The Dark Turn Towards Vengeance

"Vengeance" by jbelluch via Flickr
“Vengeance” by jbelluch via Flickr

Daughter Babylon, doomed to destruction,
    happy is the one who repays you
    according to what you have done to us.
Happy is the one who seizes your infants
    and dashes them against the rocks.
Psalm 137:7-8 (NIV)

Years ago I found myself the victim of another person. I wasn’t wronged in any tangible way, mind you. It was more of the personal affront in which a person of authority demeans and diminishes  another person because he or she has the power to do so. I was hurt and my hurt became anger. Sometime later, while still seething with anger, I found myself in a unique position to wreak vengeance on the perpetrator and make this person’s life extremely uncomfortable. I had a choice to make.

The psalms are song lyrics and they express the breadth of human emotions. Today’s psalm was written in extreme circumstances that we can scarcely imagine today. Around 600 B.C. the Babylonians laid siege to the city of Jerusalem. Eventually, they destroyed the city, razed the walls, tore down the temple of Solomon, plundered the city, and returned to Babylon taking all of the best and brightest young people as their slaves (fyi: the prophet Daniel was one of them).

The writer of today’s psalm was one of the slaves living in Babylonian captivity. The lyricist had survived the siege during which, according to Jeremiah in his song of Lamentation, the residents of Jerusalem were reduced to cannibalism to survive. Perhaps the song writer had been forced to eat the flesh of his family or friends to survive. Certainly the song writer had seen his hometown and all he held dear destroyed. He had likely seen friends, family and neighbors senselessly slaughtered in sadistic ways. Then he had been forcibly taken from family to live life as the slave of those who destroyed their family and home.

With psalm 137, the writer is feeling more than just the blues. His pain was coming out in anger. I get that. My pain of being victimized is nothing compared to what the writer of this song went through, but yet the human reaction is the same. Pain turns to anger, but once anger is realized the path leads to a fork in the road. We have a choice. We can sit endlessly in the anger as it endlessly gnaws away our spirit, we can choose the path of forgiveness, or we can choose the path of vengeance. Our psalmist is struggling with feelings of vengeance and he pours them out in his musical prayer. I like to think that writing a song about it was probably a healthy outlet for his feelings.

As for me, I chose not to pursue vengeance on my perpetrator. The thoughts of revenge were sweet, but in the long run I believe it would have damaged me spiritually more than any pain and discomfort it would have inflicted on my perpetrator. Like the psalmist I expressed my anger and desire for vengeance to God and I vented with a safe cadre of loved ones. Then, I let it go. I chose to forgive and gave up any “right” I felt for revenge.

Anger and the desire for vengeance are real emotions. They need to be explored and expressed in healthy ways. Finding a creative outlet like the psalmist can be an important part of that process. The path of vengeance carries with it deep spiritual consequences. When anger makes the dark turn toward vengeance victims risk critical damage to their own souls.

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Thaw on the Pine Needles

Canon EOS 6D f/4 1/640 ISO1000
Canon EOS 6D f/4 1/640 ISO1000

This past weekend I spent some time down at the lake. I grabbed my camera and went on a little photo safari of the winter landscape. Even though it was cold, the temps reached far enough above freezing to allow the frost on this pine tree to return to liquid form. I loved the way the drops clung to the end of the needles as though they just didn’t want to let go.

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Service is not “On the Clock”

source: tjblackwell via Flickr
source: tjblackwell via Flickr

Praise the Lord, all you servants of the Lord
    who minister by night in the house of the Lord.
Psalm 134:1 (NIV)

In all my work experience, I have never worked “the graveyard shift.” I have, on occasion, been required to do training presentations for clients who have a graveyard shift. I’ll admit that doing customer service training at 2:00 a.m. stretched me a bit. It’s hard to crank up the energy when your body is screaming at you that you should be in bed. Being a morning person, I have worked plenty of early morning shifts as paperboy, breakfast cook, caterer, radio dj, and etc. There is something I like about being up and about when the majority of the world around you is still asleep.

I like the fact that the abbreviated lyric of today’s psalm pays homage to those who serve through the watches of the night. Perhaps the brevity of the song is a word picture of how little most of us can relate to the task of regularly serving all night and sleeping all day. Nevertheless, it’s a reminder that God is not bound by time and therefore His work does not wane with the setting of the sun.

It’s easy for me to be lulled by the daily work schedule. Because my occupational labor tends to end each weekday, I apply the general rule to spiritual service as if following Jesus is an activity to which I punch in and punch out. But, that’s not the case. Following Jesus, and serving others means being on call 24/7/365, and it sometimes requires staying up through the watches of the night to bring Life to the graveyard shift.

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A Guy’s Getaway

For the past four years I’ve talked about and desired to have a winter guy’s getaway to the lake. Even though there is relatively little to do on the lake, the opportunity to get out of Dodge and have a little of R&R with the boys is a good plan. This year I was finally able to pull the trigger and make it happen.

Matthew and I headed down late in the day on Thursday. The thermostat at the Playhouse is set on 40 degrees during the winter while we’re not there and I knew that it would take a while to warm up the house. In addition, there were beds that needed to be made, supplies to buy, and you never know what problems you might encounter after three months. The thermometer inside the house read 42 degrees when we arrived, but the thermostat’s LCD display was blank and wouldn’t come up. I hit the button that should kick on the furnace and the fan kicked in, but I couldn’t get the display to work.

Matthew and I headed to the grocery store to pick up our list and figured we’d see if things were warming up by the time we got back. It was still 42 degrees when we returned, so I pulled the thermostat apart, changed the batteries, tried to warm it up with a hair dryer in case the liquid crystal display was frozen, and prayed. After about 15 minutes of wrangling the display suddenly worked and we were able to get the furnace working. Even then, it was a chilly few hours waiting for the house to warm up.

Friday was spent in preparing for Paul and Chad’s arrival. We also went into Osage to get a new thermostat and caught a matinee showing of “Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit.” After returning to the Playhouse we threw two whole bbq rubbed chickens on the grill with some hickory smoke. By the time Paul and Chad arrived, we had a huge spread ready for them. The theme of the evening was “Who am I?” Dinner conversation around the table went until about 10:30-11:00 p.m. before we moved to the more comfortable living room. It was interesting as the conversation revolved around the men who were (or were not) mentors for us that shaped who we’ve become. It was almost 1:00 a.m. before we called it a night.

Saturday morning we had breakfast together and immediately the conversation from previous night launched into further give and take. About mid-morning we called a halt and went into a few hours of individual quiet time. I took my camera outside and walked down the shoreline, spending some time in prayer and taking a few pictures of the winter landscape. We reconnected for lunch and then sat down to watch “Captain Phillips” on DVD and ended up downstairs playing eight-ball on pool table Wendy’s grandpa made.

Dinner on Saturday evening was surf and turf. We had salmon and steak on the grill (mesquite smoke this time). The theme of conversation on Saturday was “Where am I?” and we each shared where we find ourselves in the journey and what are some of the questions, concerns, joys, and dreams with our current waypoint. Once again the conversation went into the late hours before we called it a night.

Sunday morning came early and we fixed one last big meal as we packed up. The conversation over breakfast was “Where am I going?” and we shared ways that we could pray for and encourage one another as we returned home. We switched things around for the return trip and Paul rode with me, allowing us the opportunity to connect during the drive.

Looking back, it was everything I wanted the weekend to be. Relaxing with a handful of men, eating well, having fun, watching good movies, and having great conversation as we share the journey together. I think this might be the beginning of a tradition.

My Part in Unity

Flight Class by Prof ShorthairHow good and pleasant it is
    when God’s people live together in unity!
Psalm 133:1 (NIV)

On the way back from my weekend at the lake with the guys, my friend Paul told me a new one. A church his parents attended split in two and died a slow, painful death because of a conflict. The big issue that caused so much division, anger and consternation: Whether it was okay for the pastor’s wife to have a job outside the home.

Seriously.

I have a long love-hate relationship with the institutional church. I must confess that when I read the opening lyric of today’s psalm a sarcastic and cynical chuckle left my lips. While I agree with David’s idyllic homage to unity, both he and I know that the more common experience is for God’s people to waste emotional energy in silly conflicts.

Nevertheless, I recognize that the lyric reads “when.” David seems to acknowledge that it’s not an ever always occurrence. I also realize that as a follower of Jesus I have a responsibility to my brothers and sisters. If we are to experience peace and unity then I am required to contribute with a right attitude towards the leaders and those I worship with each Sunday. I am called to act and speak out of loving kindness, deference, forgiveness, grace, and gentleness. I can only control my own thoughts, words, and actions, but if I do my part then perhaps we’re one step closer to a good and pleasant outcome.

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When Have I…?

Tom Self at DeskHe swore an oath to the Lord,
    he made a vow to the Mighty One of Jacob:
“I will not enter my house
    or go to my bed,
I will allow no sleep to my eyes
    or slumber to my eyelids,
till I find a place for the Lord,
    a dwelling for the Mighty One of Jacob.”
Psalm 132:2-5 (NIV)

When have I…

  • …put God’s priorities ahead of my own?
  • …eschewed momentary appetites for eternal purposes?
  • …sacrificed my comfort to address God’s concern?
  • …allowed spiritual hunger to rob me of sleep?
  • …swore to God, and it was a good and serious thing?
  • …been concerned about finding a space in my day, home, marriage, family, occupation, and life for God to dwell?
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