Tag Archives: Resentment

Chapter-a-Day

Time to Forget

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Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:13-14 (NIV)

Over the past few years, Wendy and I have discovered a difference in the way we perceive and approach life. As we have dug into it, it’s allowed us to learn about ourselves and to better understand one another. It has to do with our orientation to time.

I have a strong orientation towards the past. I’m a lover of history. I have spent much of my life digging into I and my family’s genealogy. As I contemplate current events, I tend to seek the past for context. Even as I look to the future I tend to look to the past for patterns that might inform where things are headed.

Wendy, on the other hand, is very much future oriented. Her brain is constantly looking a step or two ahead and it informs both her present tasks and their relative priorities. Life for Wendy is a constant anticipation of what is next, while I give little thought to it.

Our very different orientations towards time often creates clashes in how we function both independently and in relationship. Knowing these differences has allowed us to be more empathetic and understanding towards one another.

This past week our local gathering of Jesus’ followers focused our thoughts on Jesus’ words in the Lord’s Prayer: “forgive us our sins as we forgive those who sin against us.” Wendy and I spent some time talking about forgiveness and resentment, exploring whether or not we have truly forgiven those who have hurt us in the past.

As we continued our conversation, Wendy began quizzing me about a couple of individuals in my own life story who have been the source of considerable struggle for me. As we discussed these individuals and I have continued to meditate on my relationship with them and their impact on my life, it has struck me that my time orientation towards the past might lend itself to unhealthy thought patterns.

In today’s chapter, Paul references his own past and as a disciple of Jesus he had a lot of baggage. Once the most rabid enemy of Jesus and His followers, Paul had the blood of martyrs on his hands. Paul oversaw the stoning of Stephen. It is unknown how many other individuals suffered, were imprisoned, or died as a result of Paul’s zealous persecution of the Jesus Movement, but it is certainly likely that at least some of the opposition he constantly faced linked back to the suffering he once inflicted on others.

This came to mind as I read Paul’s words in today’s chapter:

“But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead,  I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.“

I happen to be entering a new stretch of my life journey. Old things are passing away. New things are emerging. As this happens, I am reminded by Paul’s words that I need to spiritually strain against my natural time orientations which often keep me mentally, emotionally, and even spiritually mired in what lies behind. There are some things on the road behind me that I need to forget in order to focus my mental, emotional, and spiritual energies on straining toward what is ahead.

Fortunately, I’m married to a partner whose natural orientation toward time can help me with that.

I will be on the road for a few days on business. I plan to return on Friday. Have a great couple of days.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

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Chapter-a-Day

Best of ’24: #5 A Confession

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For two weeks, while Wendy and I are away enjoying some warm weather, I’ll be counting down the top ten chapter-a-day posts of 2024 (based on total views and plays). It’ s always interesting which posts resonated with readers and listeners. The chapter for tomorrow’s post will be listed at the bottom.

A Confession (CaD Rom 9) – Wayfarer

Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.
Romans 9:18 (NIV)

A decade or so ago, I found myself in the check-out line in a department store feeling this quiet, internal, seething anger. The source of this anger? Chip and Joanna Gaines. They were everywhere. Wendy and every one of her friends were talking about them. People I know were making pilgrimages to Waco, Texas. Their “collections” were suddenly in every store. There in the checkout line, Joanna was staring at me from the covert of Cosmopolitan. So, what do we do when we get angry these days? We vent on social media!

“I love Chip and Joanna,” I tweeted, “but I’m tired of seeing their faces a million times a day!”

The next day my tweet received a reply from Chip Gaines, himself.

“I know,” he tweeted back, “I told Joanna the other day that even I’m tired of us!”

It wasn’t long after this that I noticed myself feeling that same quiet, internal, seething anger. This time it was an online author and “influencer” who was trending and I started hearing this person’s name come up in conversation all the time. I remember Wendy and her friends talking in our kitchen one day and everyone was talking about what this influencer recently said about this or that topic. I was suddenly filled with anger. I wanted to throw up. I had to leave the room my insides were seething so intensely.

The problem was, I knew that these angry reactions inside of me weren’t healthy. Anger like this always points to something deeper in the Spirit that is askew. I began to dig into what it was that was going on inside of my heart. The answer ended up being simple once I realized it. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I’ve had this anger, these feelings of irritation and animosity, toward certain individuals my entire life. And they were almost all individuals I didn’t know at all!

Here I was a 50-year-old man who had been a disciple of Jesus for almost 40 years and it had taken me that long to realize that I have a problem with envy. The commonality between all of the individuals who produced this latent animosity within me is that they were people who suddenly became famous and everyone was talking about them and being influenced by them. Why them? Why not me? I feel shame in confessing it because it feels so petty. It’s true, however. I have to own it. Over the past several years I’ve had to consciously deal with this very real sin to which I had been blind my entire life.

As I have processed and worked on my envy, I have run headlong into what, in human terms, is an uncomfortable reality: God’s sovereignty.

Jesus told a parable about the owner of a vineyard. Throughout the day the owner finds workers, negotiates a price for their labor for the day, and sends them to work in his vineyard. At the end of the day, the workers who worked all day find out that they’re getting paid the same as the guy who was hired for the final two hours of the day. They are pissed. The owner of the vineyard responds,

‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn’t we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can’t I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?’
Matthew 20:13-15 (MSG)

In today’s chapter, Paul addresses the truth of God’s sovereignty. God blessed Jacob, but not his older twin brother Esau. The prodigal wastes all of his father’s money on partying and prostitutes and is given a homecoming party, while the older brother goes seemingly uncelebrated for his faithfulness and obedience. God, in His sovereign purposes, raises one person to prominence while another works in obscurity.

On one hand, I can dismiss these human inequities as simply “life isn’t fair” (and it’s not), but Paul is adding to this another layer of truth that Jesus was addressing in His parable. God is sovereign, and His knowledge and purposes are infinite, while mine are finite. This is where a disciple of Jesus finds the requirement of faith and surrender.

If God is good, and I believe He is. If God has a good purpose for me and my life, and I believe He does. Then I can rest in living the life God has generously and sovereignly purposed for me, this life I am now living, and this path I am now walking. I can also surrender any desire that my path should be like the one anyone else is walking.

In the quiet this morning, I’m thinking about our kitchen. On the counter, right next to the stove, Wendy has placed the Magnolia Cook Book in such a way that Joanna Gaines stares at me every day in my own house. It’s good. It no longer triggers me. It’s a daily reminder for me to pray for Chip and Joanna and all that God is doing in and through their lives. God has been generous to them, and they have a tremendous amount of positive impact in our world. I’m also quite certain that they face struggles and stresses because of that generosity which I wouldn’t want in a million years. In dealing with my envy problem, I’ve embraced that sometimes God’s generosity is in saving us from the things our heart’s desire, but which would lead to tragedies we could never foresee.

Tomorrow’s Chapter: Acts 19

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!

Chapter-a-Day

Farms and Feuds

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Farms and Feuds (CaD Ezk 48) – Wayfarer

“This is the land you are to allot as an inheritance to the tribes of Israel, and these will be their portions,” declares the Sovereign Lord.
Ezekiel 48:29 (NIV)

In recent posts I’ve mentioned that throughout human history land has meant life. Owning land means you have a place to put up permanent shelter, grow crops, and raise livestock. Land has tangible value. Land meant prosperity.

Living my entire life in Iowa, I perhaps understand this better than some. Iowa farmland is among the richest, most productive in the entire world which means that it is of great financial worth. Because of this, living in Iowa gives you a front row seat to what land can do to the human heart.

Land becomes the golden calf for many individuals and families. Many years ago I pastored a small rural church. In the back pew in one corner sat one man every Sunday. Every Sunday, in the opposite corner as far away as possible, sat his neighbor. They had a boundary dispute between their land decades before and so they never spoke and avoided one another like the plague. I did funerals for patriarchs of family farms in which one child and their family refused to be in the same room with another child and their family all because of dispute over how the land was distributed. I have watched bitterness and resentment over the inheritance of land shrivel men’s souls. And yes, it’s even driven individuals to take out their anger the way Cain did with Abel.

The ancient nation of Israel knew this same paradigm. Remember that the nation was originally 12 tribes from the same family. Moses originally allotted the land among the tribes.

Some tribes had more land. Others had far less. As history wore on, disputes arose. Civil War broke out. The nation fractured in two.

As Ezekiel pens his final chapters, there is no longer a nation of Israel. It was conquered. Its capital city and temple were destroyed. Zeke’s vision is of a restored Israel and a new allotment of a restored nation. No more division between north and south. He envisions one united nation in which each tribe gets an allotment of land that looks like a twelve-layered cake from top to bottom, north to south. Each tribe gets it’s own layer that’s roughly the same size as every other tribe. It is a vision of twelve family tribes living in peace and harmony. No disputes of bigger or smaller, there is equal inheritance. There is shalom.

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And that brings me back to the fact that the entire Great Story from Genesis to Revelation is about God restoring shalom between Himself and humanity. It’s the way it was before a snake slithered into the Garden. It’s the way the Great Story ends with God and humanity living in perfect shalom in a new heaven, a new earth, and a new holy city. It is what God wants me to experience each day amidst the trials of living in a fallen world with other fallen individuals. It’s what God wants me to strive for and share with others.

In the quiet this morning, my spirit is reminding me of two men I know who grew up on family farms. Each of them got the shaft when it came time for the family farm to be passed to the next generation. Both men know the journey of grief, anger, and resentment that comes with that particular reality. Each of these men have shared with me their story, and they are both incredibly blessed, filled with joy in their lives and families. Both of them, disciples of Jesus, shared with me how they consciously and deliberately surrendered their will and desire to God. They let go of resentment, put their trust in God, and sought their inheritance from Him. Each of these men have ultimately prospered. Each has found and is experiencing shalom.

What Ezekiel is describing on a macro level as he finishes his prophetic book is what God wants me to experience on the micro level, right here, today.

Shalom, my friend. Have a good weekend.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

There’s No Plan B

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There's No Plan B (CaD Ezk 35) – Wayfarer

“‘Because you harbored an ancient hostility and delivered the Israelites over to the sword at the time of their calamity, the time their punishment reached its climax, therefore as surely as I live, declares the Sovereign Lord, I will give you over to bloodshed and it will pursue you.”
Ezekiel 35:5-6 (NIV)

I am often amazed at how relevant the ancient prophets can be, even today. For over a year now, since October 7, 2023, the world has witnessed an ancient conflict coming to violent escalation in Israel. This is an ancient conflict, and it didn’t begin with the Zionist movement of the late 19th century. It goes back thousands of years. The current iteration is simply the latest example of it rearing its ugly, ancient head.

The setting for today’s chapter is that Jerusalem has fallen. It has been destroyed just as Ezekiel and Jeremiah had both prophesied would happen. Those who could escape the bloody siege scattered. Many of them scattered directly to the east across the Jordan and entered the land of Edom. But rather than having compassion on the refugees, the Edomites reveled in Jerusalem’s destruction and slaughtered the refugees. Even though the Israelites were family.

The Edomites were descendants of Esau, Jacob’s (aka Israel’s) twin brother. Yes, Esau who surrendered his birthright in exchange for a cup of soup. Israel, the second-born who deceived his blind father into thinking he was Esau in order to receive his father’s blessing of the first-born.

Family feud. Bad blood. Bitterness. Resentment. Ancient wounds and deep scars so fraught with endless reciprocities that over a thousand years later, neither side could see past the history of mutual offenses.

That’s what bitterness does to the human soul. I have observed along my spiritual journey that the institutional church has historically focused on the sins of morality (sex, drugs, alcohol, rock-and-roll, etc.) while ignoring the sins of the spirit that Jesus talked about in His Sermon on the Mount: anger, resentment, lust, lies, violence, bitterness, lack of forgiveness, lack of generosity, pride, greed, judgement, and condemnation. Even as I write these words my mind has filled with the faces of people I’ve known along my own journey who have harbored bitterness for so long and fed angry grudges to the point that their faces and countenance begin to shrivel into a perpetual scowl long after their souls had done the same.

In today’s chapter, God tells Zeke to prophesy against the children of Esau, who refused to have compassion on the Israelite refugees and instead saw it as an opportunity to settle old scores with violent slaughter.

Violence begets violence. Bloodshed begets bloodshed. Or, as Jesus put it, “Those who live by the sword will die by the sword.”

In the quiet this morning, I find myself mulling over political and international relationships between nations and people groups. It’s hard to wrap my mind around conflicts that are thousands of years old. It feels futile to even do so.

I’m reminded this morning that Jesus did not come to save nations. He came to save individuals. When Jesus changes my heart of bitterness and resentment into a soul full of forgiveness and grace, that impacts people in my family, my network of friends, and my circles of influence. Other individuals are changed in the wake. Suddenly our circles are influencing our community, our community influences other communities, and eventually our communities influence nations and empires. That is what happened in the first century. But it begins with the individual.

Just as the conflict between Israel and Edom began with individuals, twin brothers, the answer begins with an individual: me. Just as the conflict between Jews and Muslims began with individuals, half-brothers named Isaac and Ishmael, the answer beings with an individual: me.

What grudges am I harboring?
What bitterness am I clinging to?
Who have I refused to forgive?
Who do I hate?
Where is anger ruling my heart?

Peace begins with Jesus in me, and His grace through me.

I’ve read the entire Great Story multiple times.

There’s no Plan B.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

A Confession

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A Confession (CaD Rom 9) – Wayfarer

Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.
Romans 9:18 (NIV)

A decade or so ago, I found myself in the check-out line in a department store feeling this quiet, internal, seething anger. The source of this anger? Chip and Joanna Gaines. They were everywhere. Wendy and every one of her friends were talking about them. People I know were making pilgrimages to Waco, Texas. Their “collections” were suddenly in every store. There in the checkout line, Joanna was staring at me from the covert of Cosmopolitan. So, what do we do when we get angry these days? We vent on social media!

“I love Chip and Joanna,” I tweeted, “but I’m tired of seeing their faces a million times a day!”

The next day my tweet received a reply from Chip Gaines, himself.

“I know,” he tweeted back, “I told Joanna the other day that even I’m tired of us!”

It wasn’t long after this that I noticed myself feeling that same quiet, internal, seething anger. This time it was an online author and “influencer” who was trending and I started hearing this person’s name come up in conversation all the time. I remember Wendy and her friends talking in our kitchen one day and everyone was talking about what this influencer recently said about this or that topic. I was suddenly filled with anger. I wanted to throw up. I had to leave the room my insides were seething so intensely.

The problem was, I knew that these angry reactions inside of me weren’t healthy. Anger like this always points to something deeper in the Spirit that is askew. I began to dig into what it was that was going on inside of my heart. The answer ended up being simple once I realized it. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I’ve had this anger, these feelings of irritation and animosity, toward certain individuals my entire life. And they were almost all individuals I didn’t know at all!

Here I was a 50-year-old man who had been a disciple of Jesus for almost 40 years and it had taken me that long to realize that I have a problem with envy. The commonality between all of the individuals who produced this latent animosity within me is that they were people who suddenly became famous and everyone was talking about them and being influenced by them. Why them? Why not me? I feel shame in confessing it because it feels so petty. It’s true, however. I have to own it. Over the past several years I’ve had to consciously deal with this very real sin to which I had been blind my entire life.

As I have processed and worked on my envy, I have run headlong into what, in human terms, is an uncomfortable reality: God’s sovereignty.

Jesus told a parable about the owner of a vineyard. Throughout the day the owner finds workers, negotiates a price for their labor for the day, and sends them to work in his vineyard. At the end of the day, the workers who worked all day find out that they’re getting paid the same as the guy who was hired for the final two hours of the day. They are pissed. The owner of the vineyard responds,

‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn’t we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can’t I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?’
Matthew 20:13-15 (MSG)

In today’s chapter, Paul addresses the truth of God’s sovereignty. God blessed Jacob, but not his older twin brother Esau. The prodigal wastes all of his father’s money on partying and prostitutes and is given a homecoming party, while the older brother goes seemingly uncelebrated for his faithfulness and obedience. God, in His sovereign purposes, raises one person to prominence while another works in obscurity.

On one hand, I can dismiss these human inequities as simply “life isn’t fair” (and it’s not), but Paul is adding to this another layer of truth that Jesus was addressing in His parable. God is sovereign, and His knowledge and purposes are infinite, while mine are finite. This is where a disciple of Jesus finds the requirement of faith and surrender.

If God is good, and I believe He is. If God has a good purpose for me and my life, and I believe He does. Then I can rest in living the life God has generously and sovereignly purposed for me, this life I am now living, and this path I am now walking. I can also surrender any desire that my path should be like the one anyone else is walking.

In the quiet this morning, I’m thinking about our kitchen. On the counter, right next to the stove, Wendy has placed the Magnolia Cook Book in such a way that Joanna Gaines stares at me every day in my own house. It’s good. It no longer triggers me. It’s a daily reminder for me to pray for Chip and Joanna and all that God is doing in and through their lives. God has been generous to them, and they have a tremendous amount of positive impact in our world. I’m also quite certain that they face struggles and stresses because of that generosity which I wouldn’t want in a million years. In dealing with my envy problem, I’ve embraced that sometimes God’s generosity is in saving us from the things our heart’s desire, but which would lead to tragedies we could never foresee.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Insult and Injury

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Insult and Injury (CaD 1 Chr 19) – Wayfarer

In the spring, at the time when kings go off to war, Joab led out the armed forces. He laid waste the land of the Ammonites and went to Rabbah and besieged it, but David remained in Jerusalem. Joab attacked Rabbah and left it in ruins.
1 Chronicles 20:1 (NIV)

Today’s short chapter continues the Chronicler’s overview of King David’s military exploits, but it’s also a continuation of the story in yesterday’s chapter when the newly crowned Ammonite King humiliated King David’s entourage by shaving their beards off and cutting holes in the backsides so they returned with their butts exposed for all to see. David’s army attacked the Ammonites and their mercenary allies, the Arameans. While the attack was technically a win, most of the Ammonites fled into their walled city and escaped. But David considered the job undone.

Warfare in ancient times was typically dependent on the weather and the seasons. The first attack on the Ammonites must have been late in the season because David’s army withdrew back to Jerusalem. When the following spring arrived, they returned to the land of the Ammonites and laid siege to the city of Rabbah. This time, they were successful in deposing the King who had humiliated David’s men.

In the quiet this morning, I thought about the King of the Ammonites’ foolish act on the advice of his commanders (be careful whose advice you heed). I thought about the anger he roused within David. David told his men to stay away until their beards grew back so they would not be humiliated in front of their family, friends, and community. That means during the season the army was on stand down and they were waiting for spring the absence of these men was a constant reminder of the insult. When their beards finally grew back and they returned, it was yet another reminder of the Ammonites’ offense. The King of the Ammonites had ensured that David’s anger would fester and the insult would be perpetually remembered.

As I meditated on these things, I was reminded of Jesus words:

“This is how I want you to conduct yourself in these matters. If you enter your place of worship and, about to make an offering, you suddenly remember a grudge a friend has against you, abandon your offering, leave immediately, go to this friend and make things right. Then and only then, come back and work things out with God.

“Or say you’re out on the street and an old enemy accosts you. Don’t lose a minute. Make the first move; make things right with him. After all, if you leave the first move to him, knowing his track record, you’re likely to end up in court, maybe even jail. If that happens, you won’t get out without a stiff fine.”
Matthew 5:23-26 (MSG)

Of course, Jesus was talking about interpersonal relationships and not international diplomacy. Nevertheless, the King of the Ammonites is a great object lesson of the principle. When David’s army returned in the spring, the King did not send his army out to face them in the field. Perhaps the same commanders who advised the King to insult David now advised him to keep them and their army safely sequestered inside the walls of the city. In doing so, the Ammonite King abandoned his own people in the lands and villages around the city sacrificing his own people to David’s army who easily captured and plundered them. In the end, the King paid dearly for a proud and foolish insult.

I’m reminded this morning that following Jesus’ teaching means treating others, even enemies, with humility, patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. Sometimes that’s hard, but I find that it avoids escalation of the conflict and the consequences that brings. I’m also reminded of the importance of initiating peacemaking when I’ve knowingly offended someone else. Ignoring it allows for anger and resentment to fester, and the consequences could very well be regrettable.

Just ask the King of the Ammonites.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

History Lesson (or Not)

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History Lesson (or Not) [CaD 1 Chr 9] – Wayfarer

Now the first to resettle on their own property in their own towns were some Israelites, priests, Levites and temple servants. Those from Judah, from Benjamin, and from Ephraim and Manasseh who lived in Jerusalem were…
1 Chronicles 9:2-3 (NIV)

Our place at the lake is in central Missouri on Lake of the Ozarks. I have a lot of family history connections in the region on my mother’s side. Great-great-grandparents are buried in the little town of Atlanta which Wendy and I pass by every time we drive to the lake. Another Great-great-grandfather fought in the Civil War on the Union Side for the Missouri 10th Infantry. Missouri was a border state and was heavily divided during the Civil War. Remnants of that division remain.

As we approach the lake there is a giant Confederate battle flag that flies along the highway. The base of the giant flag is surrounded by a fence with barbed wire. A light is fixed on the base at night to discourage anyone from tampering with the fence or the flag. It wouldn’t surprise me if there weren’t cameras, too.

A few years ago I was traveling through southern Missouri on my way to a client meeting in Memphis. GPS took me on a curious route through some remote areas and I happened upon a property surrounded by a giant wrought-iron fence. The entrance had a locked gate and above the gate were the initials C.S.A. (Confederate States of America). The property and the house at the back were covered with Confederate battle flags. I considered stopping and taking a picture of it, but I was afraid I might get shot at.

In today’s chapter, we finish the Chronicler’s long stretch of genealogical information before he begins the narrative part of ancient Israel’s history. He focuses this last section on all of the priests and Levites who returned from exile in Babylon. Because only descendants of Aaron could be priests and only members of the tribe of Levi could attend to the maintenance, upkeep, and security of the Temple, this final list of families was important to the Chronicler. With the newly rebuilt temple inside the rebuilt Jerusalem, he was establishing for his contemporary readers the individuals and families who were responsible for these duties.

Curiously, he begins this list with the term “All Israel” and then goes on to provide lists of Levite families from not only the tribes of Judah and Benjamin (the two primary tribes of the southern Kingdom of Judah) but also from Ephriam and Manasseh (Ephriam was often used to refer to the entire northern kingdom of Israel). This is fascinating because the nation of Israel was taken into captivity by the Assyrian Empire and the people of Israel were still largely scattered among other nations. With his inclusive words “All Israel” and his inclusion of the Levites from among northern tribes, The Chronicler is establishing a new age for the Hebrews returning from exile. The divided kingdoms are no longer kingdoms, so they are no longer divided. He considers that they are a united family of tribes once again under their historic faith in the God of Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, and Moses.

As I meditated on what would have been a historic shift of thought for the Chronicler’s generation, the Confederate flag on Highway 54 and the Confederate loyalist compound sprang to mind. Along my life journey, I’ve observed the truth of the well-known statement that those who fail to learn from history are doomed to repeat it. I’ve also observed a related truth: Those who get stuck in history will never be able to learn from it.

This is true, not only on a national level but also on a personal level. The spiritual journey is a path laden with trials, temptations, obstacles, and conflicts. God’s desire is that I walk through them so that I might develop the character traits of perseverance, faith, hope, and spiritual maturity. and wholeness. If I, for example, get stuck in hatred, bitterness, and the refusal to forgive a person (or persons) who wronged me, it’s like me continuing to fly a Confederate battle flag 180 years after the conflict ended. I can’t learn and grow spiritually from that conflict until I embrace the forgiveness, grace, and mercy Jesus extended to me and channel it toward the individual(s) who injured me.

In the quiet this morning, I pondered where there might be “sticking points” in my own life, along my own journey. Where am I “stuck” in my own personal history? Holy Spirit brought to mind a prayer that Wendy and I have been including every morning in our prayer time together. It’s a prayer that our entire gathering of Jesus’ followers has been uttering collectively and individually for the past few months. It seems a good prayer on which to end today’s post and to begin today’s journey:

Lord Jesus,
I seek to live as your disciple in all that I do today. My life is your school for teaching me.

I relinquish my agenda for this day and I submit myself to you and your kingdom purposes.

In all situations today, I pray:
“Your will, Your way, Your time.”
Amen

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Bitter Roots

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Bitter Roots (CaD Heb 12) – Wayfarer

See to it…that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and defile many.
Hebrews 12:15 (NIV)

Many years ago I was the target of a malicious individual, once my friend, who acted deceptively and created all manner of trouble for me. The person disappeared for a time then later surfaced in a way that I regularly had to be around them.

In today’s chapter, the author of Hebrews, now in the home stretch of his letter, shifts to encouraging his fellow believers with all sorts of exhortations. There are so many good and memorable words of encouragement in this chapter that the one about not letting “the roots of bitterness grow” is, in my experience, almost universally ignored.

The problem with bitter roots such as anger, resentment, envy, jealousy, and long-held grudges is that they will germinate in my soul, they will spring up in ways I don’t expect (and to which I may be blind). Like weeds in my lawn, they will spread quickly if left unchecked. Their bitter fruit will infect my thoughts, my words, my behavior, and my relationships with others. The result, as the author of Hebrews points out, is to “cause trouble” for many. It has a ripple effect through my circles of influence.

Which brought my deceptive friend to mind. As I look back over the years and look at things with 20-20 hindsight, I believe that what prompted the trouble was the fruit of bitter roots in my friend’s soul which came from their own wounds and brokenness. If I had allowed bitterness from the troubles they caused me to take root in me, then the infection only grows, bearing even more fruit and infecting others as it reaches outward into more and more relationships.

In the verse before the one I quoted this morning, the author writes “Make every effort to live in peace with everyone.” Jesus said that if there’s bitterness between me and someone else, I should deal with it before I show up to worship. Paul wrote the believers in Rome, “as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” The “as far as it depends on you” part is me digging out the roots of bitterness, addressing them, processing them, working through the hurt to reach the point of forgiveness where I can let them go.

In a few weeks, my dormant yard will spring back to life. I will begin the process of looking for weeds taking root so I can root them out before they spread. It’s just grass. Even more important is the need to look in my heart and life for the signs of bitterness taking root so I can deal with it before it infects my life, and the lives of those around me.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Victim of My Own Poison

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So they impaled Haman on the pole he had set up for Mordecai.
Esther 7:10 (NIV)

I once had a person who told me they were angry with me. I had done something to offend, and the person confessed that they knew I had no idea what I had done to hurt them so deeply. I asked what I had done and sought to reconcile, but they chose to not to tell me. Sometime later, I made another appeal and asked the person to share with me what I had done. Again, they chose not to do so.

Two cannot be reconciled if one is unwilling to do so.

Along my life journey, I have encountered many individuals who hold on to their anger, their grudges, their hatred, and their judgments of others. Typically, I find that underneath it all lies a spiritual, relational, and/or emotional wound. The wound often remains carefully hidden beneath all the bitterness and rage. If the wound is not addressed the destructive emotions remain.

I have observed that anger, hatred, grudges, and vengeance are spiritually dangerous things. It has been said that harboring them is like drinking a cup of poison yourself and expecting that it will somehow kill your enemy.

In today’s chapter, the plot twist is downright Shakespearean. Haman’s plot to kill Mordecai and all of the Hebrews is uncovered. Ironically, Haman is impaled on the very pike he had erected for the impaling of his enemy, Mordecai. He allowed himself to drink from the poisonous cup of anger, resentment, bitterness, and rage for so long that he became its victim.

This morning I find myself praying for the person I mentioned at the beginning of this post, as I do whenever that person comes to mind. Perhaps someday the time will be right and they will be ready to talk things out. I hope so. I also find myself taking an internal inventory of my own wounds and examining my own levels of anger, resentment, bitterness and the like. I don’t want to harbor such things lest I find myself the victim of my own internal poison.

Chapter-a-Day

Family is Family

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 They traveled from Mount Hor along the route to the Red Sea, to go around Edom. But the people grew impatient on the way;
Numbers 21:4 (NIV)

My maternal grandfather, Claude Hendrickson had a particularly difficult childhood. Grandpa Spec’s father committed suicide after learning he had tuberculosis. It was assumed that Perry Hendrickson wanted to spare his family the medical costs and difficulties associated with a long, terminal illness. My grandfather, the eldest of three siblings, was farmed out to his maternal grandparents to be raised. His mother retained custody of the younger siblings.

“Spec,” as he was known this whole life, experienced a strict upbringing with his grandparents. There was, however, discipline and faith. He managed well, got married, worked hard, and made a decent life for his family. Meanwhile, his siblings suffered their own difficulties as their mother, Olive Hendrickson, went through a string of failed marriages. Spec’s brother Ralph, an alcoholic, came looking for a job from his older brother. Spec agreed to hire his brother, but explained that he would fire him the first time he found his brother drinking on the job. When that eventually happened, Ralph was fired and promptly returned family in Illinois where he spread malicious lies about Spec among the family there. Spec felt ostracized by much of his family from that point on.

Spec and Ralph remained estranged, yet when Ralph died Spec drove to Illinois to pay his respects and to face a family who thought the worst of him because of Ralph’s malicious stories. Imagine my grandfather’s horror when the funeral director handed him the bill for his brother’s funeral. As “next of kin” the family expected him to pay the bill for his estranged brother who had caused him so much trouble. My grandfather paid the bill, returned home to Iowa, and let it go.

“Family is family,” I can hear my grandfather say from his rocker, chewing on a cigar.

This story came to mind as I read today’s chapter. There is a subtle, recurring theme through the story of the wilderness wanderings of the Hebrews. It appears again today when the nomad nation takes a circuitous route to avoid the land of Edom. Skirting Edom to the east meant living in an extremely desolate area east of the Dead Sea.

Back in Deuteronomy God had told Moses to leave Edom alone because the land of Edom had been settled by Esau, the twin brother of Jacob (aka Israel). The story of the twins is back in Genesis 25. Esau had been Jacob’s older twin, but Jacob had deceived Esau into giving him his birthright. The result was “bad blood” between the brothers and their descendants.

It has been some 600 years since the days of Jacob and Esau, and now the nation of Israelites are living in a desolate desert wilderness clawing out their survival because God had ordered, through Moses, that they leave Esau’s land alone. The people weren’t happy.

“Family is family.” There has always been an unwritten human principle about being faithful to family, to provide for family, to be true to family. In my life journey I believe I’ve seen the power of this sentiment slowly fade in our culture as families spread out over larger and larger geographical areas. Yet, I’m not sure it will ever fade completely. There’s something that’s built in our DNA. It’s why millions of people are doing DNA tests and searching out their roots to understand who their family is and “where I come from.” There is a part of us and our life journey that we realize is only understood in the context of the family from which we spring.

This morning I’m thinking about our human family and the things that connect us. I continue to marvel that modern genetics has definitively shown that all of us descend from what scientists refer to as “Genetic Eve.” We are all part of the same human family. Like the Hebrews, over time we feel less and less connection. Despite the fact that God reminded the Hebrews that the Edomites were “family” they didn’t think of the Edomites in those terms. They saw their distant cousins as enemies who refused to allow them to pass through the land. The Edomites didn’t see the Hebrews as distant cousins but as a threat to their very existence. Along the way our self-centered fears and desires turns human family members into mortal enemies.

Then there are those like Grandpa Spec. Despite having every reason to save his money and walk away angry from his brother’s funeral, he simply paid the funeral bill and let it go.

Family is family.

Indeed.