Delusion | Wayfarer

But Esau’s wives made life miserable for Isaac and Rebekah. Genesis 26:35 (NLT)

Typically, when you marry, you are not just entering into relationship with a person but with an entire family. Your spouse or spouse-to-be is part of a family system with its own traditions, culture, ways and means of doing life. In my experience, people don’t talk much about family of origin when they get married. There might be the passing conversation or even a pre-marital counseling session dedicated to talking about our families, but the conversation is usually covered in the fairy-dust of two people desperately in love with one another and living in the delusion that nothing could possibly diminish the feelings of infatuation they are experiencing at the moment.

Just wait until the holidays.

The brief observation made at the very end of today’s chapter holds a huge lesson for all of us. When we enter into a marriage we enter into our spouse’s family system. Make no mistake: It’s a package deal. We can either be a blessing or a curse to that family. I can’t control whom my family members marry, nor can I control the way they behave or relate to my family. But, I can control how I behave and relate to every one, especially my wife’s family. By speaking and acting in loving kindness towards her family, I am not only honoring my wife but keeping myself from being a source of tension and conflict in her family system (I am blessed that Wendy’s family makes it easy ;-))

Today, I’m thinking about the role and responsibility of being an in-law. The truth of the matter is that part of loving my spouse well is loving spouse’s family well. If/when I dishonor or make life difficult for my spouse as it relates to her family, then I diminish my love for her. When a spouse dishonors your family, it can wound deeply, leave scars that never completely heal over, and continue to itch long after they are made.

Earthly Entanglements and Eternal Purposes (tomvanderwell.wordpress.com)
Secrets of Fairy Tale married life “They lived happily Ever After “ (fondfamily.com)
Marriage “Check-Up” (thefairytalemarriage.wordpress.com)
Sexual Healing (tomvanderwell.wordpress.com)

Their hair is gray,
but they don’t realize they’re old and weak.
Hosea 7:9b (NLT)

Earlier this summer I went waterskiing for the first time in several years. I grew up on waterskis like a fish in water. For me, waterskiing has always been like riding a bike. No big deal. Actually, the skiing part wasn’t a big deal, but the wiping out was. A separated rib and badly bruised and twisted knee had me limping into the doctors office a few days later.

My doctor has been my doctor since I was a kid. He knows me well. The first time I saw him he was fresh out of medical school and he had to pull about a three inch sliver from a wooden skateboard out of my twelve year-old thigh. One of the things I’ve come to appreciate about him is that he doesn’t mince words and he gives it to you straight. Upon entering the exam room, my chart and explanation of what happened in hand, he took one look at me and exclaimed, “What the hell were you thinking?”

As much as I hate to admit it. I can’t waterski like I was a 16 year old. I’m 30 years past that. My body doesn’t absorb the punishment of hitting the water at 30 miles per hour as it used to do. While I’m ready and willing to be very active in my over the hill years, I don’t want to be delusional and foolish.

As I walk life’s journey and observe those around me, I often see people who are delusional, even if it’s in a relatively harmless and innocent way. As I volunteer in the theatre I see people who are convinced they should get a role for which they aren’t right, sometimes becoming enraged when they don’t get it. At church I see individuals who think they have certain spiritual gifts (or wish they did) and refuse to admit that they don’t to everyones’ detriment.

Today, I’m thinking about the fact that God’s Message tells us to be “sober minded.” To me that means being realistic, clear headed, and owning up to the truth that is staring you right in the face. I’m not going to get the role of Romeo. While I love to sing and play music, I’m not a gifted musician. Though there are many ways for me to be recreationally active, my best waterskiing days are behind me.