Hiker near Chiginagak Volcano (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
Pharaoh said to Jacob, “How many years have you lived?” So Jacob said to Pharaoh, “The years of my sojourning are one hundred and thirty; few and unpleasant have been the years of my life, nor have they attained the years that my fathers lived during the days of their sojourning.”Genesis 47:8-9 (NASB)
Anyone who reads more than a few of my chapter-a-day posts knows that I regularly speak of life as a sojourn and a journey just as Jacob did with Pharaoh. I’m often asked about the name of my blog, Wayfarer, which simply means “someone on a journey.” In fact, one of the translations I read of the above verses this morning used the world “pilgrimage” instead of “sojourn,” which I also liked.
We are all on a life journey. Life is a sojourn. It is a pilgrimage.
So the questions I regularly ask myself are…
What direction am I headed?
What am I leaving behind?
What am I trying to take with me that I should be letting go?
What is my ultimate destination?
Is there a better road for me to take?
Have I chosen good companions? Do they spur me on or do they hold me back?
Joseph had his chariot made ready and went to Goshen to meet his father Israel. As soon as Joseph appeared before him, he threw his arms around his father and wept for a long time. Genesis 46:29 (NIV)
A week and a half ago the curtain fell on Ah, Wilderness! which will likely be my only chance in life to act in a show by the classic American playwright Eugene O’Neill. In my preparation for the role I learned a lot about the author and the play. Ah, Wilderness! was written in response to critics who said that he couldn’t write a comedy. The family comedy is set in the same town in the same year as his family tragedy Long Days Journey into Night. Scholars say that the two plays are bookends with the tragedy being an autobiographical look at his own broken family and the comedy being a picture of the family of an old girlfriend, the family he wished he’d had.
I also learned that the character I played became the prototype of the modern sit-com father. A bit of a hen-pecked bumbler, the family rolled their eyes at his penchant for repeating the same stories over and over again. He would wax hard about his will only to wane quickly with a quick glare from his wife. He comically couldn’t find the words to have “the talk” with his son, but nontheless won his son’s respect and affection in the attempt.
In my character work for the part I spent a lot of time thinking about being a father. I thought about my father and my grandfathers whom I love and admire. I thought about my own children and my experiences being a dad. Being the “old guy” in a college production, I thought a lot about my fellow young actors whom I came to love with paternal affection. It’s fascinating how God designed life. There is so much of our soul that is intertwined in our relationship, or lack thereof, with our father. I’ve observed that our relationship, or lack thereof, with our earthly father can have a profound affect on the way we see and relate to the Heavenly Father. Some never see it nor do they appear to get past it.
All of these thoughts came to roost in the wee hours this morning as I read of Joseph’s reunion with his father Jacob. What a powerful moment for these two men, father and son as they see one another for the first time in years and tearfully embrace. Jacob holding the son he thought was dead. Joseph longing for the father he’d missed. I thought of the Prodigal Son’s return and how the reunion of Joseph and Jacob were different and similar.
I’m struggling to neatly wrap this post up in a succinctly profound thought this morning. Some days I read the chapter and my heart and mind refuse to land in one place. They just sort of take off into scattered thoughts and ponderings. So, I think I’ll just let them wander aloft.
You believe that a woman has the right to have medical instruments thrust into her uterus to forcefully extract the undesired beginnings of human life because, if I understand the argument, no one should tell a woman what she can do with her body. But, you want to tell the same woman she can’t buy a Big Gulp from the 7-11 on her way home from the abortion clinic because it’s not good for her?
“Please, come closer,” he said to them. So they came closer. And he said again, “I am Joseph, your brother, whom you sold into slavery in Egypt. But don’t be upset, and don’t be angry with yourselves for selling me to this place. It was God who sent me here ahead of you to preserve your lives. Genesis 45:4-5 (NLT)
“Hindsight is always 20/20,” they say, and so I’ve found it to be true along life’s journey. There are many times I have not understood why it was my lot to wander through a dark valley until I was much further down the road. From my vantage point standing atop the next mountain I could look back to see where I had been and where the road had taken me. Then, it all came into focus.
As a young man, God gave Joseph dreams of the pinnacle he would some day reach. His older brothers would all bow down before him. There was, however, a long road which wound through some deep, dark valleys that stood between his present and the future God had ordained for Him. I can only imagine how many times Joseph questioned why God would give him such a dream only to have him thrown into a well, sold into slavery, unjustly thrown into prison, and forgotten by those he selflessly helped. All along the way Joseph had every reason to question and complain about his life being unfair and the unjust way he’d been treated. Yet, he eventually learned that there is purpose in our pain.
Wise King Solomon said “wounds from a friend can be trusted.”
Jesus said, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.”
If we believe that God is truly good and if we believe that Jesus is our friend, then we can trust that there is a plan for the road we are on and there is a purpose for the place on life’s road in which we find ourselves. It may feel like God is unnecessarily wounding us or allowing us to be wounded. We just don’t have the perspective to fully see it or understand it from where we are standing.
That’s why we call it a “faith journey.” Faith is the evidence of what we do not see in our momentary, finite perspective and the assurance of the pinnacle we hope to reach.
If you’ve ever wondered where I come up with the images I place into my posts each day, there is a great little free service from Zemanta that comes with any WordPress blog. Zemanta is a little plug in that analyzes what you write and suggests pictures, related posts and tag words. It saves a ton of time scouring the web looking for content related to the post you are writing.
But, Zemanta does have some maddening quirks to it. For a long time I would write my post each morning and the same pictures of Camilla Parker Bowles would pop up in the window of suggested images. Strange. I have nothing against Ms. Bowles but I got a little tired of her face staring at me every morning as I typed my post. Lately, the rogue picture that appears each morning is both humorous and a little disturbing. It’s some lady face down on a stage lifting her back side towards me. Ugh. If I make the mistake of scrolling over the caption I get to read: “God’s Vaginal Liquid Omnipresence baptized us with Her Eternal Divinity tonight.”
Hey, I’m a big boy. I love free speech and Ms. Liquid Vaginal Backside has every right to lift her butt in whatever odd metaphorical way she wants. I’m not offended as much as I am annoyed at having to look at it over my first cup of coffee each morning. I’d just like to be free to block images on Zemanta that I’d prefer they never suggest to me again.
Now Joseph gave these instructions to the steward of his house: “Fill the men’s sacks with as much food as they can carry, and put each man’s silver in the mouth of his sack.2 Then put my cup, the silver one, in the mouth of the youngest one’s sack, along with the silver for his grain.” And he did as Joseph said. Genesis 44:1 (NLT)
As I’ve been reading through the stories of Genesis once again, I’ve been tracking this pattern of deceit revealed through the generations of Abraham’s family. When we first meet Abraham’s great grandson Joseph, he is revealed to be a boy who speaks to truth simply and plainly (seemingly to his detriment). As a result, he’s sold into slavery and has not been a part of the family for years and years.
How fascinating that as soon as his brothers show up in Egypt, Joseph begins to deal with them deceitfully. He does not immediately reveal who he is. He has things snuck into their sacks. He schemes to have his brother Benjamin brought back to Egypt and now schemes to keep Benjamin in Egypt when the rest of the brothers go home.
Roles and patterns in the way a family systemically operates and behaves is very powerful. I’ve known people who have spent years apart from their unhealthy family system working to understand and change their own behaviors, but once they return to their familial home for a visit they fall right back into their old role within the system. It’s a fascinating thing about the way we broken human beings live and behave in our fallen world.
One of the reasons that I have been and remain a follower of Jesus is because of His promise and provision of divine forgiveness and undeserved favor in spite of my many failings. I’m no different than Abraham, Sarah, Isaac, Jacob, Lamech, Rachel, Leah, Joseph or his brothers. Despite my best efforts to live honestly and truthfully as God would have me do, like Joseph I find myself getting sucked back into old negative patterns of thought and behavior again and again. I need copious doses of God’s forgiveness, mercy and grace.
A second reason I remain a follower of Jesus is because of His promise and provision to bring lasting positive change into my life. Despite my failings I can look back across the years and see the many ways that God’s grown me up, honed me, humbled me, and made me into a better human being. Were it not for God’s non-stop work of convicting, prodding, pushing, guiding and molding me over 30 plus years, I hate to think of the person I would have become.
Today, I’m reminded that no one is immune from falling off the path and back into destructive old patterns and behaviors. I’m equally reminded that God is faithful to both forgive us our failures and empower us towards getting back on the road which leads toward Life.
Over the past year Wendy and I have worked hard to try and change our appetites. We try to make a bit healthier choices, we don’t eat out as much, and when we sit down for a meal we try to find contentment with smaller portions. The result has been that we’ve lost some weight and on the whole we are feeling a lot better.
The difference a year makes.
So that’s the context with which I approach yesterday’s marathon of family celebrations and time with friends. Both Wendy’s mom and my dad celebrate birthdays this week, so Wendy and I headed to Des Moines early in the day to meet her folks for lunch at Outback Steakhouse. I can’t remember the last time I’d had a Bloomin’ Onion, but I jumped at Dad Hall’s suggestion that we start our celebratory lunch with one. Since the ladies weren’t having anything to do with the greasy, deep fried treat with the tantalizing and tangy dipping sauce, Dad Hall and I ended up splitting it. That was before the salad and the Filet on Foccacia sandwich came with au jus.
Blooming Onion ! (Photo credit: Charlie Anzman)
With stomach groaning just a bit, we left Mom and Dad Hall and ran some errands in the afternoon before ending up at Mom and Dad Vander Well’s for Eireflensjes Night. Ever since I was a kid, the Vander Well family has gathered once or a twice a year to feast on the Dutch version of the crepe. I have memories of my dad and grandfather standing at the stove with their sticks of butter, cast iron skillets and vats of creamy thin batter which were fried up into stacks and stacks of the paper thin pancakes on which we would sprinkle with sugar, roll-up and consume until we’d gone through enough eggs, milk, butter, flour and sugar to feed a small island nation.
Eireflensjes!
Before the Eireflensjes Night was called (most likely by my sister – she’s usually the one calling for it), Wendy and I had planned on a dinner out with our friends Kevin and Becky. It WAS my father’s birthday, however. My brother Tim WAS in town for a few days. So, I guess we COULD stop by for a few minutes to wish dad a Happy Birthday, say hello to Tim, and visit with Jody, Scott and Emma…
“What was that? Do I want to have an eireflensje before we go out to eat? Well, okay maybe one… or two.”
“Okay, those were good. Kevin and Becky aren’t expecting us for another ten minutes. I think I’ll have another. Pass the sugar.”
From there we met Kev and Beck and headed south of downtown Des Moines to dine at Tumea & Sons. I’ve heard of this little neighborhood Italian family eatery for years but have never been there. Believe me, it was as good as I’d always heard. The featured wine of the night was a Montepulciano D’abruzzo which perfectly complimented my Chicken Diablo with spicy red and cream sauce over penne pasta. Oh my… the food, the wine, the dinner conversation were all wonderful. Fill me up.
And we’re weren’t even finished! Taylor has told us all about this wonderful little bakery called Creme and we’d planned on visiting after dinner. This boutique bakery just off of Ingersoll is open until midnight on Fridays and Saturdays. They make special dessert creations which are paired with adult libations. So, on top of the Bloomin’ Onion, Filet Sandwich, Eirflensjes, Wine, and Chicken Diablo in spicy creamy red sauce I added Deep Fried Cake Balls rolled in sugar which was paired with a citrusy sweet concoction based on a Brazilian liquor made distilled from sugar cane juice.
Despite the dreary cold and rainy weather, it was a wonderful day full of laughter, family, love, friends, and lots of good food and drink (and I mean A LOT of good food and drink!)
Ugh. Pass the pink stuff. You’ll find me on the couch.
Then Joseph hurried from the room because he was overcome with emotion for his brother. He went into his private room, where he broke down and wept. Genesis 43:30 (NLT)
“Big boys don’t cry,” many of us were told when we were young. Boys are supposed to be strong and fearless. We’re supposed to hold our emotions in check. At least, I know that has been the generalized sentiment I’ve both experienced and witnessed. I’m not even sure that it’s a conscious and overt message for many. It’s just the message our culture has sent and believed. I can still remember seeing my dad cry for the first time. It made such an impression on me I can recall almost every detail of the moment.
I find it interesting that Joseph hurried from the room each time he became emotional. Of course, he did not want to tip his hand and reveal himself to his brothers before he had a chance to work his plan. Nevertheless, I would tend to believe that the culture of Egypt was not that much different than our own in that regard. It would likely be seen as a sign of weakness.
The further I get on life’s road and the the deeper I grow in my relationship with Jesus, the more I feel, identify and express my emotions. When I was younger I would brood and act out in all sorts of ways, completely unaware of the emotions that were seeping to the surface in my words and actions. I can recall going through a period of time in my thirties when I literally experienced Ezekiel 36:26:
I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
God took me through a stretch of the journey in which there was an uncorking of emotions that I’d been stuffing my whole life. I learned to feel, identify and express things like anger, disappointment, fear, joy, contentment, and satisfaction in meaningful and healthy ways. In the midst of it, I learned to weep and to experience the healing of spirit, soul and body that comes when you can feel strong emotion and let the tears roll.
I’ve come to embrace the truth of Ecclesiastes 3, that there is a time for everything. I believe for all men there is a time and place for utilizing our God given bent towards controlling emotions in order to accomplish a difficult task and persevere through certain circumstances. But this does not mean that it’s necessary or particularly healthy to dam up our emotions all of the time. There is time for controlling emotion, and there is a time for expressing them. Maturity comes with the wisdom to know the difference.
Do a keyword search for the word “wept” in God’s Message and you’ll find a long list of manly men throughout antiquity who wept openly as Joseph did in today’s chapter. Jesus Himself is among them. I’ve come to learn in this life: Real men weep.
But when they stopped for the night and one of them opened his sack to get grain for his donkey, he found his money in the top of his sack. “Look!” he exclaimed to his brothers. “My money has been returned; it’s here in my sack!” Then their hearts sank. Trembling, they said to each other, “What has God done to us?” Genesis 42:27-28 (NLT)
What a Hollywood moment when the brothers who beat-up Joseph, plotted to kill him, then sold him into slavery arrive in Egypt hungry and desperate. Joseph had every reason to feel resentful, angry and to get even with his brothers. At that moment he had all the power and could easily have exacted his revenge. His initial reaction to throw them all in prison and send only one brother back home leads me to believe that he was at least struggling with some of those old feelings of resentment. But, after three days of mulling it over, Joseph changes tactics and extends undeserved favor to his brothers at every turn.
Human nature being what it is, most of us have individuals in our lives with whom there are ill-feelings, bad blood, or old resentment built up around ancient wounds. It may not be as grand a Hollywood moment, but from time to time we are all faced with the ironic opportunity to bless or curse those who have wronged us. We all stand in Joseph’s sandals now and then. Joseph chose against his initial instincts and blessed his brothers rather than curse them.
I found the reaction of the brothers fascinating. Rather than feeling as though they got away with something when they discovered their payment returned, their feelings of guilt and shame multiplied. Had Joseph responded with curses and followed through with his initial inklings of retribution, they might have eventually felt justified in their youthful assessment and actions toward their little brother. “You see,” I can hear some of them saying, “I knew that kid was bad news! We should have killed the runt when we had the chance.”
Joseph’s blessing, however, added fuel to the fire of the guilt and shame that God was already stirring in their hearts. King Solomon hit the nail on the proverbial head when he observed the same truth:
If your enemies are hungry, give them food to eat. If they are thirsty, give them water to drink. You will heap burning coals of shame on their heads, and the Lord will reward you. Proverbs 25:21-22 (NLT)
God, the next time I have a little Hollywood moment and the opportunity to “get even” with someone I don’t like, please remind me what Joseph did when he had his own Hollywood moment of decision. Thanks.
English: Depiction of Joseph reading to the Pharaoh. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)
“It is beyond my power to do this,” Joseph replied. “But God can tell you what it means and set you at ease.”Genesis 41:16 (NLT)
There are two of things that I observe about Joseph as I read through his story this morning.
One is that we never hear Joseph complaining about his circumstances. The fact that it is not mentioned doesn’t necessarily mean he didn’t go through periods of discouragement nor does it mean he never lamented his lot in life. Nevertheless, we certainly don’t see or hear Joseph complaining, claiming victim status, or demanding anything of anyone.
The second observation is the verse I’ve pasted above from today’s chapter. Joseph recognized and acknowledged that the power was not in him, but in God alone. For me, it points to an attitude of humility within Joseph’s heart and an acceptance of God’s sovereignty in his life.
I believe that these two observations are linked. When I humbly acknowledge, accept and trust God’s sovereignty in my life along with my dependence on God’s power to accomplish anything, then I am free to find contentment – even joy – in my present circumstances. As I mulled this over, a parallel came to mind from Paul’s letter to Jesus’ followers in the city of Philippi:
Not that I was ever in need, for I have learned how to be content with whatever I have. I know how to live on almost nothing or with everything. I have learned the secret of living in every situation, whether it is with a full stomach or empty, with plenty or little. For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
