Tag Archives: Censor

The Whispers

Whispers (CaD Gen 39) Wayfarer

From the time [Potiphar] put [Jospeh] in charge of his household and of all that he owned, the Lord blessed the household of the Egyptian because of Joseph. The blessing of the Lord was on everything Potiphar had, both in the house and in the field.
Genesis 39:5 (NIV)

Along my spiritual journey, about 30 years ago, I became aware of the soul whispers. The whispers are subtle, yet powerful messages whispered into my soul from childhood. The whispers form, and then reinforce, deeply held beliefs about myself, others, and my place in the world. The whispers are typically incongruent with what God says about me. The whispers are typically unhealthy. As I progressed in my journey, I discovered that it is important for me to be aware of the whispers, to identify the messages that are being whispered, and to examine them in the light of God’s Message. I’ve discovered that this is not a one-and-done event, but a perpetual process on my earthly journey.

One of the things I’ve discovered on this chapter-a-day journey is that sometimes it’s God’s Message that reveals my whispers in the quiet. The lyrics of Psalm 119:130 say “the unfolding of your words give light.” Sometimes as I read each morning the “unfolding of God’s words” is like hitting a light switch in my soul, and suddenly I see things in myself that had been previously hidden. Things like the message of a soul whisper.

As I read today’s chapter, I became aware of a pattern. Joseph, the kid brother of Jacob’s sons, had been sold by his brothers into slavery. He ends up being purchased by an Egyptian official named Potiphar. Potiphar recognizes that the Lord’s favor is on Joseph, so he puts Joseph in charge. Joseph gets wrongly accused and ends up in prison, and the warden sees the same thing Potiphar did. The Lord was with Joseph and blessed him, so the warden put Joseph in charge within the prison.

This is not the first time I’ve seen this. Jacob’s uncle Laban repeatedly stated that he could see that the Lord blessed Jacob. He was blessed because of Jacob’s blessing. Abimelek said the same thing about Abraham. He saw God’s blessing on Abraham and wanted to make sure that he got in on the blessing and not on any kind of disfavor. Abimelek, Laban, Potiphar, and the prison warden hooked their wagons to the gravy train of Abraham, Jacob, and Joseph’s blessings.

As I became aware of this, the light came on in my soul. There was the whisper staring me in plain sight. It said, “You are only blessed by your association with others God has truly blessed. God’s blessing isn’t yours. You’re simply eating off the gravy train.”

As soon as I saw it in the Light, I knew that it isn’t true. A passage from Paul’s letter to the believers in Ephesus immediately came to mind:

How blessed is God! And what a blessing he is! He’s the Father of our Master, Jesus Christ, and takes us to the high places of blessing in him. Long before he laid down earth’s foundations, he had us in mind, had settled on us as the focus of his love, to be made whole and holy by his love. Long, long ago he decided to adopt us into his family through Jesus Christ. (What pleasure he took in planning this!) He wanted us to enter into the celebration of his lavish gift-giving by the hand of his beloved Son. Ephesians 1:3-6 (MSG)

At the same moment, I realized that this whisper has been with me for a very long time. That’s the way the whispers work. They keep reinforcing their unhealthy messages so quietly in my subconscious that I’m deaf to them amidst the din of everyday life.

You’re hopelessly flawed.”
“You’re unworthy.”
The blessings aren’t really yours.”

So, in the quiet of this morning, I find myself realizing that it’s one thing to read and know what the truth is, but it’s another thing to embrace it. God’s Message says that faith is “the evidence of what we do not see.” This morning I’m wondering how long the evidence of the whisper I did not see has hijacked the evidence of what God has been clearly telling me all along.

This is a faith journey. Progress requires this perpetual process of transferring faith in what I believe about myself to faith in the truth of who I am in the light of what Jesus has done for me.

If you know anyone who might be encouraged by today’s post, please share.

A Generous Confession

A generous person will prosper;
    whoever refreshes others will be refreshed
.
Proverbs 11:25 (NIV)

Earlier this week I was with friends in our family room, and we were discussing the spiritual season of Lent that we entered into this past Wednesday. For those not familiar with the practice, Lent (from the Anglo-Saxon word for “length” which is also associated with “Spring”) is a period of roughly 40 days (there are multiple traditions who figure the days differently) leading up to the celebration of Jesus’ death and resurrection at Easter.

The 40 days traditionally relate back to the 40 days Jesus spent alone in the desert (Matthew 4) before he was tempted by the enemy. That 40 days of solitude, introspection, prayer, fasting, and temptation effectively launched Jesus’ three years of ministry. It was the spiritual boot camp that prepared Him for the determined purpose of fulfilling His earthly mission on the cross, through death, and out of the tomb. In the same way, Lent is intended to be a period of personal introspection, confession, denial, repentance, and preparation leading up to Good Friday (observance of Jesus’ death) and Easter (celebration of Jesus’ resurrection).

As my friends and I discussed our diverse religious backgrounds and personal experiences with Lent, we discussed the practice of self-denial and fasting that commonly occurs during the season. One member of our group alluded to a conversation he and his wife had about self-denial within generosity: You know a person who needs a special outfit for an event and they can’t afford it. It’s easy to say, “Here is an outfit from my spare closet that I haven’t worn for years. Take it. It’s yours.” It’s harder to say, “Here is my favorite outfit. It’s the best thing I own, and it cost me a pretty penny. Take it. It’s yours.” Which is true generosity and self-denial?

I thought of that discussion as I read today’s chapter and came across a verse that I, long ago, memorized. It’s today’s verse, pasted at the top of this post.

In the introspection spirit of Lent, I have a confession to make. Generosity has been a life-long struggle of mine. The struggle is two-sided. The obvious side is simply learning to be generous. Things were economically tight in my family growing up. As the youngest of four, I enjoyed a lot of hand-me-downs. The idea of being generous and giving things away was an honest struggle for me because when I had something new that was “just mine” I wanted to cling to it for dear life. It took me a long time to develop a heart of generosity, and even as I write these words I have specific, shameful memories of not being generous and being called out for it.

The other side of my generosity struggle comes from my core pain, which I long ago identified and labeled: not enough. So, even though I have come to embrace, en-joy, and practice generosity in greater measure than any time in my entire life, my Censor (that ugly whisperer inside my head and heart) ceaselessly tells me that it’s not enough.

Welcome to my Lenten introspection.

In the quiet this morning I find myself meditating on, and thinking about, my generosity. Jesus was constantly urging His followers towards the virtues of love, kindness, forgiveness, gentleness, humility, and generosity. Is it even possible to reach a point in my earthly life where I can say that I have arrived at having “enough” of these virtues in my life?

No.

Does that mean I’m an irredeemable failure?

No.

It means that I am on a spiritual journey and a Life journey. I am not where I once was (thank you God) and I can be encouraged by that fact. At the same time, I have not arrived (Lord, have mercy) and I can be humbled by that fact.

So where, does that leave me?

Time to lace ’em up for another day. I’m pressing on. Hope you are, too.

Oh, and if you wear men’s size 9 and you need a pair of shoes for the trek, I have a brand new pair. I think I’ve worn them only once. If you need them, they’re yours.