex
Day 2: How Have You Changed in the Past Two Years?
Three Indelible Life Lessons from the Game of Baseball
Striking a Chord: When a Blog Post Goes Viral
Tom Vander Well Meet Tom Vanderwell
Day 3: What Kind of Person Attracts You?

Chapter-a-Day
Getting Away from Crazymakers
Art Heals (Continued)
Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 10
Art and Progression of Sexual Intimacy
Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 11
The Curse of Being Religious
Here I Am: Did You Call Me? (My Story)
Abraham, Typology, and the Tolkien Geek
10 Ways I Tried NOT to Exasperate My Children
An Old Concept We Still Don’t Get

Theatre
10 Ways Being a Theatre Major Prepared Me for Success
Ham Buns and Potato Salad
Preparing for a Role: How Do You Memorize All Those Lines?
Preparing for a Role: The Rehearsal Process
Theatre Majors Unite!
Theatre is Ultimate Fitness for Your Brain
Preparing for a Role: Digging Into Character
Keeping Focus When Siri Joins You on Stage
Preparing for a Role: The First Rehearsal
Preparing for a Role: Digging Into the Past

2012 in review

The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2012 annual report for this blog.

Here’s an excerpt:

19,000 people fit into the new Barclays Center to see Jay-Z perform. This blog was viewed about 160,000 times in 2012. If it were a concert at the Barclays Center, it would take about 8 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.

Click here to see the complete report.

My Top Ten Posts After Seven Years

Next month represents my 7th anniversary as a blogger. I was looking yesterday at my top ten posts of all time. Beyond the usual suspects, I found it interesting to see which posts got legs and generated more views than others. Here they are, from the home office in Pella, Iowa. The top ten Wayfarer posts from seven years:

10.  Chapter-a-Day Jeremiah 46

9.  Day 19: Something that Never Fails to Make You Feel Better

8. Tom Vander Well meet Tom Vanderwell

7. Day 5: List Five Things that Irritate You About the Same/Opposite Sex

6. Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 11

5. Striking a Chord: When a Blog Post Goes Viral

4. Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 10

3. Day 2: How Have You Changed in the Past Two Years?

2. Speaking of Changes in Life

1. 10 Ways Being a Theatre Major Prepared Me for Success

As I look through the list, it’s a reminder to me of the blog posting mantra that Mike Sansone impressed up on me when I started. Always “link out” to another post, he told me. I can see that some of the posts on the top ten made it simply because they had been “linked” within a popular post. The more people read the popular post, the more likely some would click the link and explore what it had to say.

Blog on.