Tag Archives: Wedding

The Latest 07-26-2015

It felt like a long week, but it always does feel long when most of it is spent on a business trip. And, I didn’t have much rest going into it. I was asked to give the message at Central in Oskaloosa last Sunday. There were two services, one at 8:30 for the older, more traditional crowd and 10:45 for the younger, more contemporary crowd. I was pleased when Howard and Donna DeGroot came up to say “hello” after the first service. I hadn’t spoken to them in a long time. They seemed excited to meet Wendy and it was good to catch up.

After the service Wendy and I high-tailed it to Ankeny where members of the Vander Hart clan had gathered. Becky, Court, and Lydia were visiting from Denver. We had lunch and hung out all afternoon. It was the first time we’d seen Lydia since she was a newborn. It was fun to get reacquainted.

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We buzzed home in the evening and I packed for my trip. I spent the week with our client in San Antonio and Laredo, Texas where it was very hot. Good week, however. While I was away Wendy and Suzanna played host to Becky, Court, and Lydia who introduced Lydia to Pella. I was sad to have missed it.

I landed back home in DSM (relatively on time) Friday evening about 7:30 p.m. Almost immediately upon arrival back at Vander Well Manor, Wendy and I walked over to McQuade Pub and were refreshed, body and soul, by Kevin and Linda’s hospitality. As usual, it was a late evening of drinks and meandering conversation.

2015 07 Suzanna in Fiddler

It’s opening weekend for Union Street Players Fiddler on the Roof. Wendy and I usually take summers off of productions, preferring to spend whatever free time we can manage at the lake. Suzanna, however, is in the chorus and Wendy and I are involved behind the scenes with ticket sales and various production issues. We announced at USP’s monthly meeting that we will be stepping down from the Board after 10 years. Grandma Vander Hart told Wendy that the local radio station even found the event newsworthy enough for their local news broadcast this week. You gotta love small town Iowa.

knia story

Wendy’s mom came yesterday and is spending the weekend to see Suzanna in Fiddler. VW Manor feels like a Bed and Breakfast this week and we love it. We are excited for the coming week. Taylor moves home after her year of grad school in Scotland. Madison arrives back in Iowa on Thursday. The entire Vander Well clan joins to celebrate nephew Sam’s wedding to Lydia Yoder on Saturday morning.

A Change in My Attitude Toward Weddings

Then the angel said to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the wedding supper of the Lamb!” And he added, “These are the true words of God.” Revelation 19:9 (NIV)

I had never been wild about weddings. So much to do about things that seem so trivial. So much tension between brides and their mothers. So much time, energy and attention on misplaced priorities. My attitude when required to attend or officiate a wedding had always been to grin and bear it.

That is, until New Year’s Eve 2005 when Wendy and I were married in the grand ballroom of the Temple for Performing Arts in Des Moines. We has spent months planning a celebration of our marriage. We had put a lot of thought into minimizing things that didn’t matter (flowers, tuxes, dresses trappings) and focusing on things that we felt mattered most (sincerity, honoring God, expressing ourselves, catering to our guests).

Being theatre people, we scripted a gala New Year’s Eve wedding that would flow for everyone in attendance. We sent out save the date cards telling people to get ready to dress to the nines and enjoy a New Year’s Eve party like no other. At 8:00 p.m. we were married on the ballroom as our guests sat at tables around the perimeter of the floor. As I kissed my new bride to end the ceremony, the strains of Etta James’ “At Last” began and we had our first dance. We were, after all, standing on the dance floor. When the song was over the food was blessed and served, the wine was poured, and the party began. Simple. Ceremony then celebration. No waiting. No standing around. Let the wedding feast begin!

We danced and celebrated with family and friends until midnight then rang in the New Year and our new lives together. I know that I’m biased, but it was an incredible wedding. I would do it all over again with very few changes (we’re theatre people – there are always things you can do to improve the last performance).

I realized this morning as I read the verse above that I have a completely different perspective reading it than I would have had before that night. Wedding as celebration of something special, eternal, life giving, and communal had never been real for me until that night. I look back on that special night and think about the wedding feast of the Lamb as a similar celebration exponentially more incredible.

No more grinning and bearing it. I have a different attitude towards weddings, and when it comes to the wedding feast of the Lam, believe me, I can’t wait.

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All In

2012 06 02 Becky & Courtneys Wedding144But Ruth replied, “Don’t ask me to leave you and turn back. Wherever you go, I will go; wherever you live, I will live. Your people will be my people, and your God will be my God. Wherever you die, I will die, and there I will be buried. May the Lord punish me severely if I allow anything but death to separate us!” Ruth 1:16-17 (NLT)

I am reminded this morning of Wendy’s and my wedding. These sentiments of Ruth were part of Wendy’s wedding vows to me. They are framed and hang on the wall of our bedroom. I don’t know if Wendy realizes how often I look at them hanging in our bedroom and think about our vows to one another. I  know for a fact that marrying a recently divorced man with two teenage daughters was not her plan or desire. It was not at all what she had envisioned waiting for all those years. In taking up Ruth’s vow, she pushed all of her chips to the center of the table. She was all in.

Looking back at the journey since that wonderful New Year’s Eve wedding I can see just how Wendy has made good on her vow in countless tangible ways. She has been all in with Taylor and Madison, all in with my parents and my siblings, all in with our nephews and nieces, with friends, with work, with the Cubs and the Vikings, with everything. Her love and commitment has made it easy for me to reciprocate and choose to be all in with her, her family, and her friends.

I have come to appreciate that choosing to go all in when it comes to life relationship is not as easy or as comfortable as it appears. All of the pithy Pinterest quips and quotes in the world cannot inspire away the tragedies and messes of daily life together. When we are young and naïve we can scarcely understand the weight of it. Now as I am older and look back on the tragedies which lie in the wake of my own naïveté, I am all the more grateful and impressed with those like Ruth and Wendy who have the wisdom and experience to understand the gravity of their gamble and still choose to go all in.

Mile High Weekend

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It wasn’t just the Colorado, Rocky Mountain elevation that gave us a high this past weekend. A harmonic convergence of family celebrations in Colorado fell onto the calendar this past Saturday as Madison graduated from her one year program at New Life School of Worship in Colorado Springs and Wendy’s sister, Becky, was wed to Courtney Oakes in Denver.

Wendy and I were up early on Wednesday and made the long trek across Interstate 80. We hit a huge spring thunderstorm in Kearney, Nebraska. It was only 50 degrees and the cold rain made it feel more like October than late May. Within a few hundred miles the clouds gave way to sunny skies and the thermometer climbed 35 degrees. We arrived in the late afternoon and spent the evening with Becky, Courtney and other members of the wedding party that arrived that evening.

Wend and I worked remotely on Thursday and then joined with the gathering family and wedding party members for a trip to Coors Field to watch the Colorado Rockies beat the Houston Astros. Of course, Wendy and I loved being at the baseball game even if it wasn’t our beloved (and beleaguered) Cubs.

More work for Wendy and I early Friday. Wendy then moved on to help Becky with the mid-day rehearsal and preparations for the wedding as I headed down the interstate to Colorado Springs to attend the family picnic for Madison’s graduating class. It was great to meet Madison’s roommates, classmates and teachers. It was heartening to hear one of her teachers compliment Madison’s attitude, participation and spiritual maturity. I had to head back to Denver for the rehearsal dinner while Madison stayed in Colorado Springs to continue moving into the apartment where she’ll be living this summer.

The rehearsal dinner was on Friday night at the home of Courtney’s parents. They have a gorgeous home with a wonderful back yard perfect for hosting the party. We enjoyed a great meal and got a chance to mingle with Wendy’s family members who’d just arrived along with meeting Courtney’s family.

On Saturday morning I enjoyed early morning coffee and conversation with Wendy’s dad. Her mom then joined the two of us for breakfast. Wendy was busy all day getting Becky ready for the wedding as I headed back down to Colorado Springs for Madison’s commencement service. On the way I got a phone call from Madison letting me know that she’d fallen while packing her car and hurt her foot.

I arrived at New Life Church for her commencement ceremony. Madison was in pain and couldn’t walk on her foot, but it wasn’t too swollen and I was encouraged that it wasn’t serious. Unfortunately, her injury kept her from crossing the stage with her classmates to receive her certificate, but they did ask her to stand to be recognized. After the ceremony she got some help getting up on stage to have pictures taken. After the service we had some cake and punch before grabbing lunch at Champs where she works as a server. I got to meet her co-workers and we enjoyed lunch together before heading to Denver for the wedding.

Despite her injury, Madison played photographer at Becky’s house as Wendy and her sister, Suzanna, got their make-up on and helped Becky into her corset back wedding dress. I got cleaned up and dressed at the hotel and then picked up Madison and headed to the wedding which took place at the Summit Conference and Event Center in Aurora.

The wedding ceremony was nice and the three Hall girls (Eden, Adira, and Sophia) were adorable in their white dresses as they stood up with Wendy (Matron of Honor) and Suzanna (bridesmaid). Mr Ed held it together as he offered a prayer of blessing over the couple. Guests enjoyed drinks and appetizers while the family endured the obligatory pictures after the ceremony. Then came dinner and lots of dancing. Madison was a real trooper. Even though her foot was killing her she hung in there and helped take a lot of pictures of the reception.

Madison climbed in Reggie (Wendy’s Nissan Murano) with Wendy and me and we took off for home this morning about 9:30. It was a long, hard drive back to Pella. Madison slept most of the way and Wendy got some shut-eye as well. We made it back to Vander Well Manor about 7:45 this evening to unpack. Madison shrieked with glee as we drove into Pella. She’s excited to be home and very quickly headed up to George’s to meet a friend.

I figured I’d write this post and get some photos loaded. It was a long, but wonderful weekend. We had a ball with family (old and new!) and are so proud of Madison. Madison has decided to stay in Colorado Springs. She will be living in an apartment with a couple of her classmates and plans to attend the University of Colorado at Colorado Springs this fall.

Chapter-a-Day John 2

This image shows a red wine glass.
Image via Wikipedia

When the master of ceremonies tasted the water that was now wine, not knowing where it had come from (though, of course, the servants knew), he called the bridegroom over. “A host always serves the best wine first,” he said. “Then, when everyone has had a lot to drink, he brings out the less expensive wine. But you have kept the best until now!” John 2:9-10 (NLT)

Over the last several years, Wendy and I have come to love a nice glass of wine with our meals. We are no experts and we never will be. Still, it’s amazing how your nose and taste buds can begin to tell the differences in varieties, how they pair with what you are eating, and how they can change with time and conditions. It’s always fun when we run across a wine that is so good, we are both similarly struck by it.

Reading the account of Jesus turning water into wine in today’s chapter was interesting to read from the perspective of one who appreciates a nice vino. When Jesus tells the servants to take a dipper  from the jar to the master of ceremonies he was following the same etiquette a good server will follow in a restaurant today by pouring the wine and letting the head of the party taste and approve before serving to the rest. The Master of Ceremonies knew his wine. He could tell the difference between a cheap everyday table wine and the good stuff. The wine that Jesus created was such a distinct contrast to what the party had been drinking and was so good that it moved the man to compliment the bridegroom on his choice.

I love that Jesus’ first public miracle was to provide the wine at a wedding reception. There’s nothing like a great wedding reception to celebrate the fullness of life and love. I love even more that the wine Jesus made was not a bottle of Three Buck Chuck but one that made the wedding guests sit up and take notice for its distinct quality. The wine Jesus made honored the host and esteemed him in the eyes of his guests.

The Creator makes good things on both the macro and micro levels. Along the journey I’ve come to appreciate that God pays attention to the details. Jesus said that He came to bring us life, and then He qualified that by adding the detail that He came to bring abundant life. How appropriate then, that He cared enough of to make sure that the wine He provided for the wedding reception was the good stuff.

Tom’s 30 Day Blogging Challenge Day 9

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If you could have a dinner party in any room in the world (without having to clean up), where would you want to have it?

This is a tough question. After mulling over many different possibilities on Friday morning, I tabled this post and continued to mull it over during the weekend. In the end, I’ve decided to go with what I  know (My loved ones will tell you that I’m a softy).

My dinner party would take place that Grand Ballroom of the Temple for Performing Arts in Des Moines. First, because it was where Wendy and I were married in what I consider the most amazing, romantic evening of my life. That room will always hold a special place in my heart. Second, Wendy and I were so busy greeting friends and family that we didn’t actually get to eat anything on our wedding night. So, I’d like the opportunity to actually enjoy a meal with friends in the beautiful room.

Maybe a New Year’s Eve gala for our 10th anniversary? Hmmmmm….

Chapter-a-Day Matthew 19

Coffee Argument
Image by alasdair.d via Flickr

But Jesus said, “Not everyone is mature enough to live a married life. It requires a certain aptitude and grace. Marriage isn’t for everyone. Matthew 19:11 (MSG)

On Sunday night, after a long day and a trip to Des Moines, Wendy and I returned home and got into an argument. Little arguments pop up on any given day. They come and go like a cloudburst on a warm summer afternoon; They quickly emerge out of nowhere and are just as quickly forgotten. Then there are the arguments that build like a perfect storm and you unexpectedly find yourselves embroiled in a conversation that runs deep into the heart of who you are as individuals, and who you are together as a couple. The storm raged back and forth until after midnight on Sunday as we navigated our way through the tossing waves of intention, thought, emotion, notion and behavior.

Wendy and I don’t just have a good marriage, we have a great marriage. And still, at times, it’s really difficult to wade through the muck that’s created when two selfish, sinful human beings get together. We’re both good communicators and we still find it difficult at times to navigate the relational mine field of marriage.

I’ve lived through the long struggle and pain of a failed marriage. I’ve now experienced the blessing of a truly great marriage relationship. Through it all, I’ve come to better understand and truly believe Jesus’ words about marriage. We live in a culture dedicated to exactly the opposite of Jesus’ teaching: everyone should get married, and if you don’t there’s something wrong with you. That’s a huge load of b.s. We might publicly shout “amen” to Jesus’ words, but in practice we run to on-line dating services, play matchmaker to our unmarried friends and family, and secretly wonder “I wonder why he/she is still not married” as if being single is abnormal.

Marriage isn’t for everyone. Many people are better off single. We shake our heads in disgust at the divorce rate in our culture. Yet, aren’t we to blame when we treat marriage as a relational idol, bowing to the notion that marriage is to be honored without question even when the individuals getting married are setting sail into a perfect relational storm inside a dinghy that looks like swiss cheese?  Are we to blame for the divorce rate when we treat singleness as a cultural disease and make single people feel second rate? How many failed marriages begin with desperate individuals jumping at any chance to have a wedding and get married?

I’ll step off my soap box now.

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There’s Nothing Like New Year’s Eve

Happynewyear LR
New Year's Eve has always been a celebration, but four years ago it became infinitely more special for me and Wendy. What a party. What a gala. What a great way to start life together. 

And, it keeps getting better.

Happy Anniversary, my love. I can't wait to kiss you at midnight…all over again. 

Welcome to Marriage, Dude

Clay 101709 LR Yesterday was my daughter, Taylor's, wedding day. The errands and busyness of the day's preparations were already in full swing when, late in the morning, my cell phone rang. It was my daughter, Madison, calling.

"Dad? Do you have a nose-hair trimmer?"

Granted, it was a rather odd question. It was also Madison. I've learned over time just to roll with these kinds of phone calls from her.

"Yes, I have a 'personal grooming tool,'" I answered, preferring the proper nomenclature for an implement that trims unsightly hair from inside certain dark cavities of your body. I continued to wonder where this was going.

"Okay. Clayton will be over in a minute," she said, referring to the groom.

The line went dead. My curious wife asked me what the call was about.

"Clayton's coming over to borrow my personal trimmer," I responded.

We stared at each other.

"That's kinda gross," she said slowly, "but, whatever. I don't want to know."

I went to the bathroom, got out the little electronic trimmer and returned just in time to hear the back door open. My future son-in-law walked in with what I would describe as a controlled scowl on his face. He looked at me. I handed him the tool. He stared at it.

"I'm going to use your bathroom" he said quietly as he walked past us towards the hallway.

"This wasn't my idea. I'm doing this for Taylor," he said as he rounded the corner and disappeared out of sight.

And so, it begins.

Welcome to marriage, dude.

Father of the Bride…The Rehearsal

The bride to be. The wedding festivities got off to a great start. Taylor and her friends had the bachelorette party on Thursday night, so I wasn't sure when I got up early yesterday if they were even home yet (they were). The crew was, however, fairly slow getting up and Wendy had a kitchen full of goodies for them to feast on for breakfast. She was surprised and pleased to receive a beautiful arrangement of flowers from her "Dutch" family! The morning was pretty laid back and it was fun to talk to Taylor's friends from YWAM and hear about their trips around the world and where their journeys have taken them since last Spring.

Wendy and I spent much of the day in preparations. One of my tasks was to put finishing touches on the requisite autobiographical slide show of the kids' baby and childhood pictures (a task given me by Taylor). Taylor and I have been working on that together all week, and I got to unveil the finished product to Taylor and her friends. Speaking of veils, Wendy ironed Grandma Jeanne's veil, which Taylor will wear today. I was surprised how quickly the day flew by and we suddenly found ourselves needing to be at the church for the rehearsal. The last few minutes before we left for the church were full-out stress and panic mode remembering everything we needed for the rehearsal and dinner. Wendy made cheesecakes for the rehearsal dinner so we had to grab those. Taylor called just before we left to ask me to bring her birth control pill (Oh my goodness, Taylor, you CAN'T forget to take your birth control pill!). We arrived at the church one minute before 4 o'clock and got out of the car.

"Holy mother of God, I forgot to pick up the programs from the printer!!" Wendy exclaimed as we walked to the church. So, back to the car we went to head to the printer. The programs were ready, but we realized that in our rush to get out the door neither of us remembered our money or wallets. Fortunately, the printer knows us well and, as he said, "knows where to find us." Crisis narrowly averted, we headed back to the church.

Despite the rush to get to the church I drove slowly, watching the speed limit, because I'd forgotten my license along with my wallet). That's about the time my hearing-aid battery went out. Oh well, hopefully I don't need to hear any detailed instructions.

We arrived at the church and walked in to greet family and friends. We sat down, and that's when I remembered that we were supposed to show the slide show at the rehearsal dinner. I'd left my laptop. projector, screen and speakers at home. Guess we'll be stopping back there on the way to the dinner. 

The rehearsal went off without a hitch and we had a good time meeting Clayton's family and greeting our own families. I had a chance to pull my son-in-law aside and give him a little fatherly reminder that, if his wife doesn't faithfully take her birth control pill at the same time every day SHE WILL GET PREGNANT. His first duty as a husband will be to help her remember this.

Rehearsal over. Back home to pick up laptop, projector, screen, speaker, requisite chords, and serving knives for the cheesecaked (Wendy remembered she'd forgotten those, too). Back in the car. Dangit! Forgot the hearing-aid battery again. Back to the house for that. Back to the car. Off to the rehearsal dinner.

Clayton's parents had done a fantastic job organizing the rehearsal dinner. Before the dinner, Clayton's mom, Brenda, read a poem she wrote called "A Mother's Blessing". It was really sweet and she held it together until the last couple of stanzas. Clayton and Taylor got up and Clayton spent some time thanking everyone (no, seriously, he thanked EVERY-ONE) before we eventually got to eat [love ya, Clay!]. The parents all sat together at one table and chatted during the dinner, and we played the slide show which brought out the appropriate laughter and, I'm sure, a few tears.

After the rehearsal dinner, it was time for us to head to the reception hall to decorate. Taylor has planned these really creative table decorations of bird cages. At the bottom of the cages is a bed of moss on top of which there are candles. Now when I say "moss" I mean that Taylor bought a box of "Super Moss" (not sure how it compares to mild-mannered Clark Kent type moss, but I'll take the box's word for it).  Where she got it, I don't have a clue, but as we began to assemble the decorations it sort of became clear that moss is green fungus growing on DIRT. You don't get the Super Moss without the requisite Super Dirt. So, dirt was getting everywhere. On the floor and on the tables. (Soooooooo, guess who got to go back home to get some wax paper to line the bottom of the bird cages?)

The wax paper worked really well and a crude assembly line was created. We we able to get the room decorated as much as possible and headed home to get a good night's sleep (not before making a detailed to-do list for today so that we wouldn't forget anything!).

The house is stirring. Time to get ready. Today is my daughter's wedding day.