Monthly Archives: April 2013

Chapter-a-Day

I’m Keeping My Mouth Shut

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Detail from Netherlandish Proverbs
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It is foolish to belittle one’s neighbor;
    a sensible person keeps quiet.
Proverbs 11:12 (NLT)

One the reasons I value our daily venture into God’s Message is that it often reminds and keeps me from doing stupid things that I would later regret.

For example, there is a certain fool who operates within my circles of influence. I call him a fool because his actions have been consistent with those of a fool described right in the proverbs we’re reading. A while back he put himself in a high position and caused me and my pride an invisible little injury. It was not a major wound, but one of those nagging ones that starts to itch just when you think it’s healed over. Because of his foolishness, this “neighbor” of mine has given me plenty of opportunities to belittle him, and more than one opportunity to publicly humiliate him. I confess that I spent more time thinking about it than I should, but I’ve oublicly kept my mouth shut and constrained my conversation about the matter to my closest confidants.

As much as it would satisfy my pride and ego to take him down a notch or two, I have been continually reminded that my role is to forgive and not to seek out some sort of eye for an eye vengeance no matter how small the injury or the payback. This neighbor of mine is on his own journey. God is working in his life as well. I have already witnessed the truth of the proverbs as his foolishness has and will bring upon him its own negative consequences.

God is in control of the matter, and He does not need me and my desire for payback muddying up the works. It would only bolster my neighbors belief that I deserved the original injury he caused. And, it would ultimately hurt me more than it would him. So, I will keep my mouth shut, scratch the scab on the wound that itches me now and again, and choose to forgive one more time (I have a ways to go to reach the “seventy times seven” ;-)).

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Chapter-a-Day

Life Giving Conversations

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from eulothg via Flickr
from eulothg via Flickr

The words of the godly are a life-giving fountain;
    the words of the wicked conceal violent intentions.
Proverbs 10:11 (NLT)

There are two regular appointments on my calendar each week. Each weekday you will find the same person’s name on my list of people to call. I have three men in my life with whom I converse regularly. We are sharing the journey together. When life and schedules throw a wrench in our weekly get togethers I can feel the difference, and it’s not a positive one.

There is chit-chat and small talk with these men. Sports, movies, hobbies and interests are regular topics of conversation. But the conversations regularly meander into much deeper territory: marriage, children, fatherhood, children, parenting, work, manhood, God, sex, finances, and etc. There is no subject that is off the table. We cheer one another when there are things to celebrate. We share the burden when life gets heavy.

I thought about these men when I read the above proverb this morning, along with a handful of other men with whom I have less frequent but just as refreshing conversations. I thought about Wendy with whom I have daily conversations about everything. The conversations with my wife and these men a life-giving fountain. They fill my heart and life. They overflow into my daily life and work. Like crisp, clear water flowing in a fountain they refresh, soothe, heal, inspire, motivate and energize.

We all need good companions journey, along with the life-giving conversations that happen as we walk this life road together.

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Chapter-a-Day

Confession of an Ex-News Junkie

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from Mickeleh via Flickr
from Mickeleh via Flickr

Anyone who rebukes a mocker will get an insult in return.
    Anyone who corrects the wicked will get hurt.
Proverbs 9:7 (NLT)

I used to be a news junkie. I grew up in a time when the television had four channels (ABC, CBS, NBC, & PBS) and my hometown of Des Moines had two daily newspapers. One newspaper came in the morning (The Des Moines Register) and the other newspaper was delivered in the afternoon (The Des Moines Tribune).  News was delivered on a specific schedule each day and you had to wait to find out what was happening in the world. Even as a kid I was anxious for the newspaper to come and the nightly news to begin.

With the advent of cable and satellite television, my natural cravings and curiosity could feed its appetite 24/7/365. The news was always on. When there wasn’t any actual news worth talking about then talking heads emerged on both the radio and television to perpetuate and regurgitate old conversations and keep viewers or listeners sucked in. At first, I gorged myself. Talk radio was always on in my car while news channels were always on my television at home.

At some point I began actually listening to the discourse of the conversation, or lack of conversation, that I was hearing. Intelligent opinion gave way to ideological rants. Objective analysis morphed into slanted perspective. Brash personalities with big mouths and bigger egos began a relentless mocking of anyone who didn’t agree with them. Depending on your interest or persuasion you can find the mockers on the left, on the right, and in the sports arena. They act just like the mockers in Solomon’s proverb who insult and injure anyone who dare stand up to have a civil conversation about an opposing view. One cannot surf through the news and sports channels without hearing a steady stream of people yelling, interrupting, and insulting one another.

When I first began imbibing a steady stream of non-stop news I reacted with equal brashness to what I was hearing. I raised my voice. I shot back. I quipped and cajoled. I traded barbs and insults. I screamed at the television to those who disagreed with me and cheered on the mockers from my team. Eventually I found myself strung out and numb. The mockers in the media entrenched themselves firmly in their own positions and raked in the fortune and fame. I began to realize that I was the one getting hurt by all of this. My own mocking alienated others and isolated me from people I was called to actively love. I didn’t like what I had become from my non-stop binge of news channels and talk shows.

That was when I remembered that both my television and my radio had buttons which changed the channel. There was even a button to turn them completely off! I quietly put myself through private rehab for my news junkie addiction. I walked away from mockers of all persuasions cold turkey. Now I’m on a healthy news diet that is mocker free. I choose my news intake wisely and digest healthy portions from a select menu. My spirit, my heart, my mind, my relationships and my life are in better places because of it.

Let the mockers mock. They will always be on. I simply choose not to subject myself to them, nor follow their example.

Chapter-a-Day

My Daily Cross Road Blues

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Cross Road Blues
(Photo credit: bontxi)

Listen as Wisdom calls out!
    Hear as understanding raises her voice!
On the hilltop along the road,
    she takes her stand at the crossroads.
Proverbs 8:1-2 (NLT)

There was a collision in my head and heart this morning. Literary device and music legend met at the crossroads and slammed headlong into one another.

This morning’s chapter is amazing as Solomon anthropomorphizes (e.g. cloaks an impersonal concept in human form) wisdom. He morphs wisdom into a woman, no less, and juxtaposes her agains the harlot and adulteress described in the previous two chapters. Wisdom calls out, just as the adulteress did, but her message is all together different. While getting entangled with the harlot led to the grave, darkening Wisdom’s doorway ushers a person to life and God’s favor.

How fascinating that Solomon places Wisdom at the crossroads. Anyone with an elementary knowledge of the blues knows that it was at the crossroads where the folk story of blues pioneer Robert Johnson is rooted. The legend goes that at the crossroads Johnson met and sold his soul to the devil in exchange for making him a great blues player. He is known for some of the great songs we still recognize today such as Crossroads Blues and Sweet Home Chicago.

So it was this morning that I stood at the crossroads. I saw Wisdom standing there and heard her calling out, but there I witnessed Robert Johnson making a deal with the devil.

How many times in life do we find ourselves at the crossroads and hear competing voices calling our name, whispering in our ear, and laying before us a choice? How many times today will we find ourselves at the crossroads making a choice between Wisdom and her nemesis?

Robert Johnson sang “Went down to the crossroads, got down on my knee.”

To whom will I bow today at the crossroads?

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Chapter-a-Day

We All Need a Reminder (or Two)

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jotterTie them on your fingers as a reminder.
    Write them deep within your heart.
Proverbs 7:3 (NLT)

In my daily vocation I often find myself helping people introduce new habits in the way they talk to customers on the phone. Most basic service skills are easy to say and do, they just require conscious effort for a time. One of the mnemonic devices I encourage with people is the simple visual reminder: Take the three service skills that are most critical for you to demonstrate and make a small checklist on the side of your computer monitor. As you’re helping the customer, you see the checklist and it reminds you to do them in the moment. It’s a variation on the the string tied around your finger that Solomon used in today’s chapter.

Over the years I’ve used the same principle with particular thoughts and verses I want to remember from our chapter-a-day journey. For example, you’ll find a small laminated card on my bathroom mirror with 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12. It reminds me each day to be quiet, productive and to be a positive example to those around me. On a 3×5 card in my leather work folio you’ll find Psalm 112 which reminds me of the kind of man I desire to be each day. I have these things memorized for the most part, but the visual cue creates an important reminder at critical moments in my day.

The verses on my mirror question my motivation as I’m shaving and getting ready in the morning. They often provides a necessary attitude adjustment before I head out into the world. I spy the card in my jotter when I pull out my folio in a client meeting. In a critical moment when I have the opportunity to be a positive influence on others, it silently reminds me to be mindful of my words and actions.

You never reach the age when simple mnemonic devices stop being useful in a million different ways. Wise King Solomon knew it as well. Tie that string around your finger. Stick that verse up where you’ll see it each day. We can all do with a little positive reminder.

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Chapter-a-Day

Burning Down the House

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Can a man scoop a flame into his lap
    and not have his clothes catch on fire?
Can he walk on hot coals
    and not blister his feet?
Proverbs 6:27-28 (NLT)

I still have a vivid memory of our daughter Madison reaching for a red hot burner when she was only a few years old. Fortunately, I reached her before her little mits fell on the searing coil. It was the classic scenario of teaching a child to keep away from that which will burn her. She learned the lesson, as most of us do. But, this nearly universal childhood lesson becomes an apt word picture for other life dangers.

Solomon uses the word picture as he asks the poignant questions above in addressing the topic of adultery. Along my journey, however, I’ve found that the same questions can be asked of any illicit behavior that results from indulging the sexual appetite. So I’d like to broaden the topic this morning from simple adultery to things like lustful thoughts, pornography (romance novels and erotica can prove just as spiritually deadly as hard core internet porn, by the way), extramarital flirtations, prostitution, and etc.

Please understand that I am not going on some puritanical, Focus on the Family rant. This is actually a very simple spiritual principle and it’s intensely personal. My life bears the scars from these flames and I write that which I know from personal experience. So listen up, my friend and hear me when I say: If you play games with the dangerous flames of sexual appetites you’ll eventually get burned. It might not happen right away. Like a drug, the aphrodisiac of sexual lust offers a potent high for seemingly little risk. At least, it seems that way at the beginning. But once you start chasing that high and the flames intensify you will not escape without getting burned.

At best your own spiritual life will be slowly reduced to the ashes of a desperate loop of guilt, shame and despair while you struggle to hold together and maintain a spit-polished facade for the rest of the world. At worst, you will burn down your house and scorch your loved ones with you.

Avoid the flames. Learn to control your sexual appetite. If you’re in the midst of the fire and your life is burning down around you then run for help today. It’s not too late. God is a God of grace, forgiveness and redemption who offers springs of living water in exchange for the destructive flames. It may not be easy, but it will be good.

 

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Chapter-a-Day

A Man of Routines

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Source: Lauren Finkel Photography via Flickr
Source: Lauren Finkel Photography via Flickr

Death is the reward of an undisciplined life;
    your foolish decisions trap you in a dead end.
Proverbs 5:23 (MSG)

“My friend, you are a man of routines!” a friend said to me a while back. He laughed as he said it. I found it interesting because he hadn’t known me long and we hadn’t spent that much time together. It struck me like an unexpected slap in the face. The comment was like getting  a fresh, outside perspective and an objective view of how I am perceived by another.

I guess that it’s true. I have built certain routines and disciplines into my life. These chapter-a-day posts are perhaps the most public example, but there are others. Some routines and disciplines have come naturally (being a morning person). Others I’ve had to work at over time and have generated some success (time management, blogging). Many disciplines have been a long string of spurts and starts which meet with temporary success but fail to maintain over the long haul (e.g. simplicity, diet, exercise, focused prayer, saving). As I ponder this morning that I tend to see the cup half-empty. I see my failures more than my successes.

Perhaps that is why I was struck by the cup half-empty notion that “death is the reward of an undisciplined life” this morning. I totally get it. There are precious few successes in life (e.g. relationships, marriage, family, business, spiritual growth, education, writing, athletics, the arts, hobbies, and etc.) that do not require discipline. If we refuse to develop certain disciplines, we will utterly fail. The degree to which we succeed at developing particular disciplines will determine the degree of success we will ultimately realize in our lives. Not only is this true in things that really don’t matter all that much in the eternal sense (i.e. How good of a guitar player I become) but it is also true in matters of eternal significance (i.e. How good of a husband, father, and follower of Jesus I become).

I pray that I can continue to cultivate the discipines which, I come to understand, matter most in this life. In recent years I’ve developed a love for the prayer of St. Francis, which seems to capture the disciplines I increasingly crave to develop in my minute-by-minute, hour-by-hour, day-by-day  journey through this world:

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace,
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
Where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master,
grant that I may not so much seek to be consoled, as to console;
to be understood, as to understand;
to be loved, as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life.
Amen.

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Wayfarer's Journal

Easter 2013

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Taylor, Grandma Jeanne, and Jody celebrating Easter with us!
Taylor, Grandma Jeanne, and Jody celebrating Easter with us!

Families tend to get into traditions. The VWs have for years celebrated Easter with a nice dinner at Grandpa Dean and Grandma Jean’s house in the early afternoon. As Wendy and I planned for Easter this year, we thought it might be nice to shake things up and give my folks a break from having to make a meal and host. After getting the quick and joyful approval of my mother (“I don’t have to cook? YAY!”) we decided to broadcast the invite to the rest of our nearby family members.

I wasn’t sure how this was going to go. Sometimes traditions are hard to break and to be honest I didn’t think everyone would want to drive the 1-2 hours from Des Moines, Ames and Boone on a holiday. To our surprise, the only family to turn us down were the two college boys. So it was that 13 of us gathered here at cozy little Vander Well Manor for Easter.

My folks came down early and went to the 11:00 worship service with Wendy and me. Wendy’s folks and Suzanna, Taylor and Clayton, Grandma Vander Hart, and the Keithley clan (Scott, Jody & Emma) all joined us between 12:30 and 1:00. I took care of the main meal (Roast in the crock pot, herbed potatoes and glazed carrots with homemade Italkian bread). Others brought relish, veggies and cinnamon rolls. Wendy took care of the desserts: a key lime cheesecake  and white cupcakes decorated in a spring flower theme.

The weather cooperated with sunny skies and relatively warm temps for late March in Iowa. It was an awesome day with the family! Later in the evening after cleaning up, Wendy and got to FaceTime with Maddy Kate who celebrated Easter with Brett & Micki Strait in Colorado Springs. It was so nice to know she had some good Iowa love to share with on Resurrection Day!

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My followers know I don’t do a ton of reblogging, but this one is worth passing on….

Chapter-a-Day

Heart of Mine

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Guard your heart above all else,
    for it determines the course of your life.
Proverbs 4:23 (NLT)

Along my life’s journey I have many times been led astray by my heart which, evidence suggests, has a mind and will of its own. Prone to wander, my heart will easily lead me astray if I am not careful:

  • Enticing relationships that spiral life into chaos
  • Unnecessary acquisitions that end up acquiring me
  • “Sure things” that sure leave me on the short end of the deal
  • Frivolous pursuits which create fruitless waste of time and life
  • Treasure hunts that lead me far astray and leave me empty handed

Jesus said, “Wherever your treasure is, there will your heart be also.” I have discovered that when my heart leads me astray it is because my spirit is at that moment treasuring foolish things. When my spirit is focused on following Jesus, it is easier to keep my heart in step.

I was reminded of the lyrics of this Dylan tune this morning:

Heart of mine so malicious and so full of guile
Give you an inch and you’ll take a mile
Don’t let yourself fall
Don’t let yourself stumble
If you can’t do the time, don’t do the crime
Heart of mine
–Heart of Mine lyrics by Bob Dylan (1982) from the album “Shot of Love“)

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