"I can't stand my life—I hate it!" Job 10:1a (MSG)
My friend recently shared with me that her son was in utter teen depression. One of his best friends betrayed him and moved in on the girl he liked. She chose the friend. What's worse. They all work together and he must watch the object of his affection and his friend flirting it up all night at work. Ouch. At this moment, the poor kid surely identifies with Job's wish that he'd never been born.
I wonder how many times the thought, "I can't stand my life" has flit through they synapses of my brain. How many times I've groaned under my breath, "I can't take it anymore." I'm not one given to despair, but there have been many times throughout life that I've felt the weight of circumstance and considered it nearly unbearable. It's one thing when you face the consequences of your own actions. It's another thing when circumstance turns against you for, seemingly, no reason.
Yet, I look back now and realize that each dark valley in the journey eventually gave way to a rise in landscape. What's more, I did eventually emerge from the valley. My spirit had been refined by the process. I couldn't see it at the time, but there was progress in my pain.
A few years ago, I had my first bout of depression. I’m thankful that I never felt suicidal, but did feel some moments of “Lord, please just take me now … I’ve had enough!”
A friend was recently speaking with me about that time and how I probably wished I’d never gone through it. My response, to her surprise, was that I actually would not change it. Do I “want” to go through it again? No. I do, however, recognize how God grew me through that time and a few other times like it in the following years.
If only it were so easy to recognize it when we’re in it!