Worm Theology

“If even the moon is not bright
and the stars are not pure in his eyes,
how much less a mortal, who is but a maggot—
a human being, who is only a worm!”
Job 25:5-6 (NIV)

I spent most of my 20s and 30s trying to figure myself out. The truth that I came to embrace during those years is that the journey of self-discovery will not end on this earthly sojourn. I will forever be peeling back layers and honing my thoughts, words, and behaviors to be like Jesus. It was during those early years, however, that I learned the tools and habits that have been invaluable in the process.

One of the things that I was quick to discover in those early days of self-discovery was my shame. The American Heritage Dictionary defines shame as “a pervasive, negative emotional state, usually originating in childhood, marked by chronic self-reproach and a sense of personal failure.” In working with a friend and therapist, I was assigned to name my own personal shame. “If your core pain wore one of those “Hello, My Name Is” name tags,” my friend asked. “What would you write?” After pondering on it and journaling about it for some time the answer emerged: “Not Enough.” In my personal experience, the “sense of personal failure” is not because I have done something wrong, but because there is something inherently wrong with me, and that inherent flaw means that I myself, and all that I do, are perpetually “not enough.”

One of the basic tenets of the Great Story is that human beings are sinful individuals living in a fallen world. A theological term often used for this is “total depravity.” Romans 3:23 is an oft quoted verse to describe it: “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” It is easy, I discovered, for shame to take the concept of total depravity and run with it, wallow in it, and allow it to perpetuate a cycle of shame that becomes spiritually, mentally, and relationally unhealthy. Others have tagged this “Worm Theology.”

Today’s very short chapter is his friend, Bill’s, third and final statement to Job, and it aptly summarizes the disconnect between what Job and his three amigos have been saying. Bill describes Worm Theology really well. We’re all just maggots. We’re all just worms. We’re all worthless and Job should just accept his tragedy and suffering as the deserved ends of worthless worm.

Of course, Bill is only making Job’s case even stronger. The three amigos have not suffered as Job has. So, is it just Job that’s the worthless worm? If we’re all just worthless worms, then why haven’t the three amigos suffered a similar fate?

Along my spiritual journey, I have found the truth of human sinfulness to be like so many other things in life. I can take it to one extreme and end up in Worm Theology. I can also take it to the other extreme and find myself denying the truth and embracing a false sense of self-righteousness. Along my journey of self-discovery and in my study of the Great Story, I found the truth in the tension between the two extremes. Yes, I am a sinful human being. Yes, I am “not enough” to attain spiritual righteousness by human effort and means. But neither and I a worthless worm. That’s the beauty of what Jesus taught and the beauty of the sacrifice He made. “For God so loved…” me “…that He gave His one and only Son.” Why would Jesus sacrifice Himself for me if there wasn’t something he found lovable and valuable enough to make that sacrifice?

In the quiet this morning, I am grateful for the things I’ve learned along this journey. I’m glad for the work of self-discovery and maturation that brought me to my current waypoint on life’s road. I’m excited to find what God has for me out there on the horizon. No matter what it is, I’ve learned that I can trust God in and through it. I trust the best is yet to come when this earthly journey is finished, and the eternal journey truly begins.