Tag Archives: Parenting

Chapter-a-Day

Without Words

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Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives…

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have….
1 Peter 3:1, 15 (NIV)

In my upcoming book I share the story of how as a young man I believed with certainty that I was supposed to become a pastor, and how God made clear that He had purposed for me a quirky career analyzing business phone calls (a la “This Call May Be Monitored”).

My mother was greatly disappointed by the abrupt change in my vocational trajectory. My mother was a sweet lady. She was never given to overt confrontation. She was, however, an expert at letting her concerns made known through what she thought were subtle messages that we as her children could see coming a mile away.

As least once a year, sometimes more often, my mother would wait for us to be having an enjoyable casual conversation.

“Are you ever going to go back to ministry?” she would ask quietly.

Only, it really wasn’t that quiet. She asked the question repeatedly. It was always the same question. She never heard my answers above the din of her own internal fear.

I know my mother loved me. I know she was proud of me. I also know she had her heart set on me spending my career in vocational ministry. I don’t think she ever shook her angst that perhaps I was outside of God’s will. I think she loved having a son who was a preacher.

And boy, did she remind me. Again. And again.

My mother was not alone. Along my life journey, I have observed many well-intentioned parents perpetually express their spiritual concern for their adult children to their adult children. It comes in many different forms.

The annual Christmas gift of a Bible or the latest, bestselling devotional, testimonial biography, or that popular Christian movie.

[cue: Children’s eye roll]

The letter (or email) of concern because “you just have to know how I feel” or, “What we believe.”

Children: “Seriously, do you actually think I don’t know how you feel?”

The passive aggressive comments, questions, and not-so-casual asides that get slipped into almost every conversation.

Followed by hurt and wonder when the adult children, inexplicably, don’t seem to want to hang out all the time.

Today’s chapter begins with a statement that creates such surface angst and outrage in modern culture that the principle of what Peter is getting at is easily lost. He starts by telling wives who are followers of Jesus to submit to their husbands “so that they may be won over without words.”

“Without words…”
Behaviors that speak louder than words.
Life example that shows the way like metaphorical bread crumbs.
Trusting God with the soul of my loved one — and recognizing that my fear may say more about my faith than about their future.

What’s often lost in the cultural outcry of Peter’s encouragement is that Peter isn’t singling out women or wives. He is calling on everyone who is a follower of Jesus to be an example of Jesus to those in their circle of influence “without words.”

Slaves (2:18)
Husbands (3:7)
All of you (3:8)

Peter then goes on to write what is a well-known and well-worn instruction:

“Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have…”

But the context that Peter has established is that a person is asking me the reason for the hope that I have ibecause my life, my behavior, my relationships, and my example have made them curious…

…without using words.

The wise teacher of Ecclesiastes said, “there is a time to speak, and a time to be silent.” (Ecclesiastes 3:7)

When our daughters were young, it was time for me to speak. I taught. I answered. I guided.

When they became adults, it was time for me to learn silence.

They know what I believe. They grew up in my home.
They know desire for them to believe. I made my heart known long ago.
They know they can always talk to me. They bring it up when they’re ready.

In the meantime, I continue to walk my own journey. I pray for them. To Peter’s instruction, I remain ready and available to assist and provide as needed. To answer when asked. To speak when spoken to. Otherwise, I do my best to continue to model the spiritual life and relationship with Jesus that I would love for them to experience…without words.

And then, in the quiet, I surrender to Jesus any notion I have that their relationship with Him has to look exactly like the relationship I have with Him. I surrender my desire for their relationship with Him to be exactly what I desire for it to be. I let go of my desire to think that their stories should look like my story, or the story I would write for them if I was God…if I was in control.

And, that’s the point Peter is getting at.

I’m not in control of others whether it’s a boss, spouse, parent, friend, or child. I don’t write their stories. I don’t know the story God is authoring in their stories, nor has God ever asked me to be a co-author.

He asks me to love.
He asks me to pray.
He asks me to live as such an example that he can leverage that as a theme as He writes their own personal, individual stories.
He asks me to be ready with words —
but to live so faithfully that the question comes before the speech.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
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Chapter-a-Day

Teshuvah

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Even if you have been banished to the most distant land under the heavens, from there the Lord your God will gather you and bring you back.
Deuteronomy 30:4 (NIV)

As a parent, I always expected that somehow, in some way, my daughters would rebel. I hoped that I was wrong, but I’ve observed the human condition for too long to harbor any pipe dreams. As I contemplated the eventuality of their wandering — whatever that might look like — I came to a realization.

When it comes to what my young adult children do, the only thing I really control is my response.

I figured that I’d better give that some thought ahead of time. I’m glad I did. Yes, both girls had their season of wandering each in their own way, but those are their stories to tell. What I learned along the way was that my best example for parenting was Father God.

Deuteronomy has had some really tough chapters to slog through. It contains some of the most difficult and challenging of the ancient texts. But today’s chapter stands like a breath of fresh air because it gets at the heart of who God is and what God is all about. In short, God tells His Hebrew children that He knows they’re going wander. It’s not a matter of “if” but “when.” In light of this, He wants them to know teshuvah.

Teshuvah is a Hebrew word we translate into English as “return,” but like many Hebrew words one simple English word cannot contain its meaning.

Teshuvah is “return” as in go back where you belong.

It assumes something breathtaking:

You had a place.
You wandered.
That place still exists.
You are still wanted there.

Teshuvah has a rhythm.

First, there is an awakening. Something stirs. There’s discomfort. “Wait a minute. This isn’t who I want to be.” Clarity – not condemnation.

Next comes the turning. It’s not just a change in thought, it’s physical. You’ve reached second base and are as far from home as possible. You’re facing the centerfield fence. You physically make the turn toward third and the path home is right there waiting.

Then there’s naming. This isn’t a wallow in shame, but the moment of truth telling. It’s the first step of the Twelve Steps. “My life has gotten out of control. This isn’t manageable.”

The way is now open to repairing. Own it. Apologize. Make things right. You carry responsibility without drowning in it.

With that, you return home.

Today’s chapter lays out the theology of teshuvah. Jesus turned it into a love story we know as the Prodigal Son. As a young parent reflecting on how I should respond when my daughters wander, I took note of three things about the Prodigal’s father (aka Father God).

  1. He didn’t go to the distant land to condemn his son and drag him home.
  2. He was sitting on the front porch, eyes on the road, waiting for his son.
  3. He ran down the road to greet his son, and escort him home.

Not a bad example to follow, I thought to myself. Trust teshuvah. Love knows the way home. If I’m wise, I’ll even keep my mouth shut. Directions aren’t necessary.

One of our daughters lived in a commune for a season with a very diverse community of individuals from all over the globe. One day she shared with me that as her comrades shared their stories most of them had no home, no support system, and they lived perpetually on the brink of hopelessness.

They had no where else to go.

“I realized,” my daughter said, “that I will never know that reality. I always have a home I can return to where I am loved and will be cared for.”

Bingo. That’s what Father God wants His children to know with all their heart and soul.

Teshuvah.

Shalom.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
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Chapter-a-Day

Wooden Spoon on the Headboard

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[The rebellious son’s parents] shall say to the elders, “This son of ours is stubborn and rebellious. He will not obey us. He is a glutton and a drunkard.” Then all the men of his town are to stone him to death. You must purge the evil from among you. All Israel will hear of it and be afraid.
Deuteronomy 21:20-21 (NIV)

Looking back, I rarely had to punish Taylor and Madison when they were young. For the most part, they were good girls. Taylor had such a soft heart that I could reduce her to tears with a look of anger and disappointment. Madison, on the other hand, was the quintessential second-born and impervious to most traditional forms of punishment. I had to get creative with that one when it came to finding consequences that communicated effectively.

When they were toddlers, I found that planting the idea of consequences was sometimes an effective tool stemming undesirable behaviors. I have a distinct memory of the two of them refusing to settle down and go to sleep one night after having been warned multiple times. I walked into the room and they immediately went silent and played dead in their beds. I had pleaded and cajoled them in my previous visits. This time, I wordlessly carried a wooden spoon from the kitchen and placed it on the center of the headboard.

I didn’t hear another peep out of them.

Today’s chapter contains what at first glance appears to be a series of disjointed ancient rules and prescriptions for life and community. An unsolved murder, marrying a captive woman, inheritance rights, a rebellious son, and the body of an executed man. Random.

But it’s not random. There is a thread that God through Moses is weaving into the fabric of His people. It’s creating a tapestry that reflects the heart of God.

Life is full of both value and responsibility in community.

An unsolved murder does not absolve the community from responsibility. A ritual of atonement cleanses the community of guilt but also reminded them that if violence occurs near you, you cannot shrug and move on.

When defeating an enemy, a captive woman may be taken as a wife. This was common in the ancient world. What was not common was to treat her with respect. “War,” God is saying, “does not suspend humanity.” She was to be given time to grieve. Shaving her hair and trimming her nails was a refusal to eroticize her trauma. What could easily be a warrior’s lustful desire was required to wait, to cool, to submit to her humanity.

Fathers were not to play favorites with their inheritance. The first born son was the first born son no matter your feelings towards him or his mother. No exemptions for favoritism.

An executed body hanging on a tree (FYI: Paul used this verse to point to Jesus on the cross) was not to hang overnight. There’s something deeply intimate about a God who insists on cleaning up after violence before the sun goes down.

And then there’s the rebellious son. We’re not talking about a teenager who won’t do his chores. We’re not even talking about a Prodigal sowing his wild oats. The text points to something deeply hard-hearted. Not just disobeying mom and dad, but sowing violence, discord, and lawlessness among the community. The penalty? The elders were to stone him to death.

[cue: hard stop] Ugh. This is where the text tightens its grip.

I spent some time chasing this one down the rabbit hole in my meditations this morning. History records that Jewish law interpreted this so narrowly that it was rarely, if ever, enacted. Rabbinic debate treated the “rebellious son” as a warning text, not a procedural one—Scripture meant to sober parents and children alike.

I have often pointed out in these chapter-a-day posts that Moses and the Hebrews are God parenting humanity in the toddler stage of history. In this context, the Rabbis understand that the rebellious son prescriptive was Father God walking into the bedroom with a wooden spoon and placing it on the head board – not to strike, but to warn “this continued behavior will end badly for you.”

God follows the prescriptive with a commonly used phrase in Deuteronomy that they are to “purge the evil from among you.” This is not angry vengeance. It’s cancer surgery. Rebellion that creates chaos will ultimately become terminal to Life and community.

Don’t go there. Don’t allow societal cancer cells to spread.

In the quiet this morning, today’s chapter, and the heart of God communicated within it, remind me:

  • Communities are accountable, not just individuals.
  • Power must slow down long enough to protect dignity.
  • Even judgment must bow to mercy and restraint.
  • No life—living or dead—is disposable.

This calls me to:

  • Take responsibility when I’d rather pass by.
  • Refuse to let strength become entitlement.
  • Choose restraint over indulgence, presence over distance.
  • Remember: God in this chapter is not cold—He is careful with blood, with power, with people.

As I enter another day on my earthly journey, I am reminded that my responsibility to God is not just myself. It extends to my community, and to every other human being with whom I interact.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
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Chapter-a-Day

One-Side Correspondence; Two-Sides Love

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For I wrote you out of great distress and anguish of heart and with many tears, not to grieve you but to let you know the depth of my love for you.
2 Corinthians 2:4 (NIV)

My mother was an only child. I’ve observed along my journey that there is a unique dynamic common among mothers and children when it’s just the two of them. My grandmother saved all of the letters that she received from my mother. When she died, my mother kept those letters. They’re now sorted chronologically in an archival box in the room next to my office.

Having one side of an on-going correspondence is a bit like a puzzle when it comes to understanding the story behind the letters. There are things that are obvious and things that are a mystery. Then there are the additional contextual layers of time, location, and historic events. I have read my mother’s letters from around the times of historic events like Kennedy’s assassination to find out if she recorded any thoughts or feelings about the events. To be honest, there wasn’t much there. She was a young mother with twin toddler boys. Her world was pretty small and her attention understandably focused on two little rug rats.

As I read today’s chapter, I thought about my mother’s letters. It’s amazing to me that people forget that the “book” that we know as 2 Corinthians is not a book at all. It’s a letter. It’s a correspondence between Paul and the believers in Corinth and it was written to address the particular circumstances and situations between them at that time.

As with my mother’s letters, we only have Paul’s side of the story. We also don’t have all of the letters. There were at least four letters he wrote to the believers of Corinth. There may have been others. Only two survived, adding even more mysteries of context. As I meditated on the first few chapters of this second of the two surviving letters, one thing is certain: It was a complete soap opera.

From Paul’s first letter, which we trekked through on this chapter-a-day journey last January, we know that there was conflict and all sorts of internal trouble within the local gathering of Corinthian believers. There was conflict of loyalties between the Corinthian believers and different leaders. There were domestic problems among the group like an incestuous relationship and other believers who were so mad at one another that lawsuits were being filed. On top of that were divisions among the Corinthians over matters of conduct like whether it was proper for a follower of Jesus to buy and eat meat from the local market that had started out as a sacrifice in one of the local pagan temples. Then there was the socio-economic divisions in which the wealthier members of the gathering were hanging out in a clique and shunning the poor, lower class brothers and sisters. To top it all off, some people were stuffing themselves at the weekly potluck and getting drunk on the Communion wine.

Paul was off sharing Jesus’ message with other people in other places. So, hearing what was going on, he wrote letters to address the soap opera. In these first two chapters of 2 Corinthians he is addressing where he’s been, what news he’s received in return, and his feelings about the Corinthians and their situation. What becomes clear from today’s chapter is that he loves these people a lot. He feels for them like a spiritual father. He is emotional about it.

I’ve learned along my journey that love has two sides. Sometimes I need the hard side of love to hone the rough edges and blind spots in my imperfect character and behavior. Other times, I need the soft side of love to comfort and encourage me in my discouragement and despair. In his letters to the believers in Corinth, Paul obviously delivered both.

In the quiet this morning, I’m reminded that life is often a soap opera. I can’t help the reality of that. I’m an imperfect human being living with other imperfect human beings in a fallen world. Also, most of the time I have limited knowledge of what other people have experienced or are going through at any given time. It’s like having one-side of the correspondence and there are letters I’m missing. The only thing I do control is my own thoughts, words, and actions towards others. Will I approach and respond to others with thoughtful love and concern like Paul did with his friends in Corinth, or will I respond with judgment, derision, and dismissal?

I pray that others find in me the former.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

“Break This Wild Pony!”

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“Break This Wild Pony!” (CaD Lev 26) – Wayfarer

“‘If after all this you will not listen to me, I will punish you for your sins seven times over. I will break down your stubborn pride and make the sky above you like iron and the ground beneath you like bronze.’”
Leviticus 26:18-19 (NIV)

Last week I wrote about our granddaughter Sylvie and her two-year-old willfulness. I will never forget the words of our son-in-law as he and our daughter addressed the subject of their daughter’s stubborn self-will.

“We’re going to break this wild pony!” her father proclaimed with all of the love and resolve of a parent who ultimately wants what is best for his daughter. He knows instinctively that allowing her self-centered tenacity to continue will not be healthy for her or those around her in the future.

Exactly.

We are down to the final two chapters of God’s ancient priestly manual for His ancient Hebrew people in the toddler stages of humanity. Today’s chapter reads like a father addressing his toddler in simple and direct terms.

“Trust me on this, kiddo. If you obey and do as daddy says, then things are going to be good between us. Life is going to be better and more enjoyable all around for you. If, however, you refuse to obey and continue in your stubborn, willful disobedience, then I’m afraid life is going to get extremely difficult and not at all enjoyable for you. You can learn this the easy way or the hard way. It’s your choice, but I love you and I am not going to let you get away with being a self-centered little shit-hill.”

[By the way, “shit-hills” is what my grandma Vander Well called me and my siblings after spending a week with us while our parents were on vacation in the UK. I was five. I’m sure we earned the four-letter-laden moniker. It seemed apt in this context.]

What really blew me away as I read through God’s warning to His brood of toddlers is that it is a prophetic foreshadowing of exactly what is going to happen 750 years in the future:

“I will set my face against you so that you will be defeated by your enemies; those who hate you will rule over you, and you will flee even when no one is pursuing you.”

Eventually, about 500 years after God warns His children about this in today’s chapter the Hebrew family splinters into two with the siblings factions at war with one another. That’s what happens when stubborn toddlers grow up to be pig-headed adolescents. About 200 years later, one set of siblings is conquered by the Assyrian Empire. About 150 years after that, the other set of siblings falls to the Babylonian Empire.

“When you withdraw into your cities, I will send a plague among you, and you will be given into enemy hands. When I cut off your supply of bread, ten women will be able to bake your bread in one oven, and they will dole out the bread by weight. You will eat, but you will not be satisfied.”
Leviticus 26:25-26

When they were conquered, the city of Jerusalem was surrounded in a siege by the Babylon. The Hebrew people stuck inside the walls slowly used up all of their provisions until starvation set in. Jeremiah describes it in his poem of Lamentations:

All her people groan
    as they search for bread;
they barter their treasures for food
    to keep themselves alive.
“Look, Lord, and consider,
    for I am despised.”
Lamentations 1:11

God goes on in Leviticus:

“You will eat the flesh of your sons and the flesh of your daughters.” (vs 29)

Jeremiah goes on to describe this eventuality:

“Look, Lord, and consider:
    Whom have you ever treated like this?
Should women eat their offspring,
    the children they have cared for?”
Lamentations 2:20

God continues in today’s chapter:

“I will scatter you among the nations and will draw out my sword and pursue you. Your land will be laid waste, and your cities will lie in ruins.” (vs. 33)

Jerusalem was utterly destroyed along with Solomon’s famous temple, one of the seven wonders of the ancient world. Both the Hebrew children of the northern kingdom and southern kingdom were taken into exile by the Assyrians and Babylonians, just as God foreshadowed.

But the bitter consequences of a child’s stubborn will and rebellion do not change the love of a parent. The hope is that those harsh life lessons will eventually lead to a change of heart. God even foreshadows this in today’s chapter.

“‘But if they will confess their sins and the sins of their ancestors—their unfaithfulness and their hostility toward me… I will remember my covenant with Jacob and my covenant with Isaac and my covenant with Abraham, and I will remember the land. Yet in spite of this, when they are in the land of their enemies, I will not reject them or abhor them so as to destroy them completely, breaking my covenant with them.’” (vss. 40, 42, 44)

It was while in exile in Babylon that the stories of Daniel, Esther, and Ezekiel take place. Just as promised, God does not abandon them in exile, but uses them to encourage His people and bear witness to their enemies. In the books of Ezra and Nehemiah, God brings His humbled and repentant children back home to Jerusalem like the Prodigal Son in Jesus’ parable. They rebuild Jerusalem and their lives.

There are even more direct prophetic connections and spiritual truths in today’s chapter than I have time and space to unpack. I hope you get the picture. In the quiet this morning I am amazed at the layers of meaning and spiritual truth contained in one chapter. God and humanity, parents and children, prophecy and fulfillment, historical events and metaphorical spiritual lessons that are applicable for me today are all crammed into 46 verses.

As I enter my day, I am reminded that no matter how old I get in physical human terms I never stop being a child of God. Each day my heart, my mind, my actions, and my choices can search out and follow my Father’s will. I can also choose to follow my own stubborn will, self-centered desires, and indulge my base human appetites. It is the same every day. It is my choice. My choices have natural consequences of both flesh and Spirit.

What choices will I make today?

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

Who Changed? The Parent or Child?

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Who Changed? The Parent or Child? (CaD Lev 20) – Wayfarer

“You must not live according to the customs of the nations I am going to drive out before you. Because they did all these things, I abhorred them.”
Leviticus 20:23 (NIV)

Our granddaughter, Sylvie, is an absolute delight. She is also a willful child in excess measure. Once Sylvie sets her will to what she wants or doesn’t want, you are in for the challenge of your life..

Sylvie is currently potty training. She’s taken her own sweet time getting here. When she came to stay at Papa and Yaya’s house last week we quickly discovered this little game she was playing. When her body told her it was time to do the numero dos, she would tell us she had to go potty. We put her on the pot and she would quickly ask for a wipe, use it and then say she was all done without accomplishing the deed. She loves putting the toilet paper in the adult potty and flushing it. Back she went to playing until a few minutes later she said she has to go potty again. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

I went along with it the first two or three times, but I was not playing that game all day. What Sylvie doesn’t know is that I successfully raised her Aunt Madison, who was a Grand Master when it came to being a willful child. Sylvie experienced a side of Papa last weekend that she’d never really experienced before. It didn’t change my love for her one iota. She just learned that there’s a serious side of Papa that will meet her toddler willfulness head-on.

When Sylvie is a teenager, and when she becomes a young adult out on her own, my relationship with her will be very different. It’s a natural life progression. Right now, she is a willful toddler who needs loving but very firm and sometimes serious authority from her parents and grandparents to guide her in doing the right and healthy thing.

In this chapter-a-day journey through the book of Leviticus, I have repeatedly used the metaphor of humanity being in its’ toddler stages back in 1500 B.C. One of the hardest things for modern readers of the Great Story to grapple with is that the God of Leviticus seems so different and hardcore than the teachings of Jesus. I think it’s easy to lose sight of who really changed between the two. If our adult daughters, who now have children of their own, behaved in a way I found improper today I wouldn’t shout “NO!” at them with my authoritarian voice, command them to cease, and threaten them with a time-out, being grounded, or inflicting some kind of uncomfortable punishment (not that some parents don’t foolishly still use variations of these tactics with their adult children). That would be silly. They are adults and my relationship with them has changed, though I’m still the same father I was when Grand Master Madison was Sylvie’s age exhibiting her willful shenanigans.

In today’s chapter, God goes back to the sex thing that He addressed with His toddler children two chapters ago. He repeats (you have to repeat things a lot to toddlers) the authoritarian prohibitions of practicing child sacrifice (like the people groups around them were doing) and committing various sexual acts, most all of it referring to incest, which the people groups around them were doing without restraint. The threat of punishment was blunt and severe, just like one threatens a willful toddler.

In the quiet this morning, I thought back to a conversation Wendy and I had with friends over brunch yesterday. The conversation was about children in young adulthood. Children at that stage of human development make some really, really foolish mistakes (the same way we did when we were their age) but a parent must use a far more subtle and nuanced approach in attempting to guide, instruct, and support them towards wise and healthy decisions. The authoritarian toddler stage is pretty easy by comparison. Parenting a young adult requires the surrender, faith, and patience of the Prodigal’s father.

This begs the question, of course, in what ways is God still having to have surrender, faith, and patience with me in my “adult” stages of life? In what aspects of my life am I still being the Prodigal?

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

Ceaseless Maturation

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Brothers and sisters, stop thinking like children. In regard to evil be infants, but in your thinking be adults.
1 Corinthians 14:20 (NIV)

I had a conversation the other day with parents who have a child in their late teens. As with most parents, they were struggling with that fact that this intelligent, capable child regularly makes really stupid choices and foolish decisions. Yep.

I shared with my friends that Wendy and I both observed a major shift in our daughters as they reached their mid-twenties and their brains were fully developed. I learned how much the brain is a part of our maturation process. We don’t control it. It just is.

At the same time, I know fully functioning adults who continue to act like teenagers as if their brains never fully developed. They allow themselves to be led by their self-centered appetites and passions. They repeatedly make foolish life decisions. Their lives are always in chaos. They are perpetually trying to escape the painful consequences of their own childish foolishness.

Paul is dealing with people like this among the Jesus’ followers in Corinth. In today’s chapter, he once again tells the Corinthian believers to “grow up” and stop acting like children.

One of the things I thought as a foolish child was that adults reached a level of complete maturity around the age of 30 and then it was sort of smooth sailing after that. You act like an adult and the rest of life is easy. It was around the age of thirty I started making some of the most foolish and childish life decisions of my entire journey!

As a disciple of Jesus, I’ve had to embrace that the process of growth and maturity never ends. Jesus said He was the Vine and I am a branch of that vine. What healthy plant stops growing, developing new growth, and bearing fruit? So it is with life in the Vine.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself thinking about the many ways I still need to prune, water, feed, and cultivate continued spiritual growth and applied wisdom in my life. I do this so that as my aging body wanes my life continues to grow, flourish, and remain spiritually fruitful until the end.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!
Chapter-a-Day

Time to Drive

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Time to Drive (CaD Ezk 44) – Wayfarer

This is what the Sovereign Lord says: No foreigner uncircumcised in heart and flesh is to enter my sanctuary, not even the foreigners who live among the Israelites.
Ezekiel 44:9 (NIV)

I was driving with our daughter Taylor in the car. It was a gorgeous, quiet day late in the afternoon. She was around eleven or twelve years old at the time. About a block from our house was this giant parking lot that sat completely empty. I pulled into the parking lot and Taylor was wondering what was going on. I told her we were switching seats and that I was going to give her an opportunity to drive the car.

Taylor was completely freaked out by this, and that first driving lesson didn’t last very long, but she did it. She learned the basics of an accelerator and brake pedal, about shifting the car into gear, and she performed some basic turns with the steering wheel.

I not only had the joy of taking her completely by surprise, but I was also wanting to plant a seed in her soul. She was on the cusp of a new phase in life when she will find herself capable and responsible for things that were once forbidden to her. And while she was still a few years from having legal permission to drive a car, the truth is that she was already far more capable than she even knew – she’d never even thought about it.

In today’s chapter, Ezekiel’s vision continues and he is reminded of all the rules of the priests in the Temple that were established back in the book of Leviticus. In a previous post, I talked about God being a God who makes distinctions. And in today’s chapter, we are reminded that in that day there were distinctions between priests and non-priests, even between Jews and non-Jews. By the time Jesus appeared on the scene, the distinction had morphed into outright prejudice and religiously sanctioned racism.

But humanity grows and matures the way my daughter does. There was a time when the distinction was made “You are not to drive. Only daddy or mommy drives. That’s your seat. This one is mine.” But there comes a time when the distinction is removed. Jesus came to remove the distinctions and do something completely new.

Paul, who was himself a Jewish religious and legal scholar who became a disciple and apostle of Jesus, explained the removal of the distinction Ezekiel shares in today’s chapter between Jewish Levitical priests and “uncircumcised foreigners” to the believers in Ephesus:

(I know this is a long passage, but imagine yourself being one of the “uncircumcised foreigners” who was never allowed into the Temple and had been treated like a second-class citizen your whole life reading this for the first time.)

 The Messiah has made things up between us so that we’re now together on this, both non-Jewish outsiders and Jewish insiders. He tore down the wall we used to keep each other at a distance. He repealed the law code that had become so clogged with fine print and footnotes that it hindered more than it helped. Then he started over. Instead of continuing with two groups of people separated by centuries of animosity and suspicion, he created a new kind of human being, a fresh start for everybody.

Christ brought us together through his death on the cross. The Cross got us to embrace, and that was the end of the hostility. Christ came and preached peace to you outsiders and peace to us insiders. He treated us as equals, and so made us equals. Through him we both share the same Spirit and have equal access to the Father.

That’s plain enough, isn’t it? You’re no longer wandering exiles. This kingdom of faith is now your home country. You’re no longer strangers or outsiders. You belong here, with as much right to the name Christian as anyone. God is building a home. He’s using us all—irrespective of how we got here—in what he is building. He used the apostles and prophets for the foundation. Now he’s using you, fitting you in brick by brick, stone by stone, with Christ Jesus as the cornerstone that holds all the parts together. We see it taking shape day after day—a holy temple built by God, all of us built into it, a temple in which God is quite at home.
Ephesians 2:14-22 (MSG) emphases added

Jesus came to usher in a new age of humanity in which the Temple is no longer a bricks-and-mortar building but a flesh-and-blood organism. Everyone who is in Christ is a brick of the living, breathing Temple, and everyone who is in Christ is a priest of that Temple. We’re all included, we’re all a part of it.

In the quiet this morning, I am grieving the fact that for two thousand years the Institutional church has largely succeeded in putting the old distinctions back in place in which professional clergy are the only holy priests and the people in the pews are the unholy commoners. But that’s not what Jesus taught or intended. You and I, my friend, are a brick in the Temple and we’re Priests in this world to show others by our lives, our words, and our example the love and way of Jesus.

Jesus came to tell all of us “Get over here in the drivers seat, my child. It’s time to learn to drive.”

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

A New Phase of Life

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“My people come to you, as they usually do, and sit before you to hear your words, but they do not put them into practice. Their mouths speak of love, but their hearts are greedy for unjust gain.”
Ezekiel 33:31 (NIV)

Wendy and I really enjoyed her sister’s visit this past week along with her wee ones. There’s nothing like a couple of toddlers to make the house an exciting place. We haven’t had the child gates up in front of the stairs since the kids moved to Des Moines in May. And of course, like a magnet, little Rosie immediately found a couple of the lower outlets that had their child safety plugs removed.

Along my life journey, I’ve observed that parenting changes. This is not because I changed, but because our daughters changed with age. There were tactics required with a toddler like Rosie who is still struggling to comprehend simple rules meant for their safety. The tactics change as children get to the age when they know the rules, they can comprehend them just fine, but they willfully choose to disobey. The tactics change yet again when a child reaches the age of accountability and they must start navigating the world making their own choices and suffering the consequences.

As I have read and studied the Great Story for over 40 years, I have observed that the Story itself is the story of God’s relationship with humanity. I often hear people struggling to understand how God related to humanity in the ancient books. Of course we do, because we live in a different age. Not only are a lot of the historical and cultural contexts lost to us, but also humanity itself has matured over time. It’s silly to think of giving our adult daughters a time-out. In the same way, I have to recognize that humanity itself was at a different age in the days of Ezekiel.

Today’s chapter marks a turning-point in Ezekiel’s life and prophetic works. Until this point, Zeke was only able to speak when God gave him a prophetic message. In today’s chapter, his tongue is freed just a word is on the way that Jerusalem had fallen and was destroyed by the Babylonians just has Zeke had been predicting. Zeke is told that his role has been like that of God’s proxy-parent. If he warns the children of their behavior and the threatens them with the consequences like a good parent, then great. If, however, like a bad parent there is no warning given for playing with fire and kids burn the house down, who’s to blame?

I have observed that fundamentalists typically cling to the tactics of the ancient prophets. They are always yelling and condemning like angry parents threatening the children with hellfire consequences of not obeying Dad “because I said so!” In doing so, they believe that they are “saving” people by urging sinners to repent of their ways, as well saving themselves by warning others just as God described to Zeke in today’s chapter.

But humanity has changed. Humanity is no longer a child. The life, teaching, death, and resurrection of Jesus was a turning point like a child entering the age of accountability.

I sometimes see our adult children making choices that I think they’ll regret. Can I ground them? Give them a time-out? Send them to their room? No, but I can lovingly warn them. I can tell them what I learned from making similar choices when I was their age. Ultimately, an adult child has to learn from the consequences of their own choices. In the same way, Jesus taught His followers that it was time to approach humanity with new tactics for a world emerging into a new phase of life. Love, humility, and servant-hearted acts of goodness are to be daily examples for all to see. It’s kindness, not condemnation, that leads others to repentance. Yes, there are love motivated warnings to give when it is necessary, and even relational consequences in extreme situations. But those are the exceptions, not the general rule. Humanity has matured, so must our love and tactics.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Stupid Decisions

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Stupid Decisions (CaD Ezk 18) – Wayfarer

Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!
Ezekiel 18:31-32 (NIV)

Wendy and I have several good friends who are currently residing in that stretch of life’s journey when one has the responsibility to parent teenagers. No one seems to be having any fun.

The thing about the teen years is that kids begin to get a taste of freedom and of free will, but they’re still about ten years from having fully developed brains. They make really stupid decisions. And, because they are old enough to get into serious trouble, those stupid decisions run the risk of quickly becoming tragic.

As I listen to some of the stories, it brings back memories of both Taylor and Madison. The girls were good kids and I’m happy to say they made far more good decisions that stupid decisions. But make no mistake, they both made stupid decisions. We caught a few of them. Certain stupid decisions are stupid because they’re so stupid that getting found out is a certainty. I’m certain there were stupid decisions that they got away with. Parents are stupid too, to believe that somehow our children won’t make the same stupid decisions we made when we were their age.

Stupid teenager decisions are a great example of what we call sin. We know it’s wrong, but we do it anyway. We do it for any number of reasons.

In the Great Story, sin is the major spiritual problem. It enters the Story in the third chapter of Genesis. Adam knew that he wasn’t supposed to eat the fruit of one tree. But, dang it, it looked so beautiful and juicy and he was really craving a taste of sweet succulent fruit at that moment.

Stupid decision.

Stupid decisions have consequences.

The consequence of Adam and Eve’s stupid decision, God says, is death. Not right away, but eventually. The human body will break down, wear out, and return to the dust of the earth from which it was formed. Ashes to ashes. Dust to dust.

As Paul wrote to Jesus’ followers in Rome:

sin entered the world through one man, and death through sin, and in this way death came to all people, because all sinned –

The message God continues to relay to humans throughout the rest of the Great Story is that He is for life. He wants me to be for life. He wants me to experience life.

At the same time, God does not like death any more than the. parent of a teenager likes to get a call from the Police because they have a teenager in custody.

In today’s chapter, Ezekiel relays what, at the heart of it, this very simple message. In fact, it’s as simple as they come. If you make stupid decisions and live a life of selfishness, pride, stealing, cheating others, living in immorality, and never looking out for anyone but numero uno then death is the just consequence for squandering the opportunity life affords.

But that’s not what God wants. He takes no pleasure in it. It’s a tragic consequence of endless stupid decisions.

God wants life, and He even makes a way for it. Ezekiel proclaims it beautifully in today’s chapter:

Rid yourselves of all the offenses you have committed, and get a new heart and a new spirit. Why will you die, people of Israel? For I take no pleasure in the death of anyone, declares the Sovereign Lord. Repent and live!

In other words, turn around. Make different choices. Follow God. He’s offering a new heart and a new spirit. A fresh start.

Paul put it this way to the believers in Rome:

For if, by the trespass of the one man, death reigned through that one man, how much more will those who receive God’s abundant provision of grace and of the gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man, Jesus Christ!

Just as death to all came through one sin, so God would arrange for life for all to come through one death. Life…death…new life.

I will tell you, that the new life began for me when I made one good decision to take the first step:

I admitted I was powerless over my stupid decisions — that my life had become unmanageable.

This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him.
Deuteronomy 30:19-20 (NIV)

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.