Tag Archives: Self-Image

What the Camera Sees

What the Camera Sees (CaD 1 Sam 9) Wayfarer

Kish had a son named Saul, as handsome a young man as could be found anywhere in Israel, and he was a head taller than anyone else.
1 Samuel 9:2 (NIV)

The other day in my post I mentioned how much change I have observed in our world and culture with the advent of the internet and social media. It has been fascinating to observe the dawn of such a powerful, global medium of communication. As with every communication medium, it has both the potential for so much good and the potential for so much evil.

Like most people, I have enjoyed exploring, learning, and using different online tools and social media like this blog I’ve been writing now for sixteen years. With two grandchildren living on the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, I am so grateful for photos, video, and FaceTime. I’ve enjoyed that social media has allowed for closer, more frequent direct connections with family, classmates, and friends. I have been amazed to watch groups of people supporting others in times of need and crisis that never would have been possible before the internet because everyone was scattered around the world and we simply lost track of one another with no good way to effectively and easily communicate with so many people.

Along the way, I have also observed how things are communicated on social media. I have thought long and hard about how I want to use this tool and what I choose to communicate. I’ve observed that it is easy to start living life almost completely online. For those who are physically isolated for one reason or another, that brings incredible freedom. At the same time, I’ve observed that it becomes a dangerous escape for others.

In the early days of the internet, I was part of a group chat with people from all over the world. What I discovered over time was that some individuals in the chat were themselves, while others in the chat had created a persona they wanted others to believe was them. One member messaged me privately to confess that everything they purported to be in the group was a lie. The person was lonely, depressed and life was out of control, so they lived a fantasy online life in a group chat, hidden behind a username.

I have also been fascinated to observe how people present themselves online and how “likes” and “views” have become intertwined in a person’s self-esteem and sense of self-worth. I’ve also learned that young people will sometimes have two social media accounts on the same platform. One is for the general public and parental viewing/oversight while the other “secret account” is for their private group of friends to post the things they don’t want mom and dad to see or read.

In my mass communication classes in college, I was drilled into me that we only see what the person behind the camera wants us to see. My professors in the 1980s were talking about news editors, publishers, and filmmakers. The internet has brought the power of mass communication to every person in the world and put it right in the palm of our hands. With our posts, tweets, and photos we project ourselves to the world. Our followers see and hear only what we choose to show them. So what am I choosing for others to see, and why?

In today’s chapter, the first thing we read about the young man who will become Israel’s first king is that he is tall and handsome and from a prominent family in the tribe of Benjamin. What a perfect description of an ideal political candidate. But what if underneath that handsome face and six-foot frame there lurks a tortured soul, hidden rage, or mental health issues? We only see what the author of 1 Samuel wants us to see. Just like me and my social media feed.

Over time, I have found myself posting far less on social media than I once did. It’s not that I made a specific rule for myself. I simply began asking myself honest questions about my motives and my choices, and I began to embrace that no one really needs to see a photo of my suitcase on a business trip or the cowboy guy on my flight. I want to be present with loved ones and friends in the moment, and less worried about making sure the world knows who I was with and what I was doing.

What do I want others to see? Just another wayfaring stranger with very normal problems, faults, and shortcomings. I’m following Jesus. I’m pressing on this earthly journey one day at a time, reading the Great Story, pondering things in the quiet, and trying to enjoy life and my good companions with whom I share this journey and whom I endeavor to love well.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Which Story Will I Choose to Believe?

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will.
Romans 12:2 (NIV)

I realized somewhere along my life journey that I had a tape recorder playing in my head. The recording was a montage of voices of the past and negative blurts that had clung to my soul as though someone had stuck them there with velcro. The recording played on a loop in my head like Muzac in a department store. I was largely unaware of it most of the time, but the recording played over and over and over again reinforcing certain negative messages:

  • I’m not a good enough person
  • I’m not a good enough husband
  • I’m not a good enough dad
  • If people really knew me they’d reject me
  • I’m such an idiot
  • I don’t have a clue what I’m doing
  • I’m never going to be [fill in the blank]
  • I’m such a hopeless wretch, God won’t really forgive me

There came a point in my journey when I became aware of these shame-full messages whispering in the background of my consciousness. I began to realize just how insidious and powerful they were in framing my self image, my perspective, and even my behaviors. They contributed to nagging attitudes of insecurity and defeat.

I began to listen more carefully. I began to write these negative blurts down as I heard them and then identified them. Where possible, I identified the source of that negative blurt from my past. If possible, I tried to identify how and when it was that I came to believe that negative message about myself. I brought them out into the light of day and examined them thoroughly, memorizing what they looked life, sounded like, and felt like.

I began consciously, day-by-day, to create a new recording. This recording was based on affirming messages sourced on what God says about me:

  • I am loved
  • I am fearfully and wonderfully made
  • I am forgiven, my sins remembered no more
  • I am purified from all unrighteousness
  • I am blessed
  • I am a child of God
  • I am an heir of God
  • I am the light of the world
  • I am the salt of the earth
  • I am more than a conqueror
  • I am enriched in every way

From that point on, whenever I recognized one of my old negative blurts whispering to me, I turned up the volume on my new recording. It wasn’t a quick process. It took time and tenacious effort. Slowly, however, things began to shift. My mind began to transform and let go of the old messages as it embraced the new.

Today, I’m thinking about the story that I have for so long told about myself deep in the recesses of my soul. I’m thinking about how much that story contrasts with the story that God tells about me. So often I’m the prodigal child approaching God, hat-in-hand, repeating the self-written story of my wretched unworthiness. God is the prodigal’s father believing and telling a very different story of just how loved, honored, and valued I am.

The question is: Which story will I choose to believe?

Chapter-a-Day Matthew 23

 

“Do you want to stand out? Then step down. Be a servant. If you puff yourself up, you’ll get the wind knocked out of you. But if you’re content to simply be yourself, your life will count for plenty.” Matthew 23:11-12 (MSG)

I’m almost 45 years into this journey, and I’m still trying to get a handle on the whole “be yourself” thing. I must confess that in my younger years I professed to have a good handle on who I was. In retrospect, I think my self confidence was part honest ignorance, part youthful innocence and part self-delusion. I’ve learned a lot about myself along the way, and the times of greatest clarity come from periods of “stepping down.”

I’ve had a lot of experience standing in a spotlight and it is a very interesting experience. The spotlight can at once be exhilirating, addicting, and powerfully intimidating. All of that attention focused completely on you. All of those eyes staring at you in the same moment.  You had better be “on.” You had better look the part. You had better not embarrass yourself. Make sure the costume is perfect. Push the energy. Turn it on for the audience. Play the part. The spotlight has a tendency to reveal our blemishes, so we tend to cover them up with just so much make up.

Stepping down affords introspection out of the spotlight’s penetrating glare. It reduces pressure. It allows for things to be revealed in the normal light of every day life. It gives opportunity for change. Stepping down allows me to figure out who I am back stage and off stage. In an interesting paradox, I’ve found that the better I know myself outside of the spotlight, the better and more authentically I play my role in it.

Chapter-a-Day Exodus 3

Take another look. Moses answered God, "But why me? What makes you think that I could ever go to Pharaoh and lead the children of Israel out of Egypt?" Exodus 3:11 (MSG)

There is a HUGE difference between what God sees in Moses and what Moses sees in himself.

God sees a man who has been prepared since birth for this task. God sees a man who knows Pharaoh's court, who knows Egypt's ways, who has an insider's understanding of the Egyptian political elite. Beyond that, God sees in Moses a humbled heart (that He can raise up), a heart stirred by justice (through which He can deliver the law), a man who, after years in the wilderness, now knows how to shepherd bunch of silly sheep (and can now lead His "flock" out of Egypt).

Moses, on the other hand, sees a murderer. Moses sees an escaped criminal. Moses sees a failure. Moses sees a worthless shepherd who has nothing to his name but what his father-in-law has provided for him.

How easily we look at ourselves, desire to believe what God says about us, but can't see past the worst of what we know about ourselves. Like Moses, we react to thoughts of what we could do for God with our buts…

But, I'm a failure.
But, I killed my unborn child.
But, I'm an addict.
But, I'm a secret sinner.
But, I'm fat and ugly.
But, I'm an adulterer.
But, I never finished college.
But, I'm a victim of…
But, I'm stupid.
But, I'm divorced.
But, I've got an eating disorder.
But…
But…
But…

I am convinced that there is no mere human on Earth, listed among the "great," who did not have as many hang-ups, issues, and failures as anybody else. The difference is not in being a better, more worthy person. The difference is in choosing to believe that what God sees in me, is more important than what I see in myself.

Creative Commons photo courtesy of Flickr and behruz

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