Tag Archives: Sexuality

Chapter-a-Day

An Ambitiously Quiet Life

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An Ambitiously Quiet Life (CaD 1 Thess 4) – Wayfarer

…make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.
1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 (NIV)

This past winter and spring our kids and grandkids lived with us for over four months here in Pella, Iowa (see featured photo). They were transitioning back to the States after five years of living in Edinburgh, Scotland.

One day our grandson Milo asked his mother, “Is Papa famous?”

Taylor laughed and asked what prompted the question.

“Everybody knows him,” he replied.

Welcome to a small town, young man.

I have been doing a lot of online networking for business in recent weeks, having Zoom calls with people from all over North America. As we introduce one another, I find that the vast majority of them live in cities, with most of them located on either one of the coasts. When I tell them I live in a little town in Iowa, they often react with surprise. Some will even ask me about it, typically stating that they couldn’t do it and it would be too boring for them. This is often followed by a statement about needing a lot of things to do and places to go for activity and entertainment.

Fascinating.

In today’s chapter, Paul shifts the theme of his letter from personal matters (e.g. discussion of Timothy’s visit and his longing to make a personal visit of his own) to instructions in life for the spiritually young Jesus followers in Thessalonica.

Paul’s first instruction was to avoid sexual immorality. Keep in mind that generally loose sexual mores and attitudes were a hallmark of ancient Greece. As one historian described sex in the city of Athens (where Paul is writing this letter):

“Relationships between men of the same age were not at all common: rather, the standard same-sex relationship would involve an adolescent boy and an older man. Men also used female prostitutes regularly: sex could be bought cheaply in a city that was home to countless brothels, streetwalkers and female ‘entertainers’.”

Paul urges the Thessalonian believers to produce the fruit of self-control in sexual matters for their own spiritual, and physical, well-being.

He then goes on to repeat his encouragement that I wrote about in yesterday’s post, which is to increase in love “more and more.” But he then adds a general instruction for daily life, encouraging them to make it their “ambition” to lead a “quiet life.”

…make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.

It was about thirty years ago that these verses first leaped off the page and into my soul. This passage has become somewhat of a guide and a mission. I didn’t think about it when I moved to a small town from the city where I’d spent most of my life, but in retrospect, I find that it was definitely synergistic.

Yes, my life is quieter. I can get anywhere I need in ten minutes or less. I like seeing people I know everywhere. I love that people know my name when I walk into the store, a restaurant, or the pub. I love that the guys at George’s Pizza begin making our pizza as soon as they see our car pull up on Sunday. I love not dealing with the traffic, crime, and cost of a city. And, despite not having all the available activity and entertainment options of a city, Wendy and I never lack things to do nor do we ever feel that our entertainment tank is on empty.

Paul’s words to the Thessalonians have been instrumental in my life journey. I have made it my ambition to lead a quieter life, and it has greatly increased the quality of my life. Please don’t hear what I’m not saying. I don’t think one has to live in a small town to have a quieter life. I’m just saying that I have found it to personally be part of my own journey in being ambitious for more quiet.

And, in the quiet this morning, I find myself thinking of the ambitions I observe in our adventure-seeking, adrenaline-addicted, YOLO culture. I observe individuals who are so ambitious for non-stop activity and entertainment that they never have time to figure out why their relationships aren’t working, their soul feels so empty, or their minds are so constantly afraid and anxious. The answers to those things require contemplation, introspection, and conversation (and I would add prayer), and those things require quiet.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Freedom to Do What I Ought

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“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial.
1 Corinthians 6:12 (NIV)

When you’re a child growing up in the United States you learn the phrase “the land of the free.” Without a doubt, I am free to do whatever I want (within the law), to go where I want to go, and to be or become what I desire. A a child I was taught the positive aspects of this freedom: I can succeed at whatever I focus my heart and mind towards. I can become a doctor, a fire fighter, an astronaut, or President of the United States.

As I continued in my life journey I became aware that freedom has a corollary truth. I am also free to be a jerk, an addict, an idiot, a bully, a cheat, or a cad. I am just as free to be a drain on society as I am to be a productive member of it.

In today’s chapter, Paul addresses how the believers in ancient Corinth should conduct themselves with regard to sexuality. He quotes a phrase that some within the Corinthian congregation were repeating: “I have the right to do anything.” Presumably, some believers were making regular trips to the local Temple of Aphrodite to have sex with one of the priestess prostitutes and then showing up for worship to claim that there was nothing wrong with their behavior and claiming their “right” to behave as they wanted because Jesus’ unlimited grace and forgiveness was essentially a spiritual “get out of jail free” card.

Paul goes on to explain that as followers of Jesus there is a greater spiritual truth at work here. Sex isn’t just a recreational physical act. When people have sex there are layers of spiritual, emotional, and relational connection that shouldn’t be ignored. Many, if not most, of the “priestess” prostitutes were slaves who had been “given” to the temple cult and forced into the service of prostitution. This was not just a simple case of “freedom” to do what one wanted. There were issues of spiritual health and social justice involved, and a person who claims to follow Jesus can’t ignore them.

“I have a right to do anything,” one might say, but so did Jesus. Jesus had the right not to come to live among us, yet He yielded this right in order to become one of us that He might be One with us. Jesus claimed He had the right to call down an army of angels to rescue Him from dying on the cross. Once again, He yielded that right for my benefit. His example was to yield His rights for the spiritual and relational good of all. He sacrificed His rights to bring about Life and goodness. As a follower of Jesus, I’m called to follow this example. Jesus said any who would follow after Him must, “deny themselves and take up their own cross.” This means yielding my freedom to “do whatever I want” for the spiritual, emotional, and relational health of myself, others, and the good of all.

Along this life journey I’ve learned (the hard way in many cases, I might add) that as a follower of Jesus I am called to embrace freedom to do what I ought, not do what I want.

Chapter-a-Day, Remember When Wednesday

Posts about Sex, Marriage, & Intimacy

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On Remember When Wednesdays I typically look back at older posts across my ten years of blogging and re-post them for newer readers of my blog. Of late, I’ve been taking the opportunity to create a few topical lists of my chapter-a-day posts.

They say that “sex sells,” so I’ll be really interested how the stats on this post fare 😉 For today’s Remember When Wednesday, I’ve put together a list of my posts that reference sex (in a very broad, topical sense of the word).

The Art and Progression of Sexual Intimacy (Song of Songs 5)
Sexual Healing
I’m “Unclean.” If You Know What I Mean (wink, wink)
Of Twisties and Pantry Lights
Burning Down the House
A Hint of Paradise (Song of Songs 1)
With Nobody Else But Me (Song of Songs 2)
Meeting the Parents (Song of Songs 3)
Sensually Good (Song of Songs 4)
Browsing Among the Lilies (Song of Songs 6)
A Case for Delayed Gratification (Song of Songs 7)
Signed, Sealed, Delivered (Song of Songs 8)
We’re All Suckers for a Love Story
A Raving Fan of the Fairer Sex
Enjoy the Dance
Five Things That Irritate You About the Opposite Sex
Captivated
Profanity, Obscenity and Swearing
God’s X-Rated Word Pictures
Appetites and Maturity
Delicacies and Darkness
Chapter-a-Day Song of Songs 2
Chapter-a-Day Leviticus 18
Chapter-a-Day Song of Solomon 7
Chapter-a-Day 2 Kings 9
Chapter-a-Day Ephesians 5

 

Chapter-a-Day

Browsing Among the Lilies

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okeefe lilyMy lover has gone down to his garden,
    to his spice beds,
to browse in the gardens
    and gather the lilies.
I am my lover’s, and my lover is mine.
    He browses among the lilies.
Song of Solomon 6:2-3 (NLT)

A few years ago Wendy and I were at the Des Moines Art Center browsing through the Center’s collection. We came across a painting by Georgia O’Keefe. “Oh my goodness,” Wendy softly exclaimed by side. “There’s no mistaking what that’s about!” O’Keefe is sometimes referred to as the mother of American modernism. She was particularly fond of painting enlarged flower blossoms, presenting them close up as if you are viewing just a part of the blossom through a magnifying glass. She often used lilies and sections of lilies.

O’Keefe came to prominence as a painter in the early part of the 20th century about the same time that Freud’s theories on psycho analysis rocked the world. Perhaps it was inevitable that O’Keefe’s paintings would be psychoanalyzed under the magnifying glass of Freudian thought just as she painted magnified views of her subjects. Despite the artists own denials, it has long been noted that her paintings seem to conjure up parallels to female sexual anatomy. Thus, Wendy’s soft exclamation upon viewing O’Keefe’s painting.

Lilies, in particular, have always had strong metaphorical parallels to sexuality dating back to ancient times. Roman and Greek mythology viewed the lily as a flower of purity, chastity and innocence. Even church tradition associates lilies with Mary, the mother of Jesus. Roman tradition was that Venus, the goddess of love, was so envious of the pure beauty of the lily that she gave the lily it’s large, long pistil in it’s center to make it less attractive. The pistil at the center of the lily’s flower has long been noted for its’ phallic metaphors; The center of the pure, white petals of the Calla Lilly being seemingly penetrated by the long, large pistil.

It is no wonder that Solomon’s ancient song of the budding, erotic love between the young king and the young woman of his harem would include imagery of the lilies. Solomon himself wrote, “there is nothing new under the sun.” Georgia O’Keefe did not invent the parallel between the lily and a woman’s sexual organs. If anything, her art was natural prey for metaphorical connections humans have made between the lily and sexuality for thousands of years.

Now, read the verse above once more and imagine an infatuated young woman saying these words as she fantasizes about the man whom she wants to marry and become her lover. Does Solomon’s song really intend these sexual metaphors? A hormonal young man writes a song about the sexual tension between himself and a gorgeous young woman whom he desires sexually. It doesn’t take a giant leap of reason.

God created us male and female. He created us as sexual beings with hormones and sexual desires. He created a natural order in which people grow, develop, desire one another and have sexual relations through which new life is created. He called it “good.” Too often in a pursuit of purifying the ranks from the sinful excesses with which many indulge  our natural appetites, the institutional church has thrown the baby out with the bath water. Many of us have forgotten to embrace, celebrate, and appreciate the natural God-given appetite which, when experienced as God intended, remains as pure as a lily.

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Chapter-a-Day

Sexual Healing

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English: The Meeting of Isaac and Rebekah (Gen...
(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Chapter-a-Day Genesis 24

And Isaac brought Rebekah into his mother Sarah’s tent, and she became his wife. He loved her deeply, and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother. Genesis 24:67 (NLT)

Back when I was in high school, one of our youth leaders stood before the youth group on a Wednesday night and railed angrily against the number one song on the Billboard charts at that time: Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. She ranted and raved about how terrible of a song it was and what a lie it was to think that sex was the vehicle for any kind of healing. I look back on her fire and brimstone lecture and quietly shake my head with sadness. While I agree that sexual relationships that are out of bounds can be destructive, I also have learned that ol’ Marvin had a point. I’ve experienced the healing properties of a healthy sexual relationship and that’s a good thing.

One of the honest struggles I have with contemporary Christian culture and the organized church is what I would characterize as “limited conversation.” There are certain subjects and topics that we just don’t talk about. There are topics considered at best inappropriate and at worst downright sinful. At the top of the list of limited conversations is the topic of sex, which I’ve observed is generally constrained in Christian circles to the discussion of prohibited sexual activities/practices, conviction of sexual sin and whispered gossip about who is rumored to have done what with whom.

I find this limited conversation about sex very sad and very unhealthy. Sex plays such a huge role in our lives and relationships. I suppose one reason we tend to focus on the negative aspects of sex is because when sex bleeds out of bounds the wounds it creates for spirit, mind, body and relationship can be devastating.  But what we don’t talk about is that the opposite is also true. When husband and wife enjoy a healthy, active sex life the benefits to spirit, mind, body and relationship are enormous.

I can’t speak for others. I can only speak for myself. I have experienced the consequences of both unhealthy and healthy sexual relationships. I find the healing properties of a healthy sexual relationship to be so rich and potent that I want to talk about it. The truth of the matter is that there is both a physiological and spiritual alignment that takes place when I make love to my wife that calms the spirit, soothes the soul, and gives rest and refreshment to the body. There are times when life seems somehow out of whack, but in the sweet afterglow of sex I feel like I’ve just had a spiritual and emotional chiropractic adjustment. Things are back in line and all is right with the world.

What a beautiful description of Isaac and Rebekah’s relationship in today’s chapter. What a beautiful start to their life together. He takes Rebekah into his mother’s tent (the mother who had died, the mother he was deeply grieving) and she became his wife (fyi: they had sex) and she was a special comfort to him after the death of his mother. The healing virtues of Rebekah’s love and love making comforted Isaac and his life found restored alignment.

I believe that more open and honest conversation about healthy, active sexual relationship would lead to more husbands and wives experiencing the fullness of it. How wonderful it would be for more people to experience the healing properties of the sexual relationship rather than it becoming an infected wound within their marriage.

Chapter-a-Day

Chapter-a-Day Leviticus 18

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creative commons photo via Flickr & eyeliam

God spoke to Moses: “Speak to the People of Israel. Tell them, I am God, your God. Don’t live like the people of Egypt where you used to live, and don’t live like the people of Canaan where I’m bringing you. Don’t do what they do. Obey my laws and live by my decrees. I am your God. Keep my decrees and laws: The person who obeys them lives by them. I am God. Leviticus 18:1-5 (MSG)

When, as parents, we make rules for our children there is generally a reason behind the rules. A young child doesn’t like, nor does he or she understand, the need to be strapped tightly into a car seat. It’s uncomfortable and confining to a little one naturally given to constant movement and squirming. Any parent can attest to the screams, tears and rebellious striving which occurs when strapping a squirmy toddler into a car seat. We as parents understand, however, that in the big picture we’re preserving and protecting life.

As I journey through Leviticus, I’m not just looking at God’s rules, but trying to discern our Heavenly Father’s motivation in making the rule in the first place. As I read through the laundry list of rules regarding sexual behavior in today’s chapter, a couple of thoughts came to mind:

  • The cultures of that day were given to sexual immorality. The beginning of today’s chapter makes it clear that these rules were meant to differentiate God’s people from the people around them. Incestuous relationships in ancient Egypt are well documented by historians. God wanted His people marked by their purity, not their perversions.
  • There is a constant theme in the chapter, not just about sexual acts, but the violation which takes place within the act.  Sex outside the lines creates personal, relational, spiritual and societal violations. Rather than building healthy souls, relationships and a stronger society, sexual violations tear individuals and relationships apart, weakening the societal fabric. Historians have clearly linked moral decline with the demise of multiple ancient societies. It’s not rocket science.
  • There is a direct connection between the sexual and the spiritual. Many of the gods and idols in ancient times were fertility gods whom cultures worshipped by committing sexual acts. Fertility gods became a kind of spiritual cover for prostitution and any number of sexual behaviors the fell outside God’s intentions. There is a particular reference to Molech (a.k.a. Moloch) in today’s chapter, who was a god worshipped by many of the cultures in the area where the Israelites wandered. People brought their children to be sacrificed (typically burned alive) to Molech. It is often argued that gods like Molech rose from sexually dysfunctional, spiritually dead cultures as they sought to justify their behavior and eliminate the unwanted consequence of their illicit sexual activities. It was a pretty preverse cycle. Give yourself over to unbridled sexual activity in the worship of a fertility god, but when the sexual act actually results in fertility you sacrifice the baby back to the fertility god.

I have to connect the dots here. Sex outside the lines creates personal and relational violations in which individuals are victimized. To perpetuate and justify the repeated violation,  we must depersonalize and diminish the victim, as well as eliminate the unwanted result [read: children].

I have to dig one level deeper. I have to believe that it is not just about society as a whole with which God is concerned. Any who have struggled with pornography or sex outside the lines can attest to the truth that a microcosm of this same destructive spiritual regression can occur within the individual human soul.

God made his motivation clear in his preamble to the sexual rules in today’s chapter. The rules were intended to preserve and promote individual, spiritual, relational and societal life. God was tightly buckling his young nation of sinful people into a cultural car seat knowing that death would result on many levels for not doing so.