Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Ephesians 6:4 (NIV)
Exasperatev.\ig-ˈzas-pə-ˌrāt\
1. To excite the anger of: Enrage
2. To cause irritation or annoyance
From the home office in Pella, Iowa. Top Ten Ways I tried not to exasperate my children:
Let them become who they are called to be, not who I wanted them to be.
Be patient with their small mistakes and accidents. I make them too.
Be patient with their big mistakes and accidents. I make them too.
Expect progress, not perfection.
Life is short: Enjoy letting them be children/teens/young adults with all the irritations, aggravations, lessons, and foibles. I’m the adult, and should be the one to understand that it’s a stage of life they are in and be patient with it.
Found and complimented the beauty in who they were in the moment, refusing to tease or be critical of them in the awkward stage(s) they went through.
Be critical of their behaviors, never of their person.
When angry or frustrated, express it appropriately. Sometimes yelling, ranting, and screaming are counter productive. Let silence do the heavy lifting.
Forgive them, just as I have (and need to be) been forgiven.
Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Psalm 126:5 (NIV)
I am reminded this morning that Jesus said the sun shines on both the good and evil, and that rain falls on both the righteous and unrighteous. No matter what path we take or where we find ourselves in our life journey upon this earth, there will be good times and there will be bad times for every one of us. I have learned along the way that the real question is not what happens to us, for we all will have our personal share of both pleasures and pain. The real question is how we respond and what we choose to do with both our blessings and our tragedies.
I want the innumerable blessings that shine on my life to create in me a trinity of tangible responses:
Gratitude: I wasn’t entitled to the blessing, I need to be thankful.
Grace: I have been shown favor I don’t deserve, I need to show favor to others.
Generosity: I have been given much, I need to give much away.
I want the tragedies that I experience, both great and small, to cause me to respond with:
Patience: Even Noah discovered that rain eventually gives way to sunshine, but I need to let patience grow in me during rainy days.
Perseverance: When I doggedly press on through the storm, I find maturity, wisdom, and character developing in me.
Purpose: It may be cliché, but dark clouds do have silver linings. I need to seek God’s purpose for me in the pain.
I have observed along the journey that when I respond appropriately to the circumstances I find myself in, laughter gives way to deeper understanding, and tears give way to joy.
Have mercy on us, Lord, have mercy on us…. Psalm 123:3a (NIV)
Mercy (mur-see) n. 1. compassionate or kindly forbearance shown toward an offender, an enemy, or other person in one’s power; compassion, pity, or benevolence. 2. the discretionary power of a judge to pardon someone or to mitigate punishment, especially to send to prison rather than invoke the death penalty. 3. something that gives evidence of divine favor; blessing.
Sometimes we lose sight of what words really mean. Throughout God’s Message I read cries for mercy and calls for mercy. I regularly plead for God’s mercy. But, do I ever really stop to consider what that really means? I read the three definitions pasted above and find in each of them a slightly different but wholly apt nuance of the word.
I need God’s compassionate and kindly forbearance because despite my best efforts I keep testing God’s patience with my repeated offenses, my moral faults and my personal shortcomings.
I need God’s discretionary power to pardon and mitigate just punishment for my condemnable thoughts, words, acts and omissions.
I desire daily evidence of divine favor and blessing.
At the same instance, I am reminded this morning of Jesus’ words, “blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.”
I need to show compassion and kindly forbearance towards those who have offended me.
I need to pardon those who have perpetrated hurtful thoughts, words, and actions towards me.
I need to give tangible favor and blessing to others who do not deserve it.
This morning I prepare for the day mindful of the truth that it is totally improper of me to pray for God’s mercy if I am unwilling to show mercy to others.
When I was a young man, I couldn’t wait to grow up. There is a natural progression of time and life, but there was something in me that wanted desperately to push everything forward. My restless, extroverted nature was always pushing the clock. I wanted to got. I wanted to move. I wanted to push things forward. Perhaps this was the result of being the youngest or perhaps there was a spiritual restlessness in me. In any event, I was always pushing the timeline to get to adulthood as quickly as possible. I graduated from high school early. I went to college early. I got married early, and I had chidren early.
Looking back on my life journey (from just over the hill), I can see the natural consequences and difficult life lessons that resulted in me trying to constantly push time and circumstances to acheive my own personal will and desires. As I’ve progressed in my journey I’ve come to a deep appreciation of God’s divine timing. I have increasingly learned the contentment required to wait for to be at peace in the moment and to wait for God to move.
In the story of David and Saul we see another stark contrast between the two men in this regard. David was anointed king as a child, but has patiently refused to push God’s hand by taking Saul’s life and stepping up the timeline to his ascension as monarch. I’m sure it couldn’t have been easy, especially since it resulted in years of being an outlaw and living in exile. Saul, however, was always pushing his own will. It was what got him into hot water in the first place and in today’s chapter we see that he has still not learned the lesson. His decision to consult a medium and conjure up Samuel’s spirit is just another illustration of Saul’s refusal to be content with God’s will and timing.
Today, I’m taking stock of the circumstances of my life in which I feel impatience. There are a number of them. Naming them one by one, I am choosing to let go of my will and timing. Instead, I am handing them over once more to God and entrusting them to His perfect will and divine schedule.
So many enemies against one man— all of them trying to kill me. To them I’m just a broken-down wall or a tottering fence. They plan to topple me from my high position. They delight in telling lies about me. They praise me to my face but curse me in their hearts. Psalm 62:3-4 (NLT)
Since being elected captain of the Woodlawn Elementary School Safety Patrol in 6th grade, I’ve spent most of my life journey in one form of leadership or another. Student Councils, Chaplain, Youth Pastor, Pastor, Elder, Committee Chairman, Director, Producer, Board of Directors, Employer, etc., and etc. Over the past few years I’ve been investing a good bit of soul searching, reading, quiet time and mental effort ruminating on my leadership.
The truth is, I feel less comfortable as a leader today than I ever have in my entire life. Perhaps it’s the old saying “the more you know the more you realize you don’t know.” I know I can do the job, but the further I get down life’s road the more I want to do the job well and it’s the doing it well part which I find myself pondering incessantly. My personal assessment shows more room for improvement than I care to admit.
As I read King David’s lyrics today, I instantly identified the groans and frustrations of a man who has experienced the burden of leadership in ways I never will. Still, I feel an odd sense of familiarity with the emotions he expresses in his song. Leadership at all levels can leave you feeling alone at the top with a target on your back. You see smiles and hear one thing said to your face while hearing nasty things whispered behind your back.
I appreciate David’s response. It is easy to react to criticism, negativity, and open hostility with anger, vengeance, and aggression either passive or active. I’ve learned, however, that our natural reactions tend to weaken a leader’s position. Leadership requires thoughtful response. When David chooses to respond to his critics and enemies by waiting quietly for God, he is making the choice of a wise leader. He is avoiding the trap of emotional reaction, he is making space for his own thoughts and meditations on the situation, and as a leader he is recognizing an even higher authority to whom he is accountable.
Anyone can be elected or appointed to a position of leadership. Sometimes we just find ourselves in the position and wonder how we got there. I believe every parent knows this feeling. One minute you’re having fun in bed and the next thing you know you have these big, innocent eyes looking to you for provision, protection, and all of life’s answers. Welcome to leadership. Yet, for the sake of our children, our neighbors, our communities, our businesses, our nation and our world we need leaders who do their jobs well.
“If I have found favor with the king, and if it pleases the king to grant my request and do what I ask, please come with Haman tomorrow to the banquet I will prepare for you. Then I will explain what this is all about.”Esther 5:8 (NLT)
Yesterday morning as I was sitting and waiting in the airport, something reminded me of an old Chuck Mangione jazz tune I’d not heard since I played the vinyl record of it on my turntable back in high school. I suddenly had the desire to hear that song again. I pulled up my iPhone, quickly found she song on my iTunes app and with a flick of my thumb I spent 99 cents to download it to my phone. From random thought to actually listening to the the song was probably little more than a minute. Amazing.
I can hardly describe for young people how much life has changed in the 30 years since I was their age. We live in an era of such instant gratification. Anything you want you can arrange to get almost instantly. No waiting. No patience required. If you have a smart phone and a cellular data connection you have the world and all of its goods literally at your fingertips.
I often wonder what affect this has on our souls and on our culture.
I smirked to myself this morning when I read of Esther refusing to tell the King and Haman what it was she really wanted. “Come back for another feast tomorrow, and I’ll tell you.” Brilliant. She builds dramatic tension. Gratification is delayed which only serves to heighten curiosity and a desire to know.
I love using that same device as a writer. Throw the question out there and then leave your reader or your audience hanging to find the answer. Last spring a group of actors showcased a few scenes of a play I wrote at an artist’s night. The scenes provided enough of the story to tease the audience with the dramatic question presented in the script, but did not reveal the answer. A couple of weeks ago a man came up to me and introduced himself, telling me that seeing those scenes drove him crazy that night. He immediately went home, pulled up the script on-line and read the whole thing. “I couldn’t stand it!,” he said to me with a laugh, “I just had to KNOW!”
There is something mundane in always getting what you want whenever you want it. It deadens the senses and chokes the soul. Delayed gratification is not a bad thing. It develops patience in us. It quickens the senses. It introduces hope, increases desire, and may even force us to exercise self-control. It makes the moment of gratification even sweeter. It teaches us to appreciate the ultimate reward.
So what is Esther going to ask the king? How is she going to save her people? What is going to happen with Haman? You’ll just have to wait until next week. I only blog a chapter-a-day every weekday ;-).
“But then I will win her back once again. I will lead her into the desert and speak tenderly to her there.” Hosea 2:14 (NLT)
As one who has walked the faith journey for a good long while, I am repeatedly amazed at God’s patience, grace and long suffering with those of us who choose into relationship with Him. I can look back and see so many times that God could have, and perhaps should have, cut me loose and cast me aside. To be honest, there were many times that He gave me freedom to make foolish choices and harvest the consequences of my actions.
Nevertheless, God has always proven faithful. St. Paul wrote to his protege Timothy that even when we are faithless, God is faithful because God cannot disown who He is. Faithfulness is at the core of God’s being. Despite the fact that Israel acted like an unfaithful spouse and even though our own thoughts, motives, and actions show us to be no better, God waits for our return like the Prodigal’s father. When we come to our senses and return, God does not just grudgingly accept us, but woos us with kindness and tenderness. God goes the extra mile to win our hearts back again.
Today, I am humbly reminded of God’s faithfulness to this wandering wayfarer. His kindness leads me once more to repentance, and gratitude, and a renewed commitment to faithfully and lovingly follow.
I am sick at heart. How long, O Lord, until you restore me? Psalm 6:3 (NLT)
Any one who has road tripped as a child or with a child knows the agony of impatience. My brain can easily recall the whiny, high pitched and agonized voice: “Daaaaaaaaddy!? How loooong ’til we get theeeeeere?”
This road trip called life is filled with long stretches of waiting:
How long until I’m old enough?
How long until I get married?
How long until I’m better?
How long until I’m pregnant?
How long until this is over?
How long until I’m over this?
How long until you show me the way?
How long do I have to endure this?
How long until I find a job?
How long until things are reconciled between us?
How long until this house sells?
How long will I feel this way?
How long until we’re out from under this crushing debt?
How long until the kids are out of this phase?
How long until the Cubs win the World Series? (Sorry. I couldn’t resist. It’s been a long season already.)
The songwriters of the Psalms commonly use the repeated phrase “How long, O Lord, How long?” in their lyrics. As we journey through each song, you’ll notice it cropping up again and again. Waiting, persevering, and enduring are common and critical to our human experience and to our spiritual maturity. I love that King David and the other lyricists were not afraid to wrestle with and express some of the most powerful emotions we face on our own journeys.
Today, I’m looking back at long stretches of my journey through which I had to press on and patiently (or impatiently) endure. I’m considering the abundant ways those agonizing waits helped me to grow and mature – how they prepared me for the rest of my journey.
Dear brothers and sisters, be patient as you wait for the Lord’s return. Consider the farmers who patiently wait for the rains in the fall and in the spring. They eagerly look for the valuable harvest to ripen. James 5:7 (NLT)
As I read this verse from today’s chapter I thought about the season of Advent. Our church is focusing on the Christian calendar this year, so the messages leading up to Christmas have been about Advent, which is a latin word meaning “coming” or “revealing.” It’s the season of expectation prior to Christmas as we await the coming of the birth of Jesus.
As I read this verse in today’s chapter I thought about the warm autumn rain that’s been falling for the past day here in Iowa. The fields are brown and death-like, and yet there is already anticipation of next year’s crop. The moisture is a welcome sight for farmers who are waiting and already thinking and planning for planting next Spring.
As I read this verse in today’s chapter I thought about my dinner conversation last night with Wendy. With our Vikings at a miserable 2-11, we are already talking about baseball and all of the changes for our beloved Cubs this off season. Christmas is almost here, then a sojourn through January. February means the beginning of Spring Training and suddenly it doesn’t seem that far away.
Through the journey I’ve learned that I can be an impatient person. I don’t like waiting. God’s timing is so rarely my timing. More often than not I find myself waiting and expecting. It is woven into the fabric of the journey. We stand on the path, but our eyes stare ahead to the horizon.
God, help me to find the balance between contentment and expectation. Help me to balance my desire to get to my destination with the patience to appreciate the place that I find myself at the moment and accept all that the journey is creating within me.
And then I got tired of the sheep and said, “I’ve had it with you—no more shepherding from me. If you die, you die; if you’re attacked, you’re attacked. Whoever survives can eat what’s left.”Zechariah 11:9 (MSG)
Back in my college days, when I would do just about any odd job for a few bucks, my buddy Spike told me about a week long job he’d picked up babysitting. One denominational organization was having their national meeting in Ames and they needed people to help with babysitting and day care for all the Pastor’s Kids (PKs) and Missionary Kids (MKs) while the adults when to various sessions during the day.
Being the only guys in the pool of child care workers, Spike and I got the two toughest groups in the lot. I was given responsibility for the 11-12 year old boys. Spike got the 9-10 year old boys. So for the next week we were responsible for the naughtiest, rowdiest, most cantakerous bunch of foul-mouthed brats I’ve ever experienced (and that’s putting it nicely).
If there was a rule, these boys would break it. If you told them to do one thing, they’d do the other just to spite you. Some of my clearest memories were of riding on the bus getting pelted from spit wads fired from the kazoos they’d been given by some dear, ignorant woman who thought the kazoos a “safe way to keep them entertained on the bus.” Then there was the field trip to Living History Farms when the boys found a crab apple tree and decided to band together and play attack Tom with rotten apples. Early in the week I was tired and frustrated. By mid-week I was cranky and short-tempered. By the end of the week I was downright homicidal. It was only my dire need for college money that kept me showing up each morning.
When I read in today’s chapter about the shepherd getting downright sick of the sheep, I think about my little flock of 11 and 12 year-old PKs. Then I think about Jesus who said He was “The Good Shepherd who lays down His life for His sheep.” How frustrated must God be with this rebellious sheep who is so prone to wander. Yes, I look back with sarcastic and critical eye at those rowdy bunch of boys, but how hypocritical am I being, really? Can’t the Good Shepherd get just as frustrated with me?
Today, I’m mindful of the ways I must be a frustrating person for God to Shepherd, and I’m thankful for a Good Shepherd who would leave the entire flock to find one lost sheep.
