Tag Archives: Time

Chapter-a-Day

Speaking Another Person’s Love Language

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Birthday GiftsGiving a gift can open doors;
    it gives access to important people!
Proverbs 18:16 (NLT)

Gary Chapman’s book The 5 Love Languages is an interesting read and provides some great fodder for conversation and understanding. According to Chapman, there are five love languages:

  • Words of Affirmation
  • Acts of Service
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Quality Time
  • Physical Touch.

While I think we all respond positively to any act of love, Chapman contends that we all have a bent towards a particular love language. If I understand my spouse’s love language, then I can love her well in a way she will respond most favorably. If I try to relate to her in the love language that I speak most fluently, it may never have the desired effect because my primary love language isn’t her primary love language.

I have learned that Wendy’s primary love language is quality time. She wants to be with me, and she wants me to take the time to just “be” with her. When I am on the road for a week-long business trip it creates a relational drain. I try to make sure not to schedule too much right after I get home from a trip, but carve out time to spend just with her and fill up her love tank. If I want to really love Wendy actively, then I know I should drop what I’m doing and hang out with her in the kitchen, sit on the couch with her to watch a movie, or just sit with her at the table and read the newspaper over breakfast.

While I enjoy time with Wendy, one of my primary love languages is receiving gifts (which, I’m sure, is why the proverb above leapt off the page at me!). I love to give gifts and I love when people are thoughtful enough to give me a gift. Wendy has come to understand this, much to my relational pleasure. My birthday is next week and last week when I returned from a business trip there was a large stack of colorfully wrapped birthday gifts sitting in the living room next to the television. For two weeks I get to sit on the couch in the evening and see those gifts sitting there staring at me. They make me feel like a kid at Christmas and remind me that Wendy loves me. She’s speaking my love language.

And, love languages aren’t just a matter for spouses. Wendy and I talk a lot about love languages as we think of our family and friends. We try to discern their primary love language and remember it on occasions we want to express our love for them in tangible ways. If you’re interested, there’s an on-line test right on the homepage of Chapman’s site which allows you to determine the love language of you or your child. Give it a whirl and share in a comment what you found out! 🙂

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Chapter-a-Day

Grandma Daisy and the Three Things that Last Forever

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2012 12 25 Grandma Jeannes Present

Three things will last forever—faith, hope, and love—and the greatest of these is love. 1 Corinthians 13:13 (NLT)

In my mother’s family, my great grandma Daisy was the undisputed matriarch. Divorced during a time when it was both scandalous and humiliating, she refused any money from her ex-husband and determined to raise her five children on her own. Relying on faith, hope, and love, she made ends meet and became a living example to her children and grandchildren. Grandma Daisy died when I was five years old, but her imprint on my family has become clearer to me throughout my life.

When Taylor left for Uganda last summer, I sent with her a box of crayons that I discovered in a tub of family mementoes that languished in my basement. They were Grandma Daisy’s crayons and I figured that Grandma Daisy herself would rather have them being used for art therapy projects in Uganda than gathering dust in my basement.

On Christmas Day, we gave my mother a set of three photographs showing Taylor with some children from Uganda, of a picture colored by a young girl there, and a picture of a woman drawing with Grandma Daisy’s crayons. On the back of the picture was an explanation of the photo triptych. As my mother read about Grandma Daisy’s crayons being sent to Uganda with Taylor she began to weep.

I thought about that moment this morning as I read this amazing chapter. My great Grandma Daisy had little or nothing of earthly value in this life. Her life and her legacy were not about getting more, keeping up appearances, or getting ahead. Her life and legacy were about simple faith, eternal hope and tangible love. I know that, not from having known her personally, but from the testimony and evidence given by her children and grandchildren in countless stories, anecdotes and family treasures.

Today’s chapter says that faith, hope, and love are the only three things that last for eternity. As I watched my mother’s reaction to her gift and the deep meaning it held for her, I caught a glimpse of the truth of it. As New Year’s Day approaches and I weed through bags of trash, piles of broken down cardboard, and a host of new stuff to place in our house, my thoughts are given to the coming year. I’m thinking more than ever about where my time, energy and resources are invested, and about Grandma Daisy’s legacy. I’ve never been one for big new year’s resolutions, but I think this year is about decreasing my investment in a lot of things and increasing my investment in just three.

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Hosea 3

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Hoshea was the last king of the Israelite King...
Hoshea was the last king of the Israelite Kingdom of Israel and son of Elah. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

This shows that Israel will go a long time without a king or prince, and without sacrifices, sacred pillars, priests, or even idols! But afterward the people will return and devote themselves to the Lord their God and to David’s descendant, their king. In the last days, they will tremble in awe of the Lord and of his goodness. Hosea 3:4-5 (NLT)

Hosea was a prophet and his book is part of the Hebrew books of prophecy. It is impossible to read them and not think about their message in the context of history, time, and events. This morning, these two verses caught my eye for their prophetic nature.

Israel will go a long time without a king or prince… Indeed, Hoshea was the last king of Israel and he finished his reign in 712 B.C. Even if we count Zedekiah who was the last king of the southern nation of Judah, we only make it to 586 B.C. So, we’re now at roughly 2500 years Israel has been without a king.

without sacrifices, sacred pillars, priests, or even idols!…  When Jerusalem was destroyed by the Romans just 40 years after Jesus’ death and resurrection, all of the Hebrews’ extensive genealogical records were destroyed along with the temple. Because God’s law specifically requires that the priestly and sacrificial systems be carried out by sons of Aaron and Levi, the sacking of Rome made it impossible for these systems to continue. It’s been nearly 2000 years.

But afterward the people will return…. Israel’s statehood in 1948 has resulted in millions returning to their native land.

and devote themselves to the Lord their God and to David’s descendant, their king…. What’s interesting about this is that the destruction of the genealogical records in 70 A.D.  make it nearly impossible to determine who is a direct descendant of King David. Yet Jesus’ family tree exists. The line through both his mother and his earthly father is recorded in the gospels and traced back to David.

In the last days, they will tremble in awe of the Lord and of his goodness. Today, I feel like I’m living out this prophecy as I ponder in wonder. I’m amazed at God’s story, His plan, and His prophets. I’m grateful to be living in such amazing times and witnessing so much from  a man walking on the moon to the ability of holding more information than all the ancient libraries combined in the palm of my hand. At the same time, I’m reminded that it is all part of a larger plan and story that God is telling through human history. It was foretold through the ancient prophets, has been working itself out and is yet coming to be.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Colossians 3

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So put to death the sinful, earthly things lurking within you. Colossians 3:5a (NLT)

This morning I woke in my own bed. I’m happy to be home but tired and worn out from a long week of business travel. It is probably the weariness, but as I read through today’s chapter I felt the burden of how much further I have to go. Some mornings you look back on the road behind and feel like you’ve made little progress, then glance ahead and feel the burden of how far the road stretches out before you.

Consider, for example, the command to put to death the evil and dark things lurking in my soul. Some things are more easily eradicated than others and are long gone. Some things have died a slow, lingering death over time and distance. Then there are tenaciously proud, greedy, and selfish appetites of my soul with which I seem to endlessly struggle. Is struggle the right word? It’s easy to say that they are simply difficult to exterminate and impervious to my every attempt to deal with them. I’m afraid that the truth of the matter is that I lack the willingness. We tend to settle in to comfortable patterns with our appetites. Denial, avoidance, and distraction are easier than confession, confrontation and action.

Today, I’m feeling humbled and sobered by the road ahead and how far I have to go. I perceive that there is so much more of me and far too little of Jesus in me. Some times you don’t make progress until you’ve unburdened yourself from the things that weigh you down. Yet, there is no retiring from this journey. There is only the daily decision to go my own direction, go back, sit down on the path, or keep pressing on.

I’m lacing up the shoes. I’m determining to pitch some of this dead weight and continue pressing on.

Some days it’s not as easy as others.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Colossians 4

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Devote yourselves to prayer with an alert mind and a thankful heart. Colossians 4:2 (NLT)

Devote [dih-voht] verb 1. to give up or appropriate to or concentrate on a particular pursuit, occupation, purpose, cause, etc.: to devote one’s time to reading.

Yesterday morning my brother asked me if I’d read a section of a book he’d asked me to read last fall. I apologized that I’d not gotten to it. Nor have I gotten to the book Wendy’s wanted me to finish for the past year or two, nor have I gotten to the book another friend gave me, or the one Taylor gave to Wendy that was then given to me. Nor did I get to the two books a fellow blogger gave me. And, I haven’t finished reading the script a fellow playwright asked me to read. ARRRRGGGHHH! CALGON, TAKE ME AWAY!

Some days when I read the morning’s chapter I’m encouraged, and other days I’m inspired. Then there are days like today when I’m convicted. When I read the simple command to devote myself to prayer, the word devote leapt of the page and pierced my heart.

What am I devoted to? What will I readily sacrifice other things for, in order that I will have the time and resources to do them? Do the things to which I say I’m devoted match my actions when it comes to devoting time, money, and energy? If you look at my life it’s certain that I’m not devoted to reading, and I’m pretty sure you could make the case that I’m not devoted to prayer either. There are a lot of worthwhile pursuits to which I’m not devoted, and some rather trivial ones to which my actions prove I am.

God, you say I’m supposed to be devoted to prayer and I guess there’s no time like the present. Forgive me for being devoted to silly insignificant things while ignoring eternal things. Help my devotion to be focused on the right things as I journey through this day.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 9

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Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return. 
      Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt. 
Proverbs 9:7 (NLT) 

One of the tasks I have in my job is to sit down one-on-one with people, listen to some of their phone calls, and help them learn how they can do a better job serving their customers. It’s not rocket science, but companies recognize that when a customer calls with a question or a need there is moment of truth taking place. That customer will walk away with a distinct impression of the company based on how that associate handled the call. So, I help them make it as positive an interaction as possible.

As you might imagine, I have coached a diverse number of people. Some of them are “mockers” who clearly do not want to be there, listen to little or nothing I have to say, and refuse to change even the simplest of behaviors. I’ve been cussed at, threatened, insulted and had people turn away cross their arms and refuse to look at me. I’ve learned over time that there is little I can do for some people other than to provide them the information as clearly and positively as I can without reacting to their negative behaviors.

Fortunately others are open, teachable and desire to do a great job. They are willing to listen to my feedback and genuinely try to change their behaviors.

I couldn’t help but think of the different people I’ve coached over the years as I read of Wisdom contrasting those who are “mockers” and those who are “wise” in today’s chapter. I’ve seen the difference and I understand why she advises not wasting your time with certain people.

When it comes to work I am paid to coach everyone and to do my best to communicate even with those who will refuse to listen. When it comes to life I have more latitude to focus my time, energy and conversation in relationships that will bring life and fill life’s well. The older I get, the more discerning I become with regard to whom I will interact.

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Tom’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 25

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David Oscarson - Celestial
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If you could have the world’s largest collection of one thing, what would it be?

I’ve collected a lot of stuff over the years. When I was a kid, I tried my hand a baseball cards and comic books. I dabbled in collecting postcards, books, and for a while I had quite a collection of Coca-Cola memorabilia. But, somewhere along the journey I got tired of having to manage and caretake the things I collect. It’s the age old example of starting by trying to own something and having it own you instead.

The only things I can say I modestly collect today are writing instruments (they more than just “pens”) and timepieces (they are more than just “watches”). The thing I like about both is that they are functional in every day life, they are small and don’t take up much room, and there’s not a lot of expense in maintenance. Plus, there is a metaphorical side to them: time and expression.

So, if I was to have the world’s largest collection of one thing, I’d have to choose between the two. This morning, my head stuffed with the common cold, I don’t have the mental energy to choose nor reason through my choice.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Zechariah 8

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“And now here’s what I want you to do: Tell the truth, the whole truth, when you speak. Do the right thing by one another, both personally and in your courts. Don’t cook up plans to take unfair advantage of others. Don’t do or say what isn’t so. I hate all that stuff. Keep your lives simple and honest.” Zechariah 8:16-17 (MSG)

It’s human nature to feel perplexed at what God wants us to do:

  • “Where does God want me to go to school?”
  • “What job does God have for me?”
  • “Who does God want me to marry?”
  • “When does God want me to go on that mission?”

I’ve discovered along the journey that I am prone to want God to direct my situational choices (Who?, What?, Where?, When?).  Yet today’s chapter reminds me that time and time again His Message says “this is what I want” followed by qualitative commands. I must conclude that God is ultimately more concerned with the fruit of our lives than our circumstances. He is most interested in directing our time, energy and mindshare to the cultivation of our hearts, minds and souls towards the qualities of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. If we are focused on these things, then the situational and circumstantial questions will fade in importance and fold themselves naturally and organically into God’s will.

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Deuteronomy 24

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When a man takes a new wife, he is not to go out with the army or be given any business or work duties. He gets one year off simply to be at home making his wife happy. Deuteronomy 24:5 (MSG)

Having been through a long-suffering marriage that ended divorce and having walked beside friends in their own marital struggles, I’ve found that the issues which plague a marriage are often present at the very beginning of a relationship. I’ve both experienced and heard many others say they could look back and see the problems which eventually grew to choke the relationship surfaced in the honeymoon and quickly spread through the early years of the marriage.

The first steps are critical to the success of the marital journey. The relational roles and patterns which are formed in those initial months very often set the course for the direction the relationship will take and the destination to which it will eventually arrive. This is not to say that couples can never overcome a rocky start to the marriage, but the truth of the matter is that they often do not.

How fascinating that God’s direction, given in ancient days, was for the groom to take a year off of work or war to spend at home with his bride. God makes it clear that time and proximity are crucial ingredients for the success of any relationship, especially that of marriage. Women are complex creatures in which men find eternal mystery. Unlocking that mystery requires our own God given sense focus, strength, and tenacity. If we go AWOL at the beginning of the relationship, it is very likely we will have lost the keys forever in our flight from responsibility.

It is said: “happy wife, happy life.” We men would do well to remember (and by that I mean we need constant reminder) that a woman’s happiness begins with a partner who is present, engaged and attentive. These ingredients do not guarantee the success of the relationship, but without them the odds of failure become a sure bet.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Deuteronomy 23

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When you enter your neighbor’s vineyard, you may eat all the grapes you want until you’re full, but you may not put any in your bucket or bag. And when you walk through the ripe grain of your neighbor, you may pick the heads of grain, but you may not swing your sickle there. Deuteronomy 23:24-25 (MSG)

Readers of my personal blog may not know that I write a professional blog, as well. I have been blogging about our business in customer satisfaction research and quality assessment in contact centers for several years. The blog is a way of establishing our presence in the marketplace and developing potential clients. The idea is simple. I share a few morsels of wisdom and knowledge for free with the hope that companies may appreciate what they’ve been given, respect the knowledge and experience, and pick up the phone to give us an opportunity when they need the services we provide.

What has been interesting over time is to be faced with those who expect me to give everything away. I gave them an inch of advice and they want me to give them a mile of my experience without charging them for it. I find it highly disrespectful when people refuse to realize that I’ve got skin in the game here. I’m sometimes amazed at the incredulity I face when I tell people I’d be happy to give them a proposal for my time. I don’t mind sharing, but I’ve got to make a living.

What’s been even harder for me over the years is to watch both churches and para-church ministries do the same thing in taking advantage of their own members, followers, and supporters. If  you do something for a living, we’ll be happy to have you give us your services free in the name of the Lord. In fact, we’ll expect it of you. I’m sure it’s not a big deal for you. You’re good at it. It’s what you do for a living, for crying out loud. It shouldn’t take too long and it won’t be hard for you. Come on, give us your time, energy and talent for free (but please don’t expect anything in return – it’s all for God). There’s a tipping point at which gratitude for gifts freely given turns to expectation that takes advantage of others.

I thought it fascinating that God made it very clear in today’s chapter that we are to be careful not to take advantage of others. If they give you a inch, don’t ask them to give you a mile. They may share a grape from their vineyard, but don’t expect them to give you a bucket to take some home. Be careful with your expectations, compensate people for what they give you, and don’t take advantage of the goodness of others.

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