Tag Archives: Stuck

Stuck in a Moment

Stuck in a Moment (CaD Gen 33) Wayfarer

But Esau ran to meet Jacob and embraced him; he threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. And they wept.
Genesis 33:4 (NIV)

Many years ago I found myself back in the stomping grounds of my youth. It was late at night and I ran into an old friend. I approached to say hello and discovered he had a drink or two too many. I was shocked to find that I was greeted with anger that felt like it was seething to the point of rage. He looked like he was ready to punch me, and the air was filled with violent tension. I quickly backed away and left.

I never forgot that moment.

Ten or so years later I ran into my friend again. Needless to say, my apprehension was high when I saw him. All I could think about was the tension from ten years before. I played it cool and chose not to initiate conversation. Imagine my surprise when my friend walked up to me with a smile, greeted me warmly with a big hug, and initiated a friendly catch-up conversation. It was as if the episode a decade before had ever happened.

That moment came to mind this morning as I read today’s chapter and the reunion between twin brothers, Jacob and Esau. In this case, it had been 20 years since Jacob fled into exile to escape his brother’s rage. The last thing Jacob remembered was the aftermath of stealing Esau’s blessing and birthright. Esau was spewing anger and vengeance. In yesterday’s chapter, Jacob hears that Esau is on his way with 400 men, and he is clearly anticipating Esau to greet him with the same anger and vengeance he remembered from their last meeting. He carefully devises a plan in anticipation of a violent outcome.

Imagine Jacob’s shock when Esau runs ahead of his 400 men to embrace him, kiss him, and weep at their reunion.

Along my life journey, one of the things I’ve learned about myself is that I have a very active mind, imagination, and inner world. It comes with being an Enneagram Type Four. This is a good thing in all sorts of creative ways. I discovered it to be quite helpful as an actor, allowing me to easily suspend disbelief and live fully in the world of a play behind the fourth wall. At the same time, my active mind can also become a hindrance.

They say, “Time heals all wounds.” Sometimes it’s true, but not if my brain replays that uncomfortable, tense moment with my friend over, and over, and over again. And, I did just that. I couldn’t let it go. It was like relational PTSD. All I had to do was think about it and I was right back in that moment, feeling all of the shock, apprehension, and fear all over again. It makes it hard for me to let things go. Sometimes, I’m unable to emotionally or relationally move forward from a moment. As U2 sings it:

And you are such a fool
To worry like you do
I know it’s tough
And you can never get enough
Of what you don’t really need now
My, oh my
You’ve got to get yourself together
You’ve got stuck in a moment
And you can’t get out of it

In the quiet this morning, I wondered if Jacob was wired the same way. Paul summed up his letter to Jesus’ followers in Philippi by telling them:

whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.

I’ve discovered that doing this often requires me to find the “stop” button in my brain from continuing to repeat whatever mental playlist I have on a continuous loop. I have to force myself to consciously choose a different playlist that fits Paul’s description.

I’ve found that the path of spiritual growth requires me to recognize unhealthy and unproductive ways within myself, and find the self-discipline to address them. In some cases, this is easy. In other cases, it’s an entire spiritual journey all its own.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Into the Water

Into the Water (CaD Ex 14) Wayfarer

As Pharaoh drew near, the Israelites looked back…
But Moses said to the people, “Do not be afraid, stand firm.”
Then the Lord said to Moses, “Why do you cry out to me? Tell the Israelites to go forward.”

Exodus 14:10, 13, 15 (NRSVCE)

In case you missed it, I reblogged our daughter’s blog post yesterday. It’s worth a read. She referenced my love of genealogy, which I mention from time-to-time in these posts, along with my love of history.

One of the themes I’ve noticed along this Life journey is that everyone has a choice to get stuck looking back, get stuck in place, or keep moving forward. I’ve come to believe that this is a facet of what theologians call “free will,” and it manifests itself in different ways on life’s journey.

I’ve observed individuals for whom life already happened. The “glory days,” as Bruce Springsteen sings it, happened in the past and spiritually the individual is stuck looking back at what was.

I’ve observed individuals for whom life stalls spiritually. Somewhere along the road they decided to spiritually settled down long the road. They’ve found a comfortable spot for their soul. Spiritually, they stake out the ground, build a comfy little shelter, and defend it for the rest of their lives.

I’ve observed individuals who never stop spiritually moving forward. They may walk backwards for a stretch to remember and to let the past inform their route. They may stop and rest along the way, because Sabbath isn’t just for our physical bodies. Our souls need it too. They don’t stay for too long, however, because they are always pressing on further up and further in. As Paul wrote the believers in Phillipi:

I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back.
Phil 3:13-16 (MSG)

In today’s chapter, I found it so clearly hiding in plain sight. Moses and the escaping Hebrews find themselves stuck at the shore of the Red Sea as the Egyptian army advances on them. In escaping their chains of slavery and oppression the Hebrews looked back at what was and found themselves mired in fear. Moses was focused on standing firm, but that leaves the situation between the proverbial rock and a hard place. God wants them to move forward.

“Move forward Lord? Into the water?”

Yes. Move forward into the water because that’s one of the grand themes of this Great Story I’m authoring. Through the deep creation begins. Through the water Noah and his family lead a new beginning. Through the water, God will deliver Moses and the people. Through the water of the Jordan River, the Hebrews will enter the Promised Land. Through the same water of the Jordan River and John’s baptism, Jesus begins His earthly ministry. Through the water of baptism, we are buried in the likeness of His death and raised in the likeness of His resurrection. Through the Living Water of Christ, we discover a Life-giving wellspring that never runs dry even in the seeming drought of our current circumstances. In his Revelation, the Angel reveals to John the end of the Great Story which is actually a new beginning with a “Water-of-Life River, crystal bright that flowed from the Throne of God and the Lamb, right down the middle of the street. The Tree of Life was planted on each side of the River, producing twelve kinds of fruit, a ripe fruit each month. The leaves of the Tree are for healing the nations. Never again will anything be cursed.” (see Rev 22)

So yes, Moses, move forward through the water.

Leap, and the net will appear.

In the quiet this morning I find myself looking at our current events through this lens. Perhaps individuals can get stuck looking back. Perhaps we’ve become stagnant, comfortable, and complacent in our politics, our narratives, our comfortable plot of world-view which we feel we need to defend. Perhaps at this moment in the Great Story God is calling all of His children to move forward.

Down into the water, children. All of you.

Leap, and the net will appear.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.