Tag Archives: Marriage

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Isaiah 34

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Get and read God's book: None of this is going away, this breeding, brooding evil. Isaiah 34:16a (MSG)

Marriage is a great magnifying glass. Thrust two people into life together 24/7/365 and you are bound to quickly discover more than you perhaps cared to know about your spouse, and about yourself. You are a broken person. So am I. As human beings we have the capacity to love, but also the capacity for evil.

We like to distance ourselves from the thought of evil. We relegate evil to gross acts of serial murder or genocide that happen somewhere else, to someone else. We read about it in the paper. We see it on the news. It doesn't effect me.

Augustine, however, defined evil as the absence of love. In that context, we commit acts of evil to those we supposedly love on a daily basis. Our selfish and self-centered acts, void of love, drain life from our relationship. In a real sense, our love-less words and actions easily become a slow act of relational and spiritual murder. A slow IV drip of evil into the veins of our relationship.

As Jakob Dylan sings, "evil is alive and well." As Isaiah writes, "none of this is going away."

This doesn't mean that the situation is hopeless. Jesus said, "The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full." In Jesus, the resources are found for real change. Forgiveness, cleansing, healing, redemption, peace, joy, life and love are available in increasing, abundant measure.

Choose.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day 2 Kings 3

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Lost in worship. But considering—bring me a minstrel." (When a minstrel played, the power of God came on Elisha.) 2 Kings 3:15 (MSG)

A few months ago, our church published a new pictoral directory. It's like a phone book with pictures. After receiving it, my wife and I sat on the couch and went through it. We attend a large church with four Sunday morning services, so there are a lot of people. Wendy and I are trying to be more intentional about getting to know people so we tried to pick out some of the families who regularly attend the 10:30 service, which we call home.

"Oh there's the [pick a name, any name] family," Wendy would say.

"Hmmmm. I don't recognize them," I responded, with a slight shake of my head.

"But they always sit [pick a spot, any spot]," my wife would exclaim with incredulity as she described how many rows and seats away this particular family usually sat from our normal stage right, back row seats.

This conversation was repeated.

Several times.

My wife tends to think that I'm really inobservant, and I won't argue that point. She has a lot of evidence with which she could convince any jury. Nevertheless, when I'm sitting in church and the music starts, I tend to feel like I'm transported to a different place. My focus narrows and everything around me tends to fade. When I'm at worship and the minstrels are skillfully doing their thing, it's just me and God in the room. (note to my wife: This isn't an excuse for not observing and knowing who the people are around me, just a reason).

How interesting that Elisha called on a musician when he desired to consult with God. Music is often a creative conduit for God's Spirit to move and speak.

Creative Commons photo courtesy of Flickr and chrismoncus

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day 1 Kings 21

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Rings of influence. Ahab, pushed by his wife Jezebel and in open defiance of God, set an alltime record in making big business of evil. 1 Kings 21:25 (MSG)

Our lives are influenced by those with whom we surround ourselves, and few people, if any, influence our lives as much as the person we marry. Jezebel gets a bad rap, and deservedly so. Yet, Ahab's weakness created a black hole which Jezebel filled with her own brand of evil. Had Ahab cultivated a heart for God and developed character qualities of selflessness, righteousness and strength, the story may have been quite different.

Every marriage is a perpetually reciprocal affair in which man and woman influence and affect one other. Both partners bear responsibility for the motives, thoughts, words and actions which affect themselves, their partner, and the whole of the relationship. Ahab and Jezebel each bore responsibility for the evil that eminated out of their reign and relationship.

God, help me cultivate a heart for you and to bear the fruit of the Spirit in my own life, so that my wife, my marriage, my family, my children, my friends and my community will be nourished, refreshed, and strengthened.

Wayfarer's Journal

There’s Nothing Like New Year’s Eve

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Happynewyear LR
New Year's Eve has always been a celebration, but four years ago it became infinitely more special for me and Wendy. What a party. What a gala. What a great way to start life together. 

And, it keeps getting better.

Happy Anniversary, my love. I can't wait to kiss you at midnight…all over again. 

Wayfarer's Journal

A Priceless Gift

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12-24-07_1139 Last week, the passage we're studying at church spoke of the hearts of Jesus' disciples being "hardened." That phrase jumped off the page at me, and my quiet prayer all of last week was that God would soften my heart.

On Saturday afternoon, Wendy and I attended the wedding of some friends. As the music swelled and the bride walked down the aisle on her father's arm, I felt strong emotions stirring in me. It was exactly two weeks from the day I would have my eldest, Taylor, on my arm, escorting her down the aisle. As hard as I fought, I couldn't hold back the tears seeping out of the corner of my eyes as I watched the father giving away his daughter.

For the past nineteen years, I think I've had a pretty objective view of my role as father to Taylor and Madison. I realize that my role as daddy has been to instill in them a clear understanding that they are loveable and valuable, and raise them to be capable young women who will walk their own journey faithfully. I realize that God is, ultimately, their Father. I am a steward, blessed with the task of participating in the miracle of their birth, loving them, providing for them, teaching them, and caring for them as they prepare for the day when they head off on the path God has appointed for them.

As I sat in that pew and watched the bride and groom make their vows, my emotions swelled over me like a tidal wave. "I'm not ready to give her away," I thought to myself with sudden realization. This is the most precious gift I could ever give to anyone. Taylor is absolutely priceless, and I'm just going give her away. My brain could argue all it wanted about this being the natural order of things and this being just another waypoint in the journey, but sitting there at the wedding I could feel my heart ripping apart.

Trying desperately to rely on my stoic Dutch genes, I fought back the overwhelming grief in my heart the rest of that day. Evening came, and I couldn't hold it together any longer. The emotional dam burst and I sobbed out my grief on the shoulder of a very surprised and perplexed Wendy.

In the midst of my tears, I was gently reminded of my prayers all that week. My heart of stone had, indeed, been softened so that I could feel this sorrow. "I know," I heard God's Spirit whisper in the midst of my grief, "and now you have a hint of what I felt to give away my Son to a world that would reject and kill him."

The following evening, Taylor and I shared a few tears together as I told her of my experience that week, and my emotions. Despite those feelings, I look forward to this important waypoint in our shared journey. No parent looks back without a few pangs of regret for mistakes made and things left unsaid and undone. Yet, I realize that Taylor was a priceless gift given to my care over nineteen years ago. While my role in her life will never be completely finished, it is time to walk her down the aisle and "give away" that which was given me. Then, to celebrate, love, and support both Taylor and Clayton as they become one flesh and start their journey together.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Psalm 139

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The action list is full. Investigate my life, O God, find out everything about me; Cross-examine and test me, get a clear picture of what I'm about; See for yourself whether I've done anything wrong— then guide me on the road to eternal life. Psalm 139:23-24 (MSG)

Yesterday and today I'm attending a leadership conference. I posted a tweet at the morning break stating that the conference was only 25 percent over and my action list was now 125 percent full (btw, you can find me on Twitter: tomvanderwell). As I sat there through the session yesterday my pen was a blur of thoughts, ideas and things I was learning. To be honest, most of what I was learning was how far I have yet to grow as a leader in every area of my life. I felt like God did exactly what the verses above describe. He placed a huge magnifying glass over my heart and let me take a peek. I got a clear picture of what I'm about and I didn't like everything I saw.

I'm tired this morning. My wife and sat up late into the night discussing what I'd learned yesterday and determining some things I need to do differently. There were even some things she agree she needed to join with me in changing in her own walk. It made for a short night, but I think we'll look back and see that it was a worthwhile investment of our time.

Yesterday's chapter, Psalm 138, reminded me that God wasn't through with me. Today's chapter reminds me that God isn't the only agent involved in the process. God may help me examine where I've wandered on the path behind me, but I've got the responsibility to take that information and let Him change me, so that I can walk differently on the road ahead.

Creative Commons photo courtesy of Flickr and brianandmia