Tag Archives: Children

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 27

4 Comments
FARMER FRANK OTTE WITH HIS FAMILY ON THEIR FAR...
Image via Wikipedia

Be wise, my child, and make my heart glad. 
      Then I will be able to answer my critics.
Proverbs 27:11 (NLT) 

I happened to be visiting with a farmer and his father yesterday. Finding ourselves sitting there with a little time on our hands, I began asking questions and making some small talk. The family farm had been passed down from his great-grandfather who came to America from the old country around the turn of the 20th century. When I asked if any of his children were going to carry on the family farm, I kicked the pebble which started an avalanche.

A long, sad saga of parental woe flooded from the farmer’s mouth. One son said he wanted to take it on and carry on the family legacy, but he didn’t show any actual ambition to do any actual work or finish the degree he felt short of completing. A second son had attended a year of college here and a year of college there to study this or that but didn’t want to finish and ended up working a low paying job in the area. For reasons the father had not been told, the son lost that job and was currently unemployed. The third son was a similar story. He went to one year of community college and then quit. He apparently had no job and showed no signs of finding one. The father stared blankly out the window as he talked. You could feel the heavy weight of his heart.

I sat and quietly listened as the farmer went down his descriptive checklist of passive, undisciplined, and aimless children. I tried not to be judgmental, but to listen graciously and offer no comment. I realized that I was hearing the father’s perspective and the sons, had they been there to offer testimony, may have shared a very different story. A lone perspective rarely, if ever, offers an accurate picture of the family system.

Nevertheless, I walked away saddened by the tragic story the farmer told of his children and the empty, disappointed look in his eyes as he told it. I suddenly felt a surge of gratitude for my children and for their passion, their ambition, and their heartfelt desire to make a positive mark on their world. I felt the stark contrast between the farmer’s story and the one I get to tell.

Today, I am grateful that I am blessed with children who make my heart glad.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 23

5 Comments

The father of godly children has cause for joy. 
      What a pleasure to have children who are wise.
Proverbs 23:24 (NLT) 

I once worked with a pastor whose children were going through a rowdy, rebellious phase. One of the more self-righteous, overly negative members of his congregation made a snide remark about his children behaving badly. Exasperated by her back-biting and malice, he finally snapped.

“Lady,” my friend said to the snooty woman, “my children are not immaculately conceived. If you don’t believe me, I’ll drop trow right now and show you the plumbing that got the job done. Being as my children are bred of two flawed human beings, you might extend a little grace rather than expecting them to be perfect.”

That story always makes me laugh. Despite my friend’s sharp tongue, I appreciate the truth of the point he was trying to make.

I never expected my children to be perfect. I have had people ask me how I raised great kids. I always struggle to answer those questions because I feel like the outcome is far more about God grace and about their own wise choices than it is about parenting. There is no secret formula nor are there guarantees or sure outcomes. I only had a few guiding principles I attempted to follow…

  • Rather than trying to get them to go to church, I tried to model for them an active faith.
  • Rather than telling them “no” all the time, I tried to find healthy ways to tell them “yes.”
  • Rather than fearing the worst in them, I tried to trust the best in them.
  • Rather than holding them back out of fear of what they might do, I tried to release them with faith that they would do the things that they should do.
  • Rather than trying to love them with lots of things, I tried to love them with time, affection & attention.

I am not a perfect parent and my kids can provide you a list of my failings. My children are not perfect children (and I could provide you with a little list of my own). You will never find marble statues of my family erected in honor of our perfection, virtue, character, wisdom, morality, intelligence, or spirituality. Nevertheless, I resonate so deeply with King Solomon’s words. I have cause for joy today and every day because I have three good kids who love God and who love others well. I can’t ask for more than that.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Proverbs 1

3 Comments
In the Corner. From A Home (26 watercolours)
Image via Wikipedia

Therefore, they must eat the bitter fruit of living their own way,
      choking on their own schemes. Proverbs 1:31 (NLT)

It is said that life is wonderful teacher, and so I’ve found it to be true. Over the holidays, Wendy and I have talked a lot about children and parenting. The holidays are filled with gatherings of family and friends, so it has been interesting to interact with and observe children and parents in various family systems. Our girls are now out of the nest and making their way on their own respective paths just as many of our friends are just setting out on their parenting journey. We’ve found ourselves chatting about lessons learned and observations the two of us have made.

I find it interesting in today’s chapter that Wisdom shouts out and calls us to follow and seek her out. She does not come running after us. She does not rescue us from our foolishness. In the same manner, the Prodigal’s father neither forbid his foolish son to leave home, nor did he journey to the distant land to find and rescue him. I have often observed parents who try so hard to protect their children from every mistake and every one of life’s ills by suffocating them with controlling rules and regulations. Home is Gitmo. Assuming the worst of both the child and of life, they try to isolate and grip their children tightly.

The problem is that I’ve found children to be both slippery and squirmy. When you try to clamp your hand tightly around something slippery it usually shoots out somewhere you didn’t intend.

And so, Wendy and found ourselves discussing both extremes of controlling and permissive parenting. Wendy nailed it when she said that the balance between the two was “reasonable” parenting that gave wise and necessary guidance and discipline without tipping over into unreasonable control. Easier said than done, but in today’s chapter I find Wisdom striking a similar balance. She shows the way, provides the road map and calls us all to follow. If we choose to listen we experience the blessing of having listened and obeyed. If we choose not to listen, well then life and the consequences of our own choices becomes a wonderful teacher.

Random Thoughts

Tom’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 22

Leave a comment
Test_only.jpg
Cheers! Image via Wikipedia

If you learned that you were going to die in exactly one hour, what would you do?

  1. Make love to my wife.
  2. With a slice of Wendy’s cheesecake (if there’s some in the fridge), I’d pour a glass of the best wine in the house. Then I’d make a run to Casey’s on the corner and enjoy another drink and a smoke with Wendy on our porch.
  3. Have a video chat with Madison, Taylor and Clayton – along with my parents & siblings. Ending in a prayer of thanksgiving and blessing.
Random Thoughts

Tom’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 18

2 Comments

If you could teach your children only one lesson in life, what would it be?

You are loveable, valuable, and capable.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Deuteronomy 33

Leave a comment

Thus God became king in Jeshurun 
as the leaders and tribes of Israel gathered.
Deuteronomy 33:5 (MSG)

I have two very different daughters. While each of them possess a sweet spirit, their personalities have been strikingly different since they were young. As they grow and strike out on their own, they share a common, passionate faith in God. They each have their own unique bent, however. One is not good and the other one bad. One is not blessed while the other has blessing withheld. One is not loved and the other hated. They are simply different as different musical instruments, while being part of the same orchestra, provide a uniquely different sound to those who listen. God will use each of them to accomplish his melodius purposes in the orchestration of Life’s great symphony.

As their father, I am proud of both my children with their unique set of abilities and corresponding accomplishments. I appreciate each off them for their individual personalities. I love both of my children deeply and honor the strong, individual women they have become. I bless them both as I see God leading them on their respective paths.

In today’s chapter, the lyrics of this Song of Moses continue as all the tribes, representing the children of Israel, gather together. The lyric establishes that God is the king of the nation. Then, one-by-one, the children of Israel and their tribes are given words of blessing. Each and every tribe is blessed even as each tribe has their own unique personality, bent, strengths and weaknesses.

Along the journey I have known those who have experienced the pain of a parent’s disfavor. I have watched parents, especially fathers, shower blessing on one child even as they drew back the hand of blessing on his or her sibling. I have listened to the crying of both men and women who have never received their father’s blessing. Those tears eminate from a deep place within the soul. That particular pain can have a profound effect on a person’s life.

Today I am grateful for a Heavenly Father who spreads His blessing upon all of His children. I pray that I have followed his example well.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Numbers 33

1 Comment
Wings Traveling Journal Spread
Image by Else10 via Flickr

These are the camping sites in the journey of the People of Israel after they left Egypt, deployed militarily under the command of Moses and Aaron. Under God’s instruction Moses kept a log of every time they moved, camp by camp. Numbers 33:1-2 (MSG)

We were at the lake with family this past weekend. My daughters, now in their twenties, brought up memories from family vacations many years ago. “Do you remember when…?” I was asked with fill-in-the-blank events and moments from their childhood. It’s always interesting to see which memories are still quickly available to me in my brains RAM, which memories have be relegated to a partition which is difficult to access, and which memories have seemingly been written over with more recent data.

Since shortly after I was in college I began keeping a travel journal whenever I went on a trip. Life is a long journey, and I know that some things will be forgotten or written over in my brain. My journals help me remember specific times and places. They will someday allow my children and granchildren to relive where I was, what I experienced and what I felt at a specific place and time.

In today’s chapter we find Moses keeping a travel journal at a time in history that record keeping was not that easy. They didn’t pass an office supply store every few miles and the raw materials for keeping such records was an arduous task in itself. Yet here we are, thousands of years later reading about their journey and learning from it.

Today, I’m thankful for lessons learned in time and the ability to record them for the benefit and amusement of future generations.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Numbers 11

Leave a comment
no_whining

The riffraff among the people had a craving and soon they had the People of Israel whining, “Why can’t we have meat? We ate fish in Egypt—and got it free!—to say nothing of the cucumbers and melons, the leeks and onions and garlic. But nothing tastes good out here; all we get is manna, manna, manna.”  Numbers 11:4-6 (MSG)

A couple of weeks ago, Wendy and I spent the week with our friends at the lake. There were four children under the age of five. It has been a long time since I’ve spent such a long period of time with such a number of little ones. I’d forgotten how quickly a child could transform from precious angel to a tearful, whining lump of humanity on the floor. Oh my.

As the week went on and I observed more and more of these sudden Jekyll and Hyde transformations, I was struck again at how adults are just big children who put a more sociably acceptable face on the same flawed human behaviors. Adults whine too, but we usually cloak it in more deceptive communication devices such as passive agressiveness, gossip, sarcasm, and silence.

We are such silly human beings. Even as adults we are constantly discontent with what we have, and continually craving things we don’t have. God blesses us with what we need and in not time we’re bored and discontent, desiring something else. I’ve discovered that sometimes it’s not good for me to get what I crave. What I want isn’t always my Heavenly Father’s best plan for me. But God is a parent, too. Today’s chapter stands in evidence that sometimes He gives in and gives us what we’re whining about, knowing that getting what we crave will prove to be a long, painful life lesson.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Leviticus 20

1 Comment
via Flickr and modashell

“Set yourselves apart for a holy life. Live a holy life, because I am God, your God. Do what I tell you; live the way I tell you. I am the God who makes you holy.” Leviticus 20:7-8 (MSG)

When I was a child, the rules of the house were strict and the punishment for infraction were (at least to my child’s mind) severe. Childhood was when the folks “laid down the law” and taught life lessons in black and white terms. As I grew into an adult, I watched the authoritarian parental regime wane. I was given free rein to live on my own, make my own choices, and learn from the consequences of my own foolishness.

As a parent, I gained an even greater perspective. Parenting is about preparing children for life. It starts with helping them understand basic black and white rules for their safety and propriety. It progresses to teaching them principles for successful living and eventually becomes an advisory role as you assist them in grappling with the mysteries of this life journey as they walk it for themselves.

I find it helpful to view the authoritarian rules of Leviticus and their stiff penalties in view of the big picture. It’s easy to get mired in the minutiae and lose sight of the whole. On the surface, the purpose of the law was to protect the people by keeping them spiritually, morally and physically safe and healthy. But on a larger scale, in the linear life cycle of God’s relationship with humanity on Earth, the long list of black and white rules would teach us it is impossible to attain holiness and spiritual wholeness by simply keeping the rules. Keeping the rules cannot, and will never, address the fundamental issue of our sinful condition. It is not the symptomatic behaviors that are the problem, but the underlying sinful nature of our hearts. Like the common cold, you can treat the symptoms and dry up a runny nose, but the virus remains inside affecting the whole body. To address the root problem will require healing that can’t be found within ourselves.

Enhanced by Zemanta
Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Leviticus 15

Leave a comment
Person washing his hands
Image via Wikipedia

God spoke to Moses and Aaron: “Speak to the People of Israel. Tell them, When a man has a discharge from his genitals, the discharge is unclean. Whether it comes from a seepage or an obstruction he is unclean. He is unclean all the days his body has a seepage or an obstruction.” Leviticus 15:1 (MSG)

When my daughters were young, the word for “unclean” was “acky” (toddler-ese derivative of the word “yucky”). Kids need a clear understanding of what things are acceptable and which things are “acky” because they could maim you, burn you, give you intestinal problems (and let’s face it – the diapers are nasty enough without compounding the issue), spread a communicable disease (we’d like to abandon our “pink-stuff-of-the-month” subscription with the local pharmacy, thank you), or outright kill you (dad gets blamed for enough, he doesn’t need that hanging over his head, too). As a result, there is a period of development when “acky” was a hot topic of conversation.

As I read today’s chapter, I found myself returning to the metaphor of Leviticus being a heavenly Father’s rules for the nation of Israel who were just toddlers in their societal development. Wives have enough trouble with us men who were reared in an advanced civilization and the best educational system in human history. We still fart, belch, spit, scratch, pick and leave unhealthy residue of our bodily emissions on toilets with the seat up. Can you imagine how bad guys must have been living in a tent city in 2500 b.c. without showers, indoor plumbing, laundry facilities and disposable razors?

All of the description about what was “acky” in today’s chapter served layers of purposes. From a societal point-of-view, it helped protect the nation from communicable disease by prescribing ceremonial washing of things that could easily carry all sorts of nasty germs and viruses. From a spiritual point-of-view, it reminded the people that they served a holy (and clean) God.

Today, I’m reminded that [wait for it….] “cleanliness is next to godliness.”

Enhanced by Zemanta