Tag Archives: Esau

Chapter-a-Day

Best of ’24: #5 A Confession

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For two weeks, while Wendy and I are away enjoying some warm weather, I’ll be counting down the top ten chapter-a-day posts of 2024 (based on total views and plays). It’ s always interesting which posts resonated with readers and listeners. The chapter for tomorrow’s post will be listed at the bottom.

A Confession (CaD Rom 9) – Wayfarer

Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.
Romans 9:18 (NIV)

A decade or so ago, I found myself in the check-out line in a department store feeling this quiet, internal, seething anger. The source of this anger? Chip and Joanna Gaines. They were everywhere. Wendy and every one of her friends were talking about them. People I know were making pilgrimages to Waco, Texas. Their “collections” were suddenly in every store. There in the checkout line, Joanna was staring at me from the covert of Cosmopolitan. So, what do we do when we get angry these days? We vent on social media!

“I love Chip and Joanna,” I tweeted, “but I’m tired of seeing their faces a million times a day!”

The next day my tweet received a reply from Chip Gaines, himself.

“I know,” he tweeted back, “I told Joanna the other day that even I’m tired of us!”

It wasn’t long after this that I noticed myself feeling that same quiet, internal, seething anger. This time it was an online author and “influencer” who was trending and I started hearing this person’s name come up in conversation all the time. I remember Wendy and her friends talking in our kitchen one day and everyone was talking about what this influencer recently said about this or that topic. I was suddenly filled with anger. I wanted to throw up. I had to leave the room my insides were seething so intensely.

The problem was, I knew that these angry reactions inside of me weren’t healthy. Anger like this always points to something deeper in the Spirit that is askew. I began to dig into what it was that was going on inside of my heart. The answer ended up being simple once I realized it. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I’ve had this anger, these feelings of irritation and animosity, toward certain individuals my entire life. And they were almost all individuals I didn’t know at all!

Here I was a 50-year-old man who had been a disciple of Jesus for almost 40 years and it had taken me that long to realize that I have a problem with envy. The commonality between all of the individuals who produced this latent animosity within me is that they were people who suddenly became famous and everyone was talking about them and being influenced by them. Why them? Why not me? I feel shame in confessing it because it feels so petty. It’s true, however. I have to own it. Over the past several years I’ve had to consciously deal with this very real sin to which I had been blind my entire life.

As I have processed and worked on my envy, I have run headlong into what, in human terms, is an uncomfortable reality: God’s sovereignty.

Jesus told a parable about the owner of a vineyard. Throughout the day the owner finds workers, negotiates a price for their labor for the day, and sends them to work in his vineyard. At the end of the day, the workers who worked all day find out that they’re getting paid the same as the guy who was hired for the final two hours of the day. They are pissed. The owner of the vineyard responds,

‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn’t we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can’t I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?’
Matthew 20:13-15 (MSG)

In today’s chapter, Paul addresses the truth of God’s sovereignty. God blessed Jacob, but not his older twin brother Esau. The prodigal wastes all of his father’s money on partying and prostitutes and is given a homecoming party, while the older brother goes seemingly uncelebrated for his faithfulness and obedience. God, in His sovereign purposes, raises one person to prominence while another works in obscurity.

On one hand, I can dismiss these human inequities as simply “life isn’t fair” (and it’s not), but Paul is adding to this another layer of truth that Jesus was addressing in His parable. God is sovereign, and His knowledge and purposes are infinite, while mine are finite. This is where a disciple of Jesus finds the requirement of faith and surrender.

If God is good, and I believe He is. If God has a good purpose for me and my life, and I believe He does. Then I can rest in living the life God has generously and sovereignly purposed for me, this life I am now living, and this path I am now walking. I can also surrender any desire that my path should be like the one anyone else is walking.

In the quiet this morning, I’m thinking about our kitchen. On the counter, right next to the stove, Wendy has placed the Magnolia Cook Book in such a way that Joanna Gaines stares at me every day in my own house. It’s good. It no longer triggers me. It’s a daily reminder for me to pray for Chip and Joanna and all that God is doing in and through their lives. God has been generous to them, and they have a tremendous amount of positive impact in our world. I’m also quite certain that they face struggles and stresses because of that generosity which I wouldn’t want in a million years. In dealing with my envy problem, I’ve embraced that sometimes God’s generosity is in saving us from the things our heart’s desire, but which would lead to tragedies we could never foresee.

Tomorrow’s Chapter: Acts 19

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

These chapter-a-day blog posts are also available via podcast on all major podcast platforms including Apple, Google, and Spotify! Simply go to your podcast platform and search for “Wayfarer Tom Vander Well.” If it’s not on your platform, please let me know!

Chapter-a-Day

A Confession

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A Confession (CaD Rom 9) – Wayfarer

Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.
Romans 9:18 (NIV)

A decade or so ago, I found myself in the check-out line in a department store feeling this quiet, internal, seething anger. The source of this anger? Chip and Joanna Gaines. They were everywhere. Wendy and every one of her friends were talking about them. People I know were making pilgrimages to Waco, Texas. Their “collections” were suddenly in every store. There in the checkout line, Joanna was staring at me from the covert of Cosmopolitan. So, what do we do when we get angry these days? We vent on social media!

“I love Chip and Joanna,” I tweeted, “but I’m tired of seeing their faces a million times a day!”

The next day my tweet received a reply from Chip Gaines, himself.

“I know,” he tweeted back, “I told Joanna the other day that even I’m tired of us!”

It wasn’t long after this that I noticed myself feeling that same quiet, internal, seething anger. This time it was an online author and “influencer” who was trending and I started hearing this person’s name come up in conversation all the time. I remember Wendy and her friends talking in our kitchen one day and everyone was talking about what this influencer recently said about this or that topic. I was suddenly filled with anger. I wanted to throw up. I had to leave the room my insides were seething so intensely.

The problem was, I knew that these angry reactions inside of me weren’t healthy. Anger like this always points to something deeper in the Spirit that is askew. I began to dig into what it was that was going on inside of my heart. The answer ended up being simple once I realized it. Suddenly, it dawned on me that I’ve had this anger, these feelings of irritation and animosity, toward certain individuals my entire life. And they were almost all individuals I didn’t know at all!

Here I was a 50-year-old man who had been a disciple of Jesus for almost 40 years and it had taken me that long to realize that I have a problem with envy. The commonality between all of the individuals who produced this latent animosity within me is that they were people who suddenly became famous and everyone was talking about them and being influenced by them. Why them? Why not me? I feel shame in confessing it because it feels so petty. It’s true, however. I have to own it. Over the past several years I’ve had to consciously deal with this very real sin to which I had been blind my entire life.

As I have processed and worked on my envy, I have run headlong into what, in human terms, is an uncomfortable reality: God’s sovereignty.

Jesus told a parable about the owner of a vineyard. Throughout the day the owner finds workers, negotiates a price for their labor for the day, and sends them to work in his vineyard. At the end of the day, the workers who worked all day find out that they’re getting paid the same as the guy who was hired for the final two hours of the day. They are pissed. The owner of the vineyard responds,

‘Friend, I haven’t been unfair. We agreed on the wage of a dollar, didn’t we? So take it and go. I decided to give to the one who came last the same as you. Can’t I do what I want with my own money? Are you going to get stingy because I am generous?’
Matthew 20:13-15 (MSG)

In today’s chapter, Paul addresses the truth of God’s sovereignty. God blessed Jacob, but not his older twin brother Esau. The prodigal wastes all of his father’s money on partying and prostitutes and is given a homecoming party, while the older brother goes seemingly uncelebrated for his faithfulness and obedience. God, in His sovereign purposes, raises one person to prominence while another works in obscurity.

On one hand, I can dismiss these human inequities as simply “life isn’t fair” (and it’s not), but Paul is adding to this another layer of truth that Jesus was addressing in His parable. God is sovereign, and His knowledge and purposes are infinite, while mine are finite. This is where a disciple of Jesus finds the requirement of faith and surrender.

If God is good, and I believe He is. If God has a good purpose for me and my life, and I believe He does. Then I can rest in living the life God has generously and sovereignly purposed for me, this life I am now living, and this path I am now walking. I can also surrender any desire that my path should be like the one anyone else is walking.

In the quiet this morning, I’m thinking about our kitchen. On the counter, right next to the stove, Wendy has placed the Magnolia Cook Book in such a way that Joanna Gaines stares at me every day in my own house. It’s good. It no longer triggers me. It’s a daily reminder for me to pray for Chip and Joanna and all that God is doing in and through their lives. God has been generous to them, and they have a tremendous amount of positive impact in our world. I’m also quite certain that they face struggles and stresses because of that generosity which I wouldn’t want in a million years. In dealing with my envy problem, I’ve embraced that sometimes God’s generosity is in saving us from the things our heart’s desire, but which would lead to tragedies we could never foresee.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Bad Blood

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Bad Blood (CaD Jer 49) – Wayfarer

“But I will strip Esau bare;
    I will uncover his hiding places,
    so that he cannot conceal himself…”
Jeremiah 49:10a (NIV)

If you’ve followed my writing or my social media posts for any length of time, you’ll know that I’m my family’s resident historian. In fact, right next to my desk is a stack of letters, photographs, and ephemera that my dad gave me. They were keepsakes my mother had in her possession when she died a few months ago.

Family is an interesting thing, and what’s ironic in my self-appointed role of family historian is that neither my maternal nor paternal families are particularly close. I can at least say that my maternal family has had a number of reunions that I can remember over the years, though it’s been quite a while since the last one. My paternal family has never had a reunion. Were it not for Facebook, I’d probably not have any meaningful connection to them.

“Blood is thicker than water” is the idiom we use to express the importance of family over everything else in life. But I’ve equally observed that bad blood runs deep. Along my life journey, I have observed a number of families in which bad blood ran so deep that it divided siblings and cousins for generations until no one knew why their family was so distant and never spoke to one another.

Today’s chapter is the continuation of short, one-off prophetic messages that the prophet Jeremiah gave during his career. There are five short messages in today’s chapter aimed at small towns and people groups in the region. The one that resonated with me as I read it was God’s message to the Edomites, whom the prophet refers to as “Esau.”

The Edomites were descendants of Isaac’s son, Esau, who was also known as Edom.

The Israelites were descendants of Isaac’s son, Jacob, who became known as Israel.

Jacob and Esau were brothers. They were twin brothers. Their story is told all the way back in Genesis. Esau foolishly sold his birthright as the eldest male child to his younger twin brother for some soup. Jacob then deceived his own dying father to give him the blessing of the eldest child. Esau fled to the east of the Dead Sea and took up residence in a mountainous region known for it’s cliffs and caves.

Today’s chapter and Jeremiah’s message takes place about a thousand years later. The descendants of Esau and the descendants of Jacob have been feuding for a millenium.

Bad blood runs deep.

That simple fact is what I found myself mulling over in the quiet this morning. It’s tragic when family become sworn enemies. It’s even more tragic when later generations continue feuding after the original grievances are long-since forgotten.

When Jesus said that His followers were to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us, there was no exemption made for feuding family members. Bad blood may very well make them the most difficult enemies to forgive, love, and bless.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Bad Blood

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Bad Blood (CaD Ob 1) – Wayfarer

Jacob will be a fire
    and Joseph a flame;
Esau will be stubble,
    and they will set him on fire and destroy him.
There will be no survivors
    from Esau.”
The Lord has spoken.
Obadiah 1:18 (NIV)

Some of the more fascinating discoveries in the excavation of my family history have been the bad blood that exists between individuals and family units. In some cases, entire family groups have had little or no relationship with one another for generations and have no idea that the distance is rooted in bad blood from generations before.

I found bad blood in both my paternal and maternal families. I discovered bad blood rising from a host of reasons including, but not limited to, unwanted pregnancies, marriages, re-marriages, inheritance, family business, addiction, and deception. Most commonly, bad blood occurred between siblings, but bad blood between parents and children was also present.

Today’s chapter is the prophecy of Obadiah who wrote a short prophetic poem against the nation of Edom at the time Nebuchadnezzar and the Babylonian Empire were marching on Jerusalem around 600 B.C. The Edomites, who had considered joining the local defense against the Babylonian Empire, ended up siding with Babylon.

The Edomites were descendants of Esau, the elder twin brother of Jacob. If you were on our chapter-a-day journey through Genesis last year, you might recall the bad blood between them. Bad blood arose between brothers because of the favoritism demonstrated by both parents. Dad favored Esau. Mom favored Jacob. This led to Jacob’s deceptive stealing of Esau’s blessing and inheritance then fleeing into exile for years. All of this took place around 2000 B.C.

I did the math this morning. The bad blood Obadiah is writing about in today’s chapter between the people of Israel and the people of Edom began with a conflict between brothers 1400 years before Obadiah picked up his papyrus and stylus.

In the quiet this morning, I circle back to thinking about family. I know that a lot of people could give a rat’s rear-end about the past. I get it. I have always had a bent toward the past and a love of history. It was fascinating to learn that this is part of being an Enneagram Type Four. I have personally found it worthwhile in a couple of different respects.

First, I have gotten to correspond with and to know members of my family I would otherwise have never known. Their stories have added new layers of understanding of the family systems from which I spring. It helps me understand myself, my parents, my grandparents, and my great-grandparents and their stories in a greater context, along with a ton more grace. There’s so much in life we don’t control, including the family systems that produced us.

Second, is the old adage that “those who don’t learn from history are doomed to repeat it.” I have tried very hard along my life journey to avoid the traps that lead to the kind of bad blood which can affect individuals and family groups. I can’t help but recall Paul’s words to Jesus’ followers in Rome:  “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”

Along my journey, I’ve discovered that living at peace requires me to care more about what matters than what doesn’t. That has meant valuing people over politics (or religion, or morality codes, etc.), choosing relationships over being right, and letting go of things of temporal value to perpetuate love that is priceless. This sometimes (often?) requires letting go of the past and choosing forgiveness so that future generations don’t systemically perpetuate bad blood they personally had nothing to do with simply because that bad blood was never dealt with and permanently infected the family system.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Connected

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Connected (CaD Gen 36) – Wayfarer

This is the account of the family line of Esau (that is, Edom).
Genesis 36:1 (NIV)

A few years ago, Wendy and I participated in a cemetery walk for our local historical society. We have, for many years, portrayed our community’s founding couple (Hendrick Peter and Maria Scholte) at the town’s annual Tulip Festival, and so we were asked to participate in the cemetery walk. Basically, we stood by the gravestones of the couple we were portraying and when people walked by we would share a brief, scripted story about individuals we were portraying. There were other actors in different costumes stationed by gravestones around the cemetery.

While we were waiting between visitors, I began investigating the gravestones within the Scholte family plot. I was shocked to see a name I thought I recognized. When we got home that afternoon I looked it up. Sure enough, a woman buried in the Scholte family plot, Harriett Yeater Vander Linden (see featured photo on this post), was a relative of mine. Why she was buried with the Scholte family is a bit of a mystery. Especially since she wasn’t Dutch, but came from my mother’s side of the family whose ancestors all came from the British Isles. Never in a million years would I have thought I would end up living in this town portraying its founder. Never in a billion years would I have expected to find my own relative buried with his family.

It’s a small world.

Let’s face it, today’s chapter is one of those that is easily skipped over. It’s one of the genealogical records that everyone hates. All the descendants of Esau are seemingly irrelevant to my life. As an amateur historian and genealogist, however, I spent some time this morning thinking about the bigger picture of Esau’s descendants, who became a small nation called Edom.

It begins with twin brothers, Esau and Jacob. Despite Jacob’s deceit, Esau appears to have prospered on his own. In today’s chapter, they seem to have amicably separated. Esau went to an area east and south of the Dead Sea to settle. The descendants of each brother would grow to become their own tribes which, in turn, would eventually become their own nations, Edom and Israel. Later in the Great Story, the two nations will become enemies. They will war with one another. The prophet Obadiah, for example, wrote his prophetic poem specifically against Edom, predicting its destruction as he recalls that the two nations were rooted in a fraternal relationship.

As time went by and the descendants expanded, the connection was lost. Families became enemies.

One thing that has always appealed to me about history and genealogy is that it is about making connections. It’s kind of the opposite of the Israel/Edom effect I just described. As I make connections to people and the past, I learn things and grow in appreciation for others.

Genetic science has proven that we all descended from one woman referred to as “genetic Eve.” The truth is that we are all connected. Feuds, wars, prejudice, and hatred are the fruit of disconnection. When Jesus calls me to bless my enemies and to pray for those who persecute me, I believe He is calling me to make a reconnection. My enemy is my family. Jesus loves and died for my enemy just as He did for me. While the Kingdoms of this world continue to divide, disconnect, separate, and antagonize, Jesus calls me to be an Ambassador of God’s Kingdom where the goal is to be one Body, connected, unified, and loving.

I may not be able to make a difference on a national level, but I can make a difference in my circles of influence each day. The grave of my great-great-aunt Harriett Yeater Vander Linden reminds me: The connections are closer than I imagine.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Wrestling

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Wrestling (CaD Gen 32) – Wayfarer

Then the man said, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”
Genesis 32:28 (NIV)

Growing up in Iowa, one learns that wrestling is a big thing. Our state universities typically have nationally top-ranked programs. Most Iowans know the names of our state’s wrestling heroes. When I was growing up, wrestling was a mandatory class in P.E. during Junior High. For the record, I was really bad at it.

But that was just physical wrestling. With other types of wrestling, I’m quite adept: wrestling with fear, wrestling with shame, wrestling with the past, and et cetera.

Today’s chapter contains another mysterious, ancient story. Jacob, having left his Uncle Laban and returned to his home country, first finds himself in a potentially tough spot with his brother Esau. Jacob fears that his brother will kill him, and he comes up with a strategic plan to appease Esau’s anger and position himself in such a way to reduce his potential losses should Esau attck.

That night, Jacob finds himself in an all-night wrestling match with God. Having successfully gone the distance, God asks to “tap out.” Jacob, however, says he won’t give up until God blesses him.

God responds by saying, “Your name will no longer be Jacob, but Israel, because you have struggled with God and with humans and have overcome.”

From the stories we’ve read about Jacob, he’s always been wrestling with life. He came out of the womb wrestling with his twin brother. He wrestles with Esau for power and position within the family system. He wrestles with Esau for his father’s affection and then wrestles with his father to steal Esau’s birthright. Jacob then wrestles ceaselessly with his Uncle Laban for the right to marry Rachel, and then for his wages. God has repeatedly told Jacob that he will inherit the blessing God gave to his grandfather Abraham, and his father, Isaac. Yet, there seems to be something in Jacob that doesn’t believe it despite all the evidence of his flourishing. Jacob is still wrestling with God and petitioning God for the blessing that’s already been given.

Perhaps that the deceiver, Jacob, having lived a life of deceiving and being deceived, has projected onto God his own shortcomings. Perhaps he can’t trust God not to be a deceiver, too.

Perhaps Jacob is bogged down in the shame of his own failings and, deep down, he doesn’t believe that God would bless a deceiver like him. He’s done nothing to deserved God’s blessing and favor.

Perhaps God knew that the only way Jacob would truly understand and embrace the blessing that had been freely given was to wrestle for it.

As I mulled this over in the quiet this morning, I found myself wrestling. I, too, have experienced blessings I know I really don’t deserve. I, too, struggle to embrace blessings freely and graciously given. Instead of gratefully receiving them, I find myself pessimistically assuming that they will be withdrawn, withheld, or will turn out to have been some kind of mistake. I have to confess to my own internal wrestling match with God, for which I might just have Olympic-worthy talent. And, that’s not a good thing.

I believe it’s time for me to tap out and forfeit this wrestling match to God.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Me and Messy Family

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Me and Messy Family (CaD Gen 28) – Wayfarer

Esau then realized how displeasing the Canaanite women were to his father Isaac; so he went to Ishmael and married Mahalath, the sister of Nebaioth and daughter of Ishmael son of Abraham, in addition to the wives he already had.
Genesis 28:8-9 (NIV)
Then Jacob made a vow, saying, “If God will be with me and will watch over me on this journey I am taking and will give me food to eat and clothes to wear so that I return safely to my father’s household, then the Lord will be my God and this stone that I have set up as a pillar will be God’s house, and of all that you give me I will give you a tenth.”
Genesis 28:20-22 (NIV)

I’ve written a couple of posts recently in which I touched on the fact that the Bible really doesn’t specify any type of ritual or tradition around marriage. In fact, the closest it gets is right in the second chapter of the Great Story. A man leaves his father and mother, is united with his wife and two become one.

As I’ve meditated on this over the years, I’ve come to observe that the focus is almost always on the two becoming one. But rarely do we think about or discuss the pre-requisite of leaving the parents, which happens for both spouses even though only the male is specified in the text.

In today’s chapter, we find the twin brothers, Esau and Jacob, on divergent paths. Esau is already married to two Hittite women who have brought chaos and conflict within the family system. Having been cheated out of his birthright and blessing by his twin brother and mother, Esau is understandably bitter. Realizing how much his parents hate his wives, Esau decides to double-down and marry two more Hittite women and bring even more disruption into the family system.

Jacob, on the other hand, goes into exile with his mother’s family in order to find a wife from within the tribe. While on his way, Isaac meets God in a dream, receives the blessing God gave his grandfather and father, and chooses in. He makes a vow to follow and worship God and embraces Abraham’s covenant.

Welcome to the mess.

There was a specific stage of my own life journey when I thought long and hard about what it meant to be my own person, establish my own house, and separate from the family system of my childhood. I made a couple of key discoveries during this stage of my life:

It’s hard not to play the role one has developed as part of a family system. I leave home. I do my own thing. I follow my own path. Then I go to my parents for the holidays and I find myself thinking, acting, and behaving within the family system as I always have since I was a kid. This isn’t necessarily unhealthy, but neither is it necessarily healthy. I discovered that it was important for me to see it and work through it myself.

Parents are part of the entire equation. Both Isaac and Rebekah played a role in the conflict between the brothers. Parents can help or hinder their children’s “leaving” and the establishment of their own lives, homes, and family systems. The past decade has been crucial for both Taylor and Madison as they are in their own stages of establishing their lives. It’s not always easy to let go. It’s hard to watch them stake their own claims and feel the separation that naturally happens when one becomes independent of the system I established and controlled for so long. I am constantly having to have talks with God, myself, and Wendy about how best to bless our children by repeatedly choosing to let them go.

While Isaac, Rebekah, Esau, and Esau’s four foreign wives live in the messy consequences of Isaac and Rebekah’s own meddling, I have a feeling that twenty years of exile from that family system will be good for Isaac. He needs time and distance to establish his own relationship with the God of his forefathers, to become a husband, to become a father, and to make his own way.

In the quiet this morning, I can’t help but think about this life journey. Once I was a child learning what it meant to leave home, to be one with another, to be a father, to establish my own family system. Now I’m a parent learning to let go of daughters who are one with another and establishing their own family systems. It’s all part of the journey with its mess, mistakes, chaos, crazy, blessing, joy, laughter, and beauty.

I just want to do each stage well, and I’ve learned that I give myself some grace because I’m always a work in progress. I want to progress. I want to bring more sanity than insanity to the lives of our children and grandchildren. I want to make relational choices that will allow for more health than dysfunction. I desire that I can be more gracious and less demanding. I pray that I can increasingly trust God with the lives of my adult children so as to avoid meddling in their lives out of my personal fears and mistrust.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Value Judgment

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Value Judgment (CaD Gen 25) – Wayfarer

Once when Jacob was cooking some stew, Esau came in from the open country, famished. He said to Jacob, “Quick, let me have some of that red stew! I’m famished!” (That is why he was also called Edom.)
Jacob replied, “First sell me your birthright.”
“Look, I am about to die,” Esau said. “What good is the birthright to me?”
But Jacob said, “Swear to me first.” So he swore an oath to him, selling his birthright to Jacob.
Then Jacob gave Esau some bread and some lentil stew. He ate and drank, and then got up and left.
So Esau despised his birthright.
Genesis 25:29-34 (NIV)

Back in the day, the age of thirteen meant you could bus tables in the restaurant industry. My buddy Doug talked me into applying to be a busboy at Campiano’s Italian Restaurant in Des Moines. I learned a ton of great life lessons doing that job.

It happened to be payday one evening as Doug and I worked together. I’m not sure who’s idea it was, but we were suddenly floating the idea of having dinner together after our shift. There was something in this idea that felt revolutionary; The invisible bus boys at the bottom of the employee food chain would be the honored customers. One of the waitresses, (I still remember her name was Karen) heard us talking about it and offered to serve us and take really good care of us. So, we did it. We spent our entire two-week paycheck on one meal.

On the surface, the decision seems kind of foolish. If one is merely talking about fiscal responsibility then I agree that it was a foolish choice. Looking back, however, I have never, ever forgotten that meal on that night. That meal was an investment in intangibles that I now look back on with honor.

That meal, and Karen’s humble generosity, taught me that I was just as valuable as any of the rich customers I cleaned up after each night. The true difference, that I so often felt, was not about age or economic status, but in attitude and perception. That meal taught me that sometimes an experience has a value that can’t be calculated by the prices on the menu. It was formative in teaching me the joy of being with good people around a table where good food and drink are gratefully savored as well as the company and the conversation. Things I highly value today.

Today’s chapter begins and ends with contrasting stories. As part of the cultural solidifying of Isaac assuming the position as Abraham’s sole heir, Abraham sends away potential rivals, including children that he’d fathered with concubines. Culturally, Abraham had no responsibility to these sons. They were merely servants in the social pecking order. Abraham, however, gives them gifts as he sends them on their way. In the culture of that day, this was an act of extraordinary and unexpected generosity. It spoke to me of Abraham’s heart and the things he valued.

By the end of the chapter, we’ve quickly been introduced to Isaac’s twin sons, Esau and Jacob. Esau was born first, and so he is the heir apparent to succeed his father as sole heir and the paterfamilias. Esau arrives at camp after a long hunt and he’s really hungry. He’s so hungry he makes an exaggerated statement about starving to death. His younger twin brother, Jacob, offers to serve his twin brother some food in exchange for Esau’s birthright as the firstborn. It strikes me as Shakespearean, selling your birthright for a bowl of soup. It says something about what Esau valued, and didn’t value.

In the quiet this morning, I find myself mulling over my choice to spend an entire two-week paycheck on that steak dinner. In the grand scheme of things, it was of little financial consequence in comparison to the value I found in the experience and the character lessons it afforded me. Esau’s decision, on the other hand, was of great consequence. A life-changing (history-changing) decision was made in a momentary desire to appease a daily appetite.

I make value judgments every day. What do my decisions and choices reveal about what I value, and what I don’t?

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

Chapter-a-Day

Family is Family

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 They traveled from Mount Hor along the route to the Red Sea, to go around Edom. But the people grew impatient on the way;
Numbers 21:4 (NIV)

My maternal grandfather, Claude Hendrickson had a particularly difficult childhood. Grandpa Spec’s father committed suicide after learning he had tuberculosis. It was assumed that Perry Hendrickson wanted to spare his family the medical costs and difficulties associated with a long, terminal illness. My grandfather, the eldest of three siblings, was farmed out to his maternal grandparents to be raised. His mother retained custody of the younger siblings.

“Spec,” as he was known this whole life, experienced a strict upbringing with his grandparents. There was, however, discipline and faith. He managed well, got married, worked hard, and made a decent life for his family. Meanwhile, his siblings suffered their own difficulties as their mother, Olive Hendrickson, went through a string of failed marriages. Spec’s brother Ralph, an alcoholic, came looking for a job from his older brother. Spec agreed to hire his brother, but explained that he would fire him the first time he found his brother drinking on the job. When that eventually happened, Ralph was fired and promptly returned family in Illinois where he spread malicious lies about Spec among the family there. Spec felt ostracized by much of his family from that point on.

Spec and Ralph remained estranged, yet when Ralph died Spec drove to Illinois to pay his respects and to face a family who thought the worst of him because of Ralph’s malicious stories. Imagine my grandfather’s horror when the funeral director handed him the bill for his brother’s funeral. As “next of kin” the family expected him to pay the bill for his estranged brother who had caused him so much trouble. My grandfather paid the bill, returned home to Iowa, and let it go.

“Family is family,” I can hear my grandfather say from his rocker, chewing on a cigar.

This story came to mind as I read today’s chapter. There is a subtle, recurring theme through the story of the wilderness wanderings of the Hebrews. It appears again today when the nomad nation takes a circuitous route to avoid the land of Edom. Skirting Edom to the east meant living in an extremely desolate area east of the Dead Sea.

Back in Deuteronomy God had told Moses to leave Edom alone because the land of Edom had been settled by Esau, the twin brother of Jacob (aka Israel). The story of the twins is back in Genesis 25. Esau had been Jacob’s older twin, but Jacob had deceived Esau into giving him his birthright. The result was “bad blood” between the brothers and their descendants.

It has been some 600 years since the days of Jacob and Esau, and now the nation of Israelites are living in a desolate desert wilderness clawing out their survival because God had ordered, through Moses, that they leave Esau’s land alone. The people weren’t happy.

“Family is family.” There has always been an unwritten human principle about being faithful to family, to provide for family, to be true to family. In my life journey I believe I’ve seen the power of this sentiment slowly fade in our culture as families spread out over larger and larger geographical areas. Yet, I’m not sure it will ever fade completely. There’s something that’s built in our DNA. It’s why millions of people are doing DNA tests and searching out their roots to understand who their family is and “where I come from.” There is a part of us and our life journey that we realize is only understood in the context of the family from which we spring.

This morning I’m thinking about our human family and the things that connect us. I continue to marvel that modern genetics has definitively shown that all of us descend from what scientists refer to as “Genetic Eve.” We are all part of the same human family. Like the Hebrews, over time we feel less and less connection. Despite the fact that God reminded the Hebrews that the Edomites were “family” they didn’t think of the Edomites in those terms. They saw their distant cousins as enemies who refused to allow them to pass through the land. The Edomites didn’t see the Hebrews as distant cousins but as a threat to their very existence. Along the way our self-centered fears and desires turns human family members into mortal enemies.

Then there are those like Grandpa Spec. Despite having every reason to save his money and walk away angry from his brother’s funeral, he simply paid the funeral bill and let it go.

Family is family.

Indeed.

Tom's Messages

“Every Family Has Bad Memories”

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“Every Family Has Bad Memories”

Last Sunday I gave the message in the auditorium of Third Church. It was part of a series on “Heroes of the Faith” from Hebrews 11, and I was asked to unpack the story of Isaac and his twin sons, Esau and Jacob.

Because of copyright laws, the audio of two video clips were deleted from the recording:

Before the message began we watched a scene from The Godfather III in which Michael Corleone’s son tells him he is dropping out of law school to study music. His son tells him that he will never be part of his father’s business, stating “I have bed memories.” His father replies, “Every family has bad memories.”

At the end of the message we watched another clip in which a Catholic Cardinal presses Michael to make his confession. At first reluctant, Michael eventually confesses his sins including the ordering of the death of his own brother, Fredo.