Tag Archives: Questions

“From a Distance”

All these people were still living by faith when they died. They did not receive the things promised; they only saw them and welcomed them from a distance….
Hebrews 11:13 (NIV)

Yesterday morning a woman came up to me amidst our local gathering of Jesus’ followers and shared with me some things that God has been teaching her of late. These things dove-tailed with some of the very insights God has been revealing to me in my contemplation.

I just wonder why it’s taken me 35 years to see these things,” I laughed, shaking my  head.

Because we didn’t need to see them until now,” she answered matter-of-factly. “They are for this time and place.”

I find it equally fascinating that I can read God’s Message over and over and over again, but there are certain things which leap off the page as if I’ve never seen them before. That’s what happened as I read this morning’s chapter, which is a very famous chapter about faith. The author of this letter to  early Hebrew followers of Jesus is a Hall of Fame walk through of the ancient heroes of faith. From Cain and Abel through Rahab, the prostitute of Jericho (I love that Rahab was included in the list), the writer shows how each of these ancients embraced faith.

What I had never seen clearly until this morning was that twice the author acknowledges that in many cases these heroes of faith did not receive what was promised during their earthly journey. First it’s mentioned (vs. 13) that Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob believed that their tribes would become a great nation and have their own “promised land” to call home. The “promised land” was never established during their lifetimes. They lived in pursuit of a promise that they would not realize in their lifetimes.

At the very end of the chapter, the writer reiterates [emphasis added]:

These were all commended for their faith, yet none of them received what had been promised, since God had planned something better for us so that only together with us would they be made perfect.

I have learned in my own journey, particularly as Wendy and I have walked through the long valley of infertility, that there is a certain depth of faith that one only realizes when what is promised is not received (or not received as expected) in this lifetime. I have never understood why God answers the prayers of some and not others. I don’t know why some are healed and some are not. I don’t know why some get pregnant and we did not.

There are answers out there. My spirit sees them “from a distance” as the author of Hebrews wrote.

I have faith in that.

The Runaway Train of My Brain

we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.
2 Corinthians 10:5b (NIV)

When I was in 8th grade I learned how to diagram sentences in English class and how great stories were structured. In high school I learned how to break down stories and characters into their component parts and how to construct a cohesive presentation. In college I learned how to critique, how to “beat” a script, and how to storyboard an idea. In my personal work with multiple counselors I’ve learned how to recognize my own patterns of thought and the conversations I’m always having with myself. I’m still a work in progress but I’ve been learning over my entire life journey how to meta-communicate. That is, to think not only about what is being communicated but how it’s being communicated.

I happen to be married to Wendy, who does the same thing. It makes marriage interesting.

Thus it was that when I came across the phrase above from today’s chapter what initially struck me was not the spiritual meaning of this phrase, but the fact that it is a recurring theme in conversation between Wendy and me. “Taking every thought captive” comes up regularly in our discussions as we process through patterns of thought and behavior. So, I’ve been thinking about that in the quiet this morning.

I’ve realized along my life journey that my thoughts are often a runaway train. My brains neurons, synapses and transmitters got wired a certain way like a set track and when particular situations or circumstances present themselves my thoughts mindlessly follow where that track leads. There’s no meta-communication. There’s no thought about my thoughts. I just follow the tracks and end up at the same stations of words, emotions, behaviors and situations.

When “taking every thought captive” comes up in conversation between Wendy and me, we are essentially referencing the process from the old Westerns of riding fast to grab control of the train engine and pull on the hand brake. We’re forcing ourselves to think about our thinking and then do something about it.

Wait a minute. I keep going to down this ‘train’ of thought and I never like where it leads me (or us). Why am I thinking this way? What situation/experience/circumstance/word triggered my brain engine to take off down this track? What assumptions have I made in thinking this way? What am I not considering? What am I afraid of? What do my thoughts, words, and actions reveal about what it is I really want or desire? What am I not seeing in my limited view of the situation? Is my perspective skewed, and, if so, by what?”

Forcing myself to consider and answer these questions put the brakes on the runaway train, take the mindless thoughts captive, and begin the process of choosing new paths of thought toward better places in life and relationship.

This morning I’m thankful for God-given brains that are naturally powerful at learning, adapting, and changing. I’m grateful for God who is infinitely gracious with this wayfarer’s life-long journey of chasing down runaway thoughts and laying down new tracks. I am equally grateful for the spiritual power that assists in the mental processing. I am reminded that Jesus great commandment includes loving God with all of my mind as well as my heart, soul, and strength.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have a train to catch.

Content with What I Cannot Fathom

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
          declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”
Isaiah 55:8-9 (NIV)

When I was a young man I may not have thought I knew it all, but I was pretty certain I had a firm grasp on most of it. The further I get in my journey the more I am convinced that what I know, indeed what we know as human beings, is the visible and temporal tip of an eternal iceberg. I am increasingly captivated by the mystery of what I do not know, and what I can not fathom.

Embracing of mystery, or perhaps better said letting mystery embrace me, is not something I could really do when I was younger. I needed to feel the self assurance of having it all figured out, neatly ordered in my own intellectual box, and tied up with the ribbon of my institutional doctrines. And yet, if I am going to faithfully believe what God has said through His Message, then I must embrace the truth of Isaiah’s poetic verse in today’s chapter. God uses the inverse of my iceberg metaphor. God’s thoughts and God’s ways are light years above what I can see or seem. So, why would I want to even pretend otherwise?

I know what God has expressed through what has been made, which itself confounds the greatest of human minds in the ways with which it functions. I know what God has expressed through Jesus, which is rich in diverse metaphors and spiritual paradoxes that have kept better minds than mine debating since they were spoken. I know the Great Story as it has been told and handed down through the millennia. Chapter-by-chapter I continue my journey through it and find myself ever captivated by the depths of it that I continue to unearth. I have accepted that I will never stop finding new discoveries within it, and asking questions for which I do not know the answers. Still, it will speak to me anew each time I delve into it.

I remember hearing a respected teacher, Gordon McDonald, speak at a conference many years ago. He said he had something he wanted to share with us and then added [I paraphrase], “You may disagree with me. That’s okay. I’m too old to care whether everyone agrees with me or not.” As a young man who cared a great deal that everyone agree with my neatly packaged and wrapped box of knowledge, I was blown away by this statement. Today, I get where Gordon was coming from.

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
    neither are your ways my ways,”
          declares the Lord.
“As the heavens are higher than the earth,
    so are my ways higher than your ways
    and my thoughts than your thoughts.”

More than ever, I’m good with that.

The Context of the Pinterest Quote

“Now if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served in the region beyond the River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15 (NRSV)

We have increasingly become a culture that boils things down to simple thoughts. We gather quotes, sayings and images on social media. We try to say something or quote something worthwhile in the 140 characters that a tweet will allow. Everything is reduced to make it smaller, pithier, and more quickly consumed. And, in doing so we lose context. Without context things change and lose the fullness of meaning.

josh 24 15 grab edit

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” Joshua said in today’s chapter. These words can be found on countless Pinterest images (example above), plaques, wall hangings, keychains, bookmarks, pens, and etc. It’s a popular sentiment and statement of commitment. I’m afraid very few people know where it originated or its context.

Joshua, the chosen successor to Moses, is at the finish line of his life. He’s dying. His number is almost up and he knows it. He gathers the nation together around the Big Top – the great tent that had been Israel’s mobile worship center since the days of Moses himself.

Joshua recounts the story of the nations history from Abraham to their present day (“Where have we been?”).

Joshua reminds them of the blessings they are enjoying in the lands which had become their inheritance (“Where are we now?”)

Then Joshua calls them to commitment: “Choose this day whom you will serve…” (“Where are you going?”)

The call to commitment is not for Joshua himself. He’s done. He’s run his race. The answer to the question of commitment will have no bearing on him. He no longer has an earthly future. He’s making a declarative statement for his family. He will not have any power to enforce it, he will not be physically present to hold his family accountable to it, and he has no assurance that they will actually fulfill it. It is a  faith statement.

Joshua’s statement belies the real question that is weighing on his 110 year old heart: “What am I leaving behind?”

His statement, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” is far greater than the letters on a Pinterest post can provide to the casual observer. The depth of it cannot be realized in reading the mere words. It’s important to understand the whole story and the context in which the statement is made. This is a declaration of death-bed desire. It is a plea to his descendants. This is Joshua’s great and motivating want. It is the revelation of his dying wish and his heart’s pure and final longing.

Today, we come to the end of Joshua’s story. It is the final chapter in the book, and in a moment of unplanned synchronicity it falls on the day before my 50th birthday. Today, I find myself asking:

  • “Where have I been?”
  • “Where am I at?”
  • “Where am I going?”
  • “What will I leave behind?”

 

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featured image: Christmas Morning by Andrew Wyeth

 

Job, Jah Malla, and Utter Depravity

How then can a mortal be righteous before God?
How can one born of woman be pure?
Job 25:4 (NIV)

The debate between Job and his three companions takes an interesting twist this morning in a succinct statement by Bildad. If I can paraphrase the debate thus far it would be:

  • Job: “God’s done me wrong, dude. I don’t deserve this.”
  • Three Amigos: “Come on, man. You must to have done something wrong. You’re being punished.”
  • Job: “I can’t be. I’m an alright guy. There are no skeletons in the closet.”
  • Three Amigos: “Yes there are and you know it. ‘Fess up. God blesses the good and punishes the bad. You’re life has fallen apart, ergo you are being punished, ergo you did something to piss God off.”
  • Job: “No, I didn’t (And, stop using Latin. It’s pretentious and annoying). If it’s true that I did something to deserve this, then God needs to tell me what it is and He’s being silent. That’s just another layer of injustice in this whole thing.”
  • Three Amigos: “You did something wrong, man. Just admit it and watch your suffering turn to blessing.”
  • Job: “No, I didn’t. Let God come down here and tell me Himself. But, He’s nowhere to be found.”
  • Three Amigos: “You did something, dude.”
  • Job: “No, I didn’t.”
  • Three Amigos: “Yes, you did.”
  • Job: “No.”
  • Three Amigos: “Yep. Pretty sure.”
  • Job: “No. Shut up.”
  • Three Amigos: [nodding their heads at Job]

Bildad now points the debate in a theological direction. Job’s insists that he’s lived a righteous life and hasn’t done anything to deserve the train wreck of tragedy he’s experienced. Bil responds to this reasoning by pointing out the foundational theological concept of utter depravity. The idea is that ever since Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit, humanity has this tragic flaw generally known as “sin.” We all choose to do things we know we shouldn’t. We all choose not to do things we know we should. Bob Dylan put it to music and sang: Ain’t no man righteous, no not one [YouTube of Jah Malla covering the song above, in a distinctly righteous reggae beat].

In other words, Bil has gotten frustrated with Job’s insistence that’s he’s done nothing to deserve his suffering and counters with universal truth: “Look, man, we’re ALL sinners.”

I haven’t peeked ahead to the next chapter(s), but I don’t think it takes a master logician to anticipate Job’s response: “Dude, if we’re ALL sinners, then why aren’t we ALL suffering? I don’t see YOUR pasty white butt covered with festering boils!”

And, this really leads back to the crux of what I’m hearing in this very long (and sometimes repetitive…and, occasionally, a bit boring) debate between Job and his so-call friends. Job’s question isn’t just “Why,” but “Why ME?” And, that’s a question that I imagine we’ve all asked ourselves in times and circumstances relatively less dire than Job’s.

Hard Questions

One person dies in full vigor,
     completely secure and at ease,
well nourished in body,
     bones rich with marrow.
Another dies in bitterness of soul,
     never having enjoyed anything good.
Side by side they lie in the dust,
     and worms cover them both.
Job 21:23-26 (NIV)

Life is not fair.

Once again this morning I read the words of Job and the scabs of my own soul wound itch. My decision to read Job during this season is not the result of some thorough process of reason. I simply saw that it had been several years since we’ve read it and thought it would be good to revisit the epic poem. What’s interesting to me is that, at this point in life’s journey, I find Job taking me back to thoughts and feelings Wendy and I experienced in the darkest days of our journey through the valley of infertility. What I’m discovering is that it is a different facet on the same stone of suffering that Job is experienced.

Job sees a person with everything going for them cut down in the prime of life while another person lives a long life of bitterness and misery. How does this make sense?

I have asked similar questions.

I look around.
The victim of rape has a child.
The teen drug addict has a child.
The woman with no job, no husband, and three kids on welfare has another child.
The woman over there is on her sixth child in nine years.

I read God’s story.
Sarah finally had a child.
Leah finally had a child.
Ruth finally had a child.
Hannah finally had a child.
Elizabeth finally had a child.
A virgin girl had a child.

Yet, for some inexplicable reason…

Life is not fair.

Today, I find myself once again sitting with Job amidst hard questions and seeking God in the mystery of it.

Basic Questions Old and New

In the Womb
In the Womb (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
Psalm 139:13-16 (NIV)

Wendy, Suzanna and I have been watching the new science fiction show Almost Human this year. While it’s not the greatest television show in the world, it is certainly one of the most unique. The basic premise of the show is that in the future technology will allow us to create human-like androids that can be used as police officers, soldiers, prostitutes, and etc. The android robots are almost human, and scientists in this future world are struggling with how to give these androids a human-like soul and emotions. Previous experiments to do so failed in disastrous ways forcing the extermination of the effort and the androids that were created from it.

Wendy and I have found the theological and spiritual issues/questions underlying the show fascinating. At the heart of it are questions about what it means to be human (and inhuman). Our conversations about the show lead me back to the beginning. They’ve led me back to the oldest, most foundational stories of humanity. Hidden in the temptation of Eden’s forbidden fruit was the desire to become God ourselves and supplant the will of our Creator and our accountability to Him. As our human technology builds Babel-like towards the mysteries of the heavens I see at the pinnacle of our current Tower’s blue-print the desire to wrestle the power of Life and Death away from God and to create and control Life ourselves. Cloning, medicine, cryogenics, robotics, genetics, and countless other areas of study are expanding into these basic, foundational questions about human life.

David’s lyrics in Psalm 139 are both beautiful and absolutely relevant to this conversation. David’s song leads me to ask if God is part of the equation in all of these foundational questions, or if we have successfully eaten the forbidden fruit and have ourselves become god without need or accountability to our Creator. If there is divine purpose in conception, if our days are ordained and the knitting together of the human soul is a mystery beyond human technology to replicate, then will our desire to harness, control and disseminate it like gods have disastrous spiritual consequences? I fear we will find our current technological and scientific pursuits will simply lead us back at the locked gate east of Eden and/or to the rubble of Babel.

These are the questions that have most plagued me with the issue of abortion (Please note: I am asking spiritual questions, NOT making political statements!). Science and technology push further and further into saving one mother’s prematurely born baby while at the same time medical science helps another mother discard an unwanted baby in her womb. In some cases the aborted life in the latter example was at a later stage of development than baby whom science saved in the former example. The common denominators between the two scenarios are the ability of medical science to save life or end it, and the will of the mother to choose which it will be. Setting the fate of the unborn aside, I wonder if we have unwittingly done long term spiritual harm to mothers in whom we’ve placed the power and responsibility to choose life or death.

I am increasingly concerned that science and technology are progressing faster than we can capably wrestle with the spiritual and sociological questions emerging from them. I believe these basic questions and conversations about who we are in relation to God, ourselves, each other, and the world around us are critical. I hear and perceive the sentiments of many who consider God a foolish myth and who place their faith in the limitless capacity and progression of human science and technology. Deep in my spirit, however, my soul echoes David’s lyrics and the notion that God the Creator is still very much involved in the ongoing acts and works of creation. No matter how far human knowledge and ability progresses, I suspect there will always be infinite mysteries “too lofty for me to attain” and I never want to lose sight of that nor disrespect it.

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Questions for the Sojourn

Hiker near Chiginagak Volcano
Hiker near Chiginagak Volcano (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Pharaoh said to Jacob, “How many years have you lived?” So Jacob said to Pharaoh, “The years of my sojourning are one hundred and thirty; few and unpleasant have been the years of my life, nor have they attained the years that my fathers lived during the days of their sojourning.” Genesis 47:8-9 (NASB)

Anyone who reads more than a few of my chapter-a-day posts knows that I regularly speak of life as a sojourn and a journey just as Jacob did with Pharaoh. I’m often asked about the name of my blog, Wayfarer, which simply means “someone on a journey.” In fact, one of the translations I read of the above verses this morning used the world “pilgrimage” instead of “sojourn,” which I also liked.

We are all on a life journey. Life is a sojourn. It is a pilgrimage.

So the questions I regularly ask myself are…

  • What direction am I headed?
  • What am I leaving behind?
  • What am I trying to take with me that I should be letting go?
  • What is my ultimate destination?
  • Is there a better road for me to take?
  • Have I chosen good companions? Do they spur me on or do they hold me back?

Chapter-a-Day Deuteronomy 13

From USCG caption: Keeper Benjamin Cameron of ...
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You are to follow only God, your God, hold him in deep reverence, keep his commandments, listen obediently to what he says, serve him—hold on to him for dear life! Deuteronomy 13:4 (MSG)

There are days in which life itself doesn’t make much sense. There are days when I read God’s Message and I have more questions than answers. There are days when everything feels adrift. I love that even in the midst of these days, God throws me a life-line like the fourth verse of today’s chapter.

Follow. Press on.
Stay obedient. Keep doing what you’re doing.
Listen. Open both your ears and your heart.
And whatever you do, hold on for dear life!

If there’s anything that 16,565 days on the journey have taught me, it’s to cling to God and press on through days like this.

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