Tag Archives: Shame

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“To Infinity and Beyond”

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He has removed our sins as far from us
as the east is from the west.
Psalm 103:12 (NLT)

According to God’s Message the following statements are true:

  • Committing one small sin makes you just as guilty as committing a million of them.
  • No sin is better or worse than any other.
  • If we confess our sin and turn away from them, God’s forgiveness is absolute.
  • In forgiving us, God removes our sin in infinite measure (see verse above).

I live in a small town known for it’s conservative world-view. I’ve learned that some people have very good memories when it comes to my moral failures. Unlike God, they remember my sins and are slow to forget. Ironically, those who claim to be the most devout Christians are also those most likely to cling to their memories of my sins and to treat me with on-going suspicion.

I’ve come to learn that the journey of faith is not only about believing in God, but also believing the truth regarding how God sees us. It can be difficult to embrace the reality that God has graciously and completely forgiven us when those who claim to be fellow believers insist on reminding us of our shortcomings and refuse to let go of their own personal judgments. I’ve learned that this shame effect is even more intense when those who cling to the memory of our past are family members or close companions. For some, the judgment of others shackles them to a sense of shame and keeps them from experiencing the reality of the abundant Life and freedom Jesus promises.

I am reminded this morning that in choosing to follow Jesus I also choose to acknowledge, accept, and embrace the reality of who I am in Jesus. I am a sinner saved by grace. My sins are washed away by the flood of His grace. God does not see the sin of those who believe, receive and follow. In the parlance of the great theologian, Buzz Lightyear, our sins have been removed “to infinity and beyond.”

God, help me this day to see myself reflected in your eyes and to live in the freedom of your forgiveness. Give me the grace to refuse bowing to my reflection in the judgmental gaze of those who desire to perpetually remind me of those things you’ve chosen to forget.

Chapter-a-Day

No Pit So Deep

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Bradley Olin via Flickr
Bradley Olin via Flickr

But I called on your name, Lord,
    from deep within the pit.
Lamentations 3:55 (NLT)

The man stood before me, tears streaming down his cheeks, as I explained to him a simple truth. Salvation was just a heart’s prayer a way. Call out to God. Open your heart. Ask Him in. Then it came. The pushback of shame I’ve heard many times:

“But you don’t understand the things I’ve done. If you knew where I’ve been. The terrible things… the horrible… the awful….”

I’ve discovered along my journey that when you live for any time in a pit, darkness has a tendency to attach itself to your soul. You begin absorbing the lies of darkness:

  • You are no good
  • What you’ve done in the darkness permanently marks you
  • You don’t deserve forgiveness
  • God doesn’t want you; No one wants you
  • You deserve this pit in which you find yourself
  • There is no way out.

The most amazing thing about Jeremiah’s Lamentation is the 180 turnabout he makes in today’s chapter. After two and a half chapters of wailing, weeping, and woe, Jeremiah dares to look up from his pit and see the Light. Amidst the destruction, depression and carnage Jeremiah reaches out to the life line of God’s love, compassion and faithfulness.

I can’t think of a more apt contemporary parallel to the type of suffering Jeremiah experienced than the victims of Nazi death camps in World War II. This morning I was reminded of the words of Corrie Ten Boom, a Dutch Christian who was sent to the camps with her family for hiding Jews in The Hiding Place they’d made in their home. Her family all died in the concentration camps. Corrie was freed by a clerical error. Later in life she continuously shared this message from her own personal Lamentations:

“There is no pit so deep, that God’s love is not deeper still.”

After a litany of shame filled confessions out of the darkness of the spiritual pit he lived in, the man I mentioned at the beginning of my post looked up and saw a glimpse of light. He opened his heart. He took a step of faith. He uttered a simple prayer. His life changed forever.

Yours can too.

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Practice Love

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stressed and worried
stressed and worried (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

My dear children, let’s not just talk about love; let’s practice real love. This is the only way we’ll know we’re living truly, living in God’s reality. It’s also the way to shut down debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it. For God is greater than our worried hearts and knows more about us than we do ourselves. 1 John 3:18-20 (MSG)

“I know how bad I’ve been; My sins are staring me down.” So go the lyrics of King David singing the blues in Psalm 51.

Anyone who has a conscience has felt the same weight. We know our shortcomings. We know our mistakes. They stare us in the face and haunt our thoughts and our dreams. The weight of guilt and shame easily gives way to “debilitating self-criticism, even when there is something to it.” Yet, that debilitating self-criticism can quickly become a paralysis of guilt and shame. We become so myopically focused on our mistakes and feelings of worthlessness that we miss the veritable plethora of daily opportunities to act out of love and kindness towards family, friends, loved ones, neighbors, and strangers.

(Confession: I’ve been given to a significant amount of navel gazing in recent weeks and it’s getting me down. So, this post is me writing to me.)

Practice love. Seek out a chance to do something nice. Work at showing kindness. If we expend the thought, time and energy to demonstrate loving kindness towards others, we counteract the paralyzing effect of shame, fulfill Jesus’ command, build the Kingdom of God, and feel better about ourselves at the same time.

Random Acts of Kindness Ideas
Random Acts of Kindness on Pinterest

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Psalm 38

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from El Caganer via Flicker

For I am waiting for you, O Lord.
    You must answer for me, O Lord my God.
Psalm 38:15 (NLT)

I once worked for a man who had everything going for him in the world. He was a popular, respected man in the community, in the media, and in the local church. His spit-polished, picture perfect life was regularly and subtly trotted out as the ideal for others to aspire. It did not take me long to figure out how much of that was window-dressing.

Sometimes we look back at pieces of our journey and, in hindsight, realize why we needed to know certain people or do certain things. For me, my tenure working for Mr. Perfect was an imortant lesson in who I did not want to be. Everyone has their faults, even those whose lives are decorated for public consumption.

One of the things I love about King David’s songs is his gut wrenching honesty. Today’s psalm is Exhibit A. How many kings are going to write a blues song about their sin, guilt and shame and admit to the consequences of sin in their current troubles? I appreciate David’s genuine honesty and his willingness to be human despite the pressure to appear god-like in his royalty.

Many years ago a close friend who intimately knew my whole story observed that my life was a “slow deconstruction” of the very type of picture perfect image my old boss wore so effortlessly. I see the truth in what he was saying. Keep the wrecking ball going. I’d prefer to be like David with all of the pain and heartache which comes from living genuinely.

Jesus called me to live in such a way that I might be light to those living in darkness. The further I get in life’s journey the more I’ve come to believe that those in darkness are not drawn to a flashy, neon mirage of perfection that seems so foreign to them. I think they are drawn to the subtle flicker of genuine sinners saved by grace.

Chapter-a-Day

Chaper-a-Day Mark 6

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Saved By GraceThen they scoffed, “He’s just a carpenter, the son of Mary and the brother of James, Joseph,  Judas, and Simon. And his sisters live right here among us.” They were deeply offended and refused to believe in him. Mark 6:3 (NLT)

This past weekend, my friend Matthew and I led a weekend workshop for men about shame. We shared the truth that we are all products of broken families, broken cultures, and we ourselves are broken people. Our past is riddled with painful memories, scathing and destructive messages, moral failures, and embarrassing moments that easily mix themselves into a cocktail of shame. Instead of accepting the truth that we have made mistakes and being motivated to let God change us, we become paralyzed with the notion that we are mistakes who can never change.

Our faith journey is about moving forward and pressing on. Along the way we progress and experience God’s transforming work in our lives. Old things pass away and new things come. Yet, there will always be those who are determined to remind us of who we were while casting a blind eye to who we have become. Some will refuse to accept the change in us. Others will go so far as to continually remind us of our past.

During a question and answer time this weekend, Matthew and I were asked how each of us handled our own public failures, the lies, slander and misjudgement which accompanied them. For me, there were two key ingredients that kept me pushing forward. First, my relationship with God was strong and remained unphased by all the chaos. God and I both knew what was true. Second, I had a few precious friends who had my back.

I thought about that as I read of Jesus’ own experience with public doubt and scandal. His old neighbors could not make the mental leap from the preconceived notions they had about Him and the reality of who He was. But Jesus was in a tight relationship with His heavenly Father and knew the truth of who He was and what He was called to do. And, He had a few close followers who knew Him and believed in Him.

Today, I’m thankful for the person God has allowed me to become – especially as I acknowledge and learn from the person I have been.

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Chapter-a-Day Ezra 9

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The Rebuilding of the Temple Is Begun (Ezr. 1:...
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“My dear God, I’m so totally ashamed, I can’t bear to face you. O my God—our iniquities are piled up so high that we can’t see out; our guilt touches the skies.” Ezra 9:6 (MSG)

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about shame, lately. My friend and I are preparing a weekend workshop for men that explores the impact that shame has on our lives and relationships (more about that in a subsequent post today). Because of that, Ezra’s prayer leaped off of the page as I read it this morning.

In the Garden of Eden, Shame was the first result of Adam and Eve’s sin. Having disobediently violated the one and only prohibition God gave them, they immediately saw their nakedness and were ashamed. In response to the shame, they covered their nakedness and hid themselves from God. Some scholars believe that shame, that nagging sense that deep down there’s something horribly wrong with me, is the root issue from which all of our other troubling issues blossom. I feel shame, so I seek to hide it in a false self. I feel shame, so I try to escape from it in any number of unhealthy distractions. I feel shame, so I try to tear down those around me so that they will be at my level. I feel shame, so I attack myself constantly. I feel shame, so I obsessively strive for perfection.

There is, however, a healthy side to shame when we choose to face it honestly and courageously. Shame can make me more aware of who I truly am. Shame can alert me to something wrong in life that I can address and change to the betterment of my self and my relationships. Shame can foster humility, humanity, autonomy, and competence in my life.

When Ezra felt the shame of his people’s iniquity, his response was not to brush it aside and pretend it didn’t exist. He didn’t act out in rage against them. He didn’t give his followers a million new rules intended to create some legalistic goodness in them. He didn’t withraw into solitary depression. He didn’t become hyper-critical of himself and his people. Ezra hit his knees.

In his gut-level, honest prayer, Ezra acknowledged that improper actions from previous generations to his own day had resulted in the disastrous consequences which led to the fix they found themselves in at that moment. He took the first step toward seeking a positive change of heart, a positive change of life, and a restoration of relationship with God.

Today, I’m thinking about my own nagging feelings of inadequacy and failure. I’m identifying the unhealthy ways I try to escape my own shame. I’m seeking to be more like Ezra, and humbly respond by taking healthy steps forward.

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Chapter-a-Day Leviticus 8

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Moses slaughtered it and smeared some of its blood on the lobe of Aaron’s right ear, on the thumb of his right hand, and on the big toe of his right foot. Then Aaron’s sons were brought forward and Moses smeared some of the blood on the lobes of their right ears, on the thumbs of their right hands, and on the big toes of their right feet. Leviticus 8:23-24 (MSG)

There are times along the journey when shame attacks. “I’m worthless,” I might whisper to myself when I listen to shame’s deceptive whisper. “I’m a failure,” is another evidence of its toxic presence. “There’s no way God could forgive me. I’ve done [insert any number of shameful acts here].”

When Moses smeared blood on the ear, the thumb and the big toe of Aaron and his sons, it was a word picture of the blood covering the very extremeties – the blood covered everything. Even in the very beginning of God revealing His plan, He wanted to make it clear that the smallest amount of sin affects the entire person, therefore the blood of the sacrifice must cover the entire person. The blood Jesus spilled on the cross was a sin sacrifice once for all:

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death. For what the law was powerless to do because it was weakened by the flesh, God did by sending his own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh to be a sin offering. Romans 8:1-3a

In a metaphorical sense, Jesus repeats the ritual with each person who places their faith in Him. He smears the blood of His sacrifice on our ear, our thumb, and our big toe. While we tend to think of sin as a problem of individual acts we’ve committed (or omitted), God sees sin a root problem to be dealt with in wholistic way. We are completely covered by His sacrifice. All of our sins are forgiven. The debt of our sin has been paid 0ff by the gracious and sacrificial gift of Jesus.

Today, I’m grateful that I’m forgiven; I’m thankful that Jesus sacrifice covers me completely. I hope and pray that my life and my love reflects my gratitude.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Matthew 14

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'curb it'
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“All we have are five loaves of bread and two fish,” they said. Matthew 14:17 (MSG)

It’s clean up week in my town. People can go through their homes and put large, bulky things they don’t want on the curb for the garbage truck to haul away. The result is an ant-like army scurrying around town picking up trash off other people’s yards. My wife and I like to put things on the curb and guesstimate how long it’s going to last before someone stops and takes it. There have been times when I’ve hauled something to the curb and someone has stopped to take it before I could walk back to my house. There’s generally not much of anything left for the garbage man.

Over the last few years, I’ve had a goal of simplifying my life. I’m a work in progress, but I have a genuine desire to get rid of stuff I don’t need or use. I really do want to do more with less. One of the most fascinating things about clean up week is that many of the people who I see running around picking up other people’s trash are those who really appear not to need it. They have plenty of money and plenty of junk. How fascinating, this allure to hoard more.

How fascinating the disciples thinking. “All we have…” That’s scarcity thinking: “It’s not enough.” That’s shame thinking: “What we have is worthless for the task.”

I’ve learned a few things in my journey towards simplicity.  I’ve learned that I can actually get by with far less than I already have. I’ve also learned that less clutter and less crap creates a greater sense of peace, and more room for the things of God. The more I have, the more for which I’m responsible. The more I have to store. The more I have to think about. The more to which I must tend.

Jesus’ lesson to me today is a reminder that I have more than enough to do what He wants me to do. No thinking “If only I had…” or “I don’t have…” or “As soon as I get…” or “But, all I have is…” I am blessed with more than what is sufficient for the task.

Fish sandwich, anyone?

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Pursuit of Happiness

Pursuit of Happiness #27

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Today’s post pursuit of happiness post is actually a response to the message I heard in worship yesterday. It was a great reminder that we so often live each day wading through guilt and/or toxic shame which oozes into our souls from any number of sources. Followers of Jesus are so quick to believe the lies and critical blurts others throw our way, and so slow to believe the truth of our identity in Christ.

Many years ago I did a little personal study in which I listed out a host of affirmations about my identity in Christ from God’s message. I still pull this out and read through the list on occasion. It’s like spiritual chiropractic for me, straightening out my self-talk and helping me shed some of the twisted, shame based thoughts I whisper to myself. I post it here hoping that it might be an encouragement to others.

I urge you to find a quiet place and read through this list out loud, starting each line with “I am…” Your heart will feel lighter by the time you get to the end of the list!

I am…

fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139)
made in the likeness of God (James 3:9)
worth more than many sparrows (Mt. 10:31; Lk 12:7)
God’s workmanship (Eph 2:10)
chosen (I Peter 1:2; 2:9)
crucified with Christ; Christ lives in me (Gal 2:20)
brought near to God by the blood of Christ (Eph 2:13)
made holy through the body of Christ once for all (Heb 10:10)
saved by God’s grace (Eph 2:5,8)
delivered from death to life (Rom 6:13)
forgiven – my sins remembered no more (I Jhn 2:12; Heb 10:17)
purified from all unrighteousness (I Jhn 1:9)
clean (Jhn 15:3; Jhn 13:10)
of those who believe and are saved (Heb 10:39)
in Christ (Jhn 14:20)
born anew (I Peter 1:23)
justified through faith (Rom 5:1)
set free from sin (Rom 6:18, 22)
no longer under supervision of the law (Gal 3:25)
released from the law (Rom 7:6)
healed (I Peter 2:24)
given fullness in Christ (Col 2:10)
in him who is true (I Jhn 5:20)
raised up with Christ and seated in heavenly realms (Eph 2:6; Col 3:1)
blessed (I Peter 2:9)
receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken (Heb 12:28)
son/daughter of God (Gal 3:26)
an heir of God (Gal 4:6; I Jhn 3:2; Rom 8:17)
son/daughter of light (I Th 5:5)
a member of God’s household (Eph 2:19)
a citizen of heaven (Eph 2:19)
a branch (Jhn 15:5)
a friend of God (Jhn 15:14)
God’s field (I Cor 3:9)
God’s building (I Cor 3:9)
God’s temple (I Cor 3:17; 2 Cor 6:16)
God’s house (Hebrews 3:6)
the body of Christ (I Cor 12:27)
one with other believers (Gal 3:28)
a member of one body (Eph 4:25)
of a people belonging to God (I Peter 2:9)
called (Jude 1:1)
God’s fellow worker (I Cor 3:9)
of a royal priesthood (I Peter 2:9)
witness (Mt 24:48; I Thess 2:10)
competent as a minister (2 Cor 3:6)
led by the Spirit of God (Gal 5:18)
a letter from Christ (2 Cor 3:3)
the aroma of Christ (2 Cor 2:15)
Christ’s ambassador (2 Cor 5:20)
the light of the world (Mt 5:14; Eph 5:8)
the salt of the earth (Mt 5:13)
more than a conqueror (Rom 8:37)
being renewed day by day (2 Cor 4:16)
enriched in every way (I Cor 1:5)
given a trust (I Cor 4:2)
looking for a city that is to come (Hebrews 13:14)

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Jeremiah 30

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“This is God’s Message:

   “‘You’re a burned-out case,
   as good as dead.
Everyone has given up on you.
   You’re hopeless. Jeremiah 30:12 (MSG)

The road rises and falls on this journey through life. There are peaks, and always there are very deep valleys – shadow of death valleys. And the experience of clawing your way out of those valleys leaves marks. Sometimes physical, often emotional, always spiritual – they forever remind us that we were or are (perhaps we are once more) a “burned out case, as good as dead.”

Divorce, abuse, addiction, abandonment, affliction, handicap, depression, disorder, disease, imprisonment, sin, stupidity…the list could go on. We all have our crosses to bear. The valley of death’s shadow is part of the journey to Life. God is a God of resurrection and you can’t be resurrected unless you are dead. You can’t be redeemed if you have not been lost and sold over that from which you need redemption.

Jesus had scars too. The nail holes were still there when he rose from the grave, as was the hole in his side from the spear that ripped his heart apart. He showed them off. He let his friends see them and touch them. His scars were a landmark, pointing to the most critical and necessary part of his journey – his death. If he hadn’t of died there would be no resurrection, no redemption, no hope, no life, no ascension.

Chill for a second. We all walk through the valley of the shadow of death. It’s on the path that leads to dwelling in the house of the lord forever. Without going through it, well, “you can’t get there from here.”  Don’t worry about your scars. We all have them. Don’t hide them. Acknowledge them. They are an important part of your journey.

Press on.