Brooding

“Therefore I will not keep silent;
I will speak out in the anguish of my spirit,
I will complain in the bitterness of my soul.”
Job 7:11 (NIV)

This Sunday I’m wrapping up a series of messages among our local gathering of Jesus’ followers in which we’ve been thinking about how we think. Amidst the series there has been an acknowledgement that not all people think and process thoughts the same way. Some people are internal processors while others are external processors. There are people whose thoughts tend to be more future oriented and they are typically thinking ahead. Others tend to be past oriented dwelling on what has already happened and learning from it.

Along my life journey, I have learned that I can brood with the best of brooders. It’s comes with being an Enneagram Four. I’m an internal processor and when I’ve got something stuck in my craw I have a hard time letting it go. My mind spins around whatever it is I’m brooding about, sometimes to the point that I can hardly think about anything else. As you might imagine, this is not a particularly healthy thought pattern.

I have learned along the way that if I want to get out of my brood cycle, I have to whatever I’m internally brooding about out. This can take multiple forms. Writing about it in my Morning Pages journal is one of the most effective. Talking it out with Wendy or someone in my inner-circle can also help. I’ve occasionally gone through a personal ritual of writing out whatever it is I’m brooding about, then crumpling up the paper on which I’ve written it and throwing it away as a sort of metaphorical way of letting it go.

In today’s chapter, Job is brooding. If anyone has reason to brood, it’s Job. His every waking moment is agony as he describes worms infesting his broken and festering skin lesions. Yet even sleep is no escape as he suffers from nightmares and terrifying hallucinations. In his suffering he cries out from his anguished soul and wails his bitter complaint to God and his friends.

Good.

I was cheering Job on as he sings the blues. From one brooder to another, I know it’s ultimately a healthy thing to get what’s stuck inside you out. One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from studying the Great Story for over 40 years is that God is not bothered by honest cries of the soul. Moses was never shy about voicing his complaints and reservations to God. So many of David’s psalm lyrics are ancient Hebrew versions of singing the blues. Jeremiah was known as “the weeping prophet” in part because he didn’t hold back his complaints to the Almighty. Even Jesus’ prayer in the Garden on the night of his arrest was a cry of anguish. Sometimes, I need to cry out to the heavens and give voice to my brooding laments.

In the quiet this morning, the 80’s rock anthem Shout by Tears for Fears came into my head. If I remember the rumor correctly, the song was inspired by a therapeutic fad back in the day in which people would let loose with primal screams. To be honest, I’ve given wind to a few primal screams along life’s road. I seem to recall feeling better afterwards.

Go ahead and wail, brother Job. I got your back.