Genesis 24 | Wayfarer

Isaac brought her into the tent of his mother Sarah, and he married Rebekah. So she became his wife, and he loved her; and Isaac was comforted after his mother’s death.
Genesis 24:67 (NIV)

I was in my late twenties and early thirties when I first began to ask a lot of questions about the systems and roles that influenced the child I was, the young adult I grew into, and the adult I became. For me, it is a worthwhile journey of self-discovery and understanding that continues as I progress into new stages of life. There are so many formative pieces of self that I did not, and do not, control. At the same time, there are so many pieces of life that I do control. As the Serenity Prayer so aptly requests, I have found that wisdom is required to know and embrace the differences.

Today’s chapter is fascinating on multiple levels. It tells the story of Abraham sending his trusted servant back to his family and tribe; The family and tribe he left when God initially called him to his faith journey back in chapter 12. The intent of the mission is to secure a bride for his son Isaac from his own tribe. The chapter describes this mission in detail and with it, we get a glimpse into the marriage customs of the ancient near east.

Perhaps it’s because I have officiated a host of weddings along my journey, but I have always been interested in marriage customs and rituals. What’s fascinating to me is the genuine lack of specificity given in the Great Story regarding marriage ritual or customs, and the genuine, legalistic rigidity with which institutional churches, denominations, and members become entrenched despite there being zero biblical support for most all of it.

Once again, I’ve found it helpful to be honest about what is essential (e.g. sacrificial love, spiritual union, honor, intimacy, fidelity, consideration, separation from the childhood family system and the origination of a new family system together) and what is completely absent in scripture (e.g. engagement rules, betrothal rules, and/or wedding ritual, and what exactly determines the moment and reality that two people are “married” to one another). In today’s chapter, Rebecca leaves her family, is led by her fiance into the tent of his deceased mother. BOOM they are married.

Was there a ceremony? Doesn’t say.

Was the act of sexual intercourse a determining factor? Doesn’t say.

Is it possible that the spiritual union of a man and woman that transforms them into husband and wife can and does happen without a marriage license from the county, a church official making a pronouncement, and a public wedding ceremony? Doesn’t say.

Is it equally possible that a man and woman can get a marriage license from the county, have a church official pronounce them married at a public ceremony in front of many witnesses, and yet never experience the spiritual union that transforms them into husband and wife? Doesn’t say.

And yet, along my spiritual journey I have observed many human religious rituals that don’t appear to have any transformative spiritual effect. I’ve also observed spiritual transformations in individuals that have nothing to do with any institutional religious ritual or involvement.

Today’s chapter describes how families arranged a marriage in ancient Mesopotamia which bears little resemblance to the free will engagements two people make in modern American culture. There are no specifics about what exactly made the marriage other than an agreement, two people entering a tent, and the fruit of love.

So in the quiet this morning, I find myself asking a lot of questions that don’t have specific answers in the Great Story. And, while I don’t have a lot of specific answers, I find myself comfortable with the conclusion that marriage as described in the Great Story is not about paperwork, cultural tradition, and religious ritual. It’s about sacrificial love, spiritual union, honor, intimacy, fidelity, consideration, separation from the childhood family system and the origination of a new family system together. There’s wisdom in knowing the difference.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day Genesis 24

And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother. Genesis 24:67 (NLT)

Back when I was in high school, one of our youth leaders stood before the youth group on a Wednesday night and railed angrily against the number one song on the Billboard charts at that time: Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. She ranted and raved about how terrible of a song it was and what a lie it was to think that sex was the vehicle for any kind of healing. I look back on her fire and brimstone lecture and quietly shake my head with sadness. While I agree that sexual relationships that are out of bounds can be destructive, I also have learned that ol’ Marvin had a point. I’ve experienced the healing properties of a healthy sexual relationship and that’s a good thing.

One of the honest struggles I have with contemporary Christian culture and the organized church is what I would characterize as “limited conversation.” There are certain subjects and topics that we just don’t talk about. There are topics considered at best inappropriate and at worst downright sinful. At the top of the list of limited conversations is the topic of sex, which I’ve observed is generally constrained in Christian circles to the discussion of prohibited sexual activities/practices, conviction of sexual sin and whispered gossip about who is rumored to have done what with whom.

I find this limited conversation about sex very sad and very unhealthy. Sex plays such a huge role in our lives and relationships. I suppose one reason we tend to focus on the negative aspects of sex is because when sex bleeds out of bounds the wounds it creates for spirit, mind, body and relationship can be devastating. But what we don’t talk about is that the opposite is also true. When husband and wife enjoy a healthy, active sex life the benefits to spirit, mind, body and relationship are enormous.

I can’t speak for others. I can only speak for myself. I have experienced the consequences of both unhealthy and healthy sexual relationships. I find the healing properties of a healthy sexual relationship to be so rich and potent that I want to talk about it. The truth of the matter is that there is both a physiological and spiritual alignment that takes place when I make love to my wife that calms the spirit, soothes the soul, and gives rest and refreshment to the body. There are times when life seems somehow out of whack, but in the sweet afterglow of sex I feel like I’ve just had a spiritual and emotional chiropractic adjustment. Things are back in line and all is right with the world.

What a beautiful description of Isaac and Rebekah’s relationship in today’s chapter. What a beautiful start to their life together. He takes Rebekah into his mother’s tent (the mother who had died, the mother he was deeply grieving) and she became his wife (fyi: they had sex) and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother. The healing virtues of Rebekah’s love and love making comforted Isaac and his life found restored alignment.

I believe that more open and honest conversation about healthy, active sexual relationship would lead to more husbands and wives experiencing the fullness of it. How wonderful it would be for more people to experience the healing properties of the sexual relationship rather than it becoming an infected wound within their marriage.