Tag Archives: Tinnitus

The Ringing in my Ears

This is the life-giving message we heard him share and it’s still ringing in our ears. We now repeat his words to you: God is pure light. You will never find even a trace of darkness in him.
1 John 1:5 (TPT)

In our present world of quarantine and shelter-at-home from the Coronavirus Pandemic, video streaming services are enjoying an increase in business. Interestingly, Wendy and I have been watching less television though we have managed to watch a few movies that we missed in the theaters. We watched A Star is Born the other night, which is the latest take on an old Hollywood tale. We both really enjoyed the film.

In Bradley Cooper’s adaptation, his character is suffering from Tinnitus (ringing in the ears) and hearing loss. The never-ending ringing in his ears is one (of several) reasons the character has a drinking problem. As someone with a long history of Tinnitus, Wendy asked me if Tinnitus ever makes me want to drink, which it doesn’t. It can be maddening at times. There’s even speculation that Tinnitus may have been part of Van Gogh cutting off his ear. The truth is that it ebbs and flows, but nothing makes it go away.

On the heels of our conversation, I decided this morning to start reading John’s letters in a relatively new translation called The Passion Translation. I couldn’t help but notice when John writes: “This is the life-giving message we heard him share and it’s still ringing in our ears.

The word picture is a fascinating one. I have thought about “ringing in my ears” in such on-going negative terms for so long, it jarred me to think about ringing in the ears being something positive. Even more striking is the fact that John’s letters were arguably the last New Testament epistles written from a chronological perspective somewhere between 85 and 95 A.D. It had been 50-60 years since John had been in Jesus’ earthly presence. The fact that the words of Jesus were still “ringing in his ears” says something about their potency.

I couldn’t help but think, as I meditated on these things, about a mysterious reference made by Paul:

The extraordinary level of the revelations I’ve received is no reason for anyone to exalt me. For this is why a thorn in my flesh was given to me, the Adversary’s messenger sent to harass me, keeping me from becoming arrogant. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to relieve me of this. But he answered me, “My grace is always more than enough for you, and my power finds its full expression through your weakness.” So I will celebrate my weaknesses, for when I’m weak I sense more deeply the mighty power of Christ living in me. So I’m not defeated by my weakness, but delighted! For when I feel my weakness and endure mistreatment—when I’m surrounded with troubles on every side and face persecution because of my love for Christ—I am made yet stronger. For my weakness becomes a portal to God’s power.

2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (TPT)

Scholars and believers speculate endlessly on what Paul’s “thorn in the flesh” was exactly. The truth is we don’t know, and I think it for the best that we don’t. The issue isn’t what it was but what it taught Paul. That his annoying (Level 1) “weakness” and suffering was a portal to experiencing God’s (Level 4) power and strength.

In the quiet of my home office this morning, I am mindful of the ringing in my ears. It never goes away. The ringing is omnipresent. Most often, I am able to ignore it and allow it to be nothing more than an additional layer of white noise in my life. Occasionally, it gets insanely loud and drives me batty. Sometimes (especially in my left ear where there is significantly more hearing loss) it becomes loud, intermittent beeps like someone translating the complete works of Shakespeare to me in Morse Code.

I’m thinking of my “weakness” in a new way this morning. I’ve journeyed through the Message perpetually for almost forty years. It’s always there. I’ve read it, memorized it, studied it, walked through it, taught it, contemplated it, and meditated on it continuously. Like John, it is still “ringing in my ears” even when it, at times, recedes like a layer of white noise in my consciousness.

When the ringing in my ears becomes maddening, I want to start letting it remind me of the Word that I have heard, that rings in the ears of my heart, which I am compelled to repeat so as to “release the fullness of my joy.”

“For those who have ears to hear….”

Jesus

All chapter-a-day posts from this series on 1 John are compiled in a simple visual index for you. There is also a simple visual index of Tom’s posts indexed by book of the Bible.

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“He Who Has Ears to Hear…”

A self-portrait by Vincent van Gogh with a ban...
A self-portrait by Vincent van Gogh with a bandaged ear. On display in the Courtauld Gallery. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I know I haven’t been posting much lately other than my chapter a day. I’ve kind of dropped off Facebook and Twitter as well. It’s not necessarily intentional.

It’s been a busy spring. Wendy and I were busy with USP’s spring production. I’m in a busy season of work, the busiest I’ve experienced in many years which has included a hectic business travel schedule. At the same time, we’ve been through a large home project in which the foundation of our house was shored up and the basement completely waterproofed. Now we have a basement piled with all our “stuff” covered in a thick layer of fine cement dust which has to be sorted, cleaned, organized and put away. It all feels pretty mundane and overwhelming at the same time.

In addition, my tinnitus has had periods of being markedly worse this spring. (Side note: There is one school of thought that Vincent Van Gogh went crazy, in part, because of tinnitus and he cut off his ear to rid himself of the incessant ringing. If so, I sympathize with him.) Because of the difficulty I have hearing in places with a lot of ambient noise, I’ve found myself struggling with large social situations and public places. I hate having to ask people to repeat themselves two or three times, or just sitting there hearing the din of conversation but not being able to make out what people are saying. I finally went to the ENT doc to get things checked out only to find that the hearing in my “good” ear has declined rapidly in the past year. The doc suggested I give up caffeine and get fitted for a hearing aid in that ear as well. [sigh] Going through caffeine withdrawal on top of everything else was a barrel of fun.

I’m whining. I know, and I beg your forgiveness. I’m blessed that technology and available resources mean I can get what I need to help me hear. Nevertheless, I admit that the reality of my auditory decline has left me feeling a little sad even as I prepare to celebrate my 46th birthday on Monday. Wendy and I will, however, be at the (blessedly quiet) lake with my folks, Taylor, and Clayton. I’m really looking forward to being there, even if it is only for a day or two.