Tag Archives: Personality

Chapter-a-Day

Balancing Truth and Love

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from Classblog via Flickr
from Classblog via Flickr

Soon Joseph had another dream, and again he told his brothers about it. “Listen, I have had another dream,” he said. “The sun, moon, and eleven stars bowed low before me!” Genesis 37:9 (NLT)

In today’s chapter, the book of Genesis takes up the story of Joseph who was Jacob’s son by Rachel. One of the stark contrasts we immediately see in the young Joseph is that he is a plain spoken truth teller born into a family system steeped in deception. Joseph had a dream and shared the dream with his brothers despite the ill-will and retribution it generated from his brothers. In this way, Joseph foreshadows the prophets who would also share God’s message through their dreams and visions and earn the ill-will and retribution of the nation.

Followers of Jesus are commanded to “speak the truth in love,” but I have come to appreciate the courage required to faithfully do so. Speaking truth often requires us to say what others do not want to hear. Doing it “in love” requires us to bless and be gracious with those who will respond to truth the way Joseph’s brothers did.

I have always struggled to balance my desire to be an obedient truth-teller with my personality of being a people pleaser. So often I err too far to one extreme or the other. When I speak truth I often harden myself so as to build up the courage to do so and it comes out as callous and angry. When I try to speak in love I often soften myself to the point that I conceal truth and avoid any potential unpleasantness it would generate. Once again, I find myself trying to find the point of tension between the two extremes. I hope as I get older I’m learning to get it right once in a while.

Chapter-a-Day

A Proper Challenge for a Go With the Flow Guy

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2012 11 Decorations1But be sure that everything is done properly and in order. 1 Corinthians 14:40 (NLT)

Wendy and I celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary on New Year’s Eve. It was a wonderful occasion and celebration that makes the holiday extra special for us. On New Year’s Day we celebrated by taking down our Christmas decorations and returning Vander Well Manor back to it’s normal daily appearance. The holidays, the celebration of our anniversary, and the extra time we have to be together during the holidays always gives me opportunity to think about our relationship.

Wendy and I have a lot in common when it comes to our interests, but those who know us well will tell you that we are opposites in temperament. I am laid back and tend to go with the flow while Wendy is very particular and highly organized. After seven years of marriage, I realized yesterday that our annual taking down of the decorations was as efficient and stress free as we’d ever experienced. I believe that this was due in a large part to an unspoken understanding of one another and how best to attack the process in a way that played to our strengths.

No matter what our individual bent, the strength of our personal temperament always comes with a corollary weakness. Being laid back and able to go with the flow helps me to weather change and to bring flexibility and stability to rapidly changing circumstances. At the same time, I tend not to sweat certain details and give little thought to the long term implications of my momentary decisions. The result can often create frustration since Wendy’s bent is to give careful thought to each decision in order to anticipate the future chain of events to where it will lead.

Today’s chapter is all about similar differences in the way the followers of Jesus in Corinth were going about their meetings together. Conflict arose because the meetings had become a bit of a laid back free-for-all and Paul was trying to address some of the specific issues the local group of believers were experiencing. I thought Paul’s bullet at the end of the discussion summed things up nicely: Do things properly and in order. I can hear Wendy’s voice in my head lending a hearty “Amen.”.

I’m not one for formal New Year’s resolutions, but as we put away decorations yesterday and cleaned up the house I told myself to make 2013 a year of “getting my house in order.” I find it interesting to wake up this morning and, in a little moment of synchronicity, read Paul’s succinct directive. We don’t make much progress in our personal journey unless we consciously choose to address areas of needed improvement. For a easy going person like me, that means consciously doing a better job of sweating the details, doing things properly, and going about my day in a more orderly fashion.

(Which means I need to end this post and get ready for my day. Happy New Year.)

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Acts 13

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Dusty feet
Dusty feet (Photo credit: Macarena Viza)

So they shook the dust from their feet as a sign of rejection and went to the town of Iconium. Acts 13:51 (NLT)

I’m a people pleaser by nature. It’s the personality God gave me. It can be a real strength as I am generally good at building bridges, rapport and relationships. I don’t like to offend others or anger people and avoid doing so.  At the same time, the strengths of every personality type have their corollary weaknesses. In my personal journey I’ve learned that I must constantly be mindful not to allow my pleasing nature to transform me into a door mat for others to walk over. In addition, I have to guard my heart against feelings of hurt and rejection when others don’t like me or what I believe, think, or say.

Our journey through the stories of Jesus’ earthly ministry and the early experiences of His followers remind me that matters of spiritual truth, by their very nature, create conflict. It can be easily argued that Jesus, in His three years of public teaching, was the source of as much conflict as healing. When Jesus sent out the twelve He told them to expect rejection, and He instructed them to “shake the dust off” when it occurred.

As a pleaser, it’s a good reminder for me that not everyone is going to like or appreciate me, my beliefs, my thoughts, my word, or my choices. Some, in fact, have openly despised me. Because of my personality, it tends to bother me a great deal. “Shaking the dust off your feet” is a great word picture. It means letting go of rejection. It’s a reminder not to let the emotional residue of rejection build up on the soul, nor carry it with us wherever we go.

Random Thoughts, Wayfarer's Journal

Tom’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 5

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Torso- Navy Blue
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If you had to choose the color that describes you most accurately, what would it be?

I am navy blue.

Not flashy, but deep, solid, cool, faithful and resiliant. Blue like jazz. Able to pair well with, and compliment, a plethora of other colors while still being able to stand well on its own and improvise in need.

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Deuteronomy 7

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WASHINGTON - NOVEMBER 17: Joe Uva (L), Presid...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

So don’t be intimidated by them. God, your God, is among you—God majestic, God awesome. Deuteronomy 7:21 (MSG)

When I was younger, I found myself easily intimidated by people. Perhaps it was from being the  baby of the family, but it didn’t take much for me to feel “less than” another person whom I perceived to be have some kind of power or authority.

Along life’s journey God has placed me in positions in which I’ve interacted with people at many different levels of worldly power and authority. I’ve worked with people in extreme poverty and have dealt with people of extreme wealth. I often work with both front-line employees fresh out of college starting their careers as well as Presidents and CEOs. I’ve had the opportunity to know leaders of business, well-known authors, and government officials.

One of the lessons that these experiences have taught me is that every person, no matter their position in life, has their own set of troubles, trials, and temptations. Means and influence do not make you a better person, and often I’ve observed how they create more problems. I’ve known some individuals in relatively impressive positions of earthly power and influence who are deeply insecure, while others with little or no earthly power and influence have incredible personal strength.

My experiences have made me far less likely to be intimidated by others. I am constantly reminded that God instructs me to be content, keep growing and be fruitful where I’ve been planted. Others may have more worldly power, more influence, more stuff, and greater means than I do, but in God’s economy we all stand on equal footing.

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Random Thoughts, Wayfarer's Journal

Day 16: 3 Things You Are Proud of About Your Personality

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Murph with his tongue waggin'
Murph with his tongue waggin’

30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 16: Three things you are proud of about your personality.

Over the years I’ve used a personality test introduced by John Trent and Gary Smalley in their book The Two Sides of Love with different groups I’ve taught and led. Trent and Smalley use animals as word pictures to describe the four predominate personality types: Lion, Otter, Beaver, and Golden Retriever. It’s a quick and easy little test and the word pictures are something with which people can quickly identify.

While we all have certain dimensions of every personality type, according to the Trent-Smalley test I’m predominately a Golden Retriever. Here are three traits of a Golden Retriever personality I’m proud of:

Deep Relationships: When it comes to relationships, I like to go deep. Some people may be able to survive having a million relationships that are an inch deep, but I require a small handful of relationships that mine the depth of each other’s hearts and lives. I like it that way because it is relationship in the deepest, truest sense of knowing and being known. It is intimate and life-giving for both participants.

Patient: Living in community with others requires generous doses of patience. As a spouse and as a parent I’m glad that my personality comes with a natural sense of patience. I often see conflict and relational damage done by jumping to conclusions and flying off the handle with one another. I like to look back and see how patience with others has allowed the other person to experience, grow and mature in a natural, organic way in God’s time without the entanglement of my impatient pushing, pleading, and critical cajoling.

Good listener: I like that others find me to be a good listener, and I’m often amazed at what complete strangers will tell me within just a few minutes of meeting them. While at times it’s disconcerting, I feel blessed that others trust me to be a confidant to both their joys and their trials.

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Isaiah 55

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Myers-Briggs. "I don't think the way you think. The way you work isn't the way I work." Isaiah 55:8 (MSG)

A few years ago I asked my wife and children to to an exercise with me. All four of us to the Myers-Briggs personality type indicator test. We then spent a Saturday morning with my friend Matthew going over the results and talking about each of our personalities. It was a very revealing experience for me and, I hope, for the rest of the family.

One of the things that I discovered as part of this process was that some of my children's perceptions of me were a far cry from reality. Children view their parents with blinders. This is part of the natural mode of life, and you don't begin to see your parents in a different perspective until your own life experience broadens. Part of the takeway for me in the experience was coming to the realization that my children did not have a complete picture of who their father was, and is. I didn't think the way they think.

What a great lesson for me to turn and apply to my own relationship with Father God. As I continue in the journey and experience broadens my perspective, I'm afforded a greater perspective of who He was, and is, and is to come. Yet, I must humbly and continually acknowledge that God's thinking and workings are beyond anything I can possibly fathom.

Creative Commons photo courtesy of Flickr and hillaryandanna