Retrospect | Wayfarer

Jesus replied, “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.”
John 13:7 (NIV)

When I was a young man, I worked for a small non-profit that was just getting started. As a way of helping make the financial leap of hiring me as the first employee, I agreed to raise half of my own salary for the first year. I went to family, friends, and people who were benefitting from the organization and asked for a one-year commitment to support me financially. The organization agreed to work toward making this arrangement a one-year-only commitment.

As the year wore on, I repeatedly asked for an update from the organization’s founder and board. I had told my financial supporters that it would be a one-year commitment, and I felt responsible for updating them. I even said that I might be willing to continue raising part of my salary if a plan could be worked out to slowly taper it off over time. Each month I asked if the Board had discussed a plan. Each month I was told that they didn’t get to it.

I remember being frustrated and confused during this period of time. As my work anniversary neared, it became clear to me that I was not high on the priority list, and that the circumstances I found myself in were symptoms of larger systemic issues. I made the decision that I was going to resign. This was not, however, an easy decision. I was a young husband and father of two babies. I didn’t have another job lined up. It was not a fun moment.

Having made my decision, I began notifying those who had been supporting me financially that year to let them know they could stop cutting monthly checks. One of those supporters asked me why, and I explained the situation.

“What are you going to do?” He asked.

I told him I didn’t know.

He then asked to meet with me that afternoon. He offered me a job. This summer I will celebrate my 30th work anniversary at that job.

Along my life journey, I have found myself at many waypoints of confusion.

“How did I get here?”

“What is happening right now?”

“Where in the world is this leading?”

“I don’t understand!”

I’ve discovered along the way that there are times when it is only in retrospect that I can see how God was at work in me, directing my path and guiding my steps.

Today’s chapter begins John’s recounting of the night of Jesus’ arrest. At their last supper together Jesus tells His disciples “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” This has been a recurring theme. In yesterday’s chapter, John wrote: “At first his disciples did not understand all this. Only after Jesus was glorified did they realize that these things had been written about him and that these things had been done to him.”

As fate would have it, I find myself back at one of those confusing waypoints on life’s road at the moment. I don’t understand where things are leading. I don’t have clarity regarding the path forward. But I can look back and see how God has been faithful in all those past waypoints of confusion. I can trust Him with this one, too.

I’m back on Facebook for those who liked to read my chapter-a-day posts there! Facebook refuses to give me access to my old, hacked account, but I have started a new account. Please feel free to search for me on Facebook and friend me. If Facebook won’t let you friend me, please go to my Facebook profile and “Message” me on Facebook Messenger, which should then allow me to friend you. Cheers! -Tom

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

“Now if you are unwilling to serve the Lord, choose this day whom you will serve, whether the gods your ancestors served in the region beyond the River or the gods of the Amorites in whose land you are living; but as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24:15 (NRSV)

We have increasingly become a culture that boils things down to simple thoughts. We gather quotes, sayings and images on social media. We try to say something or quote something worthwhile in the 140 characters that a tweet will allow. Everything is reduced to make it smaller, pithier, and more quickly consumed. And, in doing so we lose context. Without context things change and lose the fullness of meaning.

“As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord,” Joshua said in today’s chapter. These words can be found on countless Pinterest images (example above), plaques, wall hangings, keychains, bookmarks, pens, and etc. It’s a popular sentiment and statement of commitment. I’m afraid very few people know where it originated or its context.

Joshua, the chosen successor to Moses, is at the finish line of his life. He’s dying. His number is almost up and he knows it. He gathers the nation together around the Big Top – the great tent that had been Israel’s mobile worship center since the days of Moses himself.

Joshua recounts the story of the nations history from Abraham to their present day (“Where have we been?”).

Joshua reminds them of the blessings they are enjoying in the lands which had become their inheritance (“Where are we now?”)

Then Joshua calls them to commitment: “Choose this day whom you will serve…” (“Where are you going?”)

The call to commitment is not for Joshua himself. He’s done. He’s run his race. The answer to the question of commitment will have no bearing on him. He no longer has an earthly future. He’s making a declarative statement for his family. He will not have any power to enforce it, he will not be physically present to hold his family accountable to it, and he has no assurance that they will actually fulfill it. It is a faith statement.

Joshua’s statement belies the real question that is weighing on his 110 year old heart: “What am I leaving behind?”

His statement, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord” is far greater than the letters on a Pinterest post can provide to the casual observer. The depth of it cannot be realized in reading the mere words. It’s important to understand the whole story and the context in which the statement is made. This is a declaration of death-bed desire. It is a plea to his descendants. This is Joshua’s great and motivating want. It is the revelation of his dying wish and his heart’s pure and final longing.

Today, we come to the end of Joshua’s story. It is the final chapter in the book, and in a moment of unplanned synchronicity it falls on the day before my 50th birthday. Today, I find myself asking: