Tag Archives: Confession

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Leviticus 5

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“When you are guilty, immediately confess the sin that you’ve committed and bring as your penalty to God for the sin you have committed a female lamb or goat from the flock for an Absolution-Offering.” Leviticus 5:5 (MSG)

A guilty conscience is a killer. It robs you of sleep. It ties your gut into knots. It gnaws at your thoughts. A person may be able to keep a lid on a guilty conscience for a time, but it will eat away at your soul until the guilt starts oozing out of your life in unexpected, often unhealthy ways.

When those burdened by addictions walk through the Twelve Steps, they are really walking through a systematic process of confession and atonement. The Twelve Steps are rooted in the understanding that our addictions are unhealthy ways we’ve habitually and ritualistically tried to medicate and cope with deeper guilt and pain. Through introspection, admission and making amends, we deal with the deeper issues which led us to our addictive behaviors.

The cool thing about the ancient law of Leviticus is that it presents and attempts to deal with core spiritual, relational, and personal issues with which we continue as human beings to struggle today. The prescription may look very different on this side of history, the sacrifice of Jesus, and the empty tomb, but the issues with which we silly humans grapple at the root of it are the same ones they were wrestling with 3500 years ago.

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Jeremiah 41

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Ishmael’s reason for dumping the bodies into a cistern was to cover up the earlier murder of Gedaliah. Jeremiah 41:9a (MSG)

In my study group, we’ve been utilizing an exercise called Morning Pages. It’s really simple. First thing, when you get up in the morning, write three pages long hand. Just write whatever comes to your mind. Keep the pen on the paper and keep writing. Don’t think. Don’t filter. Don’t stop. Just write.

One of the men in my group commented that the first time he’d done this study, when he first used this exercise, he was shocked at what came out in his Morning Pages. I understood. In my own experience of doing Morning Pages over the years, I’ve experienced the same thing. We are often unaware of what we have stuffed in the cracks and corners of our soul.

Our souls are deep cisterns. Over time, like Ishmael, we throw a lot of nasty stuff in. Then we pile stuff on top to hide the stench and cover it up. Eventually, it gets piled so deep that the flow of living water gets stopped up. Maybe there’s something seeping to the surface, but there’s definitely not a steady flow from the source. Sometimes our well clogs completely. It dries up. Morning Pages is an exercise that purges the soul and helps return the flow.

Jesus said “repent and be baptized.” What a great word picture. Purge yourself of the rotting, dead stuff in your soul, then plunge yourself into living water so that your well is filled. It’s not a momentary event, but a life long process.

Creative Commons photo courtesy of Flickr and crazyfarmer
Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Isaiah 48

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Sleep better. "There is no peace," says God, "for the wicked." Isaiah 48:22 (MSG)

The pizza joint was packed after a high school basketball gang and I was there with a bunch of my friends. I was the youngest of the group of teen boys. It was loud. It was smokey (you could smoke anywhere in public in those days), and it was extremely busy with teenagers and families celebrating the basketball team's victory.

I don't remember there being any discussion. In the midst of the din, the eldest of my group of friends looked around and said "Let's go." We got up and followed him out of the restaurant without paying the check. I still remember the look on his face and his laughter as the group reveled in pulling one over on the restaurant. We all laughed as we sprinted towards my friend's house, but underneath the laughter my conscience had already kicked in.

I remember hating that night. Guilt and shame have a way of magnifying paranoia, anxiety and fear to ridiculously huge proportions. I spent the night at my friends house in utter fear of police raiding the house and hauling me off to jail. I can still remember the panic in my head each time I heard a police siren in the distance.

There is no peace for the wicked.

It was about four years later that I stopped by the pizza joint after school and asked to speak with the manager. I still remember his confused expression as I explained what I'd done and handed him money from my paycheck to cover the old debt, and then some. The look on his face told me he thought I was crazy. I'm sure people walk out on checks regularly, especially teenagers, and it's all part of the daily routine of the restaurant business. Looking back now, 30 years later, I laugh at the silliness of it myself. But it taught me a good lesson.

Do the right thing. You sleep better.

Creative Commons photo courtesy of Flickr and drakeguan

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Isaiah 1

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Light in the distance. "Quit your worship charades. I can't stand your trivial religious games: Monthly conferences, weekly Sabbaths, special meetings— meetings, meetings, meetings—I can't stand one more! Meetings for this, meetings for that. I hate them! You've worn me out! I'm sick of your religion, religion, religion, while you go right on sinning." Isaiah 1:13-14 (MSG)

The theme yesterday, from the message I heard in morning worship until the quiet pillow-talk with Wendy at night, was of forgiveness and repentance. I wake to read Isaiah's prophecy and the theme continues. There are days when, no matter where you turn, God keeps hammering a lesson home.

Pastor Andrew had a brilliant illustration yesterday of the child who has learned that "sorry" is the prescribed response to wrong-doing and turns it into life's get out of jail free card. Apologies are profane in the absence of repentance.

When faced with a choice of what to do about the darkness in my own soul, I can recount three different ways I've responded. One is outright rebellion and the willful choice to embrace the darkness. Another is repentance; literally the willful choice to turn the other direction and take clear and conscious steps towards the light. As I take intent, sometimes painful, steps towards the light, the darkness is exposed, examined, and its potency fades. The third response is to remorsefully turn towards the light while remaining fixed in place. I deceptively feel the light's reflection on my face and experience the warmth of it washing over me in the midst of my confession. Without stepping towards the light, however, the darkness can steal away deep inside to a place I can reach the next time I need a fix.

The power of light is realized and darkness fades in increasing measure as we move ever closer to the light source. Turning towards the light and stepping towards the light are often two very distinct decisions.

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Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Judges 20

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My life had become unmanagable.  But they wouldn't do it. The Benjaminites refused to listen to their brothers, the People of Israel. Instead they raised an army from all their cities and rallied at Gibeah to go to war against the People of Israel. Judges 20:13 (MSG)

In today's chapter, the fledgling nation of Israel sinks to new depths of chaos. Their moral compass left true north as they disobeyed God's number one command and mixed their religion with the idols of Canaan. As morals fell aside, authority fell to the tribes and leaders who wielded the most power. People did as they pleased. Now, the moral failings lead to civil war as the tribe of Benjamin defends the rapists among them and stands against their fellow tribes.

As I read today's chapter, I reminded that we must sometimes hit rock bottom before real change can take place. The downward spiral I'm witnessing in the pages of the book of Judges bring to mind the first of the Twelve Steps. Many who have raised their lives out of the ashes of the downward spiral of addiction began with the words "I admitted I was powerless over my addticion. My life had become unmanageable." God's message to all of us is that forgiveness, hope and redemption are available to each of us no matter how deep we find ourselves in the chaotic consequences of our actions.

Creative Commons photo courtesy of Flickr and bulletmagnet